Be My Poison
by kolorfulk
Summary: After Clarissa Morgenstern lost herself in drugs, alcohol, and anorexia problems, her parents Jocelyn and Valentine decided to ship her away to the Shadow Institute, a boarding school. Full summary inside. AH/AU Infernal Devices Crossover—A little OOC at some parts, but not overly so. Will have some darker parts, but probably won't go past T unless a majority of readers ask for M
1. Chapter 1: The Shadow Institute

_**Summary: After Clarissa Morgenstern lost herself in drugs, alcohol, and anorexia problems, her parents Jocelyn and Valentine decided to ship her away to the Shadow Institute, a boarding school full of kids who have their fair share of issues ranging from alcoholism to being overly violent. As she grows close to some of the other kids in the school, she learns more about friendship, love, and what a real family is supposed to be like. But what happens when she's stuck in one of the most compromising situations possible? She has to make a choice among two boys she's fallen hard for, her brother she hasn't seen in years, and her parents. Join Clary Morgenstern as she discovers herself and the people who truly matter to her.**_

**May change POV occasionally to clear things up. **_**Infernal Devices **_**characters ARE in this story. Rated T for now because I'm not sure it'll go to M, but if it does, I'll be sure to inform you. Also, this story is sure to touch on A LOT of issues ranging from drugs to eating disorders and more, so be prepared for it. Reviews are greatly appreciated, and I love to hear what you all think, so please review if you read this. This story will probably end up being my baby. I want to know what I can do to fix it and everything. So thanks for clicking on my story!**

_Is this what you call a family?  
It's been seven years wishing that you'd drop a line  
But I carry the thought along with you in my mind  
Is this what you call a family?  
Is this what you call a family?  
Why are you walking away?  
Was it something I did?  
Did I make a mistake cause  
I'm trying to deal with the pain  
I don't understand this, is this how it ends?  
- 'A Trophy Father's Trophy Son'  
_by Sleeping With Sirens

I stared at the menacing building in pure fright. With my small bag in one hand and my heart on my sleeve, I fought back the angry and hurt tears. My mom and dad stood behind me with fake smiles plastered across their faces. I couldn't stand the sight of the two of them; they seemed more than delighted to send me off to a boarding school, never to see me except on the holidays, as if I would actually come back to see them.

"We love you, honey! Call us the first chance you get." Jocelyn, my mother, flitted over to me and kissed my cheek. She was dressed up in bright colors despite the dreary occasion. Her green dress billowed around her knees and her red hair was clipped back from her face. She happened to be one of the most famous artists in New York, and that was probably why she was sending her only daughter away.

I bit back the crude words that had formed on my lips. "Yeah, love you too." Pushing myself away from her, I mumbled. I wasn't going to play nice with her. I began to walk through the large iron gates, leaving my deranged parents behind. The only good that came from being sent here was what I learned about my parents. When things get tough, they just toss the messed up parts—me—away.

"Clary, you're forgetting Mr. Bananas." Valentine, my dad, said from behind me. I spun around to face him with tears in my eyes. His tall frame hid in the shadows of the building. His blonde, almost silver, hair reflected the very little light. With his broad shoulders and dark eyes, he was handsome, but at this moment, the very idea of him standing there sickened me. My dad and I used to be close until he started his own corporation. As soon as he started making money, the family was no longer important. He held out the ragged stuffed monkey that he had gotten me ten years ago towards me.

"Keep it." I spat. I didn't need reminders of how much my parents didn't give a crap about me. If I would have said something like that before the family had begun to crumble, it would've affected him. Now, he just lowered his arm and remained standing in front of the limo that had carried us from the airport to California. His face betrayed no emotion, and I'd never felt more hatred for him than I did in that moment. "Don't expect me to call. I have nothing to say to the two of you, and I won't any time soon. I hope you enjoy yourselves without me around. It must be such a _relief_ to know you won't have your messed up daughter around anymore." I allowed all the pent up venom in my voice to leak out, meeting eyes with both of my parents.

"Clary, that's not—" My mom began, but I interrupted her quickly.

"Save your lies. This is why Jonathan hasn't spoken to you since he graduated." I knew it was a harsh thing to say, but they had pushed me over the edge. Jonathan's image floated in my eyes. He was almost an exact copy of Valentine except his hair was a little longer and fell over in small curls around his head. I hadn't seen him since he graduated high school three years ago, but I was the only person in our broken family that he'd contacted since he left. He always refused to tell me where he had gone, afraid Valentine or Jocelyn was tapping the line.

Jonathan was only three years older than me, and we had been inseparable before he left. His abrupt departure caused the beginning of my despairing spiral downward. After he left, I had slumped into a depression; then when I realized neither of my parents seemed to care he left, I decided to rebel. I partied a lot, involving myself in drugs and alcohol and other sorts that didn't help the situation. After my best friend died from drug abuse, I dropped every illegal substance cold. I was about a year and a half clean. The loss of drugs threw me into another depression, though, and soon I stopped eating and developed anorexia.

That's what pushed my parents over, I suppose. I almost died from malnutrition, dehydration, muscle atrophy, and ketoacidosis. My kidneys also failed, and I developed anemia. After the full New York press coverage over how I was a troubled and deeply afflicted teen, Jocelyn and Valentine decided sending me to a boarding school would "straighten me out." It showed how much they truly cared when they didn't even bother to try to help their daughter out in the most dire of times, and, instead, pushed her off on a boarding school across the country.

My mom's gasp broke my thoughts. "Oh, and since I can't talk to him now because of this school you're sending me to, make sure to tell him when he calls the house where I am and why. He'll absolutely _love_ to hear that." I sneered before smirking at the hurt expression on her face. Serves her right for doing this to her daughter. Valentine, I hardly considered him my dad anymore, remained stoic, obviously unaffected by any of my words; it was almost like he didn't even have any kids. Turning away from my parents, I stomped through the iron gates up to the front door.

The building was gigantic and old but looked brand new. It was obvious that it had been built for the children of rich parents to be deposited because they were a disgrace to their family. The building was painted in scarlet red, pure white, and dark black. In large, golden letters the words "The Shadow Institute" were printed above the church-like double doors. The grass was a plush green like it was watered every hour on the hour.

Refusing to look back at _them_, I shoved through the doors ready to face a year of pure hell.

The inside of the building was even nicer than the outside. The entrance opened up to a large hotel-like lobby with a theme of brilliant shades of red and gold. Posh cream chairs were set up in one area where adults, presumably the parents of the kids, sat and attempted to have conversations with their children. Two carpeted stairs facing opposite of each other curled up the wall across from the front doors. A large reception desk took up the center of the room.

"May I help you?" An old, screechy voice asked from behind the desk. I moved my eyes up to get a look at the woman. She was bone-thin and tall. Her face scrunched up in a sour sneer. It only took one look to know how much this woman hated her job.

"Yeah, my name is Clary Morgenstern. I'm supposed to move in today." The woman sniffed haughtily and shuffled through some papers occasionally glancing back up to narrow her eyes at me.

She clucked in displeasure as she pulled out a paper. "Ah, here you are Miss. Morgenstern. You have quite a record, huh?" My mouth dropped open in surprise. Where did she have the right to go around judgingyoung people?

A couple kids came running by whooping and hollering. Their ages seemed to range from eight to eleven. One of the smaller boys accidentally ran into me. Stopping and blushing, he stared at me. "I'm so sorry!" he apologized quickly. His large glasses took up most of his face, seeming too big for all his small features. His dark, messy hair wasn't very long, falling right above his eyes.

I smiled at him. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean to." I patted his shoulder.

He grinned up at me. "How old are you?"

"I'm seventeen. How old are you?"

"Nine, I know I look small for my age, but I'll be ten in exactly two months!" he exclaimed pushing his glasses back into place.

"I'm small for my age, too. I just had my birthday a little bit ago." Despite everything that had happened just moments before, I lightened up some. I loved children of all ages.

The boys light blue eyes widened. "When's your birthday?"

"August 2nd. Is yours October 4th?" Crouching down to be the same height as him, I asked.

His mouth opened in a small 'o'. "How'd you know?" he gasped in wonder.

"I'm a physic." I laughed lightly touching his nose.

He jumped up in excitement. "No way! What's your name? I'm so telling my brother about you!"

"Clary Morgenstern. What about you?"

"I'm Max Lightwood. My brother and sister are the same age as you! Maybe you'll meet them in classes next week." Grabbing my hand, he said, "What room number do you have? Can we hang out later?"

I couldn't help but smile at Max's eagerness. "I don't know yet. That's what I'm finding out now. How about you give me your room number, and I'll visit you later?"

"Okay! It's 225. You'll probably be on the top floor. That's where the oldest kids stay."

"Max, c'mon! We have something to do." Another kid ran up to us and punched Max jokingly on the arm.

"Okay, I'll see you later, Clary!" Max hugged me quickly before running away with the other boy.

"Now that you're done, would you like your stuff?" the woman snapped. I had almost forgotten about her. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and faced her. "Those brats run through here all the time causing disruptions and making a mess. All you kids are is trouble with a capital 'T'; that's why I never had any children."

I couldn't bite my tongue any longer. "Then why do you work in a place that _houses _children?" I growled, sick of hearing about how much trouble I was.

She seemed taken aback that I had the nerve to talk back. "Here's all your stuff. Just go to your room." She hissed sternly, shoving papers in my hands.

"Thanks." I mumbled sarcastically walking away from the ugly woman and her desk.

I stared down at the papers. The first seemed to be about the rules and regulations for the school. Skimming over that one, I flipped to the next one which had my classes and room number on it. Room 890 was printed at the top with a number combination to get inside the room. I didn't bother looking at any other papers.

Pulling my bag up a little higher and stalking to the elevator, I brushed by parents and mostly younger kids. As soon as I stepped inside the elevator, I pressed the button for the eighth floor and waited as patiently as possible for the doors to shut. The doors began to shut slowly, but a hand shot out and stopped them. A boy who looked about my age slid inside next to me. He went to push a button but pulled back in surprise.

His black hair swept around his face in long layers that went to the middle of his neck and covered his ears. With pale skin and smooth features, he was easily a very handsome guy. He had a tall frame with a nice amount of muscle to top it off. His dark eyes searched mine imploringly.

"I'm sorry, but are you new?" he asked as the elevator doors shut. He pushed some of his bangs back and waited for me to reply. His voice was thick and deep with a bit of a southern accent.

"Yeah, just got here a couple minutes ago. Is it obvious?"

He grinned and gestured to my bag. "Well, the bag gave me an idea, but usually we don't see many new faces. Most of us have been here for years."

"Really? That sucks. It must get boring." I sighed already dreading spending the next year at this place.

He chuckled. "Only during the day." I wondered what he meant by that, but he continued effortlessly. "Hm, maybe you should come to the party tonight. What room do you have?" He tapped his cheek in thought.

"890. Are the rooms co-ed?" I asked him as the elevator made a loud ding and the doors opened.

"No, but the floors are. The girls' rooms are on one side and the boys' rooms are on the other. My room is 895, so we'll be seeing a lot of each other." He winked coyly as we walked down the long hallway. Surprisingly the floor was decorated just as nicely as the lobby; gold trim followed the top of the white walls and the carpet was a deep red. Each door was a dark mahogany with a silver plaque at the top with a number on it.

"Who usually throws the parties? You?" I threw him a quick smile and began counting the doors. 850, 852, 854. The boy's strides were long, and I struggled to keep up with his pace. Since I stood at a mere 5 foot exactly, he was probably a whole foot or so taller than me.

"Everyone does. Well, at least everyone who goes to them does. We all kind of just bounce from room to room. We all know each other's combinations to get in the rooms, so we just chill in whatever room." he scoffed as we passed room number 878.

"Is everyone really close?" The idea of just parading through the hallways and into other people's rooms at any time didn't settle right with me.

"We're all kind of a big screwed up family…" he trailed off as he stopped in front of a door. I glanced up to see the number 890. "Most of us haven't really seen our family in years. The ones that see their parents regularly don't really involve themselves with us. It's weird because their rooms are conveniently at the other end of the hallway, away from all of us who were sent here because we're _delinquents_." He put air quotes around the word and rolled his eyes.

Shrugging, I typed the code in the keypad located above the handle to the door and opened the door. The room was quiet and empty, no sign of another person being in the room at all.

"Do you know who's in this room?" I asked setting my bag on the bed that seemed unoccupied. The bed on the other side of the room had big, fluffy pink and purple pillows and a hot pink blanket thrown sloppily over it. My bed was plain white with no apparent uniqueness to it at all. The belongings of my roommate were scattered around the room. Clothes and books were strewn about on the floor, and I knew instantly that this was going to be a difficult living style.

I had to wait for whomever to bring the rest of my belongings to my room, and the only things I had in my small bag were a picture of Jonathan and me, my notebook for drawing, and a few books. I pulled them out and set them on my bed. Taking the desk closest to what my side of the room would probably be, I picked up the stuff lying haphazardly on the desk and placed the things on the other desk.

Turning back to face the boy, I saw he had the picture of Jonathan and me in his hands. "Who's this? A boyfriend you left?"

"Definitely not," I snatched the picture out of his hands and carefully set it on the bedside table. "That's my older brother."

"Oh, were you two close?"

"You ask an awful lot of questions. Before you write a book about my life, could I at least learn your name?"

He snickered at my quick remark. "Sebastian Verlac, and darling, you are?" He took my hand and kissed it smoothly. Although the touch sent shivers up my arm, I pulled my arm back as nicely as possible.

"Clary Morgenstern." I answered softly, avoiding his eyes.

"So what landed you here, Clary?" He sat down on my bed and stared at me with compelling dark eyes.

"Yeah, that's something that I'll save for another day…"

He patted a spot on the bed next to him, an indication that he wanted me next to him. I paused, the idea of being close to a stranger holding me back. Slowly, I sat down and gazed at him. "If it makes you feel any better, we're all here because we're all a little messed up. Most of our parents got sick of trying to help us and just threw us in here without a parting word." His words sounded sickeningly familiar. I swallowed loudly. "Look, you don't have to explain now, but just know that none of us here are saints. We're probably the exact opposite. Ya know when you were younger and your mom warned you about those kids that would just drag you into trouble…? That's us." He smirked at me. "And obviously, you're one of those kids too. Please come to the party tonight. It'll give you an opportunity to meet everyone, and we can all tell you our stories. Maybe I'll get lucky and get to hear yours." He lightly touched my chin and stood up.

"You really don't want to hear it." I mumbled as he headed towards the door.

"You probably wouldn't wanna hear ours either, but we're gonna tell you anyways. My room, 895, at eight. Oh, and I wouldn't expect your roommate to be back any time soon. You're just gonna _love _her." he murmured, slipping out the door with a wink. By the manner of his voice, I could tell he didn't mean it.

Lying back on my bed, I stared at the picture of Jonathan and myself from his graduation. He looked so happy; it came as a shock to all of us when he disappeared in the middle of the night just a week after his graduation.

A knock on my door broke through my thoughts, so I slid off the bed and opened the door. "Miss. Morgenstern?" An older man asked looking at me with boredom apparent in his eyes. I nodded my head. "Here's all your belongings." He gestured to my two giant suitcases, my laptop bag, and the stuff for my bed.

He didn't bother to offer help and just spun around and walked down the hall. "Well thanks, asshole." I muttered as I grabbed my laptop bag and the bed stuff. I threw the comforter, sheets, and pillowcases onto my bed and set the laptop bag on my desk. I unpacked my laptop and set it in front of the rolling chair. As I turned it on, I plugged my charger into it and found my iPod. I put my earphones in my ears and turned the volume all the way up.

When I turned around, I had to hold back a scream only letting out a small yelp. Yanking my earphones out of my ears, I stared in surprise at the sparkly figure at my door. It was a long, lean boy who wasn't very skinny, but instead had a lightly muscled body. He was wearing tight black pants, a bright green shirt, and black army boots. His hair was dark and slicked up in a faux-hawk. His hair was long, and he was covered head to toe in sparkles. His yellow-green eyes resembled that of a cat's eyes and were heavily lined in eyeliner.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you. I just saw these suitcases out here, and I wanted to know if you needed any help." he pointed at my two large suitcases and frowned apologetically.

"It's okay. I didn't see anyone down the hall when the man who dropped my stuff left. Are you new too?" I asked when I saw he had a backpack slung over his back.

"Why, yes! My name is Magnus Bane, and yours?" He grabbed my suitcases and brought them inside my room.

"Thanks. I'm Clary Morgenstern. It's nice to know I'm not the only new person here. I talked to this one guy, Sebastian, and he said that they don't see too many new faces here." I went to open the closet doors on my side of the room to see it completely full of clothes. "You're kidding me…" I growled walking over to the dresser also on my side of the room. Every drawer was so full that I could barely close it.

Muttering a string of obscenities, I stalked over to my bed. "What's wrong Clary, dear?" Magnus sat down beside me on my bed.

"I'm going to end up killing my roommate… and I haven't even met her yet!"

Magnus glanced over to the overflowing closet. "Let's just throw all her excess clothes on her bed. She must've known that she was getting a roommate."

"I don't need enemies already." I shook my head and hid my smile.

"Okay, well, if she doesn't move all her stuff by tomorrow, I'm coming in here and moving all her stuff for you." He grinned and hopped up spreading sparkles all over my bed and myself. "It was nice meeting you, but I must be off to unpack my own stuff. I was able to snag a room without a roommate." He grinned, revealing stunningly bright, perfect teeth.

As he turned to leave, I remembered about the party. "Hey! Since you're new too, you should come to the party that Sebastian invited me to tonight. He said it would be a chance to meet a lot of people before classes actually start." Magnus's eyes sparkled with glee, and he clapped his hands together cheerfully.

"I shall be there! What time does it start?"

"He told me to be at his room at eight." I replied as he chirped in excitement.

"My first day here and there's already a party… how delightful! I will be back in your room not a minute later than 7:30. I'm dressing you and doing your make-up! Oh, and do shower beforehand, please. I like working with damp hair most. See you soon!" He kissed both of my cheeks and was out the door in only a matter of seconds.

I looked at my iPod for the time. It was only four, so I had a good three hours to kill. I shut the door to my room and turned back to my laptop. Logging onto my email, I searched for Jonathan's email address. I hardly ever had a reason to email him, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

_Jonathan, don't bother calling the house. Mom and Dad will probably lie to you about everything anyways. They sent me away to this boarding school in California called The Shadow Institute. I don't know what the calling hours are… I haven't really bothered looking at the rules and regulations yet. So much has happened, and I wish I could just see you to tell you everything. I just wanted to tell you what was happening, so I guess I'll talk to you as soon as possible. I love and miss you. -Clary_

I sent the message and got up. Since the only thing I really could do to my room at the moment was make my bed, I began pulling off all the white sheets and covers and replacing them with my bright blue, green, and purple bedding set.

After my bed was made, I lay on top of it and closed my eyes, thinking of how awful my roommate was going to be. My train of thought drifted off to how lucky I was to have met Sebastian and Magnus. I carefully avoided any thoughts from derailing toward my parents. Then I drifted off into sleep, imagining the other people I would meet tonight.


	2. Chapter 2: Meet The Gang

_So go ahead and lie to yourself,  
And pretend that you're a ray of light,  
When you're a broken candle,  
You're keeping time with yourself,  
When did it all start moving way too fast,  
For you to handle,  
You're short on breath but heavy on time,  
You lost the words but you found the rhyme,  
It's all just poetry now,  
The walls are singing,  
Hallelujah amen.  
- 'Sanctuary' _by Paradise Fears

* * *

_Images swirled around me as I tried to catch a glimpse of each one. When the images began to slow down, they turned into something like a movie. Jonathan's back turned toward me while he was taking long strides away from me, alcohol of many colors and flavors appeared in a bright light after Jonathan's form had completely disappeared, Callie's still body lying on the floor soon followed, and Sean's taunting smile managed to linger at the end. I felt a scream in my throat, but I couldn't do anything; it was as if every part of my body was frozen except my eyes._

_A sharp, shattering sound, almost like dozens of windows exploding, reverberated through the air, and all the images crashed and fell apart, leaving me alone in darkness. My dad's laugh resonated from the darkness. I fought to get out of the murky, heavy darkness, but Valentine's menacing laugh continued. I knew with a heavy sense of pain that I'd never escape the darkness; I could never _truly_ free myself from my haunting past…_

Gasping loudly, I jerked upright from my new bed. I felt the sweat on my forehead dripping down to my cheeks as I clutched my comforter. Taking deep breaths, I counted to ten as slowly as possible until I felt my heartbeat soften. I was back in my new room full of my roommate's cluttered mess. I looked at the clock on my nightstand; it was nearly 6:15.

Standing up and stretching, I tried to rid my mind of that hideously awful dream. Since I still had my shoes on, I decided I'd go to Max's room before I got ready for Sebastian's party tonight. What room did he say he was in? I remembered it was on the second floor, but I couldn't obtain the actual room number from my memory. I felt foggy, like I had slept for days instead of only two hours.

As I walked down the hallway slowly, my mind drifted off to the past. Callie's small face instantly clouded my thoughts. Her fair hair fell in a naturally wavy mess around her hair and her eyes were a stormy gray color that always darkened to almost black when she was upset. I missed her so much that it hurt; my father didn't even allow me to go to her funeral because associating myself with a drug-related death would've '_tainted_' my image- and, more importantly, the Morgenstern name. When I was in New York, I visited her grave regularly- at least once a week. It helped to remind me why I was sober now. If she knew where I was now, she'd probably giggle and beg her parents to send her here as well. We were inseparable, but now I was just lonely, sulking around the hallways of a boarding school I was banished to.

The air in the elevator was dramatically cooler compared to the warmth of the hallway. I pressed the two button and squeezed my hands together to stop from shaking.

Then my thoughts turned toward Sean, my abusive ex-boyfriend. After Callie passed away, the beatings got worse and worse until it reached the point of utter terror every time I even thought about him. Callie _knew_ that he had hurt me before, but I told her it had only happened once, and she let it go. But after she died, the absolute worst happened. There isn't a day that I don't think about that night, that dreadful party. I can still remember how the house smelled like alcohol and body odor; I could practically taste the beer in the air. My drinks remained water throughout the whole night, and that pissed Sean off more than anything else. _"Why aren't you drinking? You're such a downer; When did you become such a prude? Why are you such a weak bitch?" _His words still stung even today.

I can remember leaving my water on the kitchen table for only a few seconds, a few seconds that cost me every bit of my sense of safety and sanity I still had left. Although the rest of the night was muddled, the end was crystal clear. Hot breath bit at my neck and cheeks. A strong grip bruised my arms and thighs. I could almost taste the blood from my busted lip just thinking about it.

A loud, startling ding rang out, and I was brought back to the present. The elevator doors opened to reveal a hallway that was an exact copy of the eighth floor's hallway. Swallowing back the large lump that had formed in my throat, I stepped out of the elevator weakly. A few kids were running down the hallway, so I stopped one to find out where Max was.

"Do you know which room is Max Lightwood's?" I asked a small girl.

She played with her dark braid for a moment. "Room 225," she grinned revealing a gap-toothed smile. "Are you Clary?"

"Yes," I said slowly. How did this little girl already know about me? "How do you know my name?" Are new people really _that _uncommon?

"Max has been waiting for you since like three o'clock. He won't come out and play." She pouted and then giggled. "Well I've gotta go. Bye, Clary!" She ran down the hallway to a group of girls.

I straightened myself up and found Max's room quickly. Moments after I tapped on the door, a disheveled Max flung the door wide open. His face lit up as I gave him a light hug. "I thought you were never coming!" he exclaimed as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room.

He led me over to a chair in front of a large flat screen TV. I realized that the younger kids' rooms were drastically different the older kids' rooms. Instead of two separate beds and an obvious separation of the room, there were a bunk bed and just one large closet, leaving the whole room open.

As I sat down in the chair, Max sat down in front of me on the floor. "Sorry it took so long," I apologized. "I had to wait on my stuff, and I met two people. Maybe you know one of them."

"I probably do. Who was it?" he asked excitedly.

"His name was Sebastian Verlac."

Max wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, I know him. He's friends with Isabelle and Alec. They go to parties on the eighth floor with him. He's Jace's roommate."

"Isabelle and Alec are your older siblings, right?" He nodded his head, so I continued, "Who's Jace? I haven't met him yet… Actually, the only people I know are you, Sebastian, and this new guy Magnus."

Max's expression brightened. "Jace is one of Alec's closest friends. He parties with them, too, though. But, he comes and visits me all the time. Will, his cousin, and he came here the same year Alec, me, and Isabelle did. He doesn't like Sebastian much though. They avoid each other _all _the time."

I brought my pinky to my mouth and chewed on the nail. "Well, I agreed to come to a party tonight. Who should I avoid and who should I become friends with?"

Max bristled on the floor. He seemed uncomfortable for the first time since I met him. "Why are you here?" The question was innocent enough, but I saw the true curiosity burning in his eyes.

"I got really sick, and my parents thought I'd be better off here." I decided to tell him a half truth rather than try to explain the depressing details.

"Then you should avoid all of them." The brutal honesty in his voice startled me. The statement itself scared me slightly. His wide eyes screamed pure innocence.

"What do you mean?" I had to control the tremors that wanted to escape through my voice.

"The ones that go to those parties, they're bad, Clary. I love my brother and sister, but we would still be home if it wasn't for them…" He gazed at the window for a heartbeat. "I don't even remember what my house was like. Mom and Dad come and visit me every couple of months, but it's just not the same as being _home_. Alec and Isabelle refuse to even see them. Sebastian doesn't seem to care about anyone other than himself. Isabelle parties a lot and sometimes makes herself sick. And Jace, he's sort of violent and he likes to drink more than most of them." I was struck silent by his words. He was so young, so innocent. He shouldn't even know of this world, let alone see it first hand. I felt my eyes tear up at the realization that he doesn't even know what home is. I don't think I even knew what home was anymore, but at his age, I didn't deal with all he had to go through.

"Just avoid the far end of your hallway." he mumbled.

"I don't see how that's possible. My room is almost the last one."

Max raised his eyebrows and stared at me. "Well, then don't get close to any of them. Don't go to that party."

"I-" I broke off, looking for a clock. The one on the far wall read 6:55. "I need to take a shower. It was a long flight and drive here, and I feel grimy. Where can I do that?" I asked in hopes of changing the subject.

"There's one for every ten rooms."

"Do you mean girls and boys _share _them?"

"Well, yeah. No one really cares. Each set of rooms has one at the very end of the ten rooms. Yours will be at the very end of the hallway." He spoke softly; the conversation before obviously unsettled him.

"Well, I'm going to shower. I'll see you later, okay? My room number is 890. Come visit me whenever you want to." I squeezed his arm and got up quickly.

"Be careful, Clary." The words hung solemnly in the air. To escape the heavy air in the room, I hastily dashed out of the room. A shower, I needed a long, hot shower.

* * *

I fingered the thick scar that ran from my inner thigh across the top to right above my knee. The memories burned red hot as I stared at every wound _he _gave me. Most were in more hidden places, places he claimed only he was allowed to see. A thin, white scar in the shape of the letter 'x' was located right below my bellybutton.

"_It's to show that you're tainted. You don't deserve to be loved." Sean spat at me. It wasn't something new; I was used to his cruel words by then. Holding back tears, I tried to wipe the blood off. Then he punched me in the face. My cheek pulsed as if predicting the large bruise that was sure to make an appearance. "I'm the only one who will ever want you now. You're dirty, impure, and, now, a whore." He grabbed my hand that was shaking and covered in the blood from my stomach and slashed it open viciously, just to show how much he could hurt me. "You deserve to die." _

A loud tapping snapped me out of the memories. A staggering pain seared in my hand. Red lines from my nails digging into my palm stood out over the fading white scar. "Clary, are you in there? I haven't got all day." Magnus's smooth voice floated through the door. Wrapping myself back up in the towel tightly, I got up and opened the door.

"You're dressed quite, um, sparkly." I said as he sashayed into the room. Glitter rained down onto the carpet as he flung both of my suitcases open. He wore the same black pants as earlier but replaced his green shirt for a hot pink shirt. The rings covering each of his fingers clinked together musically every time he moved his hands. Glitter covered everything from his thick hair to his black army boots.

"One must make an exquisite first impression, Clarissa." He tossed a pair of dark shorts at me; a leopard printed shirt followed. "Go on, put it on." He waved his hands, ushering me on.

I opened my mouth to argue. Did he just expect me to drop my towel and dress in front of him? "My God, Clarissa, I'm gay! I only admire fashion, not the women clothed in it. Well, except for faces; I love women's faces. There so soft and delicate!" He pursed his lips before coming over to sit on my bed. "Hurry up! Your hair will dry before I get to do anything!"

I quickly threw on the clothes and faced him. "Marvelous! Now, sit here. I need to do your hair and make-up."

"Make-up?" I gulped.

"Don't worry, doll. Only _I _can pull off this masterpiece!" His hands circled his face. "So, tell me about this Sebastian boy. Was he cute?"

"Yeah, I suppose he was." I blushed as he brushed my hair. "He has dark hair and dark eyes. I can't decide if they're a smoldering combination or not."

"Oh, I love black hair and blue eyes. That combination is my weakness!"

"So what got you here, Magnus?" He paused in the middle of braiding my hair.

After clearing his throat, he resumed braiding my hair. "My dad sent me here because I'm gay," his voice broke as he spoke the next words, "My mom killed herself, and dad assumes that it's because she realized I was gay. Dad couldn't stand the sight of me since, so here I am."

"Oh, Magnus-"

"Don't worry about it. I'm over it." He tied the braid and sat down lithely in front of me. "What about you? Why are you here?"

I felt my body automatically tense up. A thousand thoughts raced through my head as Magnus stared at me. I knew that I should talk about it, that eventually everyone would know about it anyways. Taking a deep breath and forcing myself to talk, I began to tell Magnus my story. He sat quietly through it all and seemed completely unfazed as I talked about my eating disorder and Callie's death. I was careful to leave anything about Sean and what transpired between us out, though.

When I finished my story, Magnus reached out and took my hands. "Clarissa, you're a strong young lady. If you can get through all of that, then you can get through anything." I smiled at him weakly before he began on my make-up.

A few minutes later, Magnus clapped his hands. "All finished! We can go to the party now!" My eyes fluttered open slowly. "I just put a little bit on you to enhance your features. Your eyes are so striking."

He held a mirror up, and I stared at my reflection. I didn't look completely different, but my eyes stood out against the black that coated them.

"C'mon dear. It's almost eight. Wouldn't want to be late to our first party." Magnus winked and pulled me off my bed. "Lead the way."

We made our way out of my room and five doors down the hallway to Sebastian's room. I tapped on the door lightly, unsure of what to expect to lie behind the door. The door swung open to reveal Sebastian dressed in dark jeans and a grey sweater. He grinned and me and Magnus.

"Clary! You made it. And you are…?" Sebastian stared at Magnus apprehensively.

"Magnus Bane at your service." Magnus bowed unceremoniously. "Clarissa invited me along with her."

Sebastian shrugged and gestured us inside his room with a not so subtle glance at my outfit- or, quite possibly, the skin that was revealed by my outfit.

Teenagers cluttered the room. Some lied casually on either of the two beds, others sat in chairs, and most were sitting in a circle on the floor. Sebastian sat down next to a girl with long, ebony hair and patted on his opposite side for me to sit down.

I expected everyone to stare, especially with the way Magnus would capture a room, but instead only a few heads even bothered to look up, and then they went straight back to whatever they were doing before. With a parting glance at Magnus, I walked over to Sebastian and sat down. Magnus sat across from me next to a boy with black hair and blue eyes that contrasted with his pale skin almost mystically.

Sebastian cleared his throat and the room went uncharacteristically silent. "Guys, these are the new kids, Clary-" He pointed at me, "-and Magnus." He gestured toward Magnus. "This is the gang, excluding a few people who like to pre-party by themselves. This is Isabelle, that's Alec, her twin…" He went on to name all the people in the room.

Isabelle, the girl beside Sebastian, was gorgeous. Her long, black hair hung loosely down her back, and she had piercing blue eyes. She was tall and slender, wearing clothes that advertised that very thing. Alec, on the other hand, was dressed far more modestly. He was also very tall with dark hair and blue eyes, but instead of just being slender, there was the slight definition of muscle. Magnus seemed to be delighted to be sitting next to him.

I felt a gaze on me from the left. When I turned, I was met by eyes the color of the ocean. Dark brown, almost black, hair fell over his eyes and curled around his temple and neck. Although he was sitting, I could tell he was tall. He grinned at me lazily. "Hey, Clary is it?" he whispered, leaning over toward me.

I nodded my head. "William, right?" I asked in return.

"I prefer Will." he said calmly. "How long have you been here?"

I smiled at him. "A couple of hours."

He chuckled. "Seems about right. Who's your roommate?" His voice was like silk: soft and smooth. His cool breath fanned against my cheek delicately.

"I don't know yet. I haven't met her."

"Well, what's your room number?" He had moved over ever so slightly so that we were barely a few inches apart.

I breathed out shakily. "890."

"Your room is right across from mine," he said with a smirk. "891. I've had it for almost three years now." He pointed at himself proudly.

"How long have you been here?" I asked curiously.

His eyes darkened, turning into a color that resembled the sky before a storm. They were a strange blue that almost looked purple in the light. "Almost four years. I got shipped year with my cousin on my birthday. It was quite the birthday gift: 'Surprise! You'll never see us again.'" His voice was even gloomy.

I opened my mouth to reply, but I was interrupted by another male voice that wasn't familiar yet. "It would be nice if you didn't scare Clary off from the parties already, William." I looked up from Will's captivating eyes. A boy stood over the two of us and smiled at me genuinely. "Hello, I'm James, but most people call me Jem. It's nice to meet you, Clary." He sat down beside Will and held out a pale, slender hand.

I shook his hand softly. I couldn't help staring at the boy. He was such an odd type of handsome. He had pale skin and light, silver-colored hair. His eyes were also silver, a combination I had never seen on any person before. While he was tall like Will, he was skinnier, more slim. Will had the muscled body of a football player or maybe a wrestler, while Jem was more lean.

"It's nice to meet you too, Jem."

He grinned. "William, here, enjoys the idea of people being slightly scared of him, but don't let him fool you. He's actually sweet in his own ironic way."

Will rolled his eyes pointedly. "James thinks he knows everything because Tessa leads him to believe so." Despite Will's tone, he grinned over at Jem with an adorable look on his face.

Jem chuckled at Will and punched him playfully on the shoulder. The two boys interacted in a way that brothers usually would interact with each other.

A tap on my right shoulder turned my attention from the two bickering boys. Sebastian held a bottle of vodka out toward me encouragingly. I stared at the glass bottle despairingly. _Dear God_. "Come on, take a swig." Sebastian urged me when he noticed the look that had crossed my face.

"Oh, no thanks… I don't drink." I muttered, fluttering my hand weakly at the bottle.

"Do you think you're too good for us?" A shrill voice said accusingly. The voices in the room came to an abrupt stop. Everyone's eyes were on me and the girl who had just spoken. I gazed at the girl who had risen from one of the beds. Her curly blonde hair was thrown up in a bun atop her head, and she was wearing a skimp, black dress that clung to her like a second skin.

"No, I-" I locked eyes with Magnus, unsure of what to say. He urged me on with a nod of his head. "I don't drink anymore because my friend died a while back from drug abuse. I've been sober of everything for about a year and a half now."

The girl sneered at me. "Well you're definitely a waste of space here then, huh?"

"Jessamine, shut up. Just because she doesn't like to get shit-faced like you do, doesn't mean she's less of a person than you." Will stated, barely even looking up at her.

"No one asked for your opinion, _William_. We all know you're one of the worst here, anyways." she snapped. Many of the people looked shocked. A few mumbles of displeasure went through the room.

Jem put a soft hand on Will's shoulder and whispered something to him. Will looked as if he was about to shrug Jem off, but then he looked over at me. When he turned his head back toward Jessamine, he had an ugly leer on his lips. "It's cute that you want to pretend to be an angel in the crowd of demons here. Too bad _we _all know about your purging problem."

Jessamine's mouth dropped open. "You're such a dick, Will." she growled as she picked up a pair of heels and stomped towards the door. "No wonder Tessa chose Jem over you." Then she was out the door. The loud, echoing boom of the door was all that was left of her being in the room.

Will's face had darkened. Jem looked taken entirely aback. "Well, I wasn't going to make you drink anyways, Clary. Just give the bottle to Will for me." Sebastian said lightly, trying to clear the mood.

I took the bottle from him and nudged it over to Will. Will snatched it from me and opened it, taking in large gulps of the liquid. Although I knew how vodka burned as it went down, his face stayed neutral. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and spun the top back on it before handing it to the boy beside Jem.

Everyone remained quiet as the bottle made its way around the room. When it got back to Sebastian, it was nearly empty. As Sebastian took a gulp of the rest of the alcohol, the door slammed back open causing Sebastian to spill most of the vodka down his face and shirt. He spluttered at coughed. "Dammit, Jace!" he exclaimed, wiping his chin and neck.

At the door stood a boy and girl who both looked like they were about to topple over on the floor. "That's Kaelie and Jace. They're the ones who like to get wasted before the actual party." Jem whispered over at me, noticing my expression.

The girl, Kaelie, had long blonde hair that stopped right above her waist. As the two of them stumbled into the room together, I noticed that her eyes were so dilated that they looked almost entirely blue. She wore a dress that looked more like a shirt and no shoes. She giggled as she tripped over people's legs.

The boy, whom I would guess to be the Jace that Max had talked about, grinned triumphantly at Sebastian. He was obviously as drunk as Kaelie, but he held himself up better. His golden hair was matted around his head in a messy halo. His tan skin glowed in the low light, and I could see his strangely colored eyes: a golden color like his hair, almost amber in the light. He was tall and muscular, easily bigger than most of the guys here. Will was probably the only other person here that was the same size as he was.

He swooped over to Sebastian and ruffled his hair harshly. "Sorry, bud. I didn't realize the party had already started." His words mixed together as he slurred. I could smell the alcohol radiating off his skin. I wrinkled my nose as he squished himself in between Sebastian and myself.

"Whatever, Jace. You know damn well that every single party starts at eight." Sebastian hissed angrily. Kaelie let out a high pitched giggle. "You two need to get out." Sebastian pointed toward the door.

Jace chuckled lowly. "This is my room too, Seb. You can't kick me out."

"But I can kick your little slut out." Sebastian said with an odd glint in his eyes.

The golden color in Jace's eyes hardened into a topaz color. "Come on, Kaelie. Let's go to your room." He stood up quickly and surprisingly steadily. She opened her mouth to protest, but the look on his face stopped her. She followed him toward the door. "I won't be back tonight. Don't wait up."

"I won't." Sebastian muttered as the door slammed again for the second time tonight.

"You know they're going to your room, right?" Will seemed to return to his mischievous attitude prior to Jessamine.

"What?"

"Kaelie is your roommate. They're going to your room to have-"

"Don't finish that sentence, William!" I put my hand over his mouth. I could feel his lips curl up into a grin.

"I just thought you should know what they were doing." he mumbled against my hand. The vibrations from his voice tickled the palm of my hand.

Pulling my hand back, I said, "I really don't want to know what they're planning on doing."

He smirked at me roguishly. "You better get used to it, _Clarissa_. The're like bunnies, and they're never in here, so…" He left the rest of what he was saying up to my imagination.

"Dear God, Will!" Jem cried out.

"Well, I didn't want her to be surprised when she goes back to her room tonight to find Kaelie and Jace naked sprawled out on one of the beds." He grinned, knowing he had managed to get a reaction from myself and Jem.

"_Great_. I've always wanted to return to my room to see something like that." I rolled my eyes.

"They don't always go back to her room," Jem said reassuringly. "They've gotten caught at the pool a few times."

I covered my mouth to hide the shock. Will laughed aloud. "Oh, remember the first time that happened? Ms. Dark could've had a conniption fit!"

Despite himself, Jem let out a soft laugh. "She hates Jace so much."

"Who's Ms. Dark?" I asked before they completely left me out of the conversation.

"One of the front desk workers downstairs. She _loathes _it here."

"Are you talking about that tall, old woman who hates kids?"

Will hooted. "Why yes! She's such a lovely woman. I don't see how she isn't married yet."

I grinned at him. Maybe staying at the institute wouldn't be _that _bad.

* * *

_In time you'll find, _  
_This life's a painting and you're the artist, _  
_So open your eyes, _  
_It's never too late to clear your canvas, _  
_So paint me jealous, _  
_Paint me rage, _  
_For God's sake paint me anything, _  
_Just paint, _  
_Your brush awaits, _  
_Hallelujah amen, _  
_The walls sing you to sleep, _  
_Hallelujah amen, _  
_One secret meant to keep you safe tonight, _  
_I swear that everything will be alright.  
__- 'Sanctuary' _by Paradise Fears


	3. Chapter 3: Entering A War Zone

**Thanks for the reviews and subscriptions and favorites guys! They're much appreciated. I'm trying to keep the chapters long, so the actual plot might take a bit to happen because I don't want to just rush into it. But I do want an opinion... Should the next chapter be Will's tour of the institute or should I skip ahead to classes actually starting? I need my readers' opinions, so I know what to write, so please _please _review and tell me what you want! Thanks for reading guys! Oh, and Jace seems oddly nice and not sarcastic in this chapter. He's hungover and half asleep, so that's why if you're curious as to why he's acting so... not arrogant and sarcastic. Oh, and excuse any grammatical errors. I wanted to get this up ASAP, and I'm sleepy. Guess that's all for this chapter. Review! **

* * *

_I can be pensive,_  
_You can be so sure._  
_You'll be the poison,_  
_You'll be the cure._  
_I'm alone on the journey,_  
_I'm alive nonetheless,_  
_And when you do your very worst,_  
_Mmmm, it feels the best._  
_- 'Poison'  
_by The All American Rejects

* * *

I stumbled through the hallway in a haze. Although I didn't drink any alcohol, I still felt drunk─on what I didn't know. I could sense the unfamiliar burning of happiness coursing through my body. Excitement sizzled throughout my veins.

I wanted to laugh, or maybe cry. My emotions were completely strung out. I felt oddly serene, possibly from the exhaustion. It was half past three, and I forced myself to leave the still raging party. Lots of people were still in Sebastian's room drinking and smoking. Magnus had left with Alec around one, and Jem left around two with an excuse about checking on Tessa because she was sick.

Quietly I opened the door to my room. Soft snores floated from the bed across the room. Kaelie's small form was curled into Jace's long body. Jace's long legs fell over the edge of the bed. He looked oddly uncomfortable even as he took up the whole bed; he even had a slight grimace resting on his face.

Quickly I peeled off the tight clothes Magnus made me wear and pulled on fleece shorts and a tank top. Before I slid into my bed, I glanced over at Kaelie's bed again. Holding back a gasp from shock, I stared at Jace who had sat up and was gazing at me silently.

Blushing furiously, I crawled into bed wondering if Jace saw me change. I rolled over to face the wall in an attempt to douse the sting of embarrassment. Then I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

An insistent tapping woke me up. A loud groan sounded from the other side of the room, and I figured it was only Kaelie. Slowly I stood up and went to open the door.

Magnus, dressed in white shorts and a purple blazer, looked annoyingly wide awake. Standing timidly behind Magnus was Alec. He smiled apologetically.

"What do you want, Magnus? I was sleeping." I tried to sound firm, but it just came out raspy.

"It looks like you were catching up on your beauty sleep, hm?" He grinned at me wickedly. I stared at him, too tired to make a coherent response to his teasing. He rolled his eyes petulantly. "Since you don't seem to be in the mood for jokes, I'll just move along. Alec, here, wanted to know if you've seen his close friend Jace. You know, the golden boy? He's worried for his health."

"When I got back last night, he was asleep with Kaelie." I said before turning around. The only thing I could see was blonde hair barely hanging out from underneath the covers.

"Well we saw Kaelie eating in the café with Aline a couple minutes ago, but Jace wasn't with her." Alec spoke up.

"Then I think that's him." I pointed my thumb towards Kaelie's bed.

Alec looked shocked. "Can I, uh, come in?" He seemed slightly flustered.

"Sure, go ahead." I moved out of the way and sat on my bed. Rubbing my eyes groggily, I watched as Alec crossed the room toward the bed.

Alec poked the body harshly. A groan ensued with Jace rolling away from Alec immediately. Then Alec snatched the blanket and ripped it off Jace. "Get up, Jace!" he ordered.

Jace's eyes flew open. His hair was ruffled and on one side, it was laying flat on his head. He sat up and glared at Alec menacingly, his eyes closed in slits, casting dark shadows down his cheeks. "What the hell do you want, Alec? I was sleeping." His tone came out thick and husky.

"Hey, that's almost exactly what Clary said to me!" Magnus interrupted gleefully from the door.

Alec glared quickly at Magnus and then returned his gaze back on Jace. "It's twelve and you're sleeping in Kaelie's bed. You need to go to your room." Alec snapped crossly, sounding like an upset parent.

"Leave me alone, Alec. Kaelie doesn't care if I sleep in here."

"Well Clary might."

"I really could care less _who _cares. I'm going back to sleep." He mumbled something else so low that I couldn't hear it.

Alec sighed as Jace buried himself back under the covers. Alec stomped back over to Magnus, and Magnus petted his head soothingly.

"If you don't want a monster in your room when _he_ wakes up, I'd go pick up coffee and something for him to eat. He'll have a massive hangover. He likes his coffee black and he'll eat anything in the morning." Alec said to me before leaving the room.

Magnus shrugged in confusion and followed Alec. Light snores soon enveloped the room. Silently I crossed the room and pulled the cover away from Jace's head.

His face was relaxed in a peaceful demeanor. He looked much more comfortable than he did the night before. His mouth was opened slightly, and his arm was slung carelessly across his body.

I went back to my side of the room and grabbed some clothes to take a shower. Despite being exhausted, I knew I needed to get out of my room. With one last glance toward Jace's sleeping body, I left my room.

After I emerged from the steaming shower, I quickly wrapped one of the white towels provided in the bathroom around my body. As I walked to where my clothes were perched on a counter, someone walked into the showering area of the bathroom. Gripping my towel in fright, I realized it was Will.

"Oh, Clarissa, fancy seeing you here." He said with amusement clear in his voice as his eyes roamed up and down my body. He wore only gym shorts, and his dark hair had droplets of water clinging to the ends. His chest, smooth and pale, was exposed─and muscular.

I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again to look at his face. He was grinning at my discomfort, seeming to enjoy the awkward situation we were in. "William," I nodded curtly, fastening the towel tighter to my body and grabbing my clothes. "If you don't mind, I'm going to get dressed." I made to go into one of the changing stalls, but he reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Oh, but why? I quite like you in just a towel. I bet you'd look even better without it." He winked impishly before releasing my hand.

Ignoring his remark, I spun around and practically ran into the changing stall. I dressed slowly, hoping that Will would be gone by the time I exited the stall. I opened the door slowly, peering into the empty bathroom. Will had disappeared without a trace, so I dropped my used towel in the dirty clothes hamper and exited the bathroom.

"I suppose the clothes look on you isn't so bad." Will's voice muttered from beside the door. He was leaning casually against the wall with a smirk on his face. This time, though, he had a shirt on.

"What do you want?" I sighed, walking back toward my room to leave my pajamas in my room.

"Just to talk. I'm fairly sure I didn't make a very good impression last night at the party." Not surprisingly, he followed me.

I opened the door to my room and dropped my clothes on my bed. Grabbing my brush from my bag, I turned to face Will, who was staring at the bed on the other side of the room. "Why do you think that?" I asked, pulling his attention away from Jace.

"I rarely make good impressions at parties," His eyes were slightly lighter than they were last night. "Well, unless I get a person in bed. Then I probably gave that person the best possible impression of me ever."

I scoffed at him as I finished brushing my hair. "You're delightfully modest."

"Ah, 'Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.' Hardly worth the effort when you're as charming as me."

I pushed him away from the door of my room and shut the door behind me. "Do you really believe so?" I sniffled as we made our way down the hallway.

"Why, of course. There's no other man here that's more charming than me, other than Jem. He's a different kind of charming, though."

"Well, Mr. Charming, show me the way to the café. I'm on a mission."

"It would be my pleasure." He bowed and took my hand, leading me toward the elevator. "If you want, I could give you a tour of the whole institute. There's nothing else to do, and it couldn't hurt."

"Sure, but I have to bring coffee and food back to Jace. Alec said he'll be a monster without it."

"What is he doing in your room anyways?" Will wrinkled his nose.

"I guess Kaelie left him this morning." I shrugged.

"He's not your responsibility."

"I never said he was. I figured I'd be nice since his girlfriend obviously isn't."

Will barked out a laugh. "Jace doesn't have a _girlfriend_. He hasn't had one of those since we were like seven!"

"How do you know that?" Will had pushed the button to the first floor, and the elevator was descending slowly.

"He's my cousin. We've lived together since we were five. We got send here together when we were thirteen. I know practically everything about him."

"Well, if she isn't his girlfriend, then what is she?" I asked sardonically.

The elevator doors opened and we got off. "She's his little sex toy. Well, nevermind, they just use each other for that."

"Do they really use each other like that?" I asked in surprise. Jace didn't exactly seem _nice_, but he didn't seem like was like that.

Will shrugged and gestured for me to follow him down a hallway that was across from the staircase. The hallway had no doors, only one that opened up into a large room at the very end of it. There were bay windows divided out through the hallway, and the floor was a dark hardwood. The impeccably white walls had bright golden and silver swirls that curved and twisted below the ceiling with a mesmerizing beauty.

The room we entered wasn't really empty, but it wasn't full either. Instead of the long, ugly cafeteria tables I was expecting, there were multiple small, circular tables all throughout the large room. On the far left against the wall, many buffet tables were connected, and they took up the whole length of the wall. There was no stage for teachers or administrators to sit at like my old school, St. Xaviers. The room seemed designed for only the people living at the institute.

"I'm glad you wanted to come here. I'm starved. Jem told me I didn't eat anything after I got drunk last night." Will said before starting his long strives over to the buffet tables.

Slowly I followed him. He wasn't really the type of guy I'd really hang out with, and in all actuality, he kind of reminded me of Sean, just far more better looking. He definitely had more charm than Sean did, but the attitude was all the same. He turned around to look at me; his dark eyes searched mine imploringly. He already had half a plate full of food.

I grabbed a plate too and started filling my plate. "Are you and Jace alike?" I asked in hopes of getting Will to talk. His deep, smooth voice was oddly soothing. It brought me back to when I was younger and Jonathan would read me stories after Valentine stopped coming home at night.

"Absolutely not." he scoffed sliding down the bar to collect more food. "The only thing we have in common is our last name."

"Which is?"

"Herondale. My dad and his dad are brothers. They look and act nothing alike. Sometimes I wonder if one of them were adopted. Probably Stephen, Jace's dad. For some reason he happened to be one of the only Herondales with blonde hair." He shrugged as if he didn't honestly care about the whole situation anyways.

Will's plate was full, and he turned to smile at me. "Wanna sit down and eat? After we finish you can grab whatever for Jace to drop off in your room."

I nodded my head and followed him to a table. We ate together in silence, me nibbling softly and him digging into the gigantic pile on his plate. With his head bent over, his dark hair fell over his eyes and his thick eyelashes cast long shadows over his high cheekbones.

"So what are you here for? Not many people come here so late." Will commented watching me intently.

"What do you mean?" I asked, covering my mouth as I spoke to hide the food still in my mouth.

"You get to leave this place when you're eighteen. Well, you do after you graduate. But still, you're seventeen, right? So that can't mean that your parents sent you here for a good education. It's too late for that."

"Well, yeah, I got sent here for lots of things, I guess…" I bit my lip as I thought about the past summer. I knew what had pushed Valentine and my mom to send me here, and it probably wasn't because of the whole eating disorder either.

"So what did you do? Skip too much school? Got caught drunk? You don't seem like the type to be very wild." he smirked at me before taking a drink of his coffee.

"It's a long story." I stated, hoping that he'd drop it.

"I have time." His response was quick, almost like he expected my answer.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course. I wouldn't ask if I didn't."

I sighed and began the story. "When I was fourteen, my brother left my family. It wasn't exactly running away because he had just graduated and he had been eighteen since January. He just up and left one night a couple days after he graduated. None of us expected it, but I wasn't surprised. My dad owns this large corporation, Morgenstern Inc. I'm not sure what he does because I haven't actually had a _real _conversation with him since I was eight. But after he started making money, he would barely come home, and whenever he was home, he would fight with Mom constantly. I thought he had gotten used to it, but I guess not.

"Then Mom and Dad stopped fighting. Almost all conversations in the house stopped. They didn't care that Jonathan left without a trace. I was pissed. How could they just forget about him just like that? It had only been a month… So Callie, my best friend since like first grade, and I started going to all these parties. I knew almost everyone from the school and even the colleges that were close. Jonathan was popular, and everyone loved him, so they all knew me too.

"Mom and Dad didn't really care I guess. I would come home at three or four in the morning, sometimes I wouldn't even come home, but they never got upset. They wouldn't call to see where I was or ground me for coming home wasted or high." Taking a deep breath, I paused to check Will's reaction. He had his plate pushed aside and was leaning on the table with an unreadable look on his face, so I continued.

"A year later, Callie _died_," My voice cracked on the word. My heart constricted at the word, and my stomach turned as the memory slammed through my brain. "It was at a party one night. This one guy─I think it was his party─had found her in the bathroom. It was so scary… After her funeral I stopped partying so hard. I still went to parties with Sean," I resisted the urge to spit his name. "but I stopped drinking and doing drugs.

"Because I stopped using so quickly, I fell into some sort of depression. I stopped eating. I almost died. I would say that was what broke my parents, but I doubt that was what made them send me here. Something awful happened a few weeks after I got out of the hospital. It probably ruined me forever."

"What was it?" Will asked quickly.

"I've never told anyone… My parents are the only people who know about it. I haven't even told my brother."

"You can trust me."

"I never said I couldn't. It's hard to talk about… maybe another day?"

"Okay, I can wait. Are you done eating?" He stood up and stretched, smiling lazily at me.

I nodded my head and followed him toward the trash bins. As we turned around, Kaelie and another girl blocked our path. "Kaelie. Aline." Will acknowledged the two girls. Aline was a small, thin Asian-looking girl. With brown hair and soft eyes, she was easily pretty.

"I heard that your taking care of Jace for me. I just wanted to make sure that was true." Kaelie said it slowly as if I couldn't understand her.

"I'm bringing him coffee and food, yeah." I replied crossly.

"Good, be sure to tell him that I'll be waiting for him at the pool whenever he decides to get his lazy ass up. K, thanks." She brushed her blonde hair back and threw a dark grin at me.

"Sure, whatever. Oh, and could you move your clothes? I need to unpack." I said, remembering Magnus's threat to throw all her clothes on her bed.

"Whatever, if I get the chance, I _might _do that tonight. But don't expect anything." she snapped before spinning on her heel and walking away.

Aline smiled at me softly before following after Kaelie instantly. Will made a noise that sounded like a groan and a gag. I looked up to see him with his nose pinched up and a grimace on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't like her." He moved back toward the buffet bar and I filled up a Styrofoam cup full of coffee. Leaving it black, I grabbed a few donuts and bacon strips and threw them in a takeout box.

"Kaelie? Why not?"

"'I _might _do that,'" he mimicked in a fake, high pitched voice. "She's such a bitch for no reason."

I laughed at his mockery of Kaelie. "I can tell."

We made our way back toward the lobby and the elevator. We passed Ms. Dark, who was sitting at the front desk with a look on her face that could kill. Children of all ages ran through the lobby, and parents were whispering to the few kids who were speaking to them. I could almost picture Jocelyn in one of the cream chairs, calling me to come look at her recent pieces of artwork. We rode the elevator in silence.

"So what about you?" I asked, breaking the silence.

Will turned to stare at me. His blue eyes swallowing me up whole. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you here?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time." He grinned at me as he realized that we had swapped lines.

"My story is a little darker than yours, Clarissa. Although your story was quite intense. How is it that you aren't like Kaelie or Jessamine? You know, pissed at the world?" We got off the elevator, and the light from a window bathed his face in a golden hue.

"I can handle it."

"What if I just tell you bits and pieces, and the day that you tell me your dark secret, I'll tell you mine?" he proposed with a sly grin.

"Okay, seems fair. Then tell me something interesting. Tell me about your family." I ordered before he could change his mind.

"My parents aren't really that interesting. My mom wasn't exactly what my grandparents wanted as a daughter-in-law, so my dad moved away from them. He loved my mom, and she loved him. I had two sisters, Ella and Cecily." His expression darkened as he spoke.

"You had two sisters?" I automatically asked. Mentally slapping myself for being so insensitive, I spoke again. "You don't have to reply to that."

"No, it's alright. Ella died when I was thirteen. I haven't seen Cecily since I moved here. She writes to me, though. My dad has apparently become a bit of an avid gambler. They've moved three times, and now they're living in someone else's house. It's pathetic." He squeezed his eyes shut and his mouth was set in a hard line.

"Are you and Jace close friends?" I asked to change the topic. I didn't really like seeing the dark side of Will. It was almost like a storm, and I was too afraid to see what would happen when the thunder and lightening arrived.

His laugh was halfhearted. "I don't know. We know everything about each other. I'd compare us to siblings. We're close, but not like best friends close. I do enjoy his company from time to time."

"Oh." We made it to my room. "Will you open the door for me?" He nodded his head and punched in the combination as I said the numbers. "I'll be right back, and you can show me the institute, okay?"

Without waiting for his response, I stepped inside my room and walked over to Kaelie's bed. Jace was still curled underneath the sheets, so I set the food and coffee on the nightstand. I grabbed some paper and a pen from my bag and started writing a note to Jace, so he'd know the food and coffee were for him.

Before I could finish writing, a warm hand grasped my wrist. Jerking in surprise, I smeared the pen across the page. I looked up to stare into golden eyes. Jace was lying on his stomach, but he had leaned from the bed to stretch out toward me. Most of his body wasn't under the covers any longer, and I could see the curve of his back─and the absence of any clothing from his waist down. My eyes instinctively snapped back to his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a low, raspy voice.

"Well, Alec told me that you'd need coffee and food to wake up in a decent mood, so I was leaving you a note…" I whispered as he continued to stare at me.

"Who are you?" His voice betrayed the curiosity that he lacked on his face.

"Clary Morgenstern. I just got here yesterday. You're in my room."

"No, this is Kaelie's room." he argued sitting up. I stood up and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"This is my room now, too." I snapped, suddenly annoyed with the golden boy in front of me.

"I'm sorry. I just can't remember anything. Do you know what happened last night?" he covered his body up, realizing that he was naked.

"Not really. You came to the party late last night and got into a little argument with Sebastian. Then you and Kaelie left, saying you were coming here. That reminds me, Kaelie said to tell you that she'd be waiting for you at the pool."

He groaned and wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Can I just go back to sleep?" I half wondered if he was speaking to me or to himself. I waited for him to speak again. "Thanks for the coffee, Clary. I'm Jace by the way. I guess you're not too used to finding naked men in your room, huh?" He smirked at me, which resembled the look that Will had been giving me since earlier this morning.

"No, not really, but I suppose I should, right?" I asked with a laugh.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you and Kaelie do _this _often, don't you?"

He frowned slightly. The look made him look oddly innocent. "Unfortunately." he mumbled.

"Clarissa, does it really take you _that _long to leave some stuff and write a letter?" Will burst into the room and his eyes met mine.

"William," Jace nodded at him. "I see the new girl has captured your attention already." His voice held a strange tint to it, as if he was implying something.

Will's playful smile changed into a grimace. "Jace, I see that humility is not a virtue for you."

Jace grinned wickedly, showing off his front incisor that was chipped. Subconsciously I decided that it was an endearing trait. One imperfection that somehow made him even more attractive. "When did you start talking to other people? I thought Jem was the only person you spoke to now. You know, since the whole Tessa situation."

"Shut up, Jace. At least I didn't demoralize her." Will snapped. He stood at the door in an angry cloud. I felt stuck in the middle of an invisible battle.

Before Jace could come up with something sarcastic to say, I stepped in. "It was nice talking to you, Jace, but Will and I were just leaving. I'll see you later. Enjoy your breakfast." I crossed the room to Will and pulled him out of the door.

The last thing I saw of Jace was the outline of his naked body as he stood up and stretched. Will slammed the door and stalked down the hallway back toward the elevator. I hurried to catch up with him, unsure of what had just happened.

It seemed stupid to ask what had happened, so I let him lead me into the elevator without asking questions. It seemed like I had just gotten involved in something that I'd eventually regret even knowing about.


	4. Chapter 4: It's Not Reform School

**Thanks for the reviews guys! They're awesome :D Someone asked for Tessa in this chapter, so I threw her in there. Can't have too much of her yet because she's part of the development D: Anyways, I kinda have an idea for the next chapter, so it should be up soon. Keep reviewing and being awesome XD Oh, and I tried something different at the very end. Almost didn't do it, but decided to just to see how it works. Tell me if you all would want something like that in all the chapters. Thanks! Opinions DO matter!**

* * *

_Come on love run with me  
Get the hell out of this town  
So we can get a better feel for each other  
I'll take you, back to, when you  
Remembered how you used to  
Just live your life a little for me  
Take the time to let it go  
Step away and watch me grow.  
- 'Beauty In The Breakdown' (Acoustic)  
_by The Scene Aesthetic

* * *

Will's room was strangely comforting, and Jem had just disappeared shortly after Will and I joined him in their room. One wall held multiple bookcases filled with every type of literature a person could imagine. On both sides of the lined bookshelves were both boys' dressers. A flat screen TV hung carefully on the wall opposite of the beds. Two closets were an equal distance from the TV on either side.

Will and I perched easily on his bed. His sheets and comforter were black and his pillow cases, shiny silver. Jem's violin and its case rested delicately on Jem's bed on his own light blue bedding set.

I returned my gaze to Will who was skillfully shuffling a deck of cards. The day before, he had shown me the whole institute. He showed me the places I'd more than likely spend more time, like the pool and the actual school area of The Shadow Institute. When I got back to my room later that night, there was no sign of Jace or Kaelie, but, surprising, my closet and dresser had been cleared of Kaelie's clothing.

Now, I had spent my Saturday morning with Will. We were playing random card games that included War and Go Fish and made bets with gummy worms that we hadn't eaten yet. Apparently the café had every type of edible anything.

Will had begun another game of Go Fish when Jem and a girl who looked about my age walked in. She was tall, definitely taller than I was, but she still wasn't even close to Jem's height. "Do you have any twos?" Will asked as he swiped a couple of my gummy bears.

"Hey! That's stealing. I demand a gummy worm." Will chuckled softly before chunking a gummy worm at my face.

"You know, most people don't throw their betting chips at their opponents. I know what you're thinking: total waste of poker chips; but, eh, I think they're on to something." I said as I bit off half the gummy worm.

Will shrugged and gestured to my hand with a smile. "Give me your twos!"

"Go fish!" I exclaimed quickly.

"I see that we've interrupted a very intense game of Go Fish. Who's got all the money?" Jem crossed the room and sat in one of the bean bag chairs that every room seemed to have. The girl followed him quickly and sat down next to him.

"Me!" Will and I quipped together to only glare at each other afterwards.

"You have a bag of pathetic gummy bears. My gummy worms make two of your bears." Will pointed out before eating one of his green gummy worms.

I gasped in mock anger. "Excuse me, but you're running low on your worms, sir!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say princess." Will poured his bag of gummy worms out on his bed and began counting. "I have fourteen worms left. How many bears do you have?"

I mimicked his actions and poured my bag out. "I have thirty left." I said after a moment of counting.

"Let me recount." He leaned over and started separating the bears. Then he grabbed a handful and shoved them in his mouth. "Ha! You lose." he mumbled around half chewed gummy bears.

"You are such a cheater!" I exclaimed, picking up his gummy worms and biting them in half.

Will pouted and threw his cards down on the bed. "I do not cheat." he said after he swallowed his mouthful of gummy bears. With his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest, he looked oddly adorable.

"Oh dear, William, you ate more than half the girl's gummy bears." Jem cut in with a grin, obviously happy to see Will in such a great mood.

Will cut his gaze to Jem and then to the girl who was silently watching everything. "Tessa, I see you're feeling better." Will said evenly and began picking up all the cards on his bed. His face was hard and stoic, but I could see the pain laced in his eyes.

"Yeah, Jem took good care of me." Tessa whispered. Her head was down, her hair a curtain of a brown. She looked back up and her steady grey eyes met mine fleetingly.

Momentarily, I was brought back to Jace and Will's encounter the day before. _When did you start talking to other people? I thought Jem was the only person you spoke to now. You know, since the whole Tessa situation. _Jace had said the words so cruelly, knowing it would hit a nerve, and Will had immediately reacted. With a strong ache of curiosity, I wondered what was meant by 'the whole Tessa situation'.

"That's nice." Will remarked coolly.

Jem's grin fell off his face slowly. The pure awkwardness of the moment was seeping into my bones. Jem shrugged, as if he knew how to deal with Will, and whispered something to Tessa.

"Hi, you must be the new girl. I'm Theresa Gray, but they call me Tessa." Tessa stuck her hand out towards me.

A million questions raced through my head. _What happened between you and Will? What did you do to him? Why do I feel like I should be jealous of you? _Then… _Why _would _I be jealous? _But instead of asking any of those ridiculously inappropriate questions, I took her hand and said, "Clarissa Morgenstern, but I prefer Clary."

As if hearing my voice snapped Will back into his previous mood, he turned and stared at me like I was a ghost. Somehow, everything had become awkward between Will and I again, almost like yesterday never happened.

"You know, I, uh, forgot that I—I need to go." I mumbled an extremely crappy excuse and grabbed my shoes from the floor. I was out the door in a matter of seconds. I couldn't understand what had just happened, but I knew that it upset me more than it probably should have.

"Are you Clarissa Morgenstern?" A young man asked as I began to slip on my shoes. I looked up at him slowly, careful to wipe my face clean of any emotions. Who knows who he would run off and tell if I was an emotional mess for no reason.

"Yes… why?" It amazed me how everyone knew the new people instantly.

"You have a phone call. I was sent to tell you that it's urgent and from…" he paused, probably trying to remember the name. "I'm sorry. Once I get used to you, I'll remember the names better."

"It's fine. Where do I need to go to answer the call?" I asked before I took another quick glance at Will's door.

"Follow me Ms. Clary. Oh, and before I forget, my name is Thomas, by the way. Thomas Tanner." He pointed toward the end of the hallway to the elevator and began walking.

"Mr. Thomas—"

"Just call me Thomas. There ain't no need for mister." he interrupted me. The country drawl in his voice was warm.

"Well then just call me Clary. I'm not old enough to be a miss."

He turned around to look at me and laughed. "Whatever you want Clary."

"Anyways, Thomas, are you like a student helper or something?" I asked, watching his quick strides. He didn't seem that old, not much older than me. Maybe he failed a couple years.

"No ma'am. I've worked here for about five years, since I was nineteen."

"So you were here when Will and Jace got here?" I asked impulsively. Then I bit my lip feeling stupid for asking the question.

We entered the elevator. It was quiet for a few beats after Thomas pressed the button to the lobby. "Yeah, they had both turned thirteen during the summer and came here right before classes started in the middle of August."

I watched the floor numbers descend. "Were they both so difficult then?"

Thomas chuckled brightly. "Yeah, but probably not in the same ways anymore."

The elevator doors opened with the usual, cheerful ding. He led the way towards the area where parents spend time with their kids. At the very end of the visiting area, there was a door with a golden sign that read _Phones_.

"Here you go. By the way, I was told to tell you that you're allowed to call whoever you want as long as it's in the designated times." Thomas opened the door and watched as I walked into the room.

I spun around to look at him. "When's that?"

"As long as you're not skipping class, it's from eight in the mornin' until eleven at night. Have a good day, Clary." He nodded at me and pointed towards the nearest phone area.

The room was set up almost like the visiting rooms in prisons. Each phone booth was a little cubby center with _very _little privacy. Instead of the glass wall between the two people like prison, though, that was just where the wall met the cubby center.

Sighing, I walked up to the cubby that Thomas directed me to. I picked up the phone—the phone was even connected to the wall of the cubby—and put it to my ear. "Hello?"

I hadn't given much thought about who would be calling me. It definitely wouldn't be Valentine, but I could guess that Mom would call after only three days. But, instead, the voice on the other end surprised me.

"Clary! You're okay. Thank God! I thought they tortured you there or something." Jonathan's worried voice crackled through the receiver.

I almost cried out with joy. "Jonathan," I exclaimed, "how did you get the number to here?"

"I searched up 'The Shadow Institute' on the web. It was the first hit." His breathing was soft. "They don't treat you like a prisoner there, do they? I've heard stories about reform schools…"

I laughed, enjoying the comfort of a familiar voice. "No, no! This place is actually really nice, and it's not exactly a reform school... It's just a boarding school. You know how Dad is. He'll spend the most money and try to make it look like I'm not a major screw up."

Jonathan grumbled irritably. "You're not a screw up..." he trailed off softly. "Are you eating better now?"

"Yeah, they have the most amazing café here! It's constantly loaded with every single type of food. It's crazy." I rambled on, knowing the more I talked about it, the less Jonathan would worry.

"Well, besides, Valentine doesn't deserve for you to call him Dad." Jonathan muttered.

I sighed, knowing all too well what would be coming next. "You know he can't here this conversation, right? He's all the way in New York. "

There was a pause. "Wait, so you're not in New York too?"

"Did you even read my email?" I said, exasperated. I should've expected that.

"Uh… I skimmed it." He replied meekly.

"I'm in California, Jonathan. When I write something to you, I kind of expect you to read it all, jerk."

"Hey! No need for name-calling. So tell me about this place you're staying at. Is there any way you could just leave?"

"I don't think so. A lot of people complain about how we can't leave until we're eighteen_ and _graduated, so I have practically a year left."

I heard a loud thump from Jonathan's end of the line. "Damn it. I can't believe Mom let Valentine send you there for a whole year. What the hell was she thinking?" I imagined him throwing something across the room he was in. Although, I had no idea what the room looked like or where it even was.

As I listened to a string of more obscenities, I could tell the conversation was going downhill fast. "She hasn't argued with him since you left." I whispered, leaning my head down to rest on my arm.

"What?"

"When you left, she stopped fighting. She let him do what he wanted whenever he wanted to do it. I think that she believes you left because they argued so much." I sighed. I hated how our conversations always turned back to our parents.

"That's not why I left." he protested.

"Then, why? Why did you leave me alone like that?" I couldn't help the hurt that entwined in my voice.

"I can't tell you…"

I groaned. "Whatever, I need to go."

"Clary—" he cut off. I could hear another voice speaking in the background.

"Who is that?" I asked directly.

"No one. I'll let you go. Call me when you can. Love you Clary."

"Jonathan, I don't have"—distinctly, I heard the click of the phone being cut off—"your number." I finished numbly to no one.

I slammed the phone back onto its spot on the wall multiple times. "Shit, shit, shit. My life is complete _shit_." I heard the words fall out of my mouth without my permission, but I was past caring.

I dropped my head and cried, a deep, self-pitying sob.

* * *

That night, I heard giggling outside my door long after I lied in bed. I could hear the soft beeping sounds as someone entered the code to the door. Seconds later the door burst open and a flood of light filtered into the room.

Sitting up, I watched as Jace shut the door and tumbled over to Kaelie's bed as Kaelie began pulling off her shirt. _Fantastic, I get the front row seat to a live porno._ I groaned and fell back into my bed, making sure to stuff all five of my pillows on my head.

At first they were quiet. I let myself believe that they just went to sleep, but minutes passed and their breathing slowly got harder and louder. Squeezing my eyes tightly closed, I couldn't believe what was happening, and I could barely stomach it.

A low moan floated from across the room, and a flash of memories assaulted me: the pain and fear, the taste of his sweat and my own blood, and a sound just like what I just heard. I fought the urge to bolt—to freak out.

Then I heard Kaelie's high-pitched gasp, and I couldn't handle it any longer. "Do you two _mind_?" I snapped, sitting back up.

For a moment there was only silence and a rustling underneath the blanket on Kaelie's bed. Then Kaelie's head popped out, and she glowered at me. "Do _you _mind?" she retaliated angrily.

"Some people are trying to sleep here." I growled before Jace pulled himself out of the covers. He stared open-mouthed at me. His eyes were so bright that I could see the topaz color from where I sat.

"Then sleep." Kaelie hissed as she ran a hand through Jace's mussed hair.

Jace's eyes shone brighter. "Or you could join us…" he suggested, attempting to pull away from Kaelie and get out of bed.

"Jace—"

"No thanks." I interrupted Kaelie's complaints and grabbed one of my pillows. "Have fun." I added before ducking out of the room and resisting my immature want to slam the door… hard. My face was flushed and I was pissed. Today was definitely an awful day.

I wasn't sure where I was going. I couldn't go back to Will's and Jem's room again, and I hadn't met any girls, really. I definitely didn't know them well enough to ask to sleep in their room. I dragged myself down the hall and tapped lightly on a door—a door with 895 on its silver plaque.

There was no sound on the other side of the door, and I was worried that Sebastian was already asleep. I didn't even know what time it was. I began to turn back around to camp out in the hall by my door when I heard the rustle of the door opening.

"Clary, I didn't think you'd be up at 2:30 when there's not a party." Sebastian grinned at me. He wore boxers and a wife beater. Then, registering my mood, he pulled me inside his room and shut the door. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, just the usual. I just can't go to sleep because Jace and Kaelie are filming a porn in my room!"

A stifled laugh came from the back of the room. I peered around Sebastian's shoulder to take in Will wearing boxers and nothing else. I remembered seeing his bare chest just the day before, but this seemed far more intimate. Then I glanced down at my attire and beat back a wave of embarrassment. I was wearing one of Jonathan's old football T-shirts, just his giant shirt. Dear God.

"Do you want to sleep in Jace's bed tonight?" Sebastian asked, drawing my attention back to him. I gaped at him. Only Jace and God knows what has happened in that bed. "Don't worry. He barely even sleeps in it. It's clean." He added with an impish smile.

I sighed, defeated. I had nowhere else to go… I dragged my pillow to Jace's perfectly made bed and threw it on top of his plain white sheets and comforter. Only he would have a _white _bed set.

Will watched me with an intensely forward stare as I climbed into the bed. He was sitting on a black bean bag with a Playstation controller in his smooth, large hand. "I was gonna sleep there." He said as I shuffled my body to get comfortable.

I fixated a glare on him, and he held his hands up in surrender. "We can share." I replied as he nodded quickly in agreement.

Sebastian laughed loudly and flicked the light off, immersing the room in almost complete darkness, the only light from the TV on the wall. Sebastian grabbed the other controller and joined Will on the floor.

Slowly I drifted off to sleep to the soft sounds of the TV playing Call of Duty and the low mumbles of Will and Sebastian.

* * *

About two hours later, it was getting close to five. Jace awoke with a start. Kaelie curled into him, like she always did; he'd always hated that. He pried himself out of her bed easily and glanced over to the opposite bed.

With an almost distant hope, Jace wished she was back in the room, curled up in a ball facing the wall. Clary. But she wasn't. She left after two and hadn't come back. He felt stupid for saying what he had to her. It had obviously bothered her—the whole situation seemed to, actually.

He grabbed his sweat pants and pulled them on. Kaelie wore his shirt—another thing he absolutely hated. She wasn't his _girlfriend_; she knew that. He didn't care, though. He just wanted out of the room.

Quietly he made his way through Kaelie's messy section of the room and through Clary's part, which barely looked inhabited at all. Unlike Kaelie's closet and dresser, Clary's was shut neatly and had no clothes hanging out. The only signs of her new arrival at Shadow was her brightly colored bed set—he liked her bed more than Kaelie's awful pink and light purple monstrosity of a bed—and her nightstand which homed an alarm clock and one picture frame.

Jace couldn't help himself. He moved silently over to the picture and sat on her unmade bed; she didn't bother to fix it in her rush to leave the room earlier. It already smelled like her. The soft aroma of the Japanese Cherry Blossom enveloped her side of the room. It was strangely soothing to Jace, unlike Kaelie's constant scent of cotton candy and bubblegum.

He picked up the picture and stared at it. A boy, who looked just a few years older than Clary, grinned openly back at Jace. His blonde, almost white, hair fell around his head smoothly and his dark eyes curled up along with his grin. Jace wondered subconsciously if this was Clary's boyfriend from back home.

Jace only looked at the boy for a few seconds before turning his attention on Clary. She was in the middle of a laugh, her head tilted slightly back. Her wide, emerald eyes sparkled and her small nose was smattered with the light freckles of summer. She looked younger here, possibly years younger. The loose shirt she was wearing fell over her shoulder and revealed a bright pink bra strap. It felt like he'd already seen so much of her.

Setting the picture frame down carefully, he stood back up and moved lithely to the door. He didn't look back at Kaelie—he never did—and moved down the silent hallway. When he approached his door, he entered the code quickly and stepped into his dark room.

Sebastian was sprawled out on his bed, snoring lightly. Soft breathing from the opposite side of the room reverberated back to him. That's when he spotted Will curled up on top of the two bean bags next to Jace's bed. Idly, he wondered why Will hadn't just taken Jace's bed like usual.

Attempting not to make much noise, Jace crossed the room to his bed. His white comforter was bunched up, and it took him a couple seconds to notice the bright blue pillow flung atop his bed—and the curly red hair that covered it.

Clary was in _his _bed?

He stared at her still body. He couldn't see much of her, but the comforter moved ever so slightly with her small breaths. She rolled over, and a pale hand fell over the bed, seeming to reach for something. He moved his hand out slowly towards her and grazed her hand with his finger. She sighed and pulled her hand back.

Well Jace _definitely _wasn't sleeping on the floor. He peeled his comforter off Clary's body carefully. He wasn't sure if she was a light sleeper or not, but he kind of wanted to learn that about her. When her whole right side of her body was revealed, Jace scooted closer to the bed and began to lie down.

"_What _are you doing?" Will had sat up instantly and was scrutinizing Jace with an unnatural alertness.

"Getting in bed." Jace replied as he slid all the way into his bed.

"Don't you see Clary?"

"Uh… yeah." Jace pulled the comforter over himself. _Who couldn't see Clary?_

"Well get up then." Will was far more awake now and looked absolutely pissed.

Jace faked a laugh. "No, I'm tired."

"You're the reason she's in here." Will pointed out.

"So I get to share _my _bed with her, duh." He smirked at Will who glowered back at him.

"Seriously, dude, she'll freak out in the morning."

Jace chuckled lowly. "As she should. Any woman would have an attack just from my presence. She'll thank you later." Jace winked at Will, knowing fully that he was upsetting him.

"Get out of that bed." Will spat through clenched teeth.

"Why?" Jace taunted. "Are you jealous? Do you think she might end up wanting me?"

Will laughed clearly and loudly. "Actually, no. She doesn't seem to like you much. It might be the whole using-Kaelie-for-sex thing." Will shrugged easily. He was the only person who could—and would—take Jace's sarcastic and rude personality head on.

Jace rolled his eyes dramatically. "I don't even know why you care. She's just a girl… not even like your precious _Tessa_." Jace knew that was a dig, but he loved getting under Will's skin.

Will glared at Jace momentarily, and Jace was sure he'd won. "That's the point. She's _not _Tessa." He sighed and lied back down. "Whatever, but when Clary kicks your ass in the morning, I'll just laugh."

"Why would she do that?" Jace asked with a strong desire to just know more about the girl.

Jace could see Will's dark silhouette shrug. "Not sure, but she doesn't really like guys—especially strangers—to get too close."

"Why not?"

"I'm not sure… but I intend to find out." Will whispered and rolled away from Jace.

Jace stared at the ceiling. For some reason he contemplated sleeping on the floor. If Clary really would be upset about it in the morning, maybe he should listen to Will for once. He didn't want Clary to _hate _him already.

Another glance at her kept him in the bed. Then she curled into him and sighed softly, and for once, he didn't hate it. He'd stay in bed for another ten minutes, and then he'd join Will on the floor… Since that's what she'd want.

* * *

_You say, you say that we're all tied up  
__And wrapped around in useless, useless states of mind  
__But at the same time we're still young  
We have the time to realize that we were wrong.  
- 'Beauty In The Breakdown'_  
by The Scene Aesthetic

* * *

**So that very last part with the third person point of view on Jace was my thing I was trying out. Of course if I did it every chapter it wouldn't just be focused on Jace... It could be any of the characters, really. Depends on the chapter. So tell me if you liked it, loved it, hated it, dislike it? Review! Review! Review! I want to know what you think for real! :D Catch ya on the flip side ;) By the way, the music lyrics on each chapter are just songs that I like that go good with the story. I wouldn't say they match up perfectly with chapters, but they do go wonderfully with the story. Check 'em out, check 'em out. ")**


	5. Chapter 5: Waterfalls and Fireflies

**So like guys, I seriously received 12 reviews for the last chapter :o That is so WICKED. You guys are kind of amazing :3 And I appreciate all your support. It's really fantastic. Sorry this chapter to forever. It literally took me 3 days to write when I worked out how I wanted the chapter. Gahh, it was soooo irritating, but I think I'm happy with this... so tell me what you think! Review (:**

* * *

_We are, oh, we're about to be_  
_So much closer than you thought that we could ever be._  
_Well, I'm sorry to say that I gave it away._  
_We'll I'm empty._  
_You're empty._  
_It's none of my business, but I won't be a witness._  
_If I hang on for the ride I promise I will crash without her there._  
_She's like a rock and you keep chipping off a piece to hold on to,_  
_And there's gotta be, gotta be something more than this._  
_In a life full of exits and entrances.  
- 'Exits and Entrances'  
_by We Are The In Crowd

* * *

When I woke up, I almost forgot where I was. Soft breathing tickled my neck and warm arms gripped my waist. For a moment, I almost freaked out, but I remembered telling Will I would share the bed with him, and I wouldn't get mad at him for actually getting in bed. I didn't really mind him sleeping against me. His chest rose and fell evenly, and I could feel the movement through my shirt. It was comforting, and I almost fell back asleep.

Then I rolled my body over to look at Will and ended up nose to nose with someone who so _wasn't_ Will. Jace's face was smooth, and his mouth was barely opened as he breathed. His silky hair brushed against my cheek, and I was momentarily dazed. _Wasn't he with Kaelie last night? _His hand fell against my thigh, and the warmth from his contact on my bare leg was enough to shock me out of my stupor.

I screamed. I didn't really _mean_ to, but Jace's proximity and the intimacy of it all overwhelmed me. Jace swatted at me irritably but remained relaxed and half-asleep. Slowly I was sinking into a deep pit of fear. I could feel my breathing hitch, and my gasps of air came in irregularly. Sean's face clouded my vision, and then all I could see was black spots. I was having a panic attack. I let out another shriek and scrambled against the wall in an attempt to get away from Jace.

Will was the first person to bolt up from his sleep. His alarmed eyes caught mine with a startling intensity; then he was up from the floor. Sebastian was sitting up, too, rubbing his eyes slowly and deliberately, obviously not understanding what was going on. Will opened his mouth to say something, but before I could hear what he was about to say, Jace stirred from his sleep. "What's going on?" he mumbled before looking up at me.

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I kicked him off the bed instantly.

Jace managed to unleash a strangled "Shit," at the same time that Will yelped a muffled "Ouch!". Jace sprawled on top of Will on the floor glaring up at the bed. Will shoved him off none too kindly and stood up again. He moved toward the bed I was in but stopped, clearly thinking better of it.

"Are you all right, Clary?" Will asked softly standing directly in front of the bed. Jace remained on the floor, leaning back against his arms taking in the whole encounter with a straight face. Even if Jace wore more than Will, I felt safer with Will around. Jace's sweatpants covered far more of his body than Will's boxers did, but I knew Will. I've spent the past two days with Will.

With another choked gasp, I reached out toward Will without thinking about it. Will took that as permission to sit on the bed and grabbed my hand tightly. "Breathe, Clary. It's okay. Do you need anything? Jace, go get her water."

"What—" Jace sputtered out, evidently not expecting to be banished from the room. His expression was dark.

"Damn it! Just do it, Jace." Will gritted out.

Jace's face reddened with anger, and he flashed out of the room. My breathing instantly got better, and I took five quick gulps of air. "W-why was he in here? Why was he in m-my bed?" I stuttered out, too scared to be embarrassed.

Sebastian shrugged and stared at Will. Will sighed and rubbed his forehead. "He came in here at like five and just dived into bed with you. I told him to get out of the bed, but he wouldn't listen to me. Why would he? Jace doesn't listen to anyone."

With my arms crossed tightly against my chest, I pinched the back of my arms to clear my head. The panic was trickling out of my system slowly, but I still felt tainted—all over again. Sean's maniacal voice floated in and out of my ears, and I trembled with fear. "Are you cold?" Sebastian asked from across the room. He held out one of the blankets on his bed, and Will stood up and grabbed it quickly. He wrapped it around me tightly before rubbing his hands on my shoulders. Even if I wasn't cold, I appreciated the warmth the blanket and Will's fingers brought.

"I think I should just go back to my room." I whispered. With my state of mind, I definitely didn't need to be around any boys—at all.

Will's fingers froze. "Are you sure? You could be having a panic attack. You shouldn't be alone." He brushed my neck cautiously and tugged softly on my hair. It was comforting, and in any other situation, I would've adored him for being so calm and sweet. It almost made me sick that Sean was so able to ruin everything in my life—even now, when I hadn't even seen him in months.

"I'll be fine. Just tell Magnus to check on me before dinner." I stood up hastily and the blanket fell on the bed. Sebastian said nothing as I crossed the room and opened the door. "I—I'll talk to you later, Will. I'm sorry."

Then I rushed out of the door and ran straight into Jace's tanned—and toned—chest. He steadied me with one hand while the other held a water bottle. "Uh, here, Will told me to get it for you." He held it out to me after I was balanced.

"It's fine. Keep it." I breathed and dodged around his body. I ran, ran to get away from Jace and Will, to get away from the memories.

* * *

Jace stepped into the room right after Clary stumbled out. Will couldn't take his eyes off the door. He wasn't sure what was going on with Clary, but he was sure that it had something to do with why she was sent to the institute—the big thing she told him he might one day learn. He could tell, though, that _that_ would never happen. It had to be something huge, possibly tragic, but nothing made sense.

"She wouldn't take the water. Why'd she run off?" Jace asked as he dropped the bottle on his bed and sprawled back down where Clary had been moments before.

Will couldn't help himself; he immediately drew away from Jace and dragged himself down onto the floor. "She said she should just go back to her room. I told you not to get into bed with her! You're such a dick." Will grounded out as he imagined pounding Jace into dust for upsetting Clary the way he had.

"I didn't mean to! I fell asleep before I had the chance to get out of the bed." Jace exclaimed, seeming upset about the whole ordeal too.

"Do you think she was abused?" Sebastian whispered abruptly in the silence.

"What?" Will and Jace both snapped at the same time. Then they turned and glared at each other. They didn't really get along together too well since they moved to the institute, and over the years, it still hadn't gotten better.

"Neither one of you were really paying attention, but she has this long, ugly scar that went from the top of her knee up to her inner thigh, or what looked like it. Her shirt covered the top of it, but it didn't look like an accidental scar. It looked like one that was meant to hurt her. And, I mean, the way she cowers away from all men. She was even fidgety around Magnus, and it's obvious he's playing for the other team, and it looks like he'd cry if he hurt a fly."

Jace was the first one to speak. "Yeah, I've noticed it, but I didn't think much of it. The way she freaks out when anyone gets too close. Do you think it was her dad?"

Will clenched and unclenched his fists. "Really, Jace? That is not the issue at the moment." Will growled and stood up. "And, I doubt it's her dad. She's talked about him to me, and I thought that most victims of abuse couldn't even handle talking about their attackers."

"Yeah, Will's right. It's been years since everything with my dad, and I still don't like even saying his name." Sebastian groaned and looked down. "Who would hurt her though? She's so tiny and cute."

"Look, this is all really important and all, but it's way too early for me to come up with ideas right now. Let's discuss this around like two or three in the afternoon." Jace mumbled into his pillow, pulling his comforter around his body.

"Give me Clary's pillow. I'll give it to Magnus to give to her later tonight." Will said, not believing how little Jace could care about the girl to whom he almost gave a panic attack.

"No. I'll give it to her." Jace retorted quickly, glaring at Will harshly.

"She doesn't even _like _you!" Will exclaimed, exasperated. "She knows me better."

"Hardly. Just because you got chummy with her the very first night she was here doesn't give you free will over her. She hasn't even gotten a chance to get to know me!" Jace shot back angrily.

"Well maybe if you'd get your head out of your ass for five minutes, you would see that you're not the most important thing in the world." Will grabbed Clary's pillow and yanked it away from under Jace's head.

"You better watch it. I know why you're here, and it could easily slip out to Clary without a second thought." Jace seethed, grabbing the pillow's end.

"Is that a _threat?" _

"No, it's a promise. You shouldn't even be alone with her anyways. You're dangerous. We all know it, except for her. Does she know your dirty little secret, huh? I bet not, and I bet she wouldn't be so comfortable with you if she knew."

Will's hold on the pillow shook violently, and he trembled with anger. In a flash of blind fury, he dropped the pillow and pulled back only to slam his fist into Jace's cheek. "Well your past isn't so clean either, Jace." Will said calmly before scooping up Clary's pillow and stepping out of Sebastian's and Jace's room. The last thing he saw was Jace's red face and the newly forming bruise purpling on Jace's cheek. Will let out a dark chuckle.

* * *

"Magnus told me she was fine." Jem whispered to Will from across the round table at dinner. Tessa sat beside him silently. Ever since the incident between the three friends, Tessa had been at odds between the two boys. She couldn't help but wish it had been like it had been before she made her decision. Today, though, Will didn't seem to be upset with Tessa, at least no more than usual. He was quiet and extremely glum.

"Yeah, but she won't see _me_, which is the problem." Will complained while spearing a meatball on his plate. He wasn't really eating, just pushing the spaghetti in circles on his plate.

"Could you be any more obsessed with the girl?" Jessamine Lovelace snapped harshly. Everyone knew the girl hated not being the center of attention of everything. "She's not even _that _interesting."

"Could _you _be any more jealous?" Camille Belcourt simpered. The two girls had always butted heads and were usually fighting. Camille's blond hair was curled and hung softly down her shoulders. Jessamine rolled her eyes and flicked a piece of ranch-covered lettuce at Camille.

"I would never be jealous of anyone who holds Will's attention." Jessamine said with a fake gag and a glare at Will who was paying no attention to the bickering girls. "Will, it's no fun to pick at you when you won't respond!" Jessamine admonished, as if he Will was doing something wrong.

"Jessamine, I'm in no mood for your silly little games." Will muttered as he took a bite.

"Oh, Will, she's just upset. She'll be back to spending all her time with you again by tomorrow!" Aline Penhallow said, throwing a bit of optimism into the conversation. Her newly cut hair fell right above her shoulders, and she gave Will one of the most peculiar looks with knowing, dark brown eyes. She wasn't exactly pretty, but she definitely was striking with her half Asian traits.

"Where's Kaelie and Jace?" Isabelle butted in, probably ignoring the part of the conversation that involved any other problems that didn't immediately involve herself.

Aline looked down quickly. "I think Jace ended whatever they had going on earlier." she whispered under her breath. "Kaelie disappeared after they talked, and she told me to leave her alone."

"She's probably making herself sick again…" Sebastian said with a sigh.

It was obvious in the café who the problem kids were. There was a sort of barrier with all the kids staying at The Shadow Institute. The divide was as clear as day: the scholarship kids and the problem kids. The scholarship kids always sat near the entrance of the café, while the problem kids generally stayed near the walls and corners—or they didn't come to meals at all.

"Oh, what's it matter. She was never his girlfriend anyways." Jessamine spat with less acid than she probably meant to put into her insult. No one was really in their usual mood, and the whole table could tell.

"Well, where's my brother?" Isabelle asked again.

"No one knows, Isabelle!" Will snapped bitterly.

"Well, okay then, sour puss." Isabelle scoffed and threw a baby tomato at Will.

"I'm going back to my room. If any of you see Clary out of her room, tell me please." Will breathed before grabbing his barely eaten food and tossing it in the trash.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jem asked as he stood up to follow Will. Tessa stared up at Jem sadly. It was no question: Jem would pick Will over Tessa in any moment, and Tessa knew that.

"It's all right, James. I'd rather be alone." Then Will left the café without another word.

"He's being so odd." Camille stated after he was out the doors.

"How can he _like _her?" Jessamine whined angrily.

"Oh, shut up, you cow." Camille snapped with a swift bat of her eyelashes.

Jessamine cried out in outrage but stayed quiet. Then Magnus and Alec appeared behind Will's unoccupied seat. "Why, hello there dearies." Magnus grinned as he literally sparkled. Alec rolled his eyes but smiled at Magnus anyways.

"Hi there." Camille purred, running her eyes up and down Magnus's body with a grin. Alec shuffled beside Magnus awkwardly, obviously not enjoying the appreciative looks Camille was giving Magnus.

"Where's Will?" Magnus asked, glancing at all the faces sitting at the table.

"He went to his room. He wants to be alone." Jem replied before wrapping his arm around Tessa.

"Oh," Magnus frowned. "Well nevermind then."

"Nevermind what?" Jace said as strolled up to the group of friends.

"Well, there you are!" Isabelle exclaimed with a sigh. "Where on earth have you been?"

"I was taking care of some stuff. It's really none of your business." Jace shrugged nonchalantly. Isabelle glared at him, but she said nothing in response.

"Is it true that you ended your flirtationship with Kaelie?" Jessamine asked hastily, twirling a loose piece of hair.

"Do you mean their whole use-each-other-for-sex thing?" Camille tossed in dryly.

"If you _must _know, yes, I ended our little fling." Jace snapped before Jessamine sighed happily. "What were you saying nevermind about?" Jace asked Magnus, ignoring Jessamine bluntly.

"Clary just wanted to see Will, but I guess not tonight." Magnus said with a brief wave of his hand.

Jace's eyebrows knitted together, and then he turned around and left the café.

"God, everyone is acting so _weird _today!" Camille groaned.

"Whatever, maybe it's cause class starts Tuesday." Isabelle suggested.

"Yeah, that's probably it. Nothing causes people to act unnaturally like going back to school." Alec retorted sarcastically.

"Oh, shut up." Isabelle shot back.

"Both of you shut up!" Magnus growled.

"I bet it's that awful new girl that is making everyone act strange." Jessamine stated while pointing at Magnus.

"You better put that finger away." Magnus ordered. Jessamine dropped her hand. "And it doesn't matter if Clary is the reason people are acting weird."

"I don't like her." Jessamine hissed before slamming her fist on the table. "She doesn't even belong here."

"I like her." Tessa said softly, receiving stares from everyone at the table. "What? She's nice." Tessa grumbled before looking down at the table.

"Well I'm gonna find out why she's here. It's gotta be something good if it's not drugs and alcohol." Jessamine smiled wickedly.

"And how are you going to do that?" Magnus asked rhetorically.

"Look at her files, duh." Snottily, Jessamine said.

"Neither Miss. Black or Miss. Dark will let you near the files. That's like top secret stuff." Camille said matter-of-factly.

"I'll figure out a way." Jessamine said menacingly. "Her dirty little secrets are _mine_."

* * *

I twisted and turned in my sleep. It was a rough night preceded by an even rougher day. After leaving Sebastian's room, I stayed in my room all day without any food and the water that Magnus had brought when he stopped by. I asked Magnus to tell Will that I wanted him, but he never came. Moonlight flooded into the room from the window beside Kaelie's bed. Not surprisingly, Kaelie's bed was empty. Hopefully, if she was with Jace, they were in his room for once.

That's when I noticed the unnatural dip in the bed from unbalanced weight. I shot up instantly, instincts long buried surging up. Jace leaned against the wall with his eyes closed and legs crossed at the ankles. "What are you doing?" I hissed, covering my body up reflexively. Jace and I weren't on the best of terms, and I couldn't help the flash of memories—the look of pure rage and hatred on _his _face, the stench of alcohol, and my lack of ability to concentrate on anything.

"Apologizing to you." Jace opened one eye and smiled softly, no hint of a smirk anywhere on his face.

"I'm sorry, but I don't hear an apology." I snapped as I pulled my legs away from Jace and into my chest.

"I was getting to that." he mumbled before turning to face me directly. "I'm still not quite sure what I did to upset you this morning"—he held up a hand to stop me from interrupting him—"but I am completely and honestly sorry for whatever I did."

"You have to know what you did to be honestly sorry."

"Well then, what did I do?" He leaned in close to me and I could smell his spicy cologne.

I scrambled back and hit my head on the headboard. With a wince, I exclaimed, "You got into bed with me… after having sex with my roommate and trying to get me to join in. I'll let you know that I'm _not _that girl, and I refuse to be treated that way. You don't even know me."

"Well I _want _to get to know you." he whispered, blowing cool, minty breath in my face.

Stunned, it took me a moment to gather my thoughts. "No, you don't. You just want to try to get me in bed. I'm not gonna play your little games."

"I don't! I really do just want to be friends." In the darkness I could just barely see his facial features, but his teeth gleamed in the moonlight.

"Why are you in my room at—what time is it anyways?"

"Almost three," he answered. "and because I wanted to show you something." He slid off my bed and held a hand out to me. He was fully dressed, wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt.

Staring at him through slits in my eyes, I asked, "Where?"

"It's a surprise. Just trust me." he replied simply.

"I don't even know you."

"Touché, but you won't get to know me any other way." he smirked at me easily.

"Wipe that smirk that off your face." I snapped before getting out of bed and ignoring Jace's outstretched hand.

He chuckled softly. "You don't need to change. You can come in your pajamas."

"Fine, but I will leave if you try anything."

"That's fine. I'm not trying to upset you." he replied softly. "Come on." He gestured for me to follow him and opened the door for me. Slowly, I exited my room and waited for him. "Do you mind if I blindfold you? It's part of the surprise."

I fought back the nerves that exploded when he asked the question. "Yeah, I-I guess." I stuttered.

"Turn around." he ordered. I turned around and squeezed my hands together to control my shaking. Jace's hands brushed my shoulders and neck before he wrapped the blindfold around my head and tied it. "That's not too tight, right?" he asked. His voice came from right beside my ear, and I couldn't help the shudder from his proximity.

"It's fine. Take me wherever you're taking me."

He took my hand and led me down the hallway. I heard the ding of the elevator, and Jace let go of my arm to push the button. Then he reached down and took my hand again. When the elevator stopped, Jace led me out of the elevator and to a way I hadn't been yet. "I know that Will gave you a tour, but I wanted to show you something that Will doesn't even know about." As he spoke, a cold gust of wind blew across my face.

_When had we gotten outside?_

We continued to walk along in silence. His warm hand grasped mine softly. He helped me over small hills and picked me up at one point to carry me over what sounded like a bubbling brook. Eventually I could feel water continuously hit the bottom of my feet, and I had no idea where we are.

"I'm about to take your blindfold off, okay? This place is a secret, so don't tell anyone about it." Jace mumbled quietly behind me, releasing my hand and untying the blindfold. When the blindfold fell off my face, I gazed around us. There was a small lake with a bridge that cut through the middle of it, which we happened to be standing on. On the far edge of the lake was a waterfall that fell from a cave on a mountain from far above us. I gaped at how beautiful it was.

"Where are we?" I asked softly, gazing back up to Jace. He gleamed in the moonlight, his bright hair forming a heavenly halo around his head. In the light of the moon, I could take in all of Jace's features. His amber eyes stared at me solemnly, and his cheek was a dark purple. "What happened to your face?" I exclaimed, reaching out to touch it softly.

His eyes fluttered shut as my fingertips grazed his cheek. "Will punched me this morning."

"What?"

"He was mad that I upset you earlier, and he tends to get a little violent. It's fine, really. I bruise easily, and I kind of deserved it." he said, peeking at me to gauge my reaction. I pulled away from him and leaned over the bridge.

"This place really is beautiful." I said as I stared at the crystal clear water. Small, brightly colored fish swam and dove around the water, avoiding the larger, dark fish.

"I come here to think a lot… I'm the only person who knows where this place is." he whispered before leaning on the bridge with me. "But this isn't what I wanted to show you." He glanced down at his watch. "Five, four, three," he began counting down.

"What—" But I stopped talking, breathless. He had ended his countdown, and the lake exploded with lights. At first, I shielded my eyes, thinking it was some sort of explosion, but then I realized that it was just a whole bunch of lightning bugs, almost thousands of them. They flew around us and circled the trees and flowers. It was so mesmerizing and breathtaking, that all I could do was stare.

Jace grinned at my expression and laughed a soft, sweet laugh. "I thought you'd like this. It happens every night a three."

"It's so awesome." I breathed out as he took my hand again and led me away from the bridge and to a meadow by the lake. "I can see why you come here to think. It's like a whole different world!"

Jace laughed again and sat down in the thick, lush grass and leaned on his back. I joined him and laid back with him. "I figured we could share this spot. It could be a clean slate for us to start over because I really am sorry."

I sighed a deep long sigh and turned my head to look at Jace. "I _suppose _I could forgive you." Then I laughed softly. And for a moment, with the fireflies silently floating around us, the soft rush of the crash of the waterfall, and Jace's amber-colored eyes smiling at me, I forgot about the past two years and the pain and suffering I'd gone through. I forgot about my dad who cared more about his corporation than his family, I forgot about my mom who gave me up, I forgot about my brother who deserted me, and I forgot about the things that's been lost and destroyed. I was actually kind of _happy_.


	6. Chapter 6: Those Herondale Boys

**I feel like maybe the chapters are really long and nothing is happening, but I want you all to know that I'm just trying to get the ball rolling. I can't really throw in crazy stuff until Clary is at least pretty close with a lot of the people at the institute, or the story won't be so emotional and good. So please stick around. It will get interesting, if you don't feel like it's interesting yet. Oh, and this story will probably be really long. I realized that today while writing. This might make it past 30 chapters, so yeah :I But that's not important now. We'll discuss that more when it's important. Review! I love reading all your comments. They make my day! Thanks for reading guys! :D**

* * *

_I don't mind it_  
_I don't mind if you're overrated_  
_Or if you're staring at the edge of the world._  
_Keep in mind that I'm a sore eye with blurry vision._  
_But I can see, yeah it has to be you love_  
_That I've been dreaming of._  
_And if we climb this high, _  
_I swear we'll never die  
- 'My Understandings'  
__by Of Mice & Men_

* * *

Light exploded behind my eyelids and startled me awake. I rolled over expecting to feel the silk of my bed sheets, but instead I grasped thick grass. I sat up quickly only to slump back down from the head rush of getting up too fast.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty." Jace's throaty voice whispered in my ear, and the memories of the night before flooded through my mind slowly.

Propped back on one arm, Jace sat up lazily. His shirt was missing, but he still wore the gym shorts from the night before. His hair was slightly mussed and his skin glowed in the sunlight. The bruise on his cheek seemed to be a darker shade of purple and a brand new shade of yellow. It took more than enough effort to pull my eyes away from him.

"What happened to your shirt?" Gesturing toward his nude chest, I asked. I sat up and looked around the meadow. Birds chirped loudly and the rush of the waterfall sounded only inches away. I rubbed my eyes slowly and ran my fingers through my tangled curls in an attempt to tame it.

"You used it as a pillow." he replied with a chuckle. I glanced back to where I was previously lying, and sure enough, Jace's shirt was balled up there.

"Oh, sorry." I mumbled before grabbing it and handing it to him. He took it from me cautiously and slid it over his head.

"I didn't mind, really. You needed it more than I did." he said bluntly as he stood up and stretched with long, languid movements, revealing the bottom of his tanned stomach.

"What time is it?" I gulped, looking away from him again.

"I don't know. Probably like twelve or one. The sun is pretty high." He extended a hand out towards me, and with only a moment's hesitation, I took it. He pulled me up easily and helped me brush leaves off my back.

"Thanks," I muttered. Even after agreeing to start over last night, it was still a little awkward to be alone with Jace.

"Wanna grab breakfast?" he suggested with a lopsided grin. He held out his hand again, and this time I automatically grabbed it when I realized I had no idea how to get back to the institute.

"Sure. Coffee usually helps after a long night of sleeping on a forest ground, right?" I joked as he led me across the bridge and over the lake.

"Only if I make it." he replied with a teasing raise of a single eyebrow.

"I suppose I can handle that."

He stopped at the end of the bridge and winked at me. "It's a date then."

* * *

He was upset. No, he was more than upset; he was absolutely livid. It was two in the afternoon, and he knew Clary was awake, but she wouldn't answer the damn door. He needed to see her. Worried, tired, and confused, Will was a jumbled mess of emotions, and it seemed like he couldn't reign in any of his raging emotions.

"Clary, please open the door." Will tapped on the door again. He put so much effort into not cussing and yelling that he was shaking. Still, there was no reply from the room. He knew the code to get in, but he didn't want to be that guy.

He raised his fist to beat on the door again when a cool, smooth voice stopped him. "Clary's not in there." The words should have comforted him, but he still felt the dull ache of being avoided. Kaelie stood behind Will with her arms over her chest. She wore no make-up and her stringy hair fell from its ponytail sloppily. Her eyes were red and dilated, and Will knew she was high.

"What's wrong with you?" They had all passed modesty years ago, and Kaelie seemed to be a bigger mess than usual.

"Nothing is wrong, William." She swatted him away and unlocked her door.

"What did Jace do?" Kaelie always freaked out like this when Jace did something stupid that upset her. Even if they weren't actually dating, Kaelie still got pissed like any girlfriend would.

Kaelie pulled at her frayed sweat pants. "He broke up with me." Her lip trembled violently before she let out a heart-wrenching sob.

Will tried to feel sympathetic towards the girl, but he couldn't; she knew from the beginning what she had gotten herself into with Jace. He told her exactly what he expected from their so-called "relationship" and that he wasn't dependable enough to be anyone's boyfriend.

"You know you two weren't actually dating, so it can't really be considered a breakup." Will knew it was a harsh thing to say, but he wasn't in the mood.

Kaelie sniffled and looked away. "Whatever. Why are you even talking to me? Clary is outside. That's where you want to be." Her voice was hard, but he heard the break in her voice as she spoke. Then she spun around and slammed the door in his face.

Usually Will would've felt bad, but Kaelie was right. He wanted—no needed—to find Clary, and talking to Kaelie about Jace ending their little fling, wasn't going to find her. He immediately started his way down the hallway and into the elevator. He pushed the ground floor button multiple times before the elevator doors finally closed and the elevator began its descent. When the doors opened, he ran out of the elevator and towards the back doors of the institute.

As soon as he was outside, he could hear Clary's bright laughter. He paused for a moment and just listened to her sweet voice as she told a story that Will hadn't heard yet. Will couldn't help but be jealous of whomever Clary was talking to. She seemed more open than she had since she had arrived at the institute.

Will was no fool; he would admit that he was attracted to the small girl. With her bright, fiery red hair and sparkling, emerald eyes, she was easily one of the prettiest girls he'd ever met. Well, he would admit it to himself but _never_ to anyone else. In the four days they had spent together, Will had found a girl he could be himself around. It was corny, he knew, and as he thought it, he automatically felt silly. But, it was true.

With Clary, Will could forget about his past. He could forget about what had landed him at The Shadow Institute. He missed his family less when Clary was around, and he didn't feel like he was missing out with Tessa anymore. He still regretted those things, but Clary seemed to make every blow just a little softer.

Clary laughed again, pulling Will from his reverie, and Will followed the sound of her sweet voice. Will found her facing away from him in one of the large, white gazebos. Her curly hair twisted and blew in the wind, and she had one hand wrapped around a strand of the flaming red hair. He couldn't see into the gazebo to see to whom she was speaking. A voice mumbled something to her and she giggled again, throwing her head back easily.

Will still felt the envy towards the person who was getting this reaction from Clary, and he immediately stalked up to the gazebo to find Clary sitting cross-legged on the bench across from the one and only _Jace_.

Jace seemed happier than Will had seen him since they had arrived at the institute. His face was bright and glowing, and a large grin was affixed on his face. His eyes crinkled as he laughed each time he threw a grape at Clary to catch in her mouth and she missed it. Clary had her own pile of grapes, and she would toss one back at Jace, pouting each time he caught it cleanly.

The two didn't notice Will when he first stepped into the gazebo, but when Will cleared his throat loudly, Clary's head whipped over to look at Will. Her mouth opened in a small 'o' shape, and guilt clouded her features. That was when Will noticed what she was wearing. She was still dressed in her pajamas: a tank top and shorts. Did Jace get her out of her room as soon as she woke up this morning? "Hey, Will." she whispered as she held a grape softly between her thumb and forefinger.

"Where have you been? I've been knocking at your door since 12:30." Will asked as he cast his gaze at Jace. Jace smirked easily and tossed a grape into his mouth. Clary stood up and moved over to Will quickly.

"I, uh—" she broke off and looked at Jace who gave her an almost imperceptible shake of the head. "I ended up sleeping somewhere else, and then Jace brought me breakfast." she said after a moment of thought. "You never came to my room last night, so I kind of wandered around the institute."

Will started at her words. "I didn't know you wanted me to come to your room." he whispered as she stepped back away from him.

"I told Magnus to tell you!" Clary exclaimed and crossed her arms over her chest with a pout.

Jace chuckled and said, "Will went back to his room before Magnus had the chance to tell him." Clary looked over at Jace with a small smile playing on her lips, and Will fought back the urge to punch Jace again. Will did have the joy, though, of seeing the huge, ugly, purple bruise that covered his cheek from the day before.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry Will. You wanna eat dinner together tonight? We can spend time alone tonight in your room if you want." Clary suggested before leaning over to touch Will softly on the hand.

Will grinned despite himself. "All right, but I'm picking out the food. Be in my room at 6:30, okay?"

Clary laughed and squeezed his hand. "Okay. I can't wait!" Then she flushed, obviously embarrassed to show so much enthusiasm. "I'll see you tonight." she whispered to Will quietly, keeping her voice low enough for only him to hear.

Will kept his eyes on Clary as she spun back around and sat down again. His eyes flickered over to Jace's, which were clouded with something Will couldn't quite put his finger on, but Will didn't care. Jace's emotions were none of Will's concern. Then he left the gazebo to start planning the perfect evening with Clary to beat out whatever Jace had done with Clary that morning.

* * *

"Clary!" A pounding on my door followed the voice. "Clary, let me in." Magnus's voice reverberated through the door. I dropped the clothes in my hands and opened the door for him. He sashayed into the room with a look of importance flashing on his face. "You seriously need to give me the code to your door. Waiting out there for you is so not my style." He pouted before taking a seat on my bed.

"Well hey to you too." I said before picking my clothes back up and hanging them in my closet. I turned back around to face him only to have clothes thrust in my face. "What the heck, Magnus? What is this?" I sputtered, pushing his arms away.

"Did you know that we have to wear _uniforms_ when we're in class?" Magnus fingered the clothes in his hands. "That's so gross. What happened to creativity? The boys' outfit is so lame, too. At least you girls get choices." he complained before tossing the clothes on the floor.

I picked up the clothes and analyzed them. There were a pair of dark grey, almost black, slacks, a white button up shirt, a red vest, and a gold and black tie. I could already imagine what the girls' uniform would look like: same type of pants or one of those plaid skirts, a white button up, the same tie and vest, and those knee high socks. How original.

"God, this _is_ bad." Dropping the clothes back on the floor, I agreed with Magnus. "Where's my stuff?"

"They've been dropping off all the new uniforms all day. The boys have been getting theirs first, I guess 'cause none of the girls have theirs. How unfortunate… These really are such darling outfits." Magnus frowned at the crumpled heap of clothes on the floor.

I laughed at him and walked back over to my closet. "Magnus, how do I look?" I asked before opening my closet again.

"What do you mean, darling?" He stood up and touched my hair. "Do you have a date?" he sing-songed the question, dancing around me with a Cheshire Cat grin planted across his face.

I blushed and swiped his hand away from my hair. "I don't know. It seemed like it might be at the time, but I don't know what to think anymore…"

Magnus clapped his hands together and jumped up and down like a little girl. "It's a date then! How exciting! Who is it? Jace? I saw you two together this morning… What was that about?"

"No, it's Will." I flushed at Magnus's excitement. "And nothing, we just had breakfast together."

"At two in the afternoon? I'm no fool, Clary." Magnus harrumphed and flicked my nose.

"We slept together last night. I mean, not _slept _together, but we fell asleep together, and then we got breakfast after we woke up."

Magnus let out a short, stifled giggle. "Well, you definitely didn't have to clear that up for me. I'd be willing to bet you wouldn't _sleep _with him anyways." he teased with another laugh.

With the flash of a memory of Jace half naked in my room, I blushed. "Whatever. Help me." I whined.

"Well what are you expecting to do on this so-called date?" Magnus flicked fingers expertly through my clothes.

"Dinner in his room and maybe a movie. Nothing fancy." Before I could finish the sentence, Magnus had thrown clothes in my face. I pulled them off my head and analyzed them. I fingered the mesh pink and black Puma shorts and eyed my grey t-shirt from my old high school. With a glance at my clock, I couldn't help but momentarily freak out from nerves. "Okay, Magnus, you gotta leave. I'm supposed to be in his room in five minutes." I sputtered, pushing him out the door.

"Do I even get a thanks for my expertise?" he asked with a defiant frown.

"Thanks!" I said quickly in response.

Despite his teasing demeanor, he grinned and patted my head. "Brush them curls, and good luck." He winked coyly and turned to head to his room. "See you bright and early tomorrow!" he called out over his shoulder.

Without wasting another minute, I shut my door quickly and changed into the clothes Magnus picked out. I grabbed my brush from my desk and ran it through my curls quickly. Dropping the brush, I ran to the door only to have it slam open in my face. I rubbed my forehead with a painful wince and blinked at Kaelie slowly.

"What's wrong with you?" She brushed her hair out of her face and stepped around me into the room.

"Oh, just a minor concussion. Nothing to worry about." I sighed as I pushed the door back open.

"Where are you going?" Stopping me from leaving, she asked. "You're never in our room. How am I supposed to get to know you?"

"Will's room." I deadpanned as I sidestepped around her.

She groaned. "You're like no fun. Here's your uniform stuff. It was piled in front of the door." She went back to her bed and held it out to me.

"Thanks. I'll see you later." I took the clothes from her and tossed it on my bed. Then, before she could try to stop me again, I rushed out the door.

I went straight to Will's door and knocked urgently. With how often people walked around this place, I knew someone could just appear out of nowhere and whisk me away. I fiddled with my hands nervously and tried to stop the twitching of my left eye.

The door opened to reveal Will grinning down at me. "Hey Clary! Come on in. The food is ready, and I picked out a movie to watch while we eat." He took my hand and pulled me into his room softly.

The lights in the room was dimmed down with white Christmas lights wrapping around the place where the ceiling met the top of the walls. The movie was set on the menu screen on his flat screen TV, and in front of the TV was a pallet made of all the covers and pillows from Will's bed.

"It's not much, but I figured it would be better not to be wild tonight. That first day of class really kills everyone." Will whispered behind me. I spun around to face him. His midnight blue eyes were so dark that I felt like I was falling into them. He grinned impishly and led me over the pallet. "We get to watch movies that aren't exactly out on DVD yet, so we have hundreds of choices on movies. Thank the big corporate boss for that. But I picked out this movie called _The Cabin in the Woods_. It seems interesting enough."

"This is perfect." I breathed smiling back at him. "But the movie sounds kind of cliché." I tacked on at the end as he made me sit down on the pallet.

"Give it a chance. It has great ratings. Anyways, for dinner, I decided to go with the least messiest options since this is like a scary movie. I don't know if you're a jumper or not, and I prefer not to wash my comforter tonight." He winked at me and carried a tray over from the nightstand beside his bed. Sitting down next to me, he set the tray down in front of us.

"Pizza? How romantic." I teased as I grabbed a slice.

"Who said I was aiming to be romantic?" he inquired with a raise of his eyebrow. "And even if I was, pizza comes from the Italians, who come from Italy, which is like the most romantic place ever." Puzzled, I stared at him for a moment before he started chuckling. "Okay, so it's not _that_ romantic, but how else am I supposed to really get to know you? They say that the only way to truly get to know someone is to watch a horror movie together."

I laughed and replied, "Who says that?"

Will grabbed a piece of pizza and grinned at me. "Oh, you know, they do."

"You're so full of it." I shoved his shoulder as he was taking a bite of his pizza, so he smeared sauce across his cheek. "Whoops." I giggled, covering my mouth with the hand that wasn't holding pizza.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" Will wiped the sauce off with his hand and raised it to smear it on my face. I shrieked and fought him off as he laughed at my reaction. Let's watch the movie before I really have to get you back for that." He cleaned his hands with some napkins on the tray and pushed the start button on the remote laying beside him.

We sat in silence and watched the movie together. I finished eating before the movie really started, and Will ate throughout the whole movie. Even though it wasn't that late, I could feel my eyelids getting heavy, and I fought to stay awake throughout the whole movie. Despite the very platitude name for the movie, which made it sound like it would be like ever other slasher movie that occurs in the woods with the insane killer and stupid teenagers, the movie was really good. It played on all the clichés, and Will and I were so into that we barely even noticed when Jem snuck in the room and laid out on his bed.

When the movie ended, I was halfway asleep with my head leaning on Will's shoulder. "Do you want to sleep in here tonight, Clary?" Will asked as he tried not to jostle me too much.

"No, I shouldn't. That would be rude." I mumbled moving away from Will sleepily.

"I think I learned a lot about you tonight." he chuckled. Sometime while we were watching the movie, the lights hanging on the wall were cut off, and we were submerged in complete darkness other than the dim light from the TV.

"Like what?" I asked.

"You're fearless. You barely even flinched." His smile lit up the tiny space between us and gave me goosebumps.

"I was half asleep the whole time. That doesn't count, and I'm _not _fearless." I whispered back to him.

He leaned in so close that our noses were touching. "I think you are." Usually I would jerk back in surprise and fear, but I couldn't pull myself from Will. We barely knew each other, but I felt like we had known each other forever. "Do you want me to walk you to your room, then?" He pulled back away and stood up, offering me his hand to help me up.

I blinked slowly a couple of times in an attempt to regain my composure before taking his hand. He led me out of his room and in front of my door. "I had fun tonight. Sorry I dozed off during the movie." I apologized with a flourish of my hands.

"I don't care. It was cute." He brushed my apology off. "You want to grab breakfast together before class tomorrow?"

I smiled softly. "Yeah, that sounds great."

"Good. I'll stop by at 7:30, okay?" I nodded my head and turned around to type in the combination to my door. When I opened the door, Will grabbed my wrist hastily and pulled me back into him in a warm hug. "Goodnight, Clarissa. Sweet dreams." Then with the whisper of a kiss, his lips skimmed my forehead, and he pulled away and walked back to his door.

With my heart racing and my nerves strained, I said back to him, "Goodnight, William." He shot me a quick grin and disappeared into his room.

And the only thought that ran through my head when I stepped into my room was, _Oh, those Herondale boys._


	7. Chapter 7: The Untouchables and Scholars

**Hey guys :I Before you all scream at me and freak out, I'm gonna go ahead and say sorry and give you my poor excuses. (Except the last one. The last excuse is legit.) First of all, I left early morning on July 20th, which was like the third Friday of July, to go to St. Louis for like four days. I tried to at least write in my notebook for this story, but I literally never had any time. We were constantly busy and doing _something_. And at night I was so exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I got back late Tuesday afternoon and then had soccer practice that night. _Then _I had to get up Wednesday morning to get ready to leave at noon for Atlanta for Warped Tour. I stayed at my boyfriend's dad's place until Saturday, and I just don't like writing around my boyfriend. Like reading and writing are the two things that I keep away from him because they're _my _things. So after I got back home, I began writing. And guess what... I was going to frickin update last Friday as my late birthday surprise thing, cause my birthday was the 2nd, (and this is the legit excuse) Mom didn't pay the Internet bill... So I was freaking out. She never paid it that day, and I had to go to my dad's this past weekend, so I was going to just update Sunday night. Turns out she _still _didn't pay the bill. I had a complete breakdown. I had a pretty stressful Sunday, and I just crawled into bed and slept. Mom finally paid the bill today, so here we are. So yeah... if you're still reading this, thanks for reading my rants. Since school starts back Wednesday, I will get a better updating schedule going. Summer is just always hard to get a constant updating thing going because there's a lot going on, but it WILL get better. Scout's honor! Please review! I love reading them all. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 3**

* * *

_You always play_  
_The starring role_  
_You could fill a room_  
_With all the hearts you stole_  
_I'm on this roller coaster_  
_Stuck inside the tangles of my mind_  
_Remember what you left behind  
**-** 'Take Me Home'  
_by The Downtown Fiction

* * *

Morning came sooner than I expected. My alarm blared, and I had to stifle an annoyed scream. In another world, if I was waking up in my old bed at home, I'd be thrilled. Today marks the last first day of my whole high school career, but I don't get to graduate with my best friend, or even the people with whom I grew up. I couldn't even imagine life in that parallel universe now. I already felt so disconnected to that time, and I knew it would always be like that now.

"Will you turn that god forsaken thing off?!" Kaelie screeched from across the room. I slammed my hand down on the snooze, surprised to hear Kaelie. She hadn't slept in our room since my first night at the institute.

I stood up and stretched slowly. I wasn't ready for class. I had only met a handful of kids at the institute, and absolutely none of them could constitute as 'normal'. I grabbed the uniform clothes and slipped out into the deserted hallway. It seemed like I was the only person awake on the whole eighth floor. I quickly showered and dressed in the very cliché uniform. The skirt hit mid thigh, and the socks hit right below my kneecap. I readjusted the gold and black tie under the red vest and refolded the sleeves on the white button up shirt to make a three-fourths sleeve.

After brushing my teeth and running my hands through my hair religiously, I headed back to my room. I knew Will would be at my door at exactly 7:30, as prompt as always, and I didn't want to make him wait. When I walked back into my room, Kaelie was still deep in her slumber, snoring quietly. With a quick glance at the clock, I knew she probably needed to get up for class.

I reviewed the rules and regulations sheets for the institute and found out that classes start at 8:30, and from what I've gauged from Kaelie, she took her sweet, precious time getting ready. I tapped her shoulder softly. "Hey, Kaelie, it's almost 7:30. I don't know when you wanted to get up, but I didn't want to leave you asleep." I whispered as she stirred.

"I'm getting up at like eight." she mumbled under her arm as she rolled over to peek at me.

"Are you getting breakfast?"

She laughed long and hard. "Absolutely not. I need to lose weight, and the food they serve here is practically _dripping_ in calories."

"But you're like tiny." I pointed out, feeling like a child as I said it. Kaelie probably just wanted to hear that she was little, and I fought the urge to lie and say she was huge.

"Obviously not. Jace wouldn't have dumped me if I wasn't fat." Kaelie snapped, sitting up and brushing back a stray hair from her loose ponytail.

"Kaelie, you're the same size as me." I sighed and walked back over to my bed to organize my bag for classes.

"Exactly. Jace doesn't want someone your size. Honestly, maybe you should sit out of breakfast too." When the words flooded out of her mouth, I knew she _thought _she was saying something helpful, but I couldn't help the urge to punch her in the throat. Although I was probably giving her the worst stink eye ever known to mankind, she continued talking. "I mean, you're short and all, but seriously, I doubt you wear a size zero or even a one."

I opened my mouth to snap at her, but then a knock at the door stopped me. Before I opened the door to probably face Will, I replied to her unknowing crassness, "Honestly, if you have to be a size zero to keep Jace, you don't need him. Oh, and I'm perfectly happy being a size three. Maybe you should take some notes." Then I swung the door open and grinned dauntingly over my shoulder at Kaelie's reddening face.

"Ready to stuff our faces and suffer in classes?" Will's low voice greeted me. I turned back toward him and was almost blown away by how startlingly striking he looked in the boys' designated uniform. His dark brown hair had recently just been dried and curled around his temples and ears with an almost perfect touch. He leaned against the door frame with his hands in the pockets of his dark grey slacks. He wore the white button up shirt and red vest with ease. His hands never wandered up to fiddle with his tie like most teenage boys did because they were uncomfortable. He exuded confidence, and he did it without even seeming to notice. "Clary? Are you in there?" He pulled a hand out of his pocket and waved it in front of my face.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." I faked a laugh, embarrassed. I was obviously ogling him, and by the sly grin on his face, he had noticed. "Let's go eat." I muttered as I shut the door and dragged him down the hallway. His soft chuckle echoed throughout the hallway as I stomped towards the elevator.

The ride down to lobby was silent and filled with multiple stops on almost every floor. It was suddenly like the institute actually had kids living in it. Almost every face was one that I hadn't seen yet. When the elevator doors opened on the bottom floor, everyone dragged slowly out; no one seemed happy that classes started today.

As we stepped into the café, I realized that the room seemed transformed from the few days I've seen it before. Instead of a few kids scattered in random seats throughout the room, the entire café was almost completely full. Will guided me over to the food line, and we waited in line quietly. I watched random kids of all ages walk past either trying to find an empty seat or going to throw their leftover food away.

"Hey Clary!" A small voice sounded behind Will and me in the line. Will and I both turned our heads to see Max pushing through the line to get to me. When he finally made it to us, he stopped and grinned at me. His uniform was already slightly rumpled from probably lying on it right after he put it on, and his tie was so loose that it looked like it was about to fall off.

"Hey, Max! Do you need help with that tie?" I asked as the line shifted up.

"Come on, Clary." Will murmured as he grabbed my hand.

Max blushed and fingered the ill-fitting tie. "Maybe a little," he answered.

I crouched down in front of him and tightened his tie, moving it to lie directly in the center of his chest. "There you go. Aren't you a handsome little devil?" I tapped his nose as he laughed brightly.

"You look pretty in your uniform, Clary!" he exclaimed as I stood up. I brushed my skirt down and patted his head.

"He's not lying, you know." Will breathed in my ear softly.

"Max, you're not bothering anyone, are you?" A girl who, although she was sporting the same outfit as I was, managed to look like a supermodel. Her long, black hair almost reached her waist, and I vaguely remembered her from the party from my first night at the institute.

"Oh, he's not bothering me." I said to her before smiling at him affectionately. He seemed almost like a little brother to me already, and he was probably the only normal person I knew here.

"Okay, well Max, be good in class." She touched his arm softly. "You're Clary, right? I'm Isabelle Lightwood, his older sister." She held out her hand toward me after a flick of a piece of her hair.

"Yeah, it's nice to officially meet you." I shook her hand and watched her eyes flick over to Will uncertainly. Her eyes seemed to communicate something to him that I couldn't quite recognize.

"That must mean we met at a party one night. Sorry, I kind of lose myself at parties." She shrugged half-heartedly and laughed easily, drawing my attention away from Will's tense stature.

"It's all right. I've kind of figured out how it is here." I replied as we moved through the line.

"Maybe we can party again soon. Sebastian throws some of the sickest parties during the school year. That's when we can smuggle better things in." She winked at me coyly and grabbed a plate. Will handed me the extra plate he had in his hand but remained uncharacteristically silent as he filled his plate up. Once we got to the end of the buffet tables, Alec was there waiting with food on his plate.

"There you are, Iz! You left me in the line." he complained bitterly. "Oh, hey, guys." He nodded at us awkwardly.

"I saw Max, here, with Clary and Will, so I went to see if he was bothering them. Then I made a new friend." She gestured at me with a grin. "Wanna sit with the gang? We usually scoot like four tables together, so we should have a seat for you." Isabelle said excitedly. She walked away quickly, not waiting for an answer from me or Will.

Alec grimaced after her and spoke softly, "Sorry about her. You get used to it pretty quickly though. Go sit with your friends, Max."

"Aw, Alec! That's no fair!" Max pouted with a stomp of his foot.

"Life's not fair, bud. This is the big kid table. You know how Camille and Jessamine can get…" Alec frowned at his little brother apologetically. "Maybe next time when they decide to skip out on breakfast."

"Fine. I'll see you later, Clary." Max scowled at Alec before walking towards a table of younger kids.

"Come on guys. Class starts soon." Alec headed in the direction that his sister left, and after a brief look at each other, Will and I followed.

As we approached the table, all the people stopped talking and looked up at us. "Oh, guys, this is Clary, for those of you who don't remember. She's new here, and I invited her to sit with us." Isabelle looked up from a conversation with a brown-haired boy and introduced me to the group.

Mumbles of greetings and hellos tumbled from the table, but only one person that sat near the end of the table caught my attention. His bright hair was all I could see because his head was bent down. One of his arms held his head up while the other lay flat on the dining table, and even though they weren't moving, I could see the thick cords of muscle that rippled through his arms. His plate was full and completely untouched, but he paid it no attention. Even if I couldn't see those golden orbs of his, I knew exactly who it was: Jace Herondale.

"Clary! Sit next to me!" A familiar voice pulled me away from the blunt stares I was giving Jace. Magnus, dulled down by his uniform that matched everyone else's, waved dramatically at me and motioned toward the two seats on his right. The only amount of color that Magnus wore was the multicolored glitter splashed across his hair.

I glanced over at Will, who gave me an approving nod, and made my way over to Magnus. "Hey, Magnus." I greeted him and took the seat next to him easily.

"Well, my my, don't you pull off these horrendous uniforms quite nicely!" Magnus teased me with a tug of my slowly drying hair. "And don't you look stunning, Mr. Nonchalant." Magnus turned his attention to Will as Will plopped down into the seat next to me.

Will shuffled in his seat uncomfortably for a moment before I slapped Magnus's arm softly. "No flirting with straight guys." "I berated him with a small smile.

"Don't you mean guys who are emotionally taken?" Magnus whispered back to me with a loud chuckle.

"Oh, hush!" I laughed and took a bite of my oatmeal. "You don't know what you're talking about." I mumbled back to him in between bites of food.

Will ate quietly with none of his usual witty remarks or ironic charm, and I couldn't bite back the feeling it gave me. He only acted like this when someone gave him the same look Isabelle did earlier or said something involving Tessa or his past. I didn't like these moods he got in, and I really didn't like how it was usually over Tessa. I liked Tessa; she seemed nice enough, but it still bothered me that something happened between herself and Will to make him act this way a lot. Even with the whole Tessa situation, I knew the reasons for his moods extended farther than whatever happened with Tessa. What I really wanted to know first, though, was what _did_ happen between the two of them. It seemed most important at the moment.

"Hey, Magnus…" I whispered to him. Everybody else seemed to be in his or her own conversations or ignoring everyone like Jace and Will were. Magnus looked up at me with his heavily glitter-covered eyes. "Why isn't Alec sitting with you? You two seemed to be getting along the other day." Alec sat down on the opposite end of the tables sulking, and I couldn't help but wonder why.

Magnus frowned at his food and pushed it away. His black and purple painted fingernails were bit down to the stub, and he lacked his bangles and wristbands. "We kissed last night, and _I_ want to be exclusive, but _he_ went on about how he couldn't do that. That we'd have to be secret, and Magnus Bane has no secrets, especially secret relationships. I asked him to at least tell his sister, who probably already knows, and he freaked out and we got into a bit of a fight. He hasn't spoken to me since."

"Aw, Magnus, it'll be okay. He's gotta come out on his own. You can't rush that." I consoled him, rubbing his arm softly.

He sighed deeply and fixed his yellow-green eyes on me. "I know, but still… I've never wanted commitment with someone, especially so quickly, and he just pushed me away."

I glanced subtly over at Will, who seemed to always be keeping me at some hidden distance. "He'll get past it. If he likes you as much as you like him, it's only a matter of time." And for some reason, my words seemed to be directed towards myself as well as Magnus.

* * *

Simon Lewis may not be the most popular guy at school. He may not be the most exciting. He probably isn't the funniest or even the smartest. But Simon Lewis is, and always will be one thing, and that's the most dependable. When he was younger, his older sister Rebecca would always depend on Simon's constant surrender to do all of his chores and hers as well. His mother always depended on Simon to be the person who kept Rebecca and herself balanced after his father died. Even his old band mates depended on him to come up with a new band name every time one of them got sick of the old one.

In the five years that Simon lived at The Shadow Institute, he had one solid friend—two if you counted the previously named friend's boyfriend—and he'd be lost without her. Maia Roberts, a fellow scholarship student at the institute, had instantly became Simon's closest friend when he first arrived at the school. Even after she started dating Jordan Kyle when they were all fifteen, the two friends remained close.

Now, Simon would never be considered a person who knew everything that was going on at school. He was actually quite lucky to know the day classes started, but when Clarissa Morgenstern arrived at the institute, Simon Lewis was no stranger to the rumors and talk that spread like wildfire throughout the entire institute. He knew Clarissa—well not know _know—_because his family is from New York, and her family is big stuff. The Morgenstern corporation is huge, and whenever Simon was home for the holidays, the Morgenstern family was a hot topic constantly. He knew a lot about the girl, probably more than anyone else at the institute. Before he moved back into the institute for his final year, his mom showed him the article about Clarissa Morgenstern's near death, and she talked about how it was "So tragic," and "A shame the parents couldn't help her,". You could only imagine the dismay his mom felt when they had another article out only two weeks later about how her parents were shipping her off to a boarding school. His mom was furious.

"_What kind of parents don't take care of their sick child when she's in desperate need of their attention and love?!" she had snarled as she slammed the newspaper down. "If they didn't want either of their children, then why didn't they just give them to someone who cares?"_

That was the first time that Simon realized Clarissa wasn't an only child. Her older brother had disappeared only a week after he graduated three years ago. Whenever his mom would talk about the Morgenstern family, Simon would feel a deep pang of sadness for the girl, but while he was at the institute, he rarely thought about her. Not this year, though. They would be graduating together.

Simon knew that they probably would never actually speak to each other. He already knew they were at two separate spectrums of the social chain. She was so beyond rich that she was practically untouchable, and the only reason he was even at the institute was because he was smart enough to get the scholarship grant. She was beautiful, a socialite at its finest, and he wore superhero t-shirts and spent his nights playing World of Warcraft.

But when she stepped into the classroom the very first day of Simon's final year at the institute, he was still stunned. The articles, magazines, and TV reports did the girl no justice. He knew she was tiny, especially after her latest breakdown with the anorexia, but when he saw that she barely made five foot exactly, he was shocked. With William Herondale, another untouchable at the institute, by her side standing at six-foot even, she looked especially small. Her fiery red hair curled untamed down past her shoulders, and he hadn't seen anyone look so innocent and adorable in the school's mandatory uniform ever.

Simon was no fool, though. He saw how William hovered beside her and watched her every move with an almost fierce protectiveness, but what he didn't expect was to see William's cousin Jace Herondale, sitting only two desks behind Clarissa, watch her with the same growing intensity. He thought he knew everything about the "untouchables" at The Shadow Institute. Jace Herondale was known for his constant sexual endeavors with Kaelie Rose, and his less noticeable undertakings with half the other females our age. He never seemed to care for one girl's feelings ever, and he never seemed to bother with watching out for a girl. He was a hit it and quit it type of guy—one who only lived for the thrill of the chase and kill. Then afterwards, the girl was nothing to him. Kaelie Rose was probably the only girl he went back to, and that's because she reeked of desperation for Jace. William, on the other hand, was a totally different story. No one but William, James, Jace, and his files knew what landed William his spot here at the institute, and none of them were exposing the story any time soon. Then something huge broke out between Tessa and William, but the story had gotten so distorted by rumors that no one is sure what actually happened between them, and William wouldn't tell anyone anyways. Ever since then, William distanced himself from everyone, including the untouchables, except for James Carstairs, who happened to be the only untouchable that was friends with everyone in the school. With their polar opposite personalities, Simon was still surprised that William and James were best friends.

"Stop staring, freak." Maia hissed in Simon's ear with her usual sadistically teasing tone.

"I wasn't staring. I got lost in my thoughts." Simon sighed and stared at his best friend. Maia wasn't tall, but she was definitely curvy. She had dark skin, and brown eyes and hair. Her hair was up in its usual array of braids, but that didn't stop Jordan from still sucking her face off. Jordan was special in the grouping of untouchables and scholars. The untouchables generally liked him, and he fit in well with them with his tall, broad-shouldered, yet slim figure, brown skin, dark, curly hair, high cheekbones, and startlingly hazel-green eyes, but he seemed to spend most of his time with Simon and Maia. Simon didn't really mind the boy, except when he got in his I'm-better-than-you attitudes, and even Maia would send him away toward the far end of the hall when he got like that.

Even in the classrooms, the divide between untouchables and scholars was obvious. The scholars took up the first three rows while the untouchables gravitated as far back as possible, generally taking the last three rows, if they even bothered to show up to class. They didn't have to maintain their grades to stay at the institute like the scholars, though. Mommy and Daddy's money bought their way in, and skipping three or four out of five days of classes wouldn't get them kicked out. The institute loved its flood of money from the parents of the problem children, and the person who created the institute would do anything to keep the money flowing and the rich parents happy.

Simon didn't really like the untouchables, with the exception of James. They were all always obnoxious, drunk, high, or a combination of the three. Most of them picked on the scholars whenever the two groups collided, and both groups worked avidly to stay as far away from each other as possible. Simon supposed that was the reason the first half of each floor was generally scholars and the second half was generally untouchables. It maintained the unspoken division law.

Distantly Simon heard Maia scoff at him loudly, but he didn't care at the moment because, although he didn't really like the untouchables, one of the most beautiful ones just glided through the door: Isabelle Lightwood. He'd had a crush on her ever since she arrived at the institute the year after he moved here. With her long, silky black hair, dark eyes, and gloriously long legs, she was the girl of any man's fantasies, but Simon saw something in her. Of course, he had never spoken to her before except for the one time she bumped into him in the hallway and he mumbled an apology before dashing to his room and almost having a panic attack.

He wasn't quite sure what he saw in the girl, but still he had the biggest crush on her forever. She was one of the worst untouchables, too. She got drunk at every single one of the parties, swapped boys like she swapped her purses—which was practically every two hours; Simon usually kept a tally going—and she had the most infamous attitudes to boot. But none of those things mattered because Simon knew she was hiding something under those skin-tight clothes and delicately perfect features, and one day he would find out what that thing was.

Isabelle strode past him and took the seat in between Clarissa and a boy with dark hair covered in glitter—another new untouchable. Simon knew he was staring at Isabelle, but what could he say? He had fallen hard for the girl, and maybe one day, the unspoken border between the untouchables and scholars would dissolve, and Simon would get his chance with Isabelle. He needed that chance. He only had about ten months to catch her attention before he lost that opportunity forever.

That was when Clarissa caught Simon staring at Isabelle, or Simon hoped that she just assumed he was looking in their general direction. Her lips pulled into a grin and she raised her hand in a wave. And she spoke the words that would probably destroy the boundary between the untouchables and scholars at The Shadow Institute forever. "Hey, do you wanna sit with us?"


	8. Chapter 8: What Are Friends For?

**Yeah, I know. Three weeks to update? Too long. Sorry. I've still been pretty busy. The beginning of school is hectic. But guess what? My boyfriend is officially moved off to college, so I'll actually have free time to write during the week! Yay! And I've even decided on a possible updating schedule. I'll try to update every Saturday. I feel like that's a good day because it's the weekend and I won't be stressing myself out to get it written. If I happen to get a chapter written before Saturday, I'll post it Friday, but knowing me it'll be Saturday or Sunday—if I happen to get bogged down during the week. BUT my plan to update weekly is a definite hope. Since I do have soccer going on right now, it may be every two weeks for a while, but as soon as the season is over, it will definitely be once a week. :D Oh, and this is very important. I have a serious/awesome announcement that will be at the end of this chapter, so if you read any of my author's notes, the one at the bottom of this page may be the most important. So, like, read it. Okay? Okay!**

* * *

_Alright listen, _  
_(Ohhhh) I see you ready, set, go, _  
_With unqualified pride, orders of your disguise explode._  
_Watch us double up on those who try to intimidate unaware eyes, _  
_Fabrications of a buster living within a lie._  
_If you come back you'll have to (get, get, get, get, get)_  
_Through all of us,_  
_We are the spark, _  
_That once would ignite a pilot light, _  
_Burning deep in your heart, the start._  
_Of making yourself out to be bigger than you really are_  
_- 'The Few That Remain'_  
by Set Your Goals ft. Hayley Williams

* * *

The silence that enveloped the room after I spoke to the boy was almost overwhelming. I literally just heard Isabelle's bobby pin fall on the floor. I didn't bother to take my eyes off the boy because I already knew everyone was staring. So, instead, I focused all my attention on him. He had brown, floppy hair that fell just above his eyes, which were hidden behind a small, crooked pair of circular glasses. He was tall and lean, and it seemed like he didn't have much muscle tone, and the longer I stared at him, the more he reminded me of Max.

The boy's lips were frozen in a confused 'o', and he looked almost frightened. Not surprisingly the first person to speak up wasn't him. "No, he's perfectly fine here." The girl sitting next to him replied. She was dark-skinned and had her brown hair in multiple braids. A boy sitting behind her was whispering something fervently to her, but it seemed to be making her more upset. "No, Jordan! I'm not gonna let this little princess pick on my best friend. I'm sick of all their stupid games."

When I glanced at Will, who was giving me a minute shake of the head, I felt even more confused. What was going on? What was she talking about? "I'm not quite sure I know what you mean… he was just looking back here, and I thought maybe he wanted to sit with us." I said with another pointed look at the boy with glasses.

"You untouchables are all the same. Maybe we don't want to be invited over to sit with you. Not everyone worships the dirt you walk on." she snapped, pushing Jordan away from her. I distantly remembered seeing him at the party the other day.

_Untouchables?_ I opened my mouth to question her, but beside me Isabelle slammed a fist down on her desk. "Maybe you're just upset because she invited your little friend to sit with us and not you. We all know that you're a jealous little freak. If Jordan and Simon both hang out with us, you'd be all alone. Boo frickin' hoo! This is exactly why we don't invite you all to our parties." Isabelle hissed, glaring at the girl. "Forget about them, Clary." she tacked on at the end before flipping the girl with the dark hair off.

Before the girl could reply, a young woman walked into the classroom followed by Jessamine and Kaelie. "I think this may be the first time I've ever walked into this class and it's been silent. What's up?" The woman spoke easily to the class with a smile on her face. She was a very small woman, almost child-size, with thick brown hair knotted at the nape of her neck, and a neat, clever little face with bright, dark eyes like a bird's. When no one answered, she continued speaking. "Tired, hm? Oh, look, new students!"

She flitted over to the board and wrote her name on it. "My name is Charlotte Branwell. You may call me Charlotte, Mrs. Charlotte, Mrs. Branwell, or whatever your little hearts desire. Except for any crude nicknames. We're all adults or almost adults here, and I believe we can handle ourselves accordingly."

"Oh, Mrs. Charlotte, we know this already!" Jessamine whined, dropping her head on the desk with a thud.

Mrs. Charlotte rolled her eyes daintily and grinned at me. "So what's your name, sweetie?"

"You don't know who she is?! That's _the _Clarissa Morgenstern." The girl with the braids scoffed. Mrs. Charlotte raised her eyebrows but didn't reply.

"She goes by Clary." Isabelle growled, narrowing her eyes into menacing slits.

"I do believe she can speak for herself." Mrs. Charlotte amended, waving off both of their attitudes, like it was an often occurrence that the two of them squabbled.

"Are you sure? She may be too good to speak to the likes of us. She probably has a hired spokesperson to speak to everyone who is under her social status." The girl I named Braids sent me a harsh glare, eyes glinting hatefully.

I still couldn't wrap my head around the girl's obvious disdain for me. What had I done to her? This was the first time I've ever even seen her since I had moved here. A pang of nausea rolled through me as Isabelle and the girl bickered back and forth, Mrs. Charlotte standing back, as stunned as the rest of us.

I shifted uneasily in my seat as another pang of nausea ripped through me. Suddenly I found myself regretting eating breakfast; I felt like I was going to be revisiting the omelet and apple I had just minutes before. I made a move to get out of my seat, but Will grabbed my arm and gave me a deep, hard look. "I feel like I'm about to be sick," I whispered. Will opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted immediately.

Before I could actually run out of the room, the sound of a desk being shoved back silenced the room once again. "What the _hell_ is your problem, Maia? You're such a damn hypocrite, spouting off all these things about a girl you don't even _know_! Get off your pedestal and back off her. She hasn't done anything to you or rat-boy, so shut up and let her speak for herself. _Damn! _As if you aren't dating an "untouchable" anyways." Jace exclaimed, using finger quotes on 'untouchable' and ranting angrily before sitting back in his desk that had moved halfway into the aisle, not bothering to fix it.

Rat-boy—or Simon, I guess—looked embarrassed, his face a dark red. Maia clenched and unclenched her hands, but she didn't reply to Jace. Everyone else also remained silent, so Mrs. Charlotte decided to regain control of the class. "And, uh, what's your name?" she thankfully turned the attention to Magnus.

"Magnus Bane, ma'am. And if anyone has anything to say about Clary or me, you might as well get it out, hm? We untouchables only pencil in time to listen to you mundanes every once in a while. Wouldn't want to miss your chance." Magnus quirked a single eyebrow up, waiting for anyone to speak. "No one? That's odd. Not even you, Maia? Oh well… Maybe next month." He shrugged petulantly and winked at me.

At any other time, the gesture would've made me smile—heck, having both Isabelle and Jace stand up for me would've been incredible all in its own—but I still felt awful, and even more nauseous. I still wanted to throw up, and Simon still stared at me apprehensively, probably coming up with another insult to throw at me. That thought was all it took for me to stand up and walk out of the classroom without a second glance back.

* * *

"I think maybe you should leave Clary alone." Jace spoke quietly, but feverishly. Classes had just let out, and Will and Jace were in one of the many long, dark hallways of the school part of the institute. People passed by them, but none gave them more than a second glance.

Will wasn't in the mood for Jace's chauvinistic attitude today; Isabelle had given him _the _look—pretty much the same look he's gotten from everybody lately since he started spending time with Clary. He didn't even know how to describe _the _look, but Will knew it perfectly. It was filled with a mixture of concern and sympathy and always came from people who knew about what landed him here and what happened between Tessa and Will. Then Maia had to go and act like a stuck up wench and upset Clary, as if it isn't hard enough for Will to get her to open up when she isn't distressed. Now, Will didn't even know where she had ran off to, and Jace had to stop him and try to preach to him like he wasn't the guy who used girls for sex.

"Why should I do that?" Will growled, fighting off the impatience growing inside of him. Will knew this was going to end up taking a large amount of his time that he had planned on using to find Clary and cheer her up or something.

"Because she obviously already has issues, and your history isn't going to help her any. What if you hurt her like you—"

"Will you shut up, Jace? You act like I don't think about that _every single god damned day_!" Will shoved him in the chest, knocking him against the old, unused lockers.

"Or what if you just screw her over like you did Tessa, huh?" he continued, unfazed by Will's violence.

Will grabbed the collar of Jace's shirt and dragged him inches away from his face. "It's none of your damn business what happens between me and Clary. You screw every girl over in this school. Clary is none of your concern. I don't need your _brotherly _advice." Will seethed through clenched teeth before releasing Jace and turning away.

Jace laughed bitterly. "You didn't let me finish, _William_." Will had made it halfway down the hallway, but Jace's dark tone made him spin around and glare at the golden boy. "We both know your violent. I doubt you could even handle her or whatever has happened in her past, for that matter. But that's okay… because I'm interested in her, and she's no longer any of _your _concern." Jace's golden eyes shone brilliantly as the words escaped him.

"What the hell does that mean?" Will's hands automatically tightened into fists, the blood pumping painfully through his fingers.

"It _means _that Clary is mine. She doesn't need you anymore." Jace smiled sadistically as he watched Will react.

In less than a second, Will was back in Jace's face. "Clary isn't _yours_, and if you want to make this a war, then bring it on. There's no way she'd choose you over me. Hell, there's no way she'd even choose you over _anyone."_

Jace didn't back down. In fact, he chuckled in Will's face before spitting out, "I don't think you quite understand what I'm saying. _You've already lost_." Will shoved Jace back and raised his fist and slammed it against the lockers right next to Jace's head; Jace remained stoic, not allowing himself to flinch. Pushing past Will with a taunting smirk on his face, Jace disappeared down the hallway right before Thomas, one of the many workers at the institute, appeared where Jace had just left.

"William, you have a phone call." he called out and gestured toward the way back to the main lobby of the institute.

"I have a what?" Will asked in confusion. He never got calls. His dad was a drunk gambler and his mom was a depressed wreck. There was never any time to pencil in time to talk to their only son.

"A call, you know, on one of them telephones." He grinned at Will before vanishing back down the hallway.

As Will walked back to the main building of the institute, thoughts of his past dredged themselves into the front of his mind. He knew better than to get his hopes up. More than likely it was some distant family who just wanted to call and check on him. No one in his remote family even spoke to him anymore other than his younger sister Cecily, and she only wrote to him. He couldn't remember the last time she heard his voice. She called him once right after he and Jace arrived at the institute, but Mrs. Herondale snatched the phone up and ended the call immediately. Ever since then, he had been too scared, too weak, to try to call her back.

Most of the people in the main lobby paid Will no attention, but one person gripped the sleeve of his blazer, and stopped him right before he got to the room with the phones. Isabelle stared at him expectantly. "What? I have a call." Will said, the seed of anxiety beginning to branch its way through his stomach.

"No one can find Clary." Isabelle pinched her nose as Will sized her up. "I know, I know! You told us just to leave her alone, but Magnus is worried about her." she exclaimed, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Look, I have to take this call. When I'm done with it, I'll look for her. Until then, everyone needs to leave her alone. And if you do find her, _keep her away from Jace_." Will seethed, feeling the urge to punch something else. The locker from earlier did nothing to quench his anger, and it didn't even leave a mark on his scar-covered hands.

"Do I even want to know why?" Isabelle asked as Will fidgeted, obviously wanting to get away. "Nevermind, explain it to me later. Bye." She raised a quick hand in the motion of a wave, and spun around on her heels.

It took less than a minute for Will to close the space between him and the door to the phone room. He quickly opened it, glanced around to see if anyone was watching, and entered the room. As he moved toward the first phone cubby, his heart raced. What if it was his mom? Or, even worse, his dad?

He reached toward the phone with a shaky hand and raised it to his ear, not bothering to sit down. "Hello?"

"Finally! Jesus, did you take long enough?" Although it had been four years since he'd heard her voice, he instantly recognized it— the usually patronizing voice came as no surprise.

"Sorry, I had to walk across the whole institute to get to the phone. Does Mom know you're on the phone with me?" Will slid into the seat, too stunned to do much else.

"I'm not an idiot. Of course she doesn't." Cecily snapped. "Anyways, that's not what's important."

"Then what is important?" Will's heart dropped into his stomach. What if his parents had finally decided to cut him off? What if their dad had died from a failed liver? What if their mom killed herself, too emotional to carry on?

"We're moving into a new house. Dad lost everything last night in a ridiculously stupid gamble—even for him." Her tone was demeaning, not in the least upset about the move, just mad because their dad was constantly making the Herondales look like fools.

"Where are you moving? You can't leave there. What about Ella's grave?" Will felt himself slowly losing it. Just saying Ella's name brought back the memories, the fears, and the scars. If they moved away from their house in Tennessee, it would be like Ella never even existed. He gripped the phone in a vice-like grip and fought to stay sane through the conversation.

"We're not moving far. This man employed Dad. Gave us one of his mansions to live in. It's sad that a stranger is willing to help us out, but good ole' Gen refuses to." Cecily's voice turned to ice at the mention of their Grandmother Imogen Herondale; Gen was the name the siblings called her when they were younger. Before Will could think of a response, Cecily continued speaking. "It doesn't matter where we move anyways... Mom hasn't visited Ella since you left, and Dad's never gone to the cemetery. And, um, I'm trying to talk Gen into paying for me to move into the institute.

That was the bomb. That was all this call was really about, and Will would be damned if Cecily joined him at this hellhole. "Absolutely not, Cecily. I leave here in a year. You'll be stuck here with people who will screw your life up. I'm not allowing it."

"I didn't ask for your permission. It's Gen's money, not yours, and she's the one making the decision. At least I'd be safe there. At least I'd have a constant home there. _You haven't been living with our parents_. Dad is never home at night, and when he is home, he's asleep. Mom hasn't had a real conversation with anyone since she screamed at me for calling you four years ago. I don't even have friends here to talk to, and now I have to move schools. If I have to start over, I'd rather do it with you by my side."

"I understand where you're coming from, but none of this would've happened if it weren't for me. You'd be getting into far more trouble moving here with me than staying there for three more years." Will sighed, knowing he had already lost this battle. Cecily was a lot like Jem but in a completely different way. While they were both ridiculously stubborn, Jem was that guy that did everything he could to help people—even when helping was nearly impossible. Cecily, however, did everything for one reason… just to be hardheaded.

"None of this was—or is—your fault. You shouldn't even be there. I don't care what anyone says, you didn't hurt Ella. Just because you can't remember anything from that night doesn't mean what the investigators said is true. _It's not your fault_. And like I said, I wasn't calling to get your permission. I figured you'd rather actually hear me say all this instead of read it in a letter. Now you can feel like you did all you could do to sway me out of it. I'm pretty sure Gen is up for it. She's been begging me to move in with her, so this would be like the second best." Cecily dropped her voice into a whisper.

"I guess Mom's home?" I guessed as Cecily breathed softly into the phone. I could hear the sounds of echoing footsteps on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, I've gotta go. Maybe I'll see you soon. Love you."

"I love you too, Cecily. Stay strong." I whispered right before the phone clicked, signaling the disconnected line.

As if trying to handle Clary wasn't enough… Cecily would turn the whole institute upside down.

* * *

"I can't believe Jace had the _audacity _to come at me like that! Those damn untouchables are so condescending. _'I'm Jace Herondale, and because I'm hot and rich, I can sleep with whomever I want and talk shit to everybody,'_" Maia mimicked the worst impersonation of Jace ever and threw one of the books Mrs. Charlotte gave to the class after the disruptions of the day.

"I think you're overreacting." Simon mumbled, retrieving the book and setting it on Maia's bedside table.

"I'm _overreacting_? How's that?" she snarled at the boy in glasses, twitching her fingers back toward the book.

Simon picked up the book and placed it in the drawer, knowing Maia wouldn't have the patience to open a drawer to throw something. "Clary literally did nothing wrong, and you snapped at her. He was just standing up for her."

"She was picking on you!"

"No, she invited me to sit with her. I hardly doubt that she had some sneaky plan to embarrass me in front of the class. I don't think she even realized that there is a separation of students. She looked completely confused when you started talking about untouchables. All you did was start a war between yourself and Isabelle, which is obviously the worst position you could ever put yourself into." Simon sat on Maia's bed and thought back to Isabelle's quick words to defend Clary. It seemed like everybody had instantly been captured by the small girl's personality, Simon included.

"Why's that? Cause you'd choose Isabelle over me in a second?" Maia snapped, throwing another object across the room. Glass shattered onto her roommate's bed.

"You better clean that up. Sophie won't be happy with you." Simon put his head in his hands and rubbed his face before looking back up at Maia's displeased frown. He knew that she was waiting for his answer. "Look Maia, you're my best friend. I'd never choose Isabelle over you, but you shouldn't have acted like that today. It was uncalled for, and Isabelle had the right to stick up for Clary. Next time choose a target that hasn't caught the attention of every untouchable at the school."

"Whatever. What I'm really pissed at is the fact that Jordan is playing football with Jace right now. Shouldn't Jordan be like fighting him for talking to me like that?" Maia joined Simon on her bed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"He didn't really say anything too bad. Isabelle's the one who really insulted you. I think Jace may have a soft spot for Clary." Simon muttered, remembering the fiercely protective face that Jace wore as he burst out in class.

"Yeah, I guess… I just can't wait to graduate. If going here didn't make my transcript for college look a million times better, I'd be back in Oklahoma." Maia sighed before standing back up. "I guess I'm gonna clean the glass up. I'll see you later."

Simon knew Maia wanted to be alone, but he had decided to wait for her to send him off like this because he knew that if he didn't, Maia would've ripped his head off for being inconsiderate. So when Maia began to shoo him off, he knew exactly what his plan was to do after this.

Once Maia's door shut behind him, he started the long journey down the hallway toward the untouchables half of the floor. He had never gone past room 849 in his whole entire experience at The Shadow Institute, and the feeling he got as soon as he passed the door was one of true terror. The untouchables didn't normally welcome scholars, and the ones they did were rare occurrences. Simon was on a mission, though.

As soon as classes let out earlier, he went straight to the front desk to face Miss. Dark. He knew he needed to talk to Clary, but the only problem with that plan was that no one he was friends with knew what room she stayed in. You know what they say, drastic measures call for drastic plans. He wasn't quite sure what he was planning on saying to her, but he felt like he needed to at least apologize for Maia's behavior and explain why he acted like a complete freak.

The hall was empty, but he could hear loud music and conversations from the insides of the rooms. Clary's room was on the very end of the hallway, and Simon's stomach clenched tightly with each step he took. Once he was in front of room 890, he thought he was going to throw up. He raised a fist and knocked tentatively at the door.

"WHAT?!" Kaelie Rose yanked the door open and stared at Simon with eyes full of annoyance. Then she froze and stared at Simon in bewilderment. "Uh, who are you?"

"Simon Lewis. I stay on the other end of the hallway. I was wondering if Clary was in there…" Simon muttered, feeling more and more embarrassed as Kaelie stared at him with a perfectly plucked eyebrow arched up.

"Oh, you're that girl Maia's friend." Her nose scrunched up in disgust. "I guess you can't control what your friends do… Look, I'll be nicer to you than I've been to everyone else. Clary isn't in here. When I got back here after classes ended, she wasn't in here. I don't know where she disappeared to. Everyone has come by here looking for her, and I just want some frickin' peace and quiet. If I had any clue where she was, I'd tell you—honest. But, I barely know her, so I don't know where she would go to be alone. Sorry." Kaelie shrugged and with a sympathetic smile, she shut the door in Simon's face.

He knew that he should've given up then. Everyone else probably already did, but Simon had something else on his side. He knew Clary from multiple magazine articles that his mom read to him and his sister in New York. He knew the things she did back at home, and Simon had a small inkling of an idea of where she would be. He immediately made his way to the elevator and pushed the bottom button.

As soon as he entered the cool, damp room, Simon lost hope in finding Clary. Maybe the articles never had much truth in them except for when it was a huge story that everyone knew beforehand anyways. There were two pools at the institute—the one outside for relaxing and pampering and the one that was never used. Simon was at the one that was never used. It was in one of the older buildings of the institute, and it used to be used as the pool for swim meets. Swimming had lost its glamour soon after the institute filled up with students, so the pool room was always deserted.

Simon turned to exit the building, but a small splash stopped him in his tracks. Then more water splashing echoed throughout the empty building. Simon carefully walked toward the pool, looking out for anyone in the pool. Then she swam into view. She was wearing a green bikini and swimming hard from one end of the pool to another, back and forth. With all her focus, it was almost like she was competing in a swim match. Simon watched her with fascination. So the articles about swimming being one of her major escapes wasn't lying. She did do this often.

Finally Clary came to a stop and leaned against the edge of the pool, taking deep, loud breaths of air. She pulled herself out of the pool and grabbed a towel lying on the ground. She toweled off and walked toward Simon. For a moment Simon thought she was going to walk right by him without even noticing his presence, but then she froze and stared at him with wide, emerald eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice wasn't mean, nor was is hard. She just seemed sincerely surprised to find him there.

"I wanted to apologize to you for my friend Maia. She doesn't think before she speaks, and it's kind of like word vomit all the time." Simon said hurriedly before he chickened out. "And, um, I wanted to say sorry for not replying to you in class. People like you normally don't ask people like me to sit with you. I was sorta too stunned to talk."

She raised her eyebrows at him before smiling softly. "It's fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. I'm not used to a hierarchy in school. I was friends with everyone back in New York, so I didn't really expect your friend to react that way. I should've known better."

"Well, we all should've acted better than that… so I was wondering if we could just start over? I'm Simon Lewis, and you're Clary Morgenstern. It's nice to actually meet you. I'm from New York too." Simon extended a hand, trying to fix his blunder from class earlier.

Clary didn't hesitate to take his hand. "It's nice to meet you. Would you like to eat dinner with me tonight? I don't really want to be found by anyone else tonight, so I grabbed some food to eat here." She gestured to a couple of to-go boxes sitting on the bleachers from the café.

Simon grinned at her and nodded. "Sure. I'm not really in the mood for people either."

"Great! I kind of went crazy and grabbed a little bit of everything, so the choices are a bit random. Sorry. I didn't think I'd actually be found. Sebastian promised me that no one comes to this pool." She walked toward the bleachers behind Simon and opened all the to-go boxes.

They sat down across from each other, and Simon couldn't help the sigh that escaped him as the scents of the food surrounded him. "It's fine. This all looks great."

They began picking at the food in a comfortable silence, exchanging small talk. Then Clary put down a roll and stared at Simon with heavy eyes. "Since you're from New York, you must've read a lot of stuff about me, huh?" Simon nodded his head as he chewed his own roll. "So that means you know why I'm here, don't you?" Her eyes widened in fear and she chewed on her lip as she waited for his answer.

"I think so." Simon replied softly, knowing that even though the red-haired girl in front of him seemed pretty happy, she had been dragged down by a lot of trauma.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that the _real _reason I'm here was never released because my dad paid off a lot of people to keep that a secret… but do you think that we could just keep all of my past a secret? I'm not ready to deal with everything yet, and I don't think the people here are very forgiving with stuff like that." Clary pleaded him, dropping her eyes as she spoke of her dad and her past.

Simon reached over and touched her arm softly. "Of course. Your secrets are safe with me. What are friends for anyways?"

Clary raised her eyes to meet his and grinned at him. "So we're friends?"

Simon didn't have to even consider his answer. "Absolutely."

* * *

**IMPORTANT: READ THIS! I have a goal I want to complete with this story, and I need you guys to help me accomplish it. I want to get to 100 reviews by chapter ten of this story. So I decided that I would do something crazy for each person who reviews before I post the 11th chapter. If I get to 100 reviews or higher, I'll write and send a somewhat personalized "Deleted Scene" between the characters of each reviewers choice that reviews from today until I post chapter 11. There is no limit of people that can get a deleted scene. (So that means if you're reviewer 101, you'll get a deleted scene) The cut off is people who review on or after the date I post chapter 11. So pretty much, your goal as reviewers is to have an account for me to PM you the Deleted Scene, and in your review—after you review my story—Post any pairing you want the deleted scene to be about and any details you want, and YES I WILL DO LEMONS. I don't know how good I am at them, but if you REALLY want lemons, I'll try uber hard for you guys cause I love you all so much. Now, keep in mind that this story is at the beginning, so relationships aren't actually formed yet, so the deleted scene won't apply to like now. It's just set in this story's universe. That also means that if you want a Will/Tessa, Jace/Clary, Simon/Clary, etc., those characters may or may not actually end up together in the story. This is all for fun, got it? It DOES NOT apply to the actual plot of this story. So yeah, get to reviewing! I'll probably explain this better at the beginning of next chapter if it doesn't make sense. ****(It's late and I'm rushing to get this posted) **Also, some people may get the same deleted scene if they're asking for the same thing. And I will only send the deleted scenes if we make it to 100 by chapter 10, so hop on it guys! I really want to write these for you all ^.^

**Oh, and if you have any questions about what I just mentioned ^ or the story in general don't be afraid to ask it in a review or to PM any questions. I will answer them! But if it contains spoilers I'll have to PM you the answer, so anons be sure to ask questions that won't spoil the story for others. I think I've gotten a review about someone being confused with TID characters in this story, and I don't know how to unconfuse you without further explanation, so seriously... Ask questions, demand answers. I will answer everyone who wants explanations. **


	9. Chapter 9: Confessions and Courage

**First of all HOLY CRAP, BMP got to exactly 100 reviews. Can I say how amazing you all are? You're like the best. So that means I have like a few things to address... First, yeah, I know I didn't update Friday, Saturday, OR Sunday. Yeah, my bad. I didn't really think that one through. I go to my dad's house every other weekend and he doesn't have wifi for my laptop, so every other weekend I won't be able to post on Saturdays... So every other weekend it'll either be Friday or Sunday. (Or Monday when I've had a hectic week... sorry.) But hey! I'm updating super close to when I said I will, so claps for that? :D Anyways, so I was at my dad's this past weekend, and I did some serious thinking about this story and I realized that this is gonna end up being a pretty dynamic story. I decided I want this to include everyone's relationships—or a lot of them at least—although it will be centered around Clary, Jace, and Will, I will have some little drabbles of other relationships. I mean, what story is good without Sizzy and Malec? So this is going to be a pretty long story... Sorry for those of you who that affects. (I really hope y'all don't mind it being pretty long... I kinda like this story) **

**But anyways, yeah, that's about it for my epiphany... on to the most important thing. 100 reviews already! Omfg. To better explain what I said last chapter, I will try to write this as slowly and calmly as possible. Now that we're already at 100 reviews, I will be writing what I am calling deleted scenes. Everyone who reviewed after I posted last chapter up until I post the 11th chapter will get one. You, the reviewer, get to choose who is in your deleted scene and the theme. (romantic, fluffy, sad, even lemons—if you desire it) It is all up to you! But you have to review... BUT remember that if you ask for a certain couple to have a scene, it may not actually apply to the story. For example, if someone asks for a Tessa/Will deleted scene and I write a super fluffy scene between the characters, that DOESN'T mean it happened or will happen in the story. It is just using the setting and characters of this story. This is just for fun and a treat to my reviewers, so don't let the deleted scene confuse you with the story. It DOES NOT change what will happen in the story. Below this I am going to post the reviewers who get a deleted scene so far. I will be PM all of you to get further information about what you want in the deleted scene, but that will probably happen tomorrow. To those of you who haven't reviewed yet, you can still get one if you review. The deadline cuts off when I post the 11th chapter. Got that? So if you review before the 11th chapter is posted you WILL get a deleted scene. Of course, you will all have to give me time, though. I still want to update this story weekly, so it might take some time for me to get to all of you. Thanks for all your support! **

**People who get a deleted scene (tell me if I missed you. I'm tired and trying to get this up so I can go to bed. And if your name is spelled wrong, sorry. I know who are, I'm just going back and forth from my reviews): _Little Redx, MoonLitStarss, ruthnickcj, Nikki Gargol, Half-blood-GallagherGirl13, Drkness'sDaughter, demongirl89, Lexia Clark, Skylar Day, PheonixTear11089, jspyv, Bookworm and Lover, yocel, , TheGrandGiftOfSilence, fangirl18, 000-justsmile-000, GirlWithASoul, graceiswigley, Blue eyed fantasies, Carlz19, Mylove1508, Cupcake2312, gottalovetheboywiththebread, jackyb, missmatchedxoxo1723.  
_**

**I will probably message you all tomorrow with a basicquestionnaire about what you want your deleted scene to be about. It'll probably be like five questions, give or take. Thanks again for all the support and PLEASE continue to support this story. Each review you all give me makes me feel so great. And anyone who has any questions about the story or anything else, PM me. I will reply. Oh, and to Skylar Day: Absolutely not. Simon is in love with Isabelle. Clary doesn't need anymore guys falling over her. Two Herondales is just enough. Haha (: I kind of just scanned the reviews and that caught my attention. If anyone else wants to know something just ask! Okay, this A/N is far too long now. Sorry guys .**

* * *

_Look at me now  
Take a look at what I've become  
Don't thank yourself I'm finally someone  
Look at me now  
You raised me well I'll give you that  
But in my face you surely spat  
Would you look at me now  
Why do I Justify what you did wrong to me  
'A Mess It Grows' _by He Is We

* * *

The next morning I got up early and walked to the café by myself. After our impromptu dinner the night before at the abandoned swimming pool, Simon and I spent the next couple of hours just getting to know each other. I mainly asked him questions about his family and himself because he had pretty much read my life story in tabloids. Of course I also answered questions about whether or not the things he read were true. Simon was the first person that I talked to that I didn't have to consider my answer before saying it; I just answered him. Then I went straight to my room, ignoring everyone who knocked on my door. I knew Will would probably be upset at me, and that was part of the reason why I decided to eat breakfast so early. I didn't think I could face him yet.

I grabbed a cup of coffee—black, lots of sugar—and a doughnut before I walked out the back door of the café that led outside. I didn't want to get caught off guard by anyone who decided to straggle into breakfast early for any odd reasons. I headed towards the giant white gazebo Jace and I had spent an afternoon in together and took a seat, listening to the songs of the birds.

As I sipped my coffee, my mind drifted. I realized that it had almost been a week since I'd arrived at the institute, but it seemed like so much longer. I already had a good idea of who my friends and enemies were, though I wasn't quite sure what Jace and Will were to me. I couldn't help but take a pause when I thought of either one of them. They were both so different, but so much alike, too. Jace was like sunshine, all brightness and lighting up a room with his personality. Will was like night time, soothing but dark. And, I knew that they were both harboring mysterious secrets just like me. I also knew that if I got closer to either one of their secrets, they'd get just as close to mine. That was something I definitely couldn't allow.

Neither Jace or Will would want a girl like me if they knew about what Sean did to me or what happened because of his actions. Sean had broken me, shattered my heart and body into a million irreplaceable pieces. No matter how hard I tried to put myself back together, I just hurt myself with the damaged bits of myself. It was still hard to come to terms with what Sean had done to me, and the worst thing about all of it was when I told my parents, my dad did nothing about it. Valentine just let Sean go—no court case, no trial, no suing for rape and abuse of a minor. To Valentine it was all my fault. _That_ was why I could never forgive the man. _That's_ why he was no father of mine. My parents and I were the only ones who knew what Sean did to me. We didn't even tell Jonathan; that was mostly my decision, though, because Jonathan would've done things that he would instantly regret.

That was the one thing the press didn't get a hold of when they started their nonstop coverage of my so-called meltdown. Valentine had paid off anyone _and_ everyone who even had an inkling of an idea that I had been ruined, and, yes, that included Sean and his family.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jace's musical voice whispered from across me.

I jumped, startled. I had been too deep in my thoughts to notice that Jace had joined me with his own cup of coffee. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine." My voice came out strained. Subconsciously I realized that I wouldn't be able to continue pretending like everything was fine for much longer. I was edging toward a breakdown that would completely turn my world around.

"Clary, you're crying." His fingers brushed under my eyes and captured the teardrops that had fallen. Quickly I rubbed my arm across my face, picking up the remainder of the wetness and shook my head.

"I'm fine." I said more firmly, shifting away from him and looking out at the flowers surrounding the gazebos. Mostly red roses were twined around the gazebo, reminding me of Sean and how he would always get me red roses every time he hit me or cut me. It was like him saying, "I'm not really sorry, and I'm gonna do it again, but roses make everything better." This time I actually felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"You don't have to talk to me about it. I'll just hug you and pick you flowers from the meadow I showed you. There's huge patches of forget-me-nots and white peonies everywhere." He leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Just between me and you, roses aren't even that romantic. They're far too overplayed."

I grinned at his unknowingly perfect statement. How Jace managed to make me forget all my worries was completely beyond me, but at that moment I didn't care. "You want to go to the meadow, then? Class doesn't start for another hour and a half." I suggested.

Jace nodded eagerly and dropped his coffee cup in the garbage can that was located outside of every gazebo. I followed his example, and we left, heading off to our own little safe haven.

* * *

The meadow was different in the early morning. The sun was only able to cut through a few places in the trees, and birds were everywhere. I sat with my legs crossed Indian-style while Jace picked flowers and put them in my hair.

Every time he placed a flower in my hair, he'd brush a finger across my cheek or neck, giving me instant chill bumps. He would grin devilishly at me and pick another flower to do it all over again. "If I asked what you did to get yourself here, would you tell me?" Jace asked suddenly with serious, caramel eyes.

"I'd tell you part of it, but not the biggest thing that happened… I haven't told anyone the whole story." I answered as I picked a flower and twirled it between my fingers, avoiding his stare.

"Will you tell me part of it, then?" His breath caught as I placed the flower delicately in his hair. I brushed back the golden hair that fell over his eyes and nodded softly.

As I told him everything about my brother leaving, my parents fighting and then them not even caring, Callie dying, and my anorexia problem, I found myself wanting to say more. Before I could fully think over the words, I blurted out, "My ex-boyfriend abused me. It wasn't bad until after Callie died, but when I stopped using drugs, it got awful. I haven't even seen him since like May after he landed me in the hospital for the millionth time, but he still keeps me awake at night, scared to death."

Jace was quiet, and I realized with intense horror what I had just said. I stood up quickly with an excuse on the tip of my tongue, but, before I could say anything, Jace was standing too and pulled me into his chest. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, but you don't deserve that. You would never deserve that." he mumbled into my hair, He pulled me back down into the grass and continued to hold me. "Can I tell you something?" he questioned after a moment of silence. He brushed fingertips under my eyes, capturing the tears I didn't even notice had fallen. _Well this is the second time I've cried in front of him today_.

I sniffled and bobbed my head up and down, looking at him uncertainly. I didn't even really understand how our friendship had gotten to this point. I just confided into him one of the biggest and worst things of my past, and he didn't even bat an eye. Suddenly, I wondered what it would be like to tell him the full story about Sean, but with quick dismay I knocked that idea away immediately.

"I really want to tell you why I'm here, but you have to promise that you won't run off until I at least finish the story. Okay?" He clasped his hands together tightly as he waited for my answer.

His story would be the first one I've actually heard other than Magnus's, and suddenly I was afraid, but I pried one of his hands away from the other and held it tightly. "Okay." I nodded at him to begin, and he smiled sadly in return.

"Okay, well, I've gotta start at the very beginning… My mom committed suicide before I was even born. She had never been truly happy with my dad because she knew he didn't love her like she loved him. He was married before her, but my grandparents didn't approve of his relationship with the first woman he married, and they forced him to divorce her and marry my mom."

"Kind of like how Will's parents moved away from his dad's parents because they didn't want Will's dad to marry his mom?" I asked, interrupting him as I remembered one of mine and Will's first conversations.

Jace nodded and continued, "Yeah, except my dad _needed_ his parent's approval… so Dad—when he found my mom, he had to cut me out of her. She was far enough along that I had developed enough to live through something like that. She hadn't been dead for long, probably not even fifteen minutes when Dad found her, so it didn't really affect me physically. I was just a little premature."

Jace paused and stared at the waterfall for a moment. "Dad took care of me by himself. He was a great father. He wasn't around very much, but he was still great nonetheless. Then, right before I turned five, he was killed by a robber at the bank. He took two bullets—one in the chest and one in the head. He always tried to be the hero,"—Jace laughed humorlessly and shook his head—"so, since Will's parents were the closest family I had left, I moved in with them. I was so lost; I had never actually met my aunt and uncle. Dad wasn't as close to my grandparents since my mom died, and he had written a letter saying that he wanted me to be with his brother if something would ever happen to him. It took a while to get adjusted… but I just became angry. I was so mad at the world. I couldn't understand why my dad would just leave me alone like that. I was too young to understand what had actually happened.

"When I was nine, I came to terms with what happened to my dad. I found out that he died protecting me… I was still pretty bitter, though. I constantly got into fights at school. I got suspended at least once a month. Will, Jem, and I were all pretty close then, and Will usually got suspended with me because he'd jump in the fights too." Jace sighed, obviously reliving his whole past.

"Wait, Jem and Will were best friends way back then?" I asked before he could resume.

"Yeah, Jem's parents died in a plane crash on the way back home from a business trip in Beijing when he was younger. He and Will were friends before I moved in with Will's family. Jem's grandmother was all the family Jem had, and she lived next to Will. As soon as he moved in with her, the two of them instantly clicked. They've been inseparable since. Jem came to the institute just because Will had to. They're practically brothers… but anyways, I got into _a lot _of fights, and after I turned thirteen, I had a rep and I thought I was some tough shit. One night at this party I wasn't even supposed to be at, this guy that had always hated me had found out about my mom killing herself. He started talking about it to all these people and got in my face about it… I was so furious. You've got to understand… my mom was a sore spot for my whole life, and everyone knew that. My dad died a hero, but my mom just gave up on her life. I had always believed she was a coward, but no one _ever _talked to me about her after my dad died. I—look, I'm not proud of what I did. I was young and extremely stupid." Jace looked away and pulled his hand out of mine.

I knew this was going to be the bomb. I didn't know what to expect, but I already missed the warmth of his hand in mine. "What happened?" I whispered. The whole meadow was silent, like the animals even knew what was coming.

"I beat him into a pulp. I was so mad that I couldn't even think. It was all a huge blur afterwards. Then Will pulled me off him, and I was covered in this kid's blood, and I couldn't even recognize the guy. I couldn't remember the fight. The police had been called, and the guy went to the hospital. He stayed in there for a while, too. I apparently did some serious damage. I went to court and was charged with assault and battery, but since I was so young and my family had money, they were gonna just send me to a reform school. My grandma was not having that, though… so she began the paperwork to send me here. Then something happened with Will, and she just paid for both of us to come here, and my charge was dropped. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed within fifty feet of the guy, but yeah…" Jace finished awkwardly, cradling his hands in his lap as he hung his head in shame.

I pulled my body next to him and took his hand again. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and just rubbed my thumb over his. It seemed that my actions were enough, though. Jace looked at me thoughtfully before leaning over and putting his head on my shoulder.

"Why aren't you running away in fear? You of all people should be." he said, tickling my neck with is breath.

"Because this was like four years ago, right? And it's not like it was a girl… You haven't hit a girl, have you?"

Jace jerked up and stared at me with intensely sensitive eyes. "Absolutely not. Men who hit women are _scum_. They're less than parasites and deserve to be treated as such." he spat out, looking away from me, the anger boiling in his eyes. "I haven't really gotten in a physical fight since I moved here. Me and Sebastian got into it once like two years ago, and Will and I fight a lot, but it's usually like a punch each and it's over."

"Well, then, I'm not running away because I'm not scared of you. I mean, I kind of am, but not because I think you'd hurt me…" I stated, looking away from him in embarrassment.

"What's that mean?" he asked as he regained his usual attitude, a smirk placed on his full lips. He raised his head to watch my increasingly reddening face.

"What do you mean?"

He grinned and slid closer to me, closing any distance between our bodies. I scooted away from him as my heart thumped unevenly in my chest. His eyes had a teasing glint in them, and for once I wasn't scared of what could happen to me. I was just scared of what Jace could do to my nerves.

He chuckled softly and pushed me over softly on the grass. As he hovered his body fully over mine, he leaned down and brushed his lips against my nose, catching every reaction I had to his proximity. I could feel the warmth surging into my cheeks as his cool, minty breath fanned across my face. "You know exactly what I mean, Clarissa Morgenstern." He leaned down further, his lips floating just centimeters above mine.

I sucked in a quick breath of air. I was beginning to feel lightheaded from the way my body was reacting to Jace's, and I realized with an odd tranquility that memories of Sean weren't able to ruin this moment with Jace. "I-I just mean that you—how you make me feel… it scares me." I breathed out as he lips ghosted across my chin.

"Well, Clarissa, how you make me feel scares me too." he murmured before pulling away from me and pulling a piece of my hair teasingly. He glanced at his watch and stood up, holding a hand out for me to take. "We better head back to the institute. Class starts in twenty minutes."

I groaned softly, my heart still beating as fast as a hummingbird's wings, and took his hand.

* * *

When Alec Lightwood stepped into the classroom, he was surprised to find Jace and Clary already in the back of the class. With their heads close together, they seemed to be in their own world. Vaguely, Alec felt the pang of jealousy course through his body. He had always hoped Jace would let go of his player ways, but he wasn't expecting it to happen so soon and all because of a short, red-haired girl.

Yes, Alec had a bit of a crush on Jace. He used to think he was in love with the boy, but he knew he was just fooling himself. He knew there was no hope for the two of them. Jace would never give up the world of girls for anyone, especially to date a _guy_. But, this pang of jealousy wasn't because of Clary's newly budding relationship with Jace. No, it was because Alec was currently fighting a battle of love and lust himself.

Alec took his usual seat in the classroom—a couple seats away from Jace—and let his head thump on the desk carelessly. _Magnus. _That seemed to be the only name that ran through Alec's mind recently, and it pained him intensely to know that they were fighting. He didn't want it to be that way, but he couldn't help it. There was no way that anyone would accept them together. Sure, everyone didn't seem to mind the fact that Magnus was flamboyantly gay, but that's because they had never thought of him otherwise.

If Alec ever happened to come out, _everyone _would be on his case. What would Isabelle think? What would his family think? He couldn't be _that_ influence on Max. He was expected as the oldest to be the most mature and influential of the Lightwood siblings.

But Magnus's name haunted his dreams and plagued his thoughts constantly. _He missed him._ They had shared many embraces in Magnus's secluded room and one very intimate kiss. Then they fought… Magnus wanted to go public; Alec couldn't even consider that for one moment.

The noise of someone sitting in the desk next to him shook him out of his thoughts. "What are you doing?" His sister Isabelle stared at him with dark eyes.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked irritably. He couldn't get any sleep lately, and he could barely keep any food down. Alec Lightwood was falling to pieces.

"Don't play dumb. You're an absolute mess, and I know exactly why." she snapped, leaning over to keep their conversation low. Class didn't start for another ten minutes, but the room was filling up quickly.

"I don't—" Alec began to reply but was abruptly cut off by his sister.

"You're being a prude, and for what?!"

"_What_ are you talking about?"

Isabelle lowered her eyes at him. "You and Magnus. Why are you doing this to yourself? You two obviously belong together, and you're pushing him away like he's disease-ridden or something. What are you afraid of?"

Alec was speechless. Isabelle _knew_? "How long have you known?" he mumbled, embarrassed suddenly.

She scoffed loudly. "I'm not blind, Alec. It doesn't matter how long I've known. What matters is the fact that you're making yourself suffer just because you're afraid someone is going to judge you. Do you think _I _would judge you for that?" Alec didn't answer, knowing Isabelle would continue with or without his input. "Huh? Alec, I am your sister. You could be in love with a unicorn, and I would plan your wedding. Don't throw away this opportunity. This could be something real… Don't be like me." she whispered the words at the end, watching as Simon and Maia walked through the classroom door.

Alec couldn't think of a coherent reply to his sister's surprisingly tender orders, so he said, "Thanks, Izzy."

She grinned triumphantly at him and wrapped a slender arm around his neck. "Now, go get him!" she exclaimed quietly with a wink before standing up and moving to another seat.

At first Alec had no idea what she meant, but then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Magnus standing uncomfortably at the front of the row Alec was sitting at. Alec couldn't help the grin that enveloped his face, and Magnus obviously took that as an invitation to take the seat in front of him.

Even without Magnus's usual bright attire, he still captured every bit of Alec's attention. The way Magnus's hips swayed as he walked, the way his hair fell over his eyes when he didn't have gel to keep the strands back, and the way his supple lips curved up in a mocking smile when he got his way all added up to some of the reasons Alec was falling hard for the boy—falling _really_ hard. Alec had never let go of himself the way he did around Magnus, and he was already losing control of himself.

When Magnus sat down and stared at Alec with his yellow-green cat eyes, Alec knew he had been fighting a losing battle the whole time. He couldn't help but compare himself to how Jace had been acting since Clary came to the school. He didn't even know who he really was anymore, but he knew he would gladly learn with Magnus by his side.

The room was almost completely full, but Alec was no longer embarrassed or scared. "I'm sorry Magnus. I want this… I want us." Alec said touching Magnus's hand softly. He wasn't sure how Magnus would react, or whether Magnus was mad at him or not.

Magnus's mouth broke out in a heartwarming smile, and Magnus squeezed Alec's hand without hesitation. "I'm glad I didn't doubt Clarissa." he laughed, eyes twinkling with happiness.

Alec's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What?"

Magnus looked over at Jace and Clary, meeting Clary's eyes for a couple seconds. "She told me it'd be okay, that it was only a matter of time for us. She was right." he hummed, rubbing his fingers delicately across Alec's hand.

"Well Clary seems to know what she's talking about." Alec said as he stared at Jace and Clary. He watched as Jace picked flowers out of Clary's curly hair and whispered to her softly. Then, with sudden horror and fear for this new Jace's heart, he wondered where Will was. Both of the Herondales seemed to be very intrigued by Clary, and Alec didn't know what to expect from Will if he could see Clary and Jace together right at that moment. With a quick glance around the room, Alec realized that Will hadn't come to class yet, and it seemed like he wasn't going to because Jem was missing as well, and that could only mean two things: Jem was sick, or Will was a mess. "I'm glad you didn't give up on me." Alec whispered, pushing thoughts of Will and Jace away.

Magnus grinned at Alec with eyes full of adoration. "Me neither."

Alec, without giving it a second thought, leaned in toward Magnus and kissed him affectionately, not caring who could see or who would judge. It seemed that with Jace's newfound courage to put himself out there to Clary, Alec had found that courage as well. Alec could feel that this year was going to be an exciting year, a very exciting year indeed. Magnus purred against Alec's lips happily, and when Alec pulled away from Magnus, he turned to see Isabelle beaming at her brother proudly. Alec had never felt so invincible in his life.

* * *

**Ooh, that was all so fun to write! Clary and Jace's scene was especially fun... I can't wait until I get to do scenes like that more often. They should be coming soon :D I'M SO EXCITED, AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT! But seriously, how'd you guys like this chapter. Are the relationships coming along pretty well? You all don't feel like I'm rushing anything do you? And trust me, Will and Clary will get their steamy moment soon, too. Honestly, it'll probably be next chapter. Maybe if I get enough reviews I'll update early. (Wink, wink.) Tell me how you feel! Your reviews make my day! **


	10. Chapter 10: Two Herondales in One Day?

**Hi guys! So first of all, I decided I am changing my update day to Monday. I realized that busy weeks equal stressful weekend when it comes to updating, so this way I have ALL weekend to write. Sound okay? Now, some bad news... This upcoming week is my last ever high school homecoming week. It is going to be super busy full of two soccer games, working on the float everyday until Thursday, the parade Thursday, and the game Friday, so I may not be updating this week. It's not like set in stone, but Saturday I'm working from 7:45 until pretty late, so I probably won't get much writing time. But, I will try super hard to update. If I don't, I will update as soon as possible, and then get back on schedule. We'll get through this guys! :3 Secondly. I'm pretty sure I messaged everyone who reviewed other than the ones who reviewed for chapter nine. I will get around to that tomorrow. So those will probably take some time too. I might end up working on them this week during my very little free time. Just be patient with me, okay guys? And that reminds me, this is the last chance to review and get a deleted scene! Once I post chapter 11, reviews after that won't get one. So review! But review after that cause I adore you guys and your comments. 3 **

**So, yeah, review! I think after this chapter, I may time jump a bit just to move the story along... but not so much that it doesn't make sense. I'll figure it out. Spoiler alert! Jonathan should make another appearance soon. I don't know how soon, but you know how inconvenient that boy can be. (;**

* * *

_And I'll take the truth at any cost_  
_Cause we are broken_  
_What must we do to restore_  
_Our innocence_  
_And oh the promise we adored_  
_Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole_

_- "We Are Broken' _by Paramore

* * *

Will lie on his bed and watched Jem's soft breathing as his best friend slept. Will was used to staying with Jem whenever he got sick. Jem, even from a young age, always caught almost any flu or disease going around. Jem had a weak immune system. No one knew why, not even the doctors, but nonetheless, the poor boy caught practically anything. There was no bacteria too big or too small for Jem. He caught _everything_.

Currently, he was resting from a night of the stomach virus. Tessa had had it the week before, and, being as stubborn as always, Jem refused to let her go through it alone. He took care of her and, as a consequence, now had it. He had spent the whole night before throwing up in the bathroom.

Will was extremely tired too; he sat in the bathroom with Jem the whole night. But, Will couldn't be bothered to sleep. Thoughts raced through his mind, and he couldn't keep up with any of them. Of course everything ended up somehow relating to Clary, but Will didn't mind so much. Oddly enough, he missed her presence already. It had only been about a day since he last saw her, but after seeing her everyday, this absence was off kilter.

Will didn't know what time it was, but he could hear clamor from the hallway, and he assumed classes had ended. No one would bother the two friends because everyone knew when they both missed class, they wouldn't want company. Well Jace would sometimes come check on the two, but that rarely happened anymore. They weren't the troublesome trio anymore. Jace didn't really care much about anyone except himself.

Will supposed that was what bothered him the most about Jace's confrontation the day before. _Why did he care about Clary? _Clary hadn't interested him in the least until the night he slipped into his bed with her, and the next day she _literally_ kicked him off the bed. Will didn't understand how that had turned Jace onto her.

Will was also worried. He worried for where Clary disappeared the day before. He worried for her health. Will worried for her reactions towards all guys. He worried about what ideas were forming in Jace's head. Will worried about Clary getting close to him. He also worried about his past. He doubted Clary would—or could—handle what he did to get himself a spot at the institute, and he didn't want to lose whatever chance he had with her before he even got it.

A tap on the door shocked Will to his feet. He considered slamming the door open and shouting at the person, but he figured if Clary heard about it, she wouldn't like his reaction, so he calmly walked to the door and opened it slowly, checking to see if Jem was still fast asleep.

"Hey, is Jem all right?" Tessa stood at the door awkwardly, shifting her gaze back and forth between Will and the empty hallway.

"Yeah, he's asleep. Wanna come inside?" Will stepped back and gestured into the room. Tessa nodded and walked inside as she gazed at Jem's sickly state. She was still dressed in the school's mandatory uniform for classes, so Will assumed she came straight to his room.

"How long has he been asleep?" She moved over toward his bed and brushed a hand across his warm cheek. "He's burning up… has he had any medicine?"

Will sighed and sat back down on his bed. "He stopped throwing up around five this morning, so he fell asleep a little after that. No, he hasn't had any medicine because he's been sleeping."

Tessa looked over at Will sympathetically. "Have _you _had any sleep?"

"I went to bed at five, too, but I got up at nine to check on Jem, and I never went back to sleep." Will rubbed his forehead as a slight pang went through his head. As Tessa crossed the room and joined Will on his bed, he couldn't help but flinch slightly at her proximity. They hadn't even considered being so close to each other since everything that had happened between them.

Will didn't want to admit the main reason for his lack of sleep to Tessa. If it wasn't for his concern about Clary, he'd be asleep right along with Jem, but since no one had heard from her the night before, his imagination was running wild. He was restless, and he wanted to talk to Clary, to yell at her for disappearing the way she did. He would've already went looking for her if it wasn't for Jem being sick.

Will wouldn't have been so upset if Jace hadn't approached him the way he had the day before. The anxiety of what Jace was planning to do gnawed at Will so much that he thought he was actually losing hair over it. He was constantly running his hands through his dark hair, and eventually, he began pulling his hands back to find strands of hair wrapped around his fingers.

"Is this about Clary?" Tessa asked as she continued to watch Jem's sleeping form.

Will's head snapped to the side, and he stared at her with wide eyes. _Was it really that obvious?_ Tessa and Will hadn't been close since they were fifteen, and even then she couldn't read him the way she could now. "How do you know?" Will whispered, putting his head in his hands.

"Look, it's obvious you like her. You haven't spoken more than three words to anyone other than Jem since we were fifteen, and now you're spending all your time with the girl… Just to throw some advice out there, don't act the way you did with me. She deserves more than that." Tessa sighed and moved her eyes off Jem. "I've never been mad at you for what happened. How could I? You're the reason Jem and I are together. But, if you want to be with Clary, you can't do that again. You can't push her away, and you _have _to be honest with her. If you haven't noticed, you have competition… and it's _Jace_. He doesn't play fair like Jem does."

"Of course Jace doesn't play fair! He hasn't even been seriously interested in a girl in years!" Will growled as he stood up again.

"Well, just remember, all's fair in love and war." Tessa smiled at him softly and put a hand on Will's arm. "You can't just let Jace win this. He's already getting close to her."

"What?" he asked dumbly.

"Oh, yeah… you missed what happened in class today. They were sitting in the back together alone. They seemed a bit cozy… Oh, and Alec and Magnus kissed. It was like _BAM,_ in your face. It was cute." she laughed awkwardly, trying to direct his attention somewhere else, as Will visibly shook from anger.

"I can't believe he's doing this to me! He's just going to use her like _every_ other girl he's done this to. How is she falling for his crap? I told her that all he did was use Kaelie for sex. She can't possibly be interested in that." Will clenched and unclenched his hands irritably.

Tessa stood up with him. "Like I said, all's fair in love and war, and if you want to end up with her, you've gotta give it all you got. Don't decide to wait until the last minute to tell her you like her like you did me. If you give her too much time, she'll continue to get closer to Jace, and the same thing that happened between us will happen between the two of you. Don't do that to yourself again."

Before Will could reply, a knock on the door interrupted him. Tessa and Will stayed silent, staring at the door in surprise. Another knock followed with a voice, "Will! Will, are you in there?" It was Clary knocking. Of course, she wouldn't know any better than to almost barge right into Will's room.

Tessa grinned at Will and walked back over to Jem. "Jem, wake up." Jem mumbled something and rolled over. He blinked at her a couple times before sitting up slowly. "Sh, come on. You need to eat and get some medicine in you." Tessa helped him up and led him toward the door. When she opened the door, she turned and winked at Will conspiratorially. "Good luck," she mouthed before side-stepping around Clary with a polite wave.

* * *

I watched as Tessa and Jem hobbled down the hallway before turning to face Will. He looked completely exhausted. He was still dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt, and he looked like he desperately needed a shave. I stepped into his room without waiting for his permission and shut the door behind me.

He backed up a step and stared at me with wide, blue eyes. Instead of saying anything, I just looked around the room. It was surprisingly dirty since the last time I had been in there. I met his eyes again and stared at him. "Are you okay?" I asked as I leaned against the wall beside the door.

He continued to watch me with careful eyes. "Does it matter?" he questioned before taking another step back.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he huffed, sounding like he wanted to say more. I continued to analyze him.

"Well, fine then. I guess I'll just talk then… Why weren't you in class today? I was worried about you, and no one would tell me anything." I sighed and swiped back a curl from my face in frustration.

My words seemed to awaken him, and he glared at me irately. "_You_ were worried about _me_?! I swear to God, Clarissa! You disappeared last night without a trace, and nobody, _nobody_, could find you! How do you think that made me feel? You can go missing for more than half a day and it's no big deal, but I miss one day of classes and you're allowed to worry? At least you could find me. Where the hell were you, Clary?" His anger seemed to deflate at the end of his rampage because his last question was a whisper, and he ran a hand through his hair desperately.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, looking away from him. "I didn't realize that I upset you that much… I went swimming the night before."

Will's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, but he remained standing where he was. "Isabelle checked the pool, and you weren't there." he stated dully.

"Not that pool," I muttered. "I went to the pool that no one goes to. You know, the one that's used for swimming matches."

He groaned and ran another hand through his hair. "Why would you just hide out like that?"

"I-I don't know, Will. I was being accused of acting like some prissy, stuck up, wanna be celebrity by a girl I've never met. I'm getting stuck in all these invisible war zones that I don't have a clue about, and I'm still trying to get over the fact that my parents shunned me here like an unwanted psychotic family member!" I couldn't help the tremble in my voice as I spoke to him.

He frowned at me and took a couple steps toward me. "You're not psychotic."

"You don't know half the things that I've gone through." I sighed and looked down.

"Then why don't you tell me?!" he exclaimed hysterically as he slammed a hand against the wall beside my head.

I flinched and glared back at him. "You haven't told me anything about your life. At least you know part of my story."

He leaned in toward me and held my eyes with a dangerous glint. "Do you really want to know why I'm here? If I told you, you'd be out of my room in seconds, running away in fear."

I gritted my teeth and nodded my head. "Of course I want to know. It can't possibly be that bad."

"I killed my sister!" The words were soft, but deadly. He eyes shone with the pain he refused to show on his face. As I stared at him in surprise, his façade slowly began to slip away from him. His hand slid down from the wall, and he covered his face with both of his hands. His body shook violently, and he just fell to the ground. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

I gazed down at him in shock, not sure what to say. A million things were running through my head so fast that I couldn't even make sense of one thought. Slowly, I joined him on the floor and tried to pull one of his hands away from his face. "Will, look at me." His hands remained stuck to his face. He was rocking back and forth mechanically, and I wasn't sure what to do. "Dammit, Will, what do you mean what am I waiting for?"

He stopped rocking his body and peered at me cautiously through his hands. "Shouldn't you be running off? _Will really is a crazy psychopath! _Trust me, I know. I've lived with this for four years, and it still hasn't gotten any better for me. No one here knows about it except for Jem and Jace—and well, now you. Go ahead, go run off and tell everyone about how I'm crazy."

I took a deep breath of air and refrained myself from screaming at him. If I was ever going to tell him the extent of what happened to me, I was going to have to take this all in stride and deal with him calmly. "I'm not running off." I whispered before touching his hands again softly. With a soft tug of his hand, he finally dropped his hands to reveal his face. Tear tracks were slightly visible. "I want you tell me what really happened because I highly doubt that is the full story."

His eyes shifted from my eyes to my mouth a couple of times as I waited for him to talk. "Seriously?" he finally asked after minutes of silence.

"Yes, seriously. Tell me the story." I snapped impatiently. He continued to stare at me for a couple more minutes. "Crap, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a bitch. I'm not going to sit here and judge you. You listened to part of my story, and I'm going to listen to yours. I wouldn't want to worry about you judging me if I was telling you the rest of my story. So, I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I'm not a little freaked out, but I am going to stick around. You deserve that much."

A soft smile formed on his lips, but it quickly fell when he chewed on his lips anxiously. I figured he was trying to collect the story. "So you know all about Jace's story, right?" he asked first, and I nodded my head. "Okay, so that happened at the end of May. My parents and grandparents were constantly at the courthouse or the sheriff's department, or _somewhere_, for Jace. My sisters and I were usually left alone at the house for hours on end. It usually was no big deal. Ella was seventeen and Cecily was ten. One night Cecily was staying with a friend, so it was just me and Ella. It was just a normal night. Mom and Dad were at the sheriff's department with Jace, trying to get the charges dropped… this was before Gen decided to use her money." He pinched his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"I don't remember much from that night. Ella was upstairs in her room talking on the phone to her boyfriend, I think, and I was downstairs watching TV. I had gotten extremely bored, though. Usually I'd play with Cecily on nights like that because we weren't allowed to have company over when my parents were out dealing with Jace's case. So I started digging around the kitchen for anything to entertain me. I found some of Dad's matches and started lighting things on fire. Little things, of course. Like tissue paper and paper towels and stuff like that. I was being a dumb kid, and one thing led to another, and I ended up catching the dining room table's cover thing on fire.

"I didn't want to tell Ella. I was freaking out. I was trying to put it out on my own, but it was spreading so fast. I was so scared, but I was so stubborn, too. I kept trying to pour bowls of water over it, but I wasn't doing it quick enough. Soon, the chairs caught on fire and then the drapes. It was spreading so fast. That's when I decided to go tell Ella. I ran upstairs to find her, but her door was locked. I was pounding on the door, and she was yelling for me to go away. She wouldn't _listen _to me. Finally, I ran back downstairs to call firefighters, and the whole downstairs area had caught on fire. It was spreading _so _fast. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't see through the smoke. There was no way I was going to be able to find that phone."

Will shuddered as he remembered the story. "I guess this is where everything got a little foggy. I ran back upstairs. The fire was starting to move toward the banisters of the stairwell, and I had to get Ella out of there. The smoke was making me lightheaded, but I began pounding on her door again. Finally she slammed the door open and was screaming at me, too annoyed to notice the fire that was moving up the stairs. When I finally made her look, it was too late. We were trapped in the house. We couldn't get downstairs, so we went back in her room and tried to figure out a way to climb down the house."

He shook his head and frowned. "I don't remember what happened after that. I know that I somehow made it out of the house with a broken arm and a few fractured ribs, but she didn't make it out… The investigators inspected everything afterwards and found her remains still in her room by the window. I was blamed for it, rightfully, as a premeditated murder... but I just wish I remembered how I made it out of there and she didn't. I didn't want that to happen to her. I can't help but replay that night in my head over and over again sometimes."

With despairingly sad eyes, he stared at me after he finished talking. I was silent, taking in his whole story. He seemed to be waiting desperately for me to say something, so I slid in toward him and kissed him softly on the cheek before pulling back and murmuring, "It wasn't your fault, and I'm _still_ not running away."

He finally managed to crack a smile and ran a finger down his cheek. "Can I tell you something else? It's not so heavy, so it's not really something that'll bring your mood down."

"Sure." I grinned at him, watching his lips move as he talked.

He chuckled, apparently noticing where my eyes continued to drift, and I smiled despite the embarrassment. "I don't know if you've noticed it, but I—uh… crap, this all sounded a lot better in my head." He chuckled uncomfortably and rubbed the back of his head, mussing up his hair. "I guess I'll just say it. I like you, and I wanted to know if you, uh, liked me too?" He grimaced as his statement ended in a question, and I almost didn't realize what he was saying because I was too focused on how cute it was to see him so awkward. He looked at me expectantly.

Now it was my turn to be humiliated. "Oh. Oh!" I shuffled on the floor clumsily. "Yeah, of course."

"I mean, you don't have to say anything, but I just wanted to get that out there because I—what?" he began rambling as I answered him. "Seriously?" He gave me a lopsided grin before throwing his arms around me and knocking me to the ground.

For the second time that day, I was lying underneath a Herondale, and he had completely taken my breath away. He had definitely cheered up quite a bit, and he was smiling down at me, his blue-purple eyes shining gleefully. "Why do you seem so surprised, Herondale?" I whispered, tapping his nose teasingly.

He smirked down at me. "Surprised?" he scoffed. "I expected it. It was all just part of my plan to seem more modest." He raised his eyebrows up at me mischievously still leaning over me with his arms pressed against the sides of my body.

"I thought modesty was just something you used to enhance your charm, so you didn't need it because you're just _that _charming." I breathed out as he continued to stare at me with those enchanting blue eyes.

"I am _that _charming. I just figured modesty wouldn't be so bad."

"Oh, give it up, _William._ You just don't want to admit that you thought I was going to reject you!" I taunted him, bringing a hand up to run a finger across his chest that hovered inches above me.

He brought his face closer to mine and grinned down at me again as I sucked in a deep breath of air. "I feel like you were just waiting for a moment like this, Clarissa."

"A moment like what?" I asked before he got a mischievous glint in his eyes and brought his lips down on mine.

At first it was like the whisper of a touch. His lips grazed my softly, carefully. Closing my eyes, I utilized all my other senses to take in the moment. I could smell the spicy scent of his cologne and the minty scent of his breath. His hair tickled my cheek and his body barely skimmed mine. All that surrounded me was Will, and he was all that mattered. With a dawning apprehension, I realized that I really _really _liked Will.

Then I couldn't get enough of him. I wrapped my hands in his hair and pulled his face closer, causing him to deepen the kiss. Soon, the kiss became kisses, and each one was harder and faster than the next. I licked his lower lip, and Will let out a soft moan, and for once the sound didn't scare me. Instead of letting me win though, he nibbled on my lips, eliciting a small moan out of me, too.

Will chuckled before pulling back and kissing my forehead, then my cheek, and then he trailed a line down my jaw and to my neck. Suddenly the onslaught of memories overtook me, and I pushed him away from me as softly and nicely as possible. Once my nerves calmed down, I was surprised by how I was able to get that far. Abruptly, it dawned on me that Will was the first guy I had kissed since Sean.

As we both caught our breath, Will beamed at me with bliss clear in his eyes. "Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed." He laughed lightly and looked away from me, pink coloring his pale skin.

"No, it's okay. So did I." I joined in his laughter. "I just. When I can figure out a good way to tell you, I will… But I promise it's not you. You're great."

"Take all the time you need. I can wait." he replied, taking my hand with a confident smile.

"Thanks. You're sweet." I squeezed his fingers and he chuckled again.

"So what now?" he asked after we sat in silence for a couple of moments.

"What do you mean?" I looked at him suddenly shy.

"What do we do next?"

"We could go grab a late lunch. I bet you haven't eaten today yet." I suggested before standing up and offering him my hand.

He took my hand, and I tried to pull him up, but I ended up falling back down on top of him. "That didn't quite work out, did it?" he mocked, poking me in the stomach.

"Hey, now. Maybe if a certain somebody wasn't so heavy…"

Will sucked in a breath, pretending to be fake hurt. "Are you calling me _fat_?"

I pulled myself back up and smirked at him. "No… Why would I _ever _do that?" I giggled and kicked his leg playfully.

"Oh, that is it, Clarissa. You're getting it." he threatened as he stood up.

"You got to catch me first, _fatty_." I exclaimed, running out of the door. Will's loud chuckle echoed behind me, and I decided that I didn't completely hate my mom for sending me to the institute. Everything seemed to be more perfect that it had been in three whole years. Too bad I was too naïve to realize that it couldn't possibly stay that way.

* * *

**So, just to like clear something up... Clary and Will aren't like _together _now. They admitted they liked each other, but it's just like normal, teenage flirting an whatnot right now. She's not serious with either one of the Herondales... so don't freak out on me. Her choice is definitely _not _going to be that easy. But, review! And you guys are great! (:**


	11. Chapter 11: A Visitor and a Busted Lip

**Omg, guys... I just don't even know what to say. You guys are the best! First of all, there's a couple reviews I want to reply to, so that everyone who is wondering this will know. An anonymous reviewer said something about Clary being in a bikini in chapter 8, and Simon seeing her scars... Yes, he could see all of her scars. She hasn't really been hiding them. She just doesn't like to talk about how she got them. And you know how Simon is around girls who are barely clothed... he is _definitely _not thinking straight enough to ask, and he knows a bit about her past too. Jen from Italy asked for some Gideon and Gabriel. They're mentioned in here because they will become a big part of the story, but they aren't like serious characters in this chapter. They will be later though (: I'm also so glad that I can brighten some of your days! I really appreciate all the support I'm getting for BMP. I'm also super excited for the next couple of chapters. This chapter has a bit of a time jump, so if you're confused just PM or ask, and I'll answer any questions! Things are about to get craaaazzzzy—if you can't tell from this chapter. This chapter was a whole whopping 4, 531 words before the author's note, so it's pretty intense. Anyways review! You all make me happy! Oh, and I'm considering another like prize thingy for reviews, but I'll probably do that a little further in the future because I'm still not completely sure about it yet. But seriously, review (;**

**And another thing, for those of you who read This Life is a Killer, my other story, sorry for the delay. I have serious writer's block, and I will eventually get to updating it every week like this story. Oh, yeah, I totally updated exactly a week after last week's update, even with all the crap going on last week. I'm so good, right? Riiiiight. :D But, yeah, sorry for my TLIAK fans. I'll figure it out soon. I have a future chapter written, I'm just stuck on getting a good time movement. I'll get it, don't worry. Thanks for reading both of my stories guys! **

* * *

_Ohh, I'm holding my breath  
Won't lose you again  
Something's made your eyes go cold  
Come on, come on don't leave me like this  
I thought I had you figured out  
Something's gone terribly wrong  
You're all I wanted  
Come on, come on don't leave me like this  
I thought I had you figured out  
Can't breathe whenever you gone  
Can't turn back now,  
I'm haunted.  
- 'Haunted'_ by Taylor Swift

* * *

The Sunday air was refreshing, and all of the students at the institute were bathing in the glory that it was finally fall break. It was mid-October, and classes had made it full swing. As seniors, Alec, Isabelle, Magnus, Jace, Will, and all the other students were bogged down with not only multiple research papers, but also with applying to colleges and figuring out their future. None of them had ever really given a second thought to their future since they started the institute, and, suddenly, it was smacking them right in the face.

"Well, where are you applying, Clary?" Isabelle sighed, drawing doodles on the side of her notebook paper. Isabelle was attempting to figure out a top five list of schools, but all she knew she wanted to do was something involving fashion.

"NYU of Art." I answered immediately, looking up from filling out my third application.

Jace chuckled at Isabelle's surprised face, and Will made an annoyed expression toward the sound Jace made. The two boys still weren't getting along well, and they always seemed to be fighting for any of my attention. The only moments they would spend time near each other were classes and when I was around.

Jace noticed the dirty look Will was shooting him and sneered back at Will. "How have you already decided? And why are you still filling out applications?" Isabelle whined, ignoring the two boys. Apparently everyone had gotten used to them acting this way except for me.

"Well I've wanted to go to NYU my whole life, and art is what I'm good at. It would only make sense…" I replied before continuing the application I was on.

"Well where have you applied so far?" Magnus huffed as he filled his own application out.

"NYU, The New York Academy of Art, and now I'm applying to the School of Visual Arts. NYAA and SVA are my back ups because everyone needs a back up." I shrugged before putting the application away and looking at the group in the gazebo.

Jace and Alec had their heads bent over filling out their own applications, Magnus was making a fashion portfolio to send out to colleges, Isabelle was still doodling on her notebook paper, and Will was watching me with serious eyes. "I don't have a back up or a first choice." he said quietly.

I chewed on my lip and continued to watch him. "Then just apply to a few colleges near home." I suggested finally.

"I don't really want to go back there." he mumbled, looking away from me.

"Well then, apply to some places you'd like to start your life. Where do you want to live after here?"

Will tapped his fingers on the gazebo and stared past me. "I don't know. What's New York like?"

Jace scoffed then, obviously eavesdropping on our conversation. "What? You gonna go to NYU, too? You probably couldn't even get in."

"Shut up, Jace. No one asked you. Where are _you_ applying? A school for the mentally unstable?" Will growled back.

Uncharacteristically, Jace flushed and looked down at his application. "No… I'm applying to NYU. I thought maybe I'd start brand new. I don't have any family anyways."

"Well, damn! If everyone is going to college in New York, then I'm applying to a school for fashion there." Isabelle exclaimed as she wrote in big, bubbly letters 'New York'."

"Yay! That would be so exciting! Let's all go to New York. Tell us about it, Clarissa." Magnus ordered as he clapped his hands gleefully.

"Uh, well what do you want me to tell you?"

"Are there a lot of job opportunities?" Jace asked quickly.

"Are the people there more fashionable? I've never really like the whole beach lax look from Cali." Magnus put in right after Jace.

"Are there sexier guys?" Isabelle shot out with a sultry grin.

"Are people nice there?" Alec asked timidly.

"Where do you live in New York?" Will questioned, not bothering to ask an actual question about New York.

"I've lived in Manhattan since I was born. The job options vary depending on what you want to do. Just like anywhere else, there's some jobs that are overflowing with applicants and some that barely have any takers. There's just more places to try to find a job. Work in New York is very tough, though. If any of the bosses are like my dad, then there's no easy job in the business. Yes, Magnus, I see lots of people dressed like you in Manhattan. The guys aren't so bad, and the people can be nice. They usually don't like wave at you or anything because you generally don't see the same people twice unless you try to. But, if you're lost or something, most of the people try to help you." I answered each of their questions with a laugh. "Are you all seriously considering moving to New York?"

"It doesn't sound too bad. There's far more fashion opportunities there." Isabelle answered with a smirk.

"And you're not so bad to be around Clarissa." Magnus teased easily, pecking Alec on the cheek.

"Yeah, I like hanging out with you, and if you want to go to NYU, then it can't be so bad." Alec added as he flushed from Magnus's kiss.

"Plus you won't be away from home." Jace said, tapping his lips which drew my attention to them. I couldn't help the flashbacks that came with thoughts of his lips. I could still remember the soft brush of his lips against my nose and the minty scent of his breath. It seemed impossible that we had spent that morning together almost a month and a half ago. Our relationship remained as strange as always. We hadn't gotten near as close as Will and I had over the past month, and I wondered what had stopped Jace from acting like he had in August.

Will was about to say something else when Kaelie stepped into the gazebo and grabbed my arm. "Clary, you have a visitor." she hissed in my ear loud enough for the whole group to hear. Her hold on my wrist was so tight that I could already feel the bruise that would show up later.

"Who is it?" I asked curiously as she pulled me from my seat.

"Does it matter? He's here and he was in our room looking for you." she shrieked as she tried to pull me away.

"Wait, who is it?" Jace and Will both probed as soon as she began pulling me away. They were like dogs: instead of their ears perking up at the word 'he', they instantly just became alert.

"None of your business, _boys_." she sneered, throwing enough venom at Jace to kill a small child.

Despite her tone, Jace didn't even flinch. "Clary wants to know too!"

"Yeah, and we're her friends." Will added indignantly with a frown.

"Well she's about to find out. See ya." Kaelie snapped as she jerked me away from the group.

* * *

"Well, that was awfully rude." Isabelle sniffed haughtily, brushing an invisible speck off her pants.

Magnus giggled. "I have a feeling the boy to see her is _cuuuuute._ Kaelie was freaking out." Magnus drawled out the word 'cute' with a sing-song tone of voice.

"Magnus!" Alec swatted his newly formed boyfriend.

"Doubt he's as hot as me." Jace muttered, looking away from the couple.

"You're probably right." Magnus replied, throwing a teasing smile toward Alec. Alec rolled his eyes but grinned back at him quickly.

"What's a guy doing visiting Clary anyways?" Will growled, snaking his arms across his chest unhappily.

"Why don't you go find out, loverboy? I bet they're in the common room… That's where everyone goes when they have a visitor that isn't a parent, or where people hang out besides their rooms." Isabelle suggested while studying her nails. Jace's head turned swiftly to meet Will's eyes. Jace and Will both wanted to do it, but they didn't want to get caught by Clary. Isabelle noticed and laughed. "If you're going to do it, you better go now, or you'll miss all the good stuff."

Jace jumped out of his seat and threw his stuff at Alec. "Put that in my room, will ya?" Then he took off across the lawn toward the back doors of the institute.

Isabelle, Magnus, and Will watched him run to the doors before Will stood up too. "I wondered how long it would take you to make up your mind." Magnus hummed idly with a knowing glint in his eyes.

"If you tell her we eavesdropped on her, Isabelle, I'll tell Meliorn that you want to date him." Will threatened the girl seriously.

Isabelle groaned. "Oh, gross. It took me a month just to get him to leave me alone last time!" she complained.

"Then don't tattle. I know how you are." Will ordered.

"Ugh, fine. I swear by the angel that I won't tell Clary about you and Jace eavesdropping on her and her boyfriend." Isabelle sighed, holding her hand up solemnly.

"He's _not _her boyfriend!" And with that Will darted across the lawn after Jace. Following the intricate paths of the hallways, he finally made it to the common room that he barely ever even passed. Jace crouched beside one of the doorways looking into the room. "Is she in there?" Will whispered to Jace.

Jace whipped his head up and glared at Will. "Not yet… but there's a blonde guy sitting in one of the chairs. I think he's the guy in the picture sitting by Clary's bed." Jace breathed out, pushing the door open a bit more and allowing Will to slide in next to him to look through the crack.

Then Clary walked through the door on the other side of the room. When her eyes finally landed on the boy, who had just stood up, her eyes widened and she ran across the room and into his arms. "Jonathan! I can't believe it. You're here. You're really here." Her voice was thick as if she was about to cry.

Jonathan, the boy with the fair hair, hugged her tighter and planted a kiss on the top of her head. He was about the same height as both of the Herondale boys, and almost as stocky. Will and Jace both shared a look and peered back into the room.

"Valentine refused to take any of my calls, so I decided to fix this myself." Jonathan said as he released her.

Clary already had tears rolling down her cheeks, and hiccupped from trying to hold in the tears. "Fix what?"

"You being here… You can come live with me!" Jonathan exclaimed throwing his arms out wide with a grin planted on his face.

Clary looked at him peculiarly, and Jace groaned softly. "You don't think she'd really leave, do you?" he asked Will quietly.

Will shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyes on Clary. "What are you talking about, Jonathan? I told you I can't leave here until I graduate and I'm eighteen." she said defiantly.

"Look, Clary, I've been staying with Luke and some friends—"

"WHAT?! You've been staying with Luke this _whole _time?" Clary burst out as she pointed a finger at his chest angrily.

"Yeah, I couldn't tell you because—" Jonathan tried to explain himself, but Clary wasn't having it. She shoved against his chest barely moving him.

"Because Mom would have a fit! I can't believe you're staying with him. No wonder you won't talk to her anymore. She would think you're the biggest traitor ever!" Clary hissed while jabbing her finger at Jonathan's chest.

He pulled away from her and glared back at Clary. "You don't know anything! Luke didn't ditch us like she said he did! Valentine made him leave. That's not the only secret Valentine has, and it certainly isn't the only one you had no idea about." Clary's mouth dropped open, so he continued talking. "Like I said, I'm staying with Luke, and he's a lawyer now. I can get you out of here because I have a safe place to stay, a good income, and I'm a legal adult. Now pack your stuff up and come on!" He grabbed her wrist to pull her toward the door, and she flinched almost imperceptibly.

"Are you _kidding _me?" She ripped her hand away from him and stared at him with shock all over her face. "I don't see you for three years, and you just expect me to run away _with _you? Hell no!"

Will had to stare at Jace after she said that. "Is that—" Will said as Jace completed his sentence with, "Her brother."

"Stop acting like a spoiled brat, Clarissa. You're not thirteen anymore." he grumbled, reaching for her arm again.

This time she visibly shrunk back. "I'm not going with you, Jonathan. You've barely told me anything about where you've been the past three years, and now all the sudden you're here to save me… I'm not buying it. What's going on?"

He sighed and pinched his nose in frustration. "A lot of stuff, Clary!" he finally shouted out. "You've been in your own little world since you were thirteen, but I've found out a lot of stuff about our family, and you being here is just another thing for Valentine to add to his list of things he controls. What do you want to know? What can I tell you to get you to come with me?"

Clary's arms crossed over her chest resentfully. "Where are you staying? And who all are you staying with? And what the hell are you talking about with dad?"

Jonathan threw his hands in the air and muttered something to himself. "In California, like an hour from here. I'm staying with Luke, Nate, and Gideon. And I can't tell you here…"

"Nate and Gideon _who_?" Clary asked in confusion.

"Nathaniel Gray and Gideon Lightwood. You don't know them, but they both have a younger sibling staying here."

Clary paused as she realized what Jonathan was saying. "Gray as in _Tessa Gray_? Lightwood? Like Max, Alec, and Isabelle?!"

"Yes, he's Tessa's older brother, and no, Gideon is Gabriel's older brother." Jonathan replied as he rubbed his forehead in annoyance.

Jace's face contorted into a mask of bewilderment. He mouthed the names to Will in a question, but all Will could do was shrug again. Will knew that Tessa hadn't seen her brother in years since their parents had died. Well, she was definitely going to be shocked by the fact that he was living only an hour away. And Gabriel Lightwood never talked about his older brother. Will hated Gabriel, but that was only because the guy thought he was so much better than the Herondale boys and tried to start fights with them constantly. Will knew that Gabriel's older brother had disappeared after he found out that his dad wasn't as clean cut as his political campaigns claimed him to be. Gabriel thought of Gideon as an embarrassment ever since.

"What is going on, Jonathan?" Clary finally demanded after a length of silence.

"I can't tell you here. Just pack your bags and come with me."

"Then I'm not going with you." Clary said firmly and spun around to walk out of the door she came through.

Jonathan grabbed her and pulled her back to him. "Pack your shit, Clary. I'm not going to tell you again." He spoke the words through gritted teeth, and even from the distance Jace and Will were, they could see the pressure he was putting on her forearm.

"Let go of me." Clary whispered in pain. Jonathan didn't say anything, but the boys assumed he gripped her arm tighter because she whimpered in pain.

Before Will could stop him, Jace slammed the doors open and strode across the room to stand in front of Jonathan, leaving Will crouched by the now open doors. Clary's eyes widened as she looked at Jace, and then she noticed Will by the door. Will stood up and crossed the room too.

"She said let go of her." Jace barked at Jonathan while eyeing Jonathan's hand that encircled Clary's forearm.

"Who are you?" Jonathan snarled at Jace as he pulled Clary closer to him.

Panic filled Clary's eyes, and Jace knew that she was scared. Ever since she had admitted to him about her ex-boyfriend hurting her, Jace tried to make sure that he did nothing to scare her, and he danced around anything that could freak her out. Will obviously didn't know about how her ex-boyfriend had abused her, but Will seemed just as concerned as Jace. Even though Clary didn't tell Jace that Jonathan did or didn't know about her ex hurting her, it was obvious he had no idea. He jerked her around and didn't seem in the least bit alarmed when she cringed away or cried out in pain or fear.

Jace couldn't handle the look on Clary's face any longer. He shoved Jonathan back causing him to release Clary's arm in process of falling back. Will scooped Clary up and away from Jace and Jonathan as she was frozen in fear. Will was just as confused as before, but he could tell Clary was no longer in the right mind to be dealing with her brother. She clasped her arms around Will's neck in a vice-like grip and took deep, shuddering breaths.

"My name is Jace, and your sister doesn't need your shit right now. If you care about her at all, you'll leave." Jace stood over Jonathan and stared him down as Jonathan pulled himself back up.

"I don't care who you are. She's my sister, and she's coming home with me." Jonathan spat out before taking a swing at Jace. Jace pulled away just in time for Jonathan's fist to miss Jace's face by centimeters.

"She doesn't want to come home with you!" Jace exclaimed as he dodged another punch. Jace knew that if he tried to fight back, Clary would freak out. Clary knew what Jace was capable of, and, even in her stunned state, she seemed to be coming to terms about what was happening.

"She doesn't get to decide!" Jonathan growled as he grinned maniacally when his fist finally connected with Jace's jaw. Will recoiled from the two struggling boys when he realized what would be running through Clary's mind. Jace held his jaw for a moment before swinging back in blind fury, forgetting that he was up against Clary's older brother.

A sickening crunch echoed throughout the common room followed by a grunt of pain. Jace pulled his fist back, realizing what he had just done, and saw that it was covered in Jonathan's blood. Suddenly he was brought back to that vile night four whole years ago. He felt the edges of his mind going fuzzy, and he stumbled back. Then Clary cried out, and Jace fell to his knees. Clary tumbled out of Will's arms and stumbled over to her brother. Blood was pouring out of his nose, but Jonathan was already pulling himself back up to take another swing at Jace.

Clary understood immediately what he was doing and jumped in front of Jace, taking the blow that was meant to be a counter to Jonathan's broken nose. Suddenly Jace was back on his feet and pulling Clary away from Jonathan as she yelped in pain. Blood pooled freely out of her lip. Will jumped between Jonathan and Jace, who was attending to Clary, and pushed Jonathan back a little as Jonathan began to freak out.

"Clary! I'm sorry. Clary!" Jonathan yelled out as he tried to maneuver past Will.

"Look, I know you're sorry, and she knows you didn't mean to, but you need to go. Come back later. Like a week from now or something, but you _have _to give her time. She wasn't expecting to see you today, and you're making it really hard on her." Will held his hands out in front of him in a sign of peace.

Jonathan looked past Will again to see Clary silently crying as Jace tried to wipe the blood from her lip with his t-shirt. His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he nodded. "Just take care of her please… Tell her to call me when she feels up to it. I'll wait, and I won't come back until she does call me. Tell her that, please?" he begged still staring at his sister. "She doesn't understand what's going on…" he whispered as he handed a crumpled up piece of paper to Will.

"I'll tell her. She'll call, don't worry." Will replied as he noticed the number scrawled on the paper. Jonathan nodded stiffly and walked out the door quickly with a last glance over his shoulder toward Clary.

* * *

I held a bag of ice to my swollen lip and glared at the two Herondale boys sitting on the floor in front of me. Will, Jace, Sebastian, and I were all currently sitting in Jace's and Sebastian's room as the three boys tried to doctor me back to a normal lip. Since he was covered in mine and Jonathan's blood, Jace had showered and changed. Jace and Will were now sitting in the beanbags in front of Jace's bed with the guiltiest looks planted on their faces.

"I can't believe you two were eavesdropping!" I slurred around the bag of ice.

Jace cracked a smile at my voice, but it dropped quickly with the ice cold glare I gave him. Will looked away in humiliation. Sebastian chuckled and tried to cover it up with an awful excuse for a coughing fit.

"Well if we hadn't done it, he could've hurt you!" Jace claimed crossly as Will rolled his eyes at his cousin's bad excuse.

"I'm sorry, but I must've missed something. Do I _not _have a busted lip right now because you were there?" I shot back at Jace.

"I wasn't going to do it until Magnus said something about how the guy visiting you must be cute, and Isabelle said that I should find out why a guy was visiting you and called him your _boyfriend_." Will offered as he frowned again. "And that busted lip wouldn't have happened if _someone _could control his temper." Will gave Jace a directed look, and Jace growled back at him.

"Well maybe if Jonathan had an ounce of sensitivity in his body, I wouldn't have had to come between the two of you." Jace hissed as he cracked his knuckles. "You don't need to deal with that shit since you already had to put up with that with your ex, Clary."

"Excuse me? What are you talking about?" Will cut in, giving Jace and Clary both an equal tell-me-the-truth look.

Jace sighed as I glared at him. I almost forgot that I told Jace about Sean a month and a half ago. Will continued to stare at me, and he raised his eyebrows, obviously expecting an answer. "Fine. Fine!" I blew air out of my mouth and looked away from the two boys. "A little bit after Jonathan ran away, I started dating this guy Sean… at first he was great, the perfect boyfriend. You know, flowers, dates, chocolate, the whole shebang." Jace and Will both winced as I spoke of my previous boyfriend, giving me slight pleasure from knowing how I affected them both. I shook the feeling off, though, because then I felt bad because I knew it wasn't fair to them.

I frowned and pulled the ice off my lips. The split on the right side of my lip stung slightly as the fresh air hit it. "Then he just became controlling, and sometimes he'd just lash out at me. It wasn't often enough that I was honestly worried about it, but it had gotten to the point where Callie noticed it. I shrugged her off and told her that he did it on accident, but then Callie died, and everything got so much worse after I stopped drinking and doing drugs. There were days when I would've much rather have taken one of his punches than what he began doing to me…" My lip quivered as the onslaught of emotions began to hit me.

Absentmindedly, I ran a finger of the thick scar on the palm of my left hand. "He would do anything to break me down. There's a moment for each one of my scars from him, and I usually got at least four from him a week. Usually they weren't that big, or they were hidden in more private places. Most of them are on my back, chest, and stomach… He'd use the same knife every time to cut me—" I broke off with a choked sob.

Jace and Will stared at me with wide eyes. I hadn't admitted this much to Jace, and he obviously wasn't expecting the story to be so gruesome. "This one he gave me right after another one because he just wanted to show me how much he could hurt me." I held out my left hand, palm up, to the boys.

I watched them as they both stared at it with wide eyes. "You can't see it as well as you used to be able to, but you can still feel it. When I told you that I still have nights where he keeps me awake, Jace, I wasn't kidding. I relive each of these scars constantly. And no, Jonathan doesn't know… because I don't want to see what would happen if he did find out. Jonathan liked Sean… Sean was a lot like Jonathan: popular, star athlete, good student… definitely not someone you would think would do that to his girlfriend. I just couldn't imagine Jonathan trying to take care of the problem… Sean did a lot more to me than abuse me. And nothing that anyone could ever do to try to fix that will change what happened. I still flinch when I see a knife. I still cringe when someone reaches for me too fast. There's nothing I—or anyone else—could ever do to fix me. And you know what the saddest thing is?" I paused as they remained frozen, hanging on to my every word. "I don't hate him for it. He's ruined me, but I can't hate him, and I don't know why." My voice broke on the last sentence, and suddenly I was crying.

I hadn't even told them _everything _that Sean had done to me, and I was already bawling like a baby. I couldn't even bring myself to think what else Sean had done to me. How would I ever be able to tell the two guys who seemed to finally help make me somewhat better? Suddenly I was pulled down from the bed in between the two boys, who were brushing away the tears and running hands through my hair. "Do you need anything?" Jace asked softly.

"Yeah, we can get it for you." Will said equally as soft.

Without thinking through it, I looked up at Sebastian. "What do you have to drink?"


	12. Chapter 12: Never Have I Ever

**Hey guys *waves awkwardly* Sorry it took me two weeks to update. Last week was like the crappiest week ever, and I was really stressed out. I figured no update was better than a 2,000 crap for a chapter update. I mean, this chapter is 4,773 without the A/N, so I would hope you all agree that it was worth the wait. ;) Anyways, I know I said that sometimes I would update every two weeks if things got hectic, well that was last week in a nutshell. Buuuuut, I got like a million hours of sleep this past weekend and I feel GREAT. Oh, and next week is fall break. Hallelujah! But I might be a little AWOL for a bit because October is like mega busy. My senior night is next week for soccer, and playoffs start the week after that, AND my senior pictures are the 20th, and I take the ACT for the last time on the 27th, and yeah, so you get the point. It might be an occasional two week or week and a half update until soccer is over. Once I'm done with soccer, I will update every Sunday or Monday. So don't kill me if I miss a week. Thanks ;P Oh, and did I mention that I love you guys. You all are such awesome supporters. I just hope you stick it out throughout all of BMP (because you know, eventually the plot is going to get wild and occasionally aggravating) So yeah, that's it for my rant. Review! I wonder if we could get close to 200 before my next update. Challenge accepted? (;**

* * *

_A rush she runs from my heart  
The room is spinnin to red  
The blood is leaving my head  
You're such a chemical  
It feels like fire and ice  
You bring my body to life  
Bouncing into the night  
Just like a butterfly  
_- _'Never Have I Ever' _  
by Hot Chelle Rae

* * *

Sebastian stood up and moved towards the small fridge he and Jace shared that was at the foot of his bed. "Well, what do you want? I have orange juice, Coke, and Kool-Aid." He opened the black fridge and peered over his shoulder at me.

"No, Sebastian…" I sighed and stared back at him. "What alcohol do you have?"

"Oh! I have lots of alcohol." He shut the fridge and reached to pull the blanket away from the side of his bed, revealing an endless supply of liquor bottles.

"Absolutely not, Clary." Will deadpanned as he pulled away from me and glared at me, his eyes full of disappointment.

"What?" I asked in confusion. Jace pulled away from me, too, and he nodded at Sebastian. Sebastian pulled a bottle out and handed it to Jace. I reached for it, but Will grabbed my hand and jerked my attention back to him.

"You're not getting drunk. You've been sober for far too long to just throw it away now." Will ordered as he pushed the bottle away from the two of us.

"When did you become my _dad,_ Will?" I snapped angrily. "If I want to drink, then I damn well have the right to. It's not a joint decision."

"I'm just looking out for you. Do you really want to disappoint your friend like this?" Will remained surprisingly calm, attempting to give me the guilt trip.

With a burning in my throat, I realized that he was accomplishing exactly what he wanted, and I looked away from his deep blue eyes. Before I could reply, Jace set the bottle down and said, "Excuse me, but I think she deserves to let go for just once."

"Yeah. What could it hurt?" Sebastian agreed with a shrug as he pulled out another bottle and popped off the top. He gulped down some of the liquid and offered it to me with a sly grin.

Glancing at Will, I hesitated. He continued to gaze at me with incredibly solemn eyes. "Well go ahead then!" he snapped as he stood up and stalked to the door. "It's not like you need my permission anyways." Then he opened the door and slammed it closed behind him in an intensely heartbreaking way.

I frowned at the door before turning back to Sebastian. He shook the bottle at me a little and smirked as I took it. "If this isn't enough, I can bring you some more later." Sebastian offered after I took the first blazing gulp of a long night.

* * *

Simon wandered the halls as he searched for Jace Herondale. Simon had just left Clary's room, and he was determined to figure out what had just caused her most recent breakdown. He figured one of the Herondales needed to stay with her during her little episode. Simon would've looked for William first, but hours earlier he saw Will storming down the hall in a furious rage; Simon didn't even want to try to mess with that.

He already tried Jace's room and the pool _and_ asked a couple of the lower ranked untouchables. No one knew where he was, and Simon wasn't sure where to look next. His next destination was the café, but he wasn't entirely sure if he'd find him there either. Simon stepped into the café and scanned the room for Jace's blonde head.

When he saw Magnus and Alec walking together out the back door, Simon took a chance and followed the couple. The two boys took their food to the closest gazebo and joined a group of other people. Keeping a safe distance, Simon continued to trail behind them. It was the usual group of people Simon would predict to be eating together: Alec, Magnus, Sebastian, Jem, Tessa, Camille, Isabelle, and Jace.

Simon knew what he was about to do would probably get him hell later—from both Maia and the untouchables. But, Simon was seriously concerned with Clary's health, and that concern ranked a little higher than his fear of the repercussions. Catching everyone's attention, he stumbled clumsily into the gazebo. Jace and Isabelle were the first to stand up; Isabelle moved to steady him, but she thought better of it and stepped back from him.

For a moment, Simon forgot what he was doing there and couldn't help the stare that was fixated on the beautiful girl only inches away from him. She stared back at him with eyes wide and lips parted before moving backwards and sitting down. "What are you doing here rat-boy?" Jace asked with less vehemence than usual. His eyes seemed to continue to drift towards the endless grass terrain behind the institute.

"I, uh, well, I came here to talk to you." Simon muttered as he shifted his eyes back and forth from Jace to Isabelle.

"About what?" Jace's full attention landed on Simon now, and Simon realized that this was the first time that more than one untouchable gave him undivided attention other than when he was being teased.

"Clary," Simon replied softly.

Isabelle's eyes widened more, if that were possible, and she shot up again. "Is she all right?" Magnus asked as his eyebrows scrunched together in thought.

"Uh, well, I think Jace needs to stay with her tonight." Simon fumbled for words and awkwardly played with his hands.

"What's going on, Simon?" Jace, now completely serious, asked as he closed any distance between himself and Simon.

Simon couldn't help the surprise that filled him when Jace actually called him by his name. "She's just _really _drunk. I thought she wasn't drinking anymore, but it's pretty bad… I figured you or William could just stay with her to make sure she makes it through the night in one piece."

Jace pinched his nose. "God, I am so dumb." he groaned softly. "She's still in her room, right?" he asked Simon. His features were a mask of true anxiety.

"Yeah, she can barely hold herself up." Simon said as he tapped his foot restlessly.

"Will doesn't know that she's like this, does he?" Jace questioned, ready to bolt from the gazebo.

"No, I have no idea where he is…" Glancing away from Jace, Simon answered.

Jace nodded his head and turned away from the group of kids in the gazebo. "Thanks rat-boy. When things are a little less troublesome, we need to talk about why you were alone with her." Then Jace left, jogging through the café doors and out of sight.

Right after Jace disappeared, the attention on Simon evaporated. Simon didn't expect to keep the attention for long, but the speed of their change of attention was alarming. Uncomfortably, Simon turned to leave, but a soft hand grasped his wrist.

"If you want, you can grab some food and join us." Isabelle's graceful voice was the first thing Simon could actually discern because his brain had practically exploded from work overload.

She smiled at him with perfectly white teeth. "I don't want to intrude…" Simon garbled at the loss of words.

"Well, we could always do something. I'm bored anyways." she suggested with a wave of her hand.

Simon's heart raced eccentrically in his chest. This was the chance he had been waiting on for years. "O-okay then."

Pulling Simon away from the gazebo, Isabelle grinned and whisked the two of them away and on their own adventure.

* * *

Jace didn't bother knocking on Clary's door. He knew the combination by heart, and he highly doubted Clary could even make it to the door. When he opened the door, he was immediately hit by the foul smell of alcohol. He had never realized the amount of trouble he always caused while drunk, but now he understood why people hated him when he had downed some bottles. At first Jace didn't think Clary was in the room, but then he noticed a lump shifting underneath the covers of Clary's bed.

He joined her on the bed and waited patiently for her to come out. After minutes of silence, Jace began to hear her cry. At first it was quiet sniffles, but then it turned into sobs. "Clary, what's wrong?" Jace tried to coax her out from the sheets, but it seemed like she wasn't coming out. "I can stay here all night." he added after a few minutes of waiting for her.

She wrestled her way out of the covers and frowned at him. "What are you doing here?" she asked angrily while pushing untamed curls away from her face. Jace couldn't help himself; he smirked at her and helped brush curls away from her face. "I don't want company, Jace." she slurred as she tried unsuccessfully to bat his hands away from her face.

"Well Simon asked me to come check on you." Jace mumbled, wiping old tears away.

Clary seemed like she was about to shove him away again, but instead, she grasped his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed. They fell down together, and Clary erupted into a fit of giggles. Jace's lips quirked into a smile as he watched her shake from the laughter. She rolled over and faced him. "Can I ask you something?"

"You already did." Jace teased as she rolled her eyes.

"You know what I mean!" She slapped his arm and sat up.

"Sure, what do you want to ask me?" Jace propped himself on his elbow and stared at her.

She chewed on her lip and shook her head. "I don't remember now!"

Clary then stood up and began rummaging underneath her bed, obviously looking for something important to her. Finally, with a brilliant smile and a new bottle in her hand, she stood up and tried to open the new bottle of vodka. Instantly, the mood Jace was in was lost.

He stood up and reached for the bottle. Clary giggled and swooped the bottle away from him. "I can open it by myself." she said with a grunt of exertion as she tried to open it again, twisting it to the right instead of the left.

"I don't think you need any more to drink." Jace argued, reaching for the bottle again, and this time he actually managed to swipe it out of her hand.

"Hey!" she pouted, reaching out to take it back. Knowing all too well that Clary would never be able to reach very high, Jace held it above his head and grinned as she hopped around him in attempt to reclaim the bottle. She leapt up one last time and, in her drunken state, tripped over something Jace couldn't see and fell over. "Ow…"

Jace put the bottle on a shelf that he knew Clary couldn't reach and leaned over to help her up. "How much have you drank today?" he asked as he pulled her up. She tripped over her feet and fell into his chest.

"I don't know… a lot." Her face was in his chest, and he could barely understand what she was saying. "It'd be more if you would just give me that bottle." she snapped, reaching for his now empty hand. She looked up at him with eyes full of confusion. "W-what? Where is it?"

"I hid it because you've had enough for one day." Jace said, holding his arms out for her to balance on.

"You suck." she groaned, trying to push him away.

"Yeah, I know," Jace smirked at her. "But you need to go to bed. You're going to have a killer hangover tomorrow." He tried to lead her to the bed, but she pulled away and shook her head.

"I'm not tired, and you don't really want to go to bed." she whispered as she moved back over to Jace. Uncharacteristically, she pulled him into her and ran a finger down his cheek. Shocked and overwhelmed by a flurry of emotions, Jace couldn't move. "You're so sexy, Jace. Why aren't we dating yet?" She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"B-because you're with Will all the time." Jace stuttered, feeling slightly flustered from, Clary's aberrant advances toward him.

"But why haven't you tried to change that?" She placed her hands on his shoulders and rubbed them down his chest.

"Clary," Jace's voice caught as Clary's fingers danced on the skin above his pants.

"What? I thought you liked me…"

With a low chuckle, Jace shook his head and grabbed her hands. "I do, and that's why I can't do this."

"What do you mean?" She frowned at him as she tried to maneuver her hands back to his lower stomach.

"I'd much rather have you in a more conscious state. You're smashed."

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed a small 'o'. Jace thought that she was finally realizing what was going on, but then she asked, "I'm what?" A crease appeared between her eyebrows as she seemed to be trying to work the phrase out in her head.

"You know, wasted? Plastered? Clary, you're drunk." Jace grinned at her when she nodded her head.

She giggled and sat down at the edge of the bed, pulling Jace down in front of her still holding onto his hand. "I am." Letting go of him, she fell backwards and off the bed and giggled again. "Forgive me?" she asked quietly after Jace helped her back up. Her eyes were wide and sparkling green, and Jace could feel the stuttering in his heart as she continued to stare at him.

"Of course. Let's go to bed." Jace reached over and pulled her down beside him, and they worked their way under the covers.

As Clary tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, Jace played with a strand of her hair. Eventually, Clary stopped squirming, but she looked over at him and said, "Take off your pants." Jace's face must've said it all because then Clary flicked him on the nose and added, "Your jeans are rubbing my legs. How am I supposed to go to sleep like this?"

Jace laughed and got out of her bed, and slowly, just to get a reaction out of Clary, unbuttoned his pants and slid them off. Clary's eyes seemed to widen even more when he pulled his shirt off too. "What? I figured we might as well get completely comfortable."

With a devious smile, Clary pulled him back onto the bed and whispered in his ear, "I knew you'd do that." Then she rolled over and closed her eyes.

Jace, feeling completely played by this innocent little girl, rolled his eyes and put his arm around her waist. "Whatever, baby. Go to sleep." Clary's body shook a little with laughter, and she rolled over back over to face him.

"Goodnight, Jace." She kissed the tip of his nose and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. "Sweet dreams." she mumbled with a yawn.

* * *

I would say that the first thing I noticed when I woke up was the insanely intense headache racking my brain, but it wasn't. It was the screams of anger. I tried to sit up and look around the room, but the room spun around me, and I fell back down, nauseous and dizzy. Jace groaned, mumbles of obscenities not making their way out of the pillow his face was shoved into. Finally I was yanked out of my bed and over Jace's body.

Instantly I fell to the ground, and I began to dry heave. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I knew there was nothing in my stomach to get rid of other than alcohol, and my body wasn't going to let me just live this one down. Jace shot up as soon as I was pulled across him, and he glared angrily at the person standing above me. I blinked a couple of times and stared up at Kaelie. She was fully dressed and wore one of the scariest glowers I had ever seen in my life.

"What the hell is this?" she shrieked, gesturing wildly at me. I covered my head in attempt to keep the pounding down, but she continued with her rant. My head hurt so bad that I couldn't even listen to her words. "Are you even listening to me, Clary?"

Jace's concerned eyes met mine, and he held out a hand. "Kaelie, she's hungover for the first time in like a year and a half. Will you give her time to recover first?"

"Why should I do that?" she snapped, stepping towards him angrily.

"Well, she obviously isn't giving you the reaction you want. Maybe you should wait for when she can…?" he suggested as he stood up and pulled me back to the bed.

She made a loud sound in her throat that sounded more like a growl than a sigh and shoved Jace in the chest. "You listen to me Jace Herondale, and you listen to me good. If you want anything in your precious little life to seem half decent, you will meet me before dinner tonight. Go it? Jessamine asked me to help her in her little plot to figure out what Clary did that was so bad to get her here, and I have half a mind to do it now. You better watch yourself if you know what's good for you." She poked him in the chest hard and spun towards the door.

"Why do you think that would make me want to meet up with you?" Jace asked condescendingly.

"We both know that whatever she did to get in here wasn't some _little_ thing. And, Jessamine is planning on figuring it out and telling the whole institute about it. I doubt you'd want her little feelings hurt. So back here at six? Be sure she's not here, either. Will would gladly take her off your hands anyways. He's been looking for her all morning." Kaelie's voice was sickeningly sweet, but I could barely comprehend the words coming out of her mouth. No wonder I had quit drinking—this shit sucks.

Jace looked beyond irate as she twisted the door handle, waiting on his response. "Fine, whatever, but don't think that this little ploy will keep me for long. Her past can't possibly be _that _bad."

Kaelie laughed maniacally. "We'll see, babe." She blew him a kiss and slammed the door behind her.

I winced at the sound and cradled my head in my hands. Jace's pained eyes landed back on me, and he went to my closet and began pulling clothes out. Scrunching my eyes together, I tried to figure out what he was doing. "Uh, Jace, those are my clothes…" I pointed out dumbly.

He glanced over his shoulder at me and smirked in an attempt to hide his frustration with Kaelie. "I know that. You need a shower and some food and lots of water, preferably lemon water. If there's any test I could ever ace, it would be one on how to recover from a hangover." Finally he walked back over to me with a pair of yoga pants and a big t-shirt. I stared at the clothes for a few minutes before finally taking them in my hands. He coughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I figured you'd rather pick out you're, uh, _underclothes_."

Despite the intense headache, I laughed. I laughed so hard that tears began to form in my eyes. "_Underclothes_?! The incredibly experienced Jace Herondale is embarrassed to say panties? This has _got_ to be one of the most comical things ever. Say it. Say panties." I bit my lip with my front two teeth and stared at him expectantly.

Incredulously, Jace's cheeks became a slightly pink color. "I'm not embarrassed to say panties, Clary. I just figured it would be disrespectful to do so in front of you." He shook his head and spoke in a tone that he attempted to make come off as what I assumed he thought was appropriate.

I choked on my laughter. "Puh-lease! On one of my first days here you invited me to join a threesome. Any respect you have was out the door way before I even moved here."

Although I was obviously teasing him, he frowned and pushed up from the bed. "I regret doing that… it was so dumb of me to act the way I did."

"That was like forever ago. You apologized, and we moved on. I know you better than to judge you now from that. You did sleep in the same bed as me last night while I was ridiculously drunk, and you didn't try anything on me. You're better than what you seem to give yourself credit for."

The corners of his lips quirked up a little. "You did make it really hard to resist last night."

Now it was my turn to blush. "Oh, god, what did I do?" I asked, mortified. I hadn't been drunk in over a year and a half. From past experiences of being drunk, I knew that I acted wild—not really like a sex-crazed girl, but more so than I am when sober. I couldn't really remember much from the day before. I remembered the fight between Jace and Jonathan and my busted lip. I remembered Will storming out of Sebastian's and Jace's room when I asked for alcohol, but everything from then on was a blur.

Flashes of what I hoped to be memories passed through my head. None of them were pristine memories. Most of them seemed more impossible than not. I could remember Simon stopping by the room, but that was about it for my recollections of the night. Then one brilliantly clear memory stood out. Jace stripping down into just his underwear.

I gazed at him, fully taking him in. He seemed to be watching me with carefully guarded eyes as I continued to analyze the situation. Looking at him now, it was sort of insane to know that we had fallen asleep together and _didn't _do anything. His golden hair was mussed and curly, messy strands falling over his forehead, ears, and neck. The thick cords of muscle coiled and stretched with each move he made, making it almost unbearable to look away from him. Stepping towards him, I reached a hand out to graze his tan, broad chest.

He flinched back for a second, almost afraid of my touch, but he regained his composure as my fingers skimmed the sensitive skin of his abdomen. As my fingers continued to explore his warm skin, he slowly began to react. At first it was just chill bumps appearing on his arms, but then he shivered, and before I could react, he gripped my hand in his and pulled me flush to his body.

Shocked, I raised my head and felt his warm hands on my cheeks. Suddenly he pulled me closer and his warm lips connected with mine. I responded instantly, wrapping my arms around his neck and gripping his hair firmly in between my fingers. Automatically he deepened the kiss, and I tugged on his hair, eliciting an almost too delightful moan from him.

Jace picked me up and dropped us both onto the bed, breaking the kiss for a moment to resituate our bodies. His bare knees rested on the outside of my legs and his arms lay flat beside my head. He leaned back down and brushed his lips down my jaw line before kissing me again. This time, ready for his lips, I skimmed my tongue across his bottom lip. His breath quickened, and he managed to somehow squeeze our bodies even closer than they already were.

My whole body felt hot, and I couldn't help but want more. I had never felt such a strong desire to be with someone so much in my life, even before Sean. I moved my hands down the sides of his stomach, and he tensed up. I frowned as he looked down at me with wide eyes. His eyes seemed to be a cloudy amber, and my lips begged to kiss him again. He noticed my eyes flitting back and forth, and he sighed in aggravation.

He ran a hand through his now extremely mussed up hair and continued to stare down at me. I didn't know what to say, and I was too scared to prompt a rejection speech, so I waited silently. Unexpectedly, he bent down again and kissed my forehead, both of my cheeks, and my nose before kissing me gently on the lips again. "Clary, you are the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen in my life," he whispered, his cool breath fanning across my face. "I like you so much that I'm afraid I'm going to screw this up… so I don't want us to move fast. I don't even want to move halfway fast, if that makes sense. You're the first girl I've sincerely wanted to get to know better, and I don't want my hormones to get in the way of that. So, if you could do me the favor, _please_ don't ever do that again. I can't guarantee that I won't lose control. I already feel out of control around you enough as it is."

Grinning, I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "So we can't kiss anymore then, can we?" I asked in mock disappointment.

He jerked back in surprise. "No! I didn't say that. I just mean no more doing—you know, no more touching me like… you know!" he rambled in frustration, his qualms taking over.

"I was just kidding. I'd be willing to kiss you all day." I mumbled, barely touching his lips with mine.

"We could start that now." He smirked as he deepened the kiss.

"Oh, but I need a shower and food and _lots _of water." I teased, pulling away from him.

Pouting, he ran another hand through his hair. "You're right. We have pretty much all the time in the world to kiss all day. Your hangover is what's really important." He raised a single eyebrow at me_. _

Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I huffed loudly. "You broke my brother's nose, and my brother busted my lip… Isn't that plenty of reason to drink for just _one _night?!"

"Lord, that's another thing!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in mock exasperation. "Let's just bring you to the hospital. You're practically falling apart!"

"No I'm not." I sulked before pushing him off the bed.

"Hey!" he yelped as he hit the floor. "Ow…" He rubbed his head when he stood up.

"Looks like we can share a room at the hospital, _baby_."

"That's it. I'm putting my clothes on, and you're showering. Anyone who insults Jace Herondale does _not _get to enjoy the sight of this bod. You're on punishment." He picked up his clothes from the floor and slid his jeans on.

Despite being slightly disappointed from his addition of clothes, I laughed and threw a pillow at him. "Like you could resist taking your clothes off around me anyways." I taunted with a roll of my eyes.

His eyes flashed, and then he was suddenly on top of me. "Is that a bet?" he muttered in my hair. "Cause you'd be the first one to rip off clothes, both mine and yours." Heat coursed through my body again, and my cheeks burned. Jace, obviously noticing, winked and placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek. "You go take a shower. I'll see you in the café in a bit, okay?"

He pulled his shirt on, covering his chest. I didn't want him to know, but I was slightly disappointed when he was no longer showing any skin. "You're no fun." I complained as he kissed the top of my head with a chuckle.

"Be sure to take a long shower. Just because you don't notice the headache now, won't mean you won't notice it when I'm gone. Take care of yourself for me, please?" He stared at me with deep, serious eyes.

"I swear I'll take a long shower for my health." I held up my hand for scout's honor.

"By the way, you snore." He added right before ducking out of my room.

My mouth fell open in surprise. "I don't…" I trailed off as his chuckles echoed. "Hey! I don't snore!" Although I knew he wouldn't hear it, I yelled after him. It was too bad that I was too giddy to be embarrassed at his observation. Jace's lips were the only thing I could concentrate on as I grabbed everything for my shower. What a glorious start to the day.

* * *

**So I know it kinda seems like Clary is wishy-washy with Jace and Will, but she can't help it... so please don't rant on that. I mean, she was abused and raped by an ex, and now she's being hit on by two EXTREMELY gorgeous Herondale boys. I don't blame her for being a little confused —and excited to kiss them both. I just wanted to remind everyone that there will be a lot of her going back and forth. Her decision will be ridiculously tough, so she's gonna make some bad decisions and be a little back and forth. Just remember she can't help it (: Thanks for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13: Let Me In

**Hi guys :3 Sorry it took me two weeks to update again. I'm not going to bore you with excuses, but I have been kinda sick, so my attention span was pretty crappy this past week. Do you know how hard it is to write when you can't even pay attention to your fingers as you type? Yeah... It was no good. But here's the update. I almost added more, but I decided to not write it because I tend to over detail things, and it gets kind of boring. But, seriously, sorry for taking so long. And to those of you who thought I was going to make you guys get me to 200 reviews before I updated are so silly. I'm not like that. Though I do enjoy all of your reviews (SO SO MUCH *Hint Hint, Wink Wink*), I would never set a review requirement. But ANYWAYS hope you enjoy the chapter. I'm thinking next chapter might be kind of long and complicated. I guess we'll see. Ta ta guys! Review ;D**

* * *

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven  
__Seasons are changing__  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one  
_- '_Your Guardian Angel_'  
by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

* * *

As I showered, the bathroom was deathly silent. The only sounds were my humming and the splash of the water hitting the ground. While I was nearing the end of my shower, my bottle of shampoo fell and scared me, causing me to jump back and slap my lip with my hands.

Pain erupted from my lip, and I admonished myself for trying to protect my face. I touched my lip gingerly and watched as the shower washed blood off my hand. I split my lip back open… great. Blood dripped down my chin and onto my stomach mixing with the water. For a moment I was too entranced by the memories of seeing my blood like this to try to stem the bleeding.

The blood continued to run down my body, swirling around the multitude of my scars. Suddenly flashbacks were all that invaded my mind. I wasn't in the institute bathroom anymore. I was being shoved into Sean's bathroom to clean off from one of his many attacks. "You're not coming out of the bathroom until you look presentable." Sean snarled banging a fist against the door. I curled into a ball next to the door as I sobbed and tried to wipe off blood. "I don't hear the shower running, Clary. Get in the damn shower now or I'm coming in there!"

I could feel the edges of my consciousness blurring. A blackout was coming, and I was barely able to fight it. I rubbed the blood away from my body, but it continued to dribble down my chin, and finally, with a gurgled cry, I passed out.

* * *

Will was beginning to learn what frustration really was. He just got off the phone with Cecily for the fifth time since their last conversation a month and a half ago, and he was thoroughly annoyed. For a while, their conversations were just him trying to talk her out of coming to the institute and her telling him that she was going to move to the institute anyways. The most recent, the one that left him especially agitated, was her telling him that Gen had paid for her to come to The Shadow Institute, and Cecily would be here in less than a few days.

Of course, there were other things bothering him… like the fact that the girl he most admired for her strength was probably nursing a hangover right at that moment. He wanted—no he needed—to talk to her. He wanted to scream and yell and kick something, but he knew he couldn't. There was no way she would be able to handle him freaking out like that. That was what was most frustrating about their situation: neither he nor Jace could react the way they usually reacted to situations around her. She was far too delicate to deal with that. The two Herondales had always been violent with their moods and their actions. If either one of them wanted to keep Clary around, then both of them had to make serious adjustments.

He hadn't seen Clary or Jace since around noon the day before when he stormed out of Sebastian's and Jace's room. He regretted doing that now, but at the moment he felt like his action was completely acceptable. Will wasn't all too used to caring about another person's feelings since Tessa, and look how well that one panned out. Ever since he had met Clary, he hadn't really given his and Tessa's relationship much thought, but he knew now that it was a disaster from the start. The only reason Tessa was even at the institute was because she was the exact opposite of the kind of person Will was.

When Will thought of Tessa, he thought of that one ray of sunlight through gray clouds on an almost rainy day. He thought of thousands of old books just waiting to be discovered. He thought of the rainbow after a terrible storm. Will was never meant to be with Tessa just because of who they were. Jem had always been the person that she would've ended up with, even if Will _wasn't_ a complete idiot. Will knew he was the reason for destruction and unhappiness. Ever since the accident with Ella, he hated the idea of anyone getting close to him. Jem was the only exception, and that was because the two were best friends way before Ella passed away.

Although Will had truly been enamored with Tessa, Will always held Tessa at a distance. He couldn't help it; it was his natural instinct. As much as Tessa fought and begged for him to let her in his dark, dark mind, Will never would. He wanted to tell her everything… tell her that he was a monster. He wanted to tell her that he was a poor excuse for a person. But, he continued to keep her at least a length away from discovering any of his past. He wasn't quite sure, though, when his and Tessa's relationship became strained.

There were many days when the two would do nothing but argue. It would always end the same: her commenting on something, and Will finally snapping at her and storming away from her. He should've been thankful that she always stuck around, but he just couldn't let her in. Maybe Will feared he'd end up losing her like he did Ella. Maybe Will just wasn't the type of person to be loved. Will hated the fact that he had ruined such a good friendship between the two of them, though.

Never being good at knowing his boundaries, Will tended to cross them often. He had pushed Tessa so far away that he had practically set her in Jem's arms. After he walked in on the two of them in the middle of an embrace, Will lost himself for awhile. He exploded in one of his worst rages. When Tessa had run after him, he immediately jumped on her by verbally assaulting her. He didn't even want to remember the things he had said to her.

Will knew he was dumb… he didn't need convincing otherwise.

Will had finally made it back to the elevator and was surprised to see Jace alone. Jace was mumbling to himself and hitting the top of his head repeatedly with his fist. Will glanced around the room, wondering if Jace had just gotten into an argument with someone. "Jace?" he asked cautiously.

Jace's head whipped up, and his golden eyes widened dramatically. "Oh, hey, Will." he muttered, pushing by Will and making his way towards the reception desk.

Will, so surprised by the lack of spite in Jace, grabbed Jace's shoulder and spun him around so the two boys were facing one another. "What's wrong?"

Jace glanced around the two, and finally, when he seemed to decide no one could hear him, he whispered, "Did you know that Jessamine is trying to dig into Clary's past and planning on outing her to the whole institute?" He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels impatiently.

"How could she possibly do that? The only way she could learn anything about Clary's past is from Clary herself or her files." Will replied, leaning against the wall beside the elevator.

"That's the thing… Apparently she was talking about looking at her files when Clary first moved her. Magnus said she seemed pretty serious about it."

Will glanced at the reception desk where Miss. Black or Miss. Dark usually resided, but was shocked to see blond hair atop the body of the devil herself. "It seems like Jessamine is already trying to get her way. You should go talk to her. She doesn't need to mess with Clary." Will pointed toward her, and Jace grimaced.

"I don't even like being around her." Jace complained pulling at his messy hair. Will wasn't used to seeing Jace so disorderly before. Jace must've come straight down the elevator after he woke up because he usually looked far more collected than this.

"That's something we have in common. She's so annoying." Will chuckled, mimicking how Jessamine would always try to flirt with the boys by flipping his hair and batting his eyelashes at Jace.

"Who's annoying?" Isabelle appeared beside the boys and watched the two of them with narrowed eyes. "And don't either one of you dare say it's me because I do not flip my hair like that." She raised a warning finger at the two Herondale brothers.

Will pulled back from her and laughed. "No, we're talking about Jessamine."

Isabelle lowered her finger and laughed with him. "Well then you were doing it all wrong, then. She leans over just far enough for boys to see down her shirt while she's flipping that mop-head of hers."

Jace rolled his eyes and glanced back over at the reception desk. "Dang, she's alone. I guess I should go talk to her now. Will you do me a favor?" Will shrugged at Jace and waited for him to continue. "Well, Clary is nursing a wee bit of a hangover. I think Sebastian gave her a stash for herself, but I sent her to take a shower, and then I told her to eat and drink lots of water. Will you make sure she's all right? She looked a little green before I left her room."

Will narrowed his eyes at his cousin, all joking thrown out the door. "What were you doing in her room?"

Isabelle whistled lowly and sidestepped the two boys. "This has gotten a tad awkward… My cue to leave." She ducked into the elevator and pushed a button continuously until the doors shut.

"I stayed with her last night because she needed someone to take care of her, and you were off sulking somewhere because she decided to drink once. I'm pretty sure the first time she met either of us we both had alcohol in us. I mean, she told us about how she was abused by her ex for God's sake!" Jace snapped, bringing his voice down in a hushed whisper.

"Oh, shut up! I already feel bad enough for getting mad at her. I just don't understand why you can't just leave her alone."

Jace grumbled something before spinning around, his back to Will. "Look, I know you hate the fact that you're stuck in another little triangle, but you'll have to deal with it because I like Clary too."

"It's not a triangle." Will snapped as he refrained himself from snatching Jace up and screwing up his face.

"Oh, really? I'm pretty sure she kissed me today…" Jace simpered before winking at Will and heading off towards Jessamine at the reception desk.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Will shouted as he turned around and ripped one of the paintings down from the wall. He glared at it's now pitiful form and stomped on it. It was an ugly painting anyways.

He banged his fist on the up arrow for the elevator and waited anxiously, preparing to talk to Clary extensively about why she shouldn't be involved with Jace. When the elevator finally made it to the lobby, Will immediately stepped into it and pushed eight. The doors closed right after he pushed the button as if it could sense Will's brewing anger. The ride up to the eighth floor was quick but not quick enough for Will.

He stormed down the hallway and began to bang on Clary's door as soon as he reached it. There was no reply, so he typed in the code and barged into an empty room. Grumbling, he glanced around the room to see an unmade bed, clothes strewn all over the floor, and a bottle of alcohol on a shelf. Clary had some serious cleaning up to do; her room never looked like this. Will slammed the door and headed toward the bathroom to wait on Clary.

Will sat on a bench inside the bathroom and listened to the one shower that was running. There was no other sounds except his harsh breathing and the water slapping the ground. He wondered how long Clary had been in the shower, and he stood up and began to pace around the room. He was contemplating what to say to Clary because he wasn't completely sure what to make of this new situation. Were he, Clary, and Jace in a triangle? Could he really handle another disappointment?

He continued to listen to the water hit the ground, growing more and more impatient as the silence continued. Finally, he couldn't wait any longer. He walked back to the showers and stood in front of the one Clary was using. "Clary, you need to come out of the shower." There was no response, and Will was beginning to get agitated. He glanced under the door to see Clary's unconscious body slumped on the ground.

Almost instantly, his senses became heightened, and he slammed the door open and cut off the water avoiding Clary's body. He also tried to evade looking at her nude body, but he couldn't help but notice the blood dribbling down her chin and neck. Scooping her up, he carried her to the towels and wrapped her up in multiple towels and cleaned the blood off her body. Will realized that the blood was just from her lip, but that didn't explain her being unconscious.

Glancing around the bathroom, Will realized he had no idea where Clary had left her clothes. Will leaned against the wall with Clary still in his arms and tried to figure out what to do next. There were only two people he'd allow to see Clary like this, and they were the only two he truly trusted anyways. So, carrying Clary towards the bathroom exit, Will checked the hallway before doing a half-sprint half-hobble down the hallway. Will kicked the door repeatedly in hopes that _anyone _was in the room.

The door swung open immediately, and Jem stared at Will in shock. "Will, what on earth is—"

"I'll explain later. Where's Tessa?" Will interrupted Jem and stalked into the room. Before Jem could reply, Tessa appeared beside Will with wide eyes. Will set Clary on his bed and turned around to face his two closest friends. "Oh, hi, Tess." Will grimaced and sat down on the floor next to his bed.

"So, yeah, what is this?" Tessa asked as gestured towards Clary.

"Please tell me you did not drug her…" Rubbing his forehead, Jem sighed.

"Oh, please!" Will exclaimed. "I don't need to drug a girl to get her into my bed."

Tessa scoffed loudly and crossed her arms. "Why are you acting like this?"

"She kissed Jace!" Jem and Tessa exchanged a look and sat down on Jem's bed.

"You know, crazy as it sounds, I think Clary being unconscious and naked might be more important at the moment." Jem muttered.

"That's why I brought her in here. I found her passed out in the shower with her busted lip bleeding. I figured that she'd be a little more comfortable in a bed… and, uh, someone needs to dress her." Will said uncomfortably.

"Oh, that's where I come in, right?" Tessa asked. Will nodded his head and glanced back at Clary. Her skin was paler than usual and dark bags circled her eyes. "So, where are her clothes then?"

"I couldn't find them in the bathroom. I figured she could wear some of my clothes." Will shrugged and grabbed some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Do you happen to have a pair of panties for her?" Tessa asked sarcastically.

"Well, no! But some clothes are better than none." Will snapped handing Tessa the clothes.

"Oh, fine, but you're gonna regret this…" Tessa pushed Will out of the way and moved to Clary's body. "Both of you turn around until I say you can look again."

* * *

Jace approached the front desk, and Jessamine, instantly noticing him, straightened up and batted her eyes at him. "Jessamine," Jace began curtly as he leaned against the desk. She flashed him a smile and leaned towards him. "We need to talk."

Jessamine giggled and twirled her blonde hair around her finger. "Of course."

"What the hell are you doing?" Jace decided that he didn't want to play her little mind game. He could tell she already felt like she had won since she was at the desk.

She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow and stood up, brushing down her skirt. "What do you mean?" she asked in a sickly sweet voice as she brushed a hand down his arm.

He shrugged her off and glared at her. "You know exactly what I mean. I'm not in the mood for your crap today. Why are you working the desk?"

"Well I want to have a good work ethic before I start college… obviously." Jessamine smirked as Jace showed signs of his growing irritation. He ran a hand through his already mussed hair and stifled a growl.

"You could care less about a work ethic, Jessamine. Why do you hate Clary so much?" Jace deadpanned as he watched the parents of a young boy walk by almost in tears as their son ignored them.

"Who doesn't hate Clary?" she retaliated as she plunked back down in her seat.

"You and Kaelie are the only two who seem to have a problem with her. Are you jealous of her?" Jace sneered because he knew that he was tugging on the right nerves.

With a loud laugh, Jessamine leaned on the desk and analyzed Jace with calculating eyes. "There are multiple reasons why I'm _not _jealous of that wench. First of all, she's not even remotely pretty. Secondly, the only thing she has that I don't is that disgusting red hair of hers. And lastly, even with her anorexia problem, she still hasn't even managed to look close to as good as me. So, no, I'm not jealous."

"The only thing I heard was, "I'm extremely jealous.'" Jace said as he leaned towards her too. "Look, I don't care that you're jealous, and I could care less that you hate Clary… but so help me, if you try anything to hurt her, you'll regret it. So, my professional advice for you would be to back the hell off. I may not hit girls, but Isabelle and Camille have been dying to have a one on one with you for quite a while…"

Jessamine glared at Jace for a few moments before rolling her eyes. "You need to leave. I'm working."

Jace chuckled condescendingly and with a smirk, he spun on his heels and left her.

* * *

Tessa, Will, and Jem sat in silence in their room as Clary continued to sleep. Will slumped on the chair next to his bed and stared at Clary with a look Jem and Tessa had never seen. "Will, she had a lot of scars…" Tessa whispered as she thought about Clary's pale body covered in dozens of small and big scars.

"Yeah, I know." Watching Clary's chest rise and fall, Will mumbled. "She was abused by an ex-boyfriend." Will brushed a stray hair away from Clary's face and met the shocked eyes of Tessa and Jem.

"Do you think that's all that has happened to her?" Jem asked quietly.

Will sighed and stood up. He paced the room with occasional glances towards Clary. "No. Something else happened to her. I don't know what, but it was bad."

Tessa looked down and said, "You don't understand, Will. There are scars everywhere. She must've gone through this abuse for a long time. There's no way all of those were from the same time. That would be a lot of blood loss…"

Will spun around and crossed the room. He sat on the edge of his bed and held Clary's small hand delicately in his. "I know. She told me and Jace about it. His name was Sean, and he's a sick bastard."

Tessa frowned and leaned into Jem, and for once, seeing the two of them together didn't really affect Will. He was too busy worrying for Clary's health and waiting for her to wake up. "We should go. You two need to be alone when she wakes up." Standing up, Jem spoke before helping Tessa from the bed. The two of them headed towards the door, and with a wave, they both disappeared from the room.

* * *

When I woke back up, I was in a room submerged in darkness. Looking around the room, I realized I was in Will's room. I stood up and stretched, my body throbbing painfully. I hadn't forgotten anything from this morning; I knew exactly what had happened. Will must've found me in the bathroom after I passed out.

Swinging my legs over the bed, I dragged myself out of Will's bed. Across the room, shrouded in the darkness, I could see my reflection in the mirror of the bedroom. That's when I realized I wasn't wearing my clothes. A pair of baggy, grey sweatpants engulfed the lower half of my body while a large black t-shirt covered the top half of my body. I knew they were Will's. His scent was everywhere.

I could also feel the awkwardness of not wearing any underwear or a bra. Of course, I wondered how I was dressed, and because the ideas I had scared and embarrassed me, I decided not to venture any further into the matter.

Then the door opened and with it came a pool of light into the room. I shielded my eyes, and before I knew it, a warm body was next to mine. "You're finally awake!" Will's breath whispered across my neck. "I brought food." The warmth from his body disappeared, and the lights flickered on. Will held take out boxes in his hands and smiled at me softly. He sat down in one of the bean bags and gestured for me to join him. Slowly, I followed him onto the floor, taking the box he held out towards me. "How are you feeling? I'm guessing you're a little sore… I don't know how long you were passed out in the bathroom."

I opened the box and watched him as he stared at me with solemn eyes. "Who dressed me?"

Will's lips quirked up slightly, barely forming a smile. "Tessa. Sorry about the clothes. I couldn't find your clothes in the bathroom."

I took a bite of the chicken parmesan Will had chosen for me. "It's all right. At least I woke up with clothes on." I rolled my eyes at him, and he actually smiled this time.

"So… what happened?" Fidgeting with his food, Will asked awkwardly.

"I hit my lip, and blood was everywhere…" I sighed and met his eyes. Will set his food down with a frown. "I just had a moment where all I could think of was the things Sean had done to me, and then I just blacked out."

"Look, Clary, I know what you told me isn't the whole story… Because, as traumatizing as it is, you just seem to be holding back, and I'm not sure what all he did to you, but I promise you, I would never let it happen to you again." Will turned his body to face mine and took my hand in his.

I pulled my hand away from his and looked down with tears beginning to form in my eyes. "You can't promise that." I mumbled as I wiped my eyes viciously to rid of the tears.

Will looked taken aback. "I don't understand. I can protect you from that." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and he tried to reach for my hand again.

I stood up and stared down at him. "You can't protect me from my past, William. There are things that happened to me that you would never want anything to do with. You can't make promises when you don't know what you're protecting me from. I need to go. I'm sorry." I exhaled shakily and headed towards the door.

When my hand touched the doorknob, I felt Will's hands on my shoulders. He spun me around and pushed me against the door softly. His eyes resembled the purple-blue of the ocean as he held me in his gaze. "You underestimate me. How could you possibly know whether I'll stick around if you haven't even trusted me yet?" His hands cradled my cheeks softly. "If you were any other girl—any other person—I would've given up long ago, but I care about you _so much_." He stared at me with eyes full of desperation. "Just give me a chance. Let me in."

With wide eyes and a slack jaw, I reached for his cheek and held it delicately in my hand. "I can't, Will. I still haven't been able to admit to myself what happened to me. How am I supposed to tell you?"

Will smiled softly and leaned towards me. "I'll wait. I will wait as long as necessary. Just know I'm here." His breath brushed my lips, and he continued to lean closer to my face. "Sound like a deal?"

I bit my lip and moved towards him inadvertently. "Sounds like a deal."

* * *

**Sorry this chapter was so choppy. It was really hard to write it any other way. I'm pretty sure the next chapter won't jump around so much. I'm trying to decide who it should focus on... Should it be a Sizzy, Malec, Jessa, etc. centered chapter? I know we don't get much of them... Or should I just move on with the drama? Tell me your thoughts, wants, and ideas in a review (:**


	14. Chapter 14: Damaged Goods

**Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. I had a lot going on, and I was super stressed. Buuut, I'm back, and I'm DEFINITELY NOT quitting this story. I would die before I chose not to finish this story. Anyways, a lot goes down in this chapter. Be prepared. Fair warning, shirts do come off at the end. ;D Yeah, you're welcome. But, I still haven't decided how far I'm going with stuff like that. Not sure if I'm ready for writing those kind of scenes yet. I guess time will tell...**** Thanks for the support. You guys are great, and please keep reviewing. Your feedback really does play a role in ****upcoming chapters. By the way, I've been entertaining the idea of a sequel to BMP... Any thoughts on that? Well hope this was a nice surprise to almost go to sleep/wake up to (: Love you guys!**

* * *

_Let's Go  
I kissed the scars on her skin  
I still think you're beautiful  
And I don't ever want to lose my best friend  
I screamed out "God you vulture,  
Bring her back or take me with her"  
_-_ 'A Match Into Water'  
_by Pierce The Veil

* * *

"Clary!" A voice whispered urgently. "Clary, you gotta wake up. You have a visitor." Someone shook my body harshly. Slowly, I opened my eyes as I came to. The voice was somewhat familiar to me, and when my eyes were fully open, they captured the image of Will fast asleep beside me.

Isabelle stood in front of the bed with hands resting sharply on her hips. "What do you mean?" Sitting up carefully to avoid jostling Will's sleeping form, I asked sleepily.

"I think it's your mother. She's a split image of you… just older, and possibly more sad. She doesn't look like she's enjoyed having you away." Isabelle's eyebrows furrowed slightly as she spoke.

"Wait, my mother is here?!" I shrieked as I hopped out of the bed.

Isabelle simply raised her eyebrow at me. I noticed her eyes trail down my body, obviously taking in my choice of clothing. "_What _are you wearing?"

I threw my ratty hair into a ponytail, ignoring her criticism. "Isabelle, I slept in this."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't dress up for bed."

"And they're Will's clothes." I added as I walked by her.

"Oh," she said sharply; her tone indicating her thoughts. She was silent for a moment. "Well then… how was it?"

I spun around and gaped at her. Heat flooded my cheeks as her statement began to make sense. "Isabelle!" I admonished. A stifled laugh was coughed out from Will's bed. "You can stop eavesdropping now, William." I rolled my eyes and glared at him.

Will's head popped up from the pillow, and he grinned at me. His midnight hair, mussed and dangerously handsome, stuck up in random spots, causing him to look strangely young and innocent. I couldn't bite back the smile directed at him. "I was just listening to a rather interesting conversation about how _it _was." he mused as he sat up.

"About how _it _didn't happen, you mean?" I replied smartly before side-stepping Isabelle and heading towards the door. "But, if you don't mind, I'm going to see my mom. I'll be back later." I waved my fingers at him and opened the door.

"Wait, can I meet her?" He jumped out of his bed and grabbed a shirt lying on the floor.

"Is that even clean?" Isabelle scoffed with a wrinkle of her small nose.

"It smells fine to me." Will said as he pulled it on the shirt.

"Come on. I don't want to keep her waiting forever." Rushing the two of them, I waved my hands out of the door.

"You two kids have fun. I have plans with someone." Isabelle grinned and walked ahead of Will and me.

I glanced at Will in confusion, but he just shrugged and took my hand in his. The journey to the lobby of the institute was long and brutal. I thought at first that it was just pure excitement from the idea of seeing my mom that was coursing through my body, but I realized quickly that it really was just anxiety. I hadn't really left my mom on good terms, and now it's been a little over two months since I had even talked to her.

Once we reached the first floor, Will practically had to drag me towards the front desk. Mrs. Dark perched at her desk looking entirely not amused by the laughing children playing in the lobby. Will leaned across the desk, receiving a look of pure hatred from the old woman. Ignoring her glare, Will said, "I need to ask a favor of you."

Mrs. Dark rolled her eyes and pushed his arms off her desk with disgust written all over her face. "No, can't help you." She spun around in her chair and began tapping on her computer.

"Well, Clary's mom is here to see her, and we were just wondering where Mrs. Morgenstern might be…?" Will continued with the conversation as if Mrs. Dark didn't just cut him off.

Mrs. Dark spun back around in her chair hastily. Face pale, she stood up. "I didn't even realize—yes, her mother is waiting in one of the reserved visitor rooms on the opposite side of the public visitation center. Just take a right from here, and she's in the very first room on the left down that hallway." It was such a strange thing to see Mrs. Dark flustered and somewhat nice, that I didn't recognize how odd it was that my mom had a private visiting room reserved, but Will caught on to it and spoke up his concerns.

"Why is she in a private room?" he asked as I turned around to go meet my mom.

Mrs. Dark's eyes met mine for a fleeting second before she just muttered, "Not sure. She just reserved it. Go on now." Her demand lacked its usual snarky flourish, but we left the desk and headed towards the hallway of reserved rooms.

Once we made it to the room Mrs. Dark directed us toward, I spun around and grabbed Will's wrists. His eyes met mine immediately, but I took a moment to glance around us first. The hallway was mostly dark—only lit to the fifth set of doors—and had the same color scheme as the rest of the institute. There was no one in the hallway except for Will and me, but I was still anxious. "Look," I whispered as I stared up at him. "I haven't talked to my mom since she and my dad dropped me off here over two months ago. I don't know what she has to say or what she is here for, but she's kind of… eccentric, I guess. So try not to pay much attention to what she says, okay?" Will didn't say anything; he just nodded his head with tight lips pressed into a hard line.

Slowly I opened the door, revealing a red-haired woman perched on the arm of a chair. As soon as she saw the door open, she jumped up from her seat and rushed towards me engulfing me in a strong hold. I patted her awkwardly on her back as Will watched from the side quietly. "Clarissa. Oh, Clarissa." she cried out and stepped away from me. She touched my cheek softly with her palm and smiled sadly. "Its so great seeing you."

"Hey, Mom." I smiled softly back at her. "How are you?" I stepped back and held my hands behind my back.

She rubbed her eyes and also took a step back. "Oh, I'm fine. How are you, dear? How's classes? Are you fitting in nicely? The food is good, right?" Mom rambled on as she fiddled with her coat's lapel. I glanced back at Will, drawing Mom's attention to him for the first time. "Oh… Oh! Why, hello." Mom grinned and extended her arm toward him.

"William Herondale, ma'am. It's nice to meet you." He took her hand and smiled politely.

Delighted, my mom shook his hand and grinned at me. "So, I'm taking your stay here has been good, then?"

I rolled my eyes and sat down in one of the plush chairs. "Mom," I groaned as she scrutinized Will with elated eyes. "It's been fine." I finished lamely when Will caught my eyes and winked at me. I held back the ridiculous giggle that threatened to escape me.

"Well, how are classes then? I would hope you're working on raising your GPA after last year's incident…" Raising her perfectly plucked eyebrows at me, she suggested.

"They're easy. It's senior year." I snapped, annoyed at her for bringing it up.

Mom smiled tightly, and silence engulfed the room. The tension was so tangible that I felt like I could taste it. The only noise in the small room was our soft breathing and some barely audible voices outside the door.

"So, William, where are you from?" Jocelyn asked as she continued to look him over with particularly deft eyes. As her eyes flitted from Will to me, I could almost see the wheels turning in her head. I braced myself, knowing that this visit was about to go downhill _very _fast.

Will grinned at her interest in him and replied, "I lived in Pennsylvania until I was thirteen. Then I came here to further my education. Plus it looks really good on my college application that I went here." I stared at him as he smiled again, and all I could think of was _Oh my gosh. What a suck up._

"Oh, of course! It's such a nice school, very elite. Herondale seems like a very prominent family name. Does your family own any companies or land?"

"_Mom,_" I groaned, drawing the word out for a brief moment. All that seriously mattered to her and Valentine was how much money someone had and how much land they owned. I never understood the point of it. The only thing money ever did for me was tear my family apart.

Will shot me a quick look, so I shrunk back and didn't say anything else. "Well my dad did own this small insurance company, but a lot of stuff happened to my family a couple years ago, and he didn't have time for it anymore. He sold it and got a job at a bank. I left to come here before that happened though.

"Oh, dear." Jocelyn raised her hand to her mouth and tsked quietly. "I am so sorry. What was it that happened?"

I considered rolling my eyes. This was so like mom that I couldn't even act surprised, though. Then I wondered what Will would say. It was a big decision for him to tell me what happened, but that was because he trusted me and didn't want to have secrets between us… although, I guess that still didn't work out too well either. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I fought the instinct to protect Will, to scream and yell at my mom for being so insensitive.

What had gotten into me? I felt so strung out and full of nerves.

Will's face was tight, but he still answered her. "My older sister died in a house fire. My family hasn't been the same since."

Jocelyn gasped, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "Oh, no." She moved towards him and hugged him tightly. "I could never imagine going through that." She pulled away and looked over at me with soft eyes. "I could never imagine losing Clary."

This time I couldn't help but roll my eyes, and both Will and Jocelyn saw it. Before either one of them could say anything, I stood up. "Look, Mom, it's been great seeing you, but what are you really doing here? You haven't called me once since I've been here, and I can tell this isn't some little lovey-dovey visit because you missed me. So just tell me."

Jocelyn obviously knew I would say this because she didn't flinch once as I spoke. We knew the relationship we had, and to say that we were close now would be an insult. "I know things have been rough, Clary, but your dad and I have tried to make things better..."

If she had started her speech off differently, I might've been able to control myself… but this—she knew what had happened. She, along with Valentine, did nothing as I went through multiple breakdowns and depressions. There was so much that they could've done for me, but they did nothing, and then they just got rid of me. I was so sick of pretending like my parents weren't partly the bad guy. "I can't believe that you have audacity to say that! You and Valentine did nothing—_NOTHING_—to help me after everything. _Oh, our daughter is anorexic? Maybe she'll eat eventually. Oh, our daughter's best friend died? Well she can't go to the funeral. Oh, our daughter was abused by her boyfriend? She'll be fine. No need to put him in jail. _Neither one of you have tried to help me through anything. I mean, you didn't even care that Jonathan just up and left! Then you just ship me off across the country. Do not _ever _try to tell me that you two have tried to make things better because all you've ever done is make things a hell of a lot worse."

Will's eyes widened at my words, but Jocelyn showed no signs of surprise. "Don't act like we didn't do anything for you. You're here, aren't you?"

"The boy who abused me for two years and caused so much grief and trouble in both of our lives is still walking around New York a free man. The only thing you did was move me farther away from him, and as soon as he finds out where I am, he's going to come back for me. You did nothing for me." I spat. She continued to look at me with blank eyes. "Just leave. If you cant see how messed up I am, and how much of it is your fault, then don't bother continuing this conversation with me. Don't come back. I don't have anything else to say to you. And don't expect me to come back to live with you when I turn eighteen. You obviously don't care anyways." I shoved past her and Will and stormed out of the room.

I heard Will say something to her softly before following me out of the room. I knew it was his fingers that encircled my wrist as soon as his long fingers skimmed my hand. I spun around and ripped my hand out of his grip. "I know what you're going to say, and I could care less to hear it."

He stared at me with sad eyes. "She came to visit you, Clary, and you just shut her out."

"You don't know anything about my relationship with my parents."

"At least she still came to see you!" he yelled at me. "I don't even remember what my parents look like. I can barely remember the sound of my mother's voice, and you're upset because she is here? You're selfish, and I can't believe it." He pointed a finger at me and then at the door my mom stood behind.

"If you knew what Sean did to me, if you could understand the length of pain and suffering he put me through, then you would understand, but you don't know and you won't ever understand. I have my reasons for being mad at my parents, and they know exactly what they did to deserve my anger. They just refuse to own up to it. I don't know if you were listening, but they did nothing to Sean even after all the blood, broken bones, and scars. I need to go." I turned away from him and walked away. "Tell Jocelyn I said bye." I called over my shoulder.

I didn't realize where I was heading until I stood in front of the door. I pulled the crumpled paper with Jonathan's number out of my pocket. I made sure that Will hadn't followed me, and I opened the door to the phones, and shut it behind me. The room was empty, and I planned on keeping it that way. I pushed two chairs against the door and sat at one of the phones. I fumbled with the phone for a moment before I actually got the number dialed.

The phone rang twice before someone answered it. "Hello?" The voice, completely unfamiliar to me, took me by surprise. It was a young man's voice, but no voice I had ever heard before.

"Uh, hi, is Jonathan there?" I asked softly. I hoped desperately that Jonathan was there. I needed to talk to him so bad that it frightened me.

"Yeah, who is this?" he asked after a moment's hesitation.

"Clary, his sister."

"Oh… Oh! Well it's so nice to finally, um, hear you?" He laughed brilliantly. "I'm Nathaniel Gray. Here's your brother."

"Clary?" Jonathan's voice came from the receiver. "Are you okay?" His voice was full of concern, and it brought tears to my eyes.

I sniffled and said, "Mom just came to visit me."

Jonathan was quiet on the other side of the phone. Finally he asked, "Why?"

I sighed and fingered the coiling wire on the phone. "I don't know. She looked like she had been crying, and she was saying how much she missed me. I haven't talked to her since her and Valentine dropped me off, so I know that wasn't why she really stopped by. I kind of blew up on her, though."

"Well don't feel bad about it. She deserved it. I would hope you said something to get through to her."

I took a big, shaky breath. This was where it always seemed to get complicated. Jonathan always took my side when I had problems with our parents. He didn't know about half the things that had happened in the past three years, but he never seemed to think they could do something right. "What did they do to make you hate them so much?" I asked softly. I really just needed to know his reasons.

He was quiet again, and when he finally replied, he didn't answer my question. "Do you know who founded the Shadow Institute?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I tried to figure out why it mattered. "No, no one ever talks about it. Why?"

"That's because the only people who really know about are the adults who work there, and everyone except for the students there." Jonathan replied with a strong voice. "The Shadow Institute was founded and is run by Valentine."

With that one statement I felt like a bomb had just exploded in my head. My ears rang, and I couldn't think straight. My vision seemed to be a little blurry, but I couldn't move to see if I had gone blind or deaf. "What?" It took all I had to muster that one word.

"Valentine sent you there to make a point. He knew that if he sent his own kid there, then everyone would believe that the place worked. I mean, what person does that, right? As far as I can tell, he's hoping that putting you in the school will boost profits and fill the institute, so he _has _to get another institute built. I think he's trying to have a chain of boarding schools all over."

I couldn't find it in myself to actually be mad at Valentine. I mean, he did get me away from New York and all the things that haunted me there. Every single place in New York had some type of memory that had been tainted by the events of the past three years. And now, being at the Shadow Institute, I had met people that I couldn't imagine not knowing now. How else would I have gotten this close to Will? Who would help me pick out clothes other than Magnus? I lived in a different world because of Valentine's business move, and I couldn't hate him any more than I had previously because the move here was the best thing that had happened to me in almost four years.

"Are you there?" Jonathan asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yeah, I'm here. Can I tell you something, Jonathan?"

"Well, yeah. You can tell me anything." His voice had a slight tremor to it, and I could feel the nerves he had through the phone.

"Well, I'm not mad at Valentine sending me here—Wait, let me finish." Jonathan made an irritated sound and seemed like he was about to interrupt me. "Jonathan, you haven't seen me in three years, and you don't really know what has happened to me in those three years. I mean, you know about Callie and the eating thing, but there's something that Valentine, Mom, and I decided not to tell you because we knew how upset you'd be."

"Will you just tell me, Clary? You're scaring me." Jonathan's voice seemed to be harsh, but I knew he was just worried.

"You know how I told you that Sean and I broke up because things just weren't really working out?" I waited for him to make a noise that confirmed my question. "Well, I lied." I gulped and blew air out of my cheeks.

"What does this have to do with anything? Are you two still together?"

"No, Jonathan, Sean abused me." I said bluntly. I decided to keep it simple because sugarcoating it wouldn't change anything anyways.

Silence ensued. I didn't even think Jonathan was breathing. "What do you mean?" His voice broke my heart. He sounded so utterly defeated that I instantly felt bad for causing it.

"It's a long story." I sighed as I rubbed my forehead with my fingers.

"Well, I need to know." he whispered.

So I told him everything.

* * *

"I wish you would stop sulking." Kaelie whined in his ear.

"Shut up." Jace growled. He was annoyed by multiple things, and the fact that the bitchy girl who hated Clary was curled around him put the cherry on top of how angry he was. Kaelie wanted to stay like this in her room just to upset Clary whenever Clary came back to their room, but it seemed like Clary was never coming back to her room.

Jace analyzed Clary's side of the room looking for some sign that Clary had been in her room since they had spent the morning before together in her bed, but everything looked the same as when they left it. Her comforter was still twisted, and the bottle of vodka was still on the shelf he had put it. It didn't even look like Clary had grabbed clothes to wear for today, and it was past noon already. An anxious feeling formed in the pit of Jace's stomach, and he knew it was because of Will.

Jace was afraid that for every moment Clary spent with Will was a moment of feeling she was losing for Jace. Kaelie wasn't really helping either. Her stupid ultimatum was the only reason Jace was with her now. Kaelie said she would leave Clary alone in exchange for Jace. She banished him from talking to Clary, but he was going to find away to fix whatever it was that was going on.

"I honestly don't think Clary is coming back to the room today." Jace said as he pulled away from Kaelie.

Kaelie tightened her grip on his waist. "Why's that?"

"She hasn't been here all morning. It seems like she has more important things going on."

Kaelie made a sound of annoyance. "Fine, whatever. Leave then." Jace stood up and smoothed down his wrinkled clothes. "If I find out you that you talked to _her_, I will destroy you."

Jace rolled his eyes. "Screw you." Then Jace stormed out of the room grabbing a small bag of Clary's clothes to give to her later. Kaelie was screaming something at Jace, but he ignored it. He only agreed to put up with her, not actually _like_ her.

As soon as Jace stepped out of the room, someone grabbed his arm. Jace jumped back and stared at Isabelle's unblinking eyes. "What do you want?" Jace asked with less harshness than he really intended to put into his words.

"Who were you just talking to? If that was Clary, then I'm going to skin you alive…" Isabelle threatened.

Jace couldn't be truly bothered by the threat because he was too busy staring at the rat behind Isabelle. "What are you doing with him?" Jace pointed at Simon who stood silently in the background of the two raging souls in front of him.

"None of your business." Isabelle snapped with a wave of her hand. "Who were you talking to?"

Jace smirked at her and slid by them. "None of your business."

"Jace!" Isabelle glowered at him as he waved his fingers at her. "If that was Clary, you're a jerk. Her mom visited her today, and apparently it ended badly."

Jace spun back around to face her. "Her mom came here? That's insane…" Jace trailed off as he ran a hand through his hair. "No, that was Kaelie. She was being—"

"A bitch?" Simon finished for him with a wide grin.

Jace shot a grin back at him. "Exactly. Maybe you're not so bad. What are you two up to?"

Simon glanced at Isabelle as if waiting for her to clarify what was happening. "We just got something to eat, and we're going back to my room now." Isabelle said sweetly.

"Awh, Isabelle! Don't demoralize him like that." Jace teased.

"Hmph, as if I'd take advice from you." Isabelle pouted. She grabbed Simon's hand and with a wink, she dragged him down the hall.

Jace rolled his eyes and laughed. Isabelle was the only girl he knew that would date one of the richest guys at the school and then go after the most unknown guy ever. Before he could even make it to his room, he was stopped again.

"Hey, do you know where Clary is?" Jem and Tessa stood hand in hand in front of Jace, and they stared at him expectantly.

Jace shook his head in disbelief. Was Clary on everyone's mind today? "No, I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. Why?"

Tessa looked up at Jem with wide, complicated eyes. Then she set those stormy grey eyes on Jace, and Jace felt utterly trapped. "Will and she got into a bit of an argument today. Will is worried about her." Tessa glanced around the room and leaned toward Jace. Lowering her voice, she said, "Her mother visited her today. They have a tough past."

"Yeah, I heard…" Jace muttered with a grimace. He felt so torn, especially since Kaelie had banned him from talking to Clary. The only reason he was putting himself through this torture was to get Kaelie and Jessamine off Clary's case, but he felt even worse now that Clary seemed to be alone. "Well, if you see her, will you give her this bag? It's some of her clothes. I figured she wouldn't want to go back to her room right now since Kaelie has been acting like a…" Jace paused as he realized that Tessa and Jem were far less crude than he was. "witch." He finished with a bright smile.

Jem laughed brilliantly. "Of course. Tessa just found her clothes from the bathroom, so Clary will be happy to see her own clothes."

"Yeah, maybe she could stay in my room for a bit. I'd hate to live with Kaelie." Tessa sighed as she held Clary's bag in her slender hands.

Jace couldn't pay attention to the words that came out of Tessa's mouth. Jem's words were stuck in his head. "Who's clothes is Clary wearing?"

Jem frowned. "Uh, Will's clothes…" Jace knew better than to react. Jem was sensitive to emotions, and besides, it wasn't towards Jem that Jace was feeling his wild emotions.

"I've gotta go." Jace spun on his heels and walked straight to his room. The slam of the door rattled Jem's bones. Jem frowned again. He wasn't used to being around the amount of anger and anguish that had enveloped the Shadow Institute. Jace and Will seemed to be growing into an inferno, one that never seemed able to be doused. Jem was afraid the two boys would destroy everything in their paths to get to Clary, and by the time one of them finally got to her, they'd accidentally destroy her too.

Tessa intertwined their fingers together and pulled Jem down the hallway. She didn't say anything. Instead, she remained calmly silent. Her grey eyes scanned the hallways. Finally she said, "I think we need to find Clary and get her to talk to Will. They need to have some alone time to work through whatever happened today."

Jem nodded his head. "Do you really think that Will is able to do that?"

"Do what?"

Jem smiled softly at Tessa, knowing what had happened between Will and herself. "Talk through feelings."

"I doubt it, but if anyone can pull it out of him, Clary can."

"Hey, look at who just got off the elevator." Jem whispered conspiringly.

"I have an idea. Follow my lead." Tessa winked before walking towards Clary.

* * *

I was utterly exhausted. I had spent two and a half hours on the phone with Jonathan explaining to him everything he had missed during the past three years, and although it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I was still so tired. The fight with Will still burned in my head, and the fact that his clothes were still hanging on my body didn't really help keep my mind off him.

I thought maybe I'd go to my room and take a nap. I felt like I definitely deserved it after the day I had, but I really felt an urge to go to Will's room and spend another night with him. I knew I couldn't though. He was mad at me because I was "selfish".

Gritting my teeth, I stared at the perfectly plush carpet of the institute my dad owned. I still couldn't tell if I was angry with Valentine or not. He never really talked to me anyways, so the fact that he shipped me away for profit really didn't surprise me much. I was pissed at my mom though. Jocelyn came to visit me, knowing fully that her husband sent me to this place to make money, and she still _lied_ to my face.

All these thoughts just kept leading me back to another thing. The question Jonathan left me with at the end of our conversation. _Will you move in with me?_ He made it sound so convincing. He even talked about how UCLA has such a great art program. I told him I'd think about it, but the idea of even thinking about it scared me. My life had been blown up and distorted into such rubble that starting all over seemed like a good idea, but what about the life I rebuilt at the Shadow Institute?

Maybe it was all this thinking that allowed Jem and Tessa to catch me by surprise. Before I could even mutter a cry of alarm, they grabbed me and shoved me into a darkly lit room, tossing a bag at me before shutting the door. The last thing I saw before the light was completely diminished was their smiling faces.

"Who's there?" That voice. I knew it instantly, and I would've felt tricked by Tessa and Jem if they weren't both so sweet. Since it was so dark, all I could see was Will moving through the darkness. His outline only slightly dark than the dark surrounding us.

"Have you seriously been sleeping all day?" I asked patronizingly as I pulled myself up and dusted myself off. Picking up the bag the couple threw at me, I looked back up. The darkness still shocked me; I had lost Will's outline, and suddenly I lost the attitude I just had. Spinning around, I groped around the wall to find the light switch.

"What are you doing?" Will whispered in my ear. I jumped back and hit the wall. My heart thumped heavily in my chest. Suddenly his outline was much clearer, his face right next to mine.

"Well that was awfully rude." I snapped as I side-stepped him and stumbled through his room to find somewhere to set my bag.

"Not as rude as you leaving me to deal with your mother." he replied smartly.

"Well maybe so, but it's definitely nowhere close to how you sat there and pretended like my mom did something spectacular by showing up to the institute."

Will found me again easily. His warm breath tickled my face as he spoke. "I don't get how you could be upset at her for visiting you. That's so incredibly—"

"Selfish. Yeah, yeah. I remember you yelling that at me earlier. I almost agreed with you, but then guess what?" I paused not really waiting for him to respond. "I had the _weirdest_ conversation with my brother. She came here with a guilty conscience. My dad owns this stupid institute, and sending me here was just a business ploy. So I was justified in my reaction to her because everything she's done to me has been selfish."

"What?" Will sucked in a sharp breath, but I didn't stop my rant there.

"And also, mister high and mighty, last time I checked nobody except for me has to wake up _every single morning _and see every single thing that somebody did to me. There's not one spot on my body he didn't cut, break, or scar in some way, and nobody has to deal with that except for me. So I don't care if you think I'm selfish. I have my reasons."

"Clary?" Will found my shoulders. His warm hands covered the length of them.

"What?" I snapped, breathing heavily from my tirade.

He didn't say anything, though. The silence would've unnerved me, but his hands slid down my shoulders and caressed my face. Then his fingers glided down my neck and down my sides until he had a tight grip on my waist. "I'm sorry." he breathed the words on my lips, and then he followed his breath with a gentle touch.

At first the kiss was short and calm, just like all our other little pecks, but quickly it heated up. He pushed me over to a bed, somehow finding it in the darkness, and nibbled enticingly on my lower lip. I reacted instantly, tugging on the hair at the base of his neck before splaying my hands out on his chest. His hands slid down and under his shirt that I wore. The warmth from his fingers made me shiver in expectation. Slowly and delicately he tugged his shirt off me before continuing to allow his fingers to roam my stomach.

All too quickly, the shirt on his chest seemed like to much, so I tugged at it. He yanked it off without breaking the contact between us. Once his chest was revealed, I automatically followed his actions and ran my hands down his sides causing him to tremble slightly. He kissed me again, and I could feel the soft smile on his lips which made me smile back. Then he pulled me down to the bed and kissed my neck, nipping slightly at the skin.

Suddenly everything seemed to clash. Memories from the past that were clouded with everything bad fought with the moments of now where everything seemed so good. I pulled away, and Will stopped immediately. His eyes were the only thing I could see in the darkness. "What's wrong?"

I sighed and pressed my head against his neck. "I'm scared." I whispered against his neck, too afraid to look into his eyes again.

Will pulled away, and all I could think was this was it. This was when Will got sick of me and kicked me out, wanting me to leave him alone for good. Instead, surprising me, he leaned down and kissed a spot on my collarbone. Then he moved down to the right side of my ribs. Slowly he moved down to the spot where I knew there was an 'x'-shaped scar. I pulled back, but he kissed the exact spot first. Making sure I was watching him, he pulled my hand up and kissed the palm where another thick scar was.

"I'm not sure if _he's _what's holding you back, but I can wait. I will suffer through however long it takes until you're comfortable with me because I'd rather spend moments like these with you than not. I promise I will never hurt you the way he did." He kissed a small scar on my wrist, "You're worth it."

Tears pricked at my eyes as he continued to kiss scars. "Are you sure you want damaged goods?" I asked softly.

He pulled back up to where he hovered over me and kissed me on the nose. "I wouldn't want anything other than you."


	15. Chapter 15: Deserved That One

**Happy late Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans! Obviously, it's been two weeks since I've updated. Sorry, I had so much family over during the break. I had no time to write. And it also seems like Tuesday might become my new updating date. This chapter is way shorter than most of my chapters, but there was no way to do it any other way. It would've become really cliche if I wrote it as long as I usually do. But, it's decently sized, so eh. Anyways, to answer some questions and pose some of my own... PhoenixTear11089, I'm going to get the deleted scenes to you guys. I've just been swamped lately. I'm probably going to work on some of those tomorrow seeing as how we've done nothing in school so far because the football team is going to the state championship. The life of a sport-oriented school. A guest asked if Jace would black out during a fight with Will: yeah, possibly. Depending on Jace's control. But anyways, I have a big announcement at the end of this chapter, so make sure to tune in to that because it will affect us all! See you at the bottom! :D**

* * *

_They say it all breaks down to keeping your feet on the ground_  
_My sole intention is keeping my head in the clouds_  
_They say that I can't last a day in the real world_  
_I say you wouldn't survive one night in mine_  
_Notorious and shit I wouldn't trade it for the world_  
_I'm infamous but damn you can't help but love this shit_  
- _The Closure_ by Asking Alexandria

* * *

Jace sat outside his room with a bottle of liquor. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he knew it was pretty late because he seemed to be the only person that was awake. He tipped the bottle into his mouth and sighed sadly when only one drop fell. He tossed the bottle down and gazed toward the end of the hallway. He distinctly heard the click of a door shutting, and he wondered who was out this late.

A door opened, and Clary tiptoed out of the room dressed in a bikini. She had a towel wrapped around the lower part of her body, and her curly hair was in a messy knot on top of her head. She made her way down the hallway and into the elevator, oblivious to Jace watching her.

Unsteadily, Jace stood up and stumbled after her. He made it to the elevator just moments after she disappeared, and he watched the red numbers above the doors click down as he waited anxiously for the elevator to make its journey back to the eighth floor. He considered going back to his room—it was the smart thing to do. She obviously wanted to be alone according to the time, but Jace was almost drunk, and at that moment, he only cared about what he wanted, and that was to go after Clary… and to kiss her a lot.

Before he could change his mind, the elevator dinged and opened. He had watched the numbers above the elevator drop down to one before making the ascent back to eight, indicating that Clary had gotten off on the first floor, so he pushed the one button and rode down in silence. When he made it to the first floor, he caught a glimpse of Clary disappearing down a rarely traveled hallway, and he immediately followed her.

After stepping into the cold room, Jace realized what Clary was doing. She wasn't going to relax in the hot tub or taking a leisurely swim in the Olympic-sized pool. Clary was swimming to get her mind off something. In the few minutes it took Jace to find her, Clary had already gotten into the pool and had begun to swim a couple laps.

For a moment, Jace hung back in the shadows and watched her swim. She seemed oddly powerful in the water—the complete opposite of how she seemed otherwise. She weaved back and forth through the water for fifteen minutes before she slowed her pace and settled on floating contently on her back. Jace took that opportunity to come out of the shadows, and he took a seat on the icy concrete by the pool.

"Do you do this often?" Jace asked softly as he dragged a finger across the water. Surprisingly the water was much warmer than the frigid air around him. Clary stood up in the water and stared at Jace with barely parted lips. She seemed unsurprised at his presence, and her lack of surprise disgruntled Jace.

"Occasionally," she answered as she treaded water. "Most of the time I do this to make a decision or to clear my mind. This time it's to do both… if you're curious."

Jace smirked at her. "Thanks. I _was_ mildly curious. What decision are you trying to make exactly?"

Clary smiled sadly at him. "Jonathan wants me to move in with him."

Her response took him by surprise, and he frowned back at her. "Why is that?" Jace's voice was thick, and he didn't like the way it sounded in his throat.

"Because I don't really want to go back to New York. I don't care to see my parents, and the art program at UCLA is great."

Jace looked down and trailed his fingers through the water again. "But you _want _to go to NYU." he said simply without casting a glance at her.

"I know, and I love New York." she trailed off, still sounding indecisive.

He met her eyes and replied with, "Plus, you don't have to live with your parents. Stay on campus or get an apartment."

She grinned ruefully at him. "Who would I possibly share an apartment with? I can't live alone!"

"You do realize that we were all dead serious about going back to New York with you, right?" Jace shifted his body weight and sat with his legs crossed.

"I figured that. I think living with Isabelle would be fun." Clary mumbled, placing a finger on her chin.

"Until you're the one left with the job of hustling all her one night stands out of the apartment." Jace teased lightly. They both knew that Isabelle didn't really sleep with any of the boys—the reputation was just part of her image; she only played with the boys a bit and tossed them aside. But Clary and Jace had both noticed her change of heart with Simon, and Clary loved the idea of the two of them getting to know one another.

Clary laughed delicately. "And New York is full of guys. She'll have an endless amount for the picking!"

"Exactly. What about Magnus or Alec?"

"Definitely not. They'll want to live together, and as much as I love the both of them, I do _not _want to wake up to the sounds that would come out of their shared bedroom." Clary raised her eyebrows suggestively and winked.

"Then I suppose you're stuck with me." Jace winked back as she laughed again and paddled over to him. Clary noticed how Jace completely overlooked Will being an option, but she decided it wasn't a good idea to bring up Jace's cousin at that moment.

"Wouldn't I have to get rid of all your one night stands?" Her eyes twinkled mischievously, and Jace thumped her on the nose.

"Why would I want any other girl in our apartment?" Jace asked with a cheesy grin.

Clary's smile dropped, and she gazed at Jace stoically. "I've seen you with Kaelie all day. Are you two back together?"

Jace, completely taken aback by her knowledge, was stunned into silence for a few minutes, but Clary waited patiently for his reply. Finally, he said, "No. She's threatened you, and that was the only way to get her to leave you alone."

"Threatened me how?" Clary asked quickly.

"She and Jessamine want to find out why you're here—the full reason—and out you to everybody. "

Clary didn't react. "So how is it you're getting her to leave me alone?"

"Getting back with her." Jace spat out the words. "I mean, to her at least. All I've really done is cuss her out and tell her to shut up."

Clary smiled at him and leaned next to him, her head resting on her arm that was splayed across the concrete. "Honestly, I'm not too sure which is worse… them finding out about it or Dad knowing that they're digging into it."

Jace looked over at her. "Why's that?"

"He paid a lot of money to make sure that _nobody _could find out about it, so if it's that easy to find, then he'll be pretty pissed."

Jace chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Is that seriously your biggest concern?"

"Not completely. I would hope he did a good job in burying the reason why I'm here." Jace stood up and pulled off his shirt. "What are you doing?" Clary gulped as he began tugging his sweat pants down.

He tossed her a grin and dove into the water. Clary watched as his head popped out of the water. "The water is warmer than the air." he said as he shook the water off his face, the droplets flinging onto Clary's face.

"Oh, that's a good thing to look forward to."

Jace swam over to Clary and trapped her against the wall. "If I asked you about your scars, would you tell me about how you got them?"

Clary considered his question for a moment and eventually nodded softly. "You'll have to tell me which ones you want to know about."

Jace leaned back an inch and analyzed her. His fingers skimmed her torso and found a spot on her ribcage. A small section of her skin was puckered, and he could feel the unevenness of the skin as he rubbed his fingers over it. "This one." he whispered.

She closed her eyes as his fingers continued to dance around the spot. Jace wasn't sure if his touch bothered her because of the memories, but before he could pull his fingers away, she said, "Right after Callie died, Sean had gotten really angry at me for turning down this party he wanted to go to. He has a small problem with breaking things—his window had recently been shattered. He threw me across the room in a rage, and I hit the window. A piece of glass went through my ribs. It almost punctured my lungs, but luckily it didn't go that deep. I told them I tripped and fell against the window and got stitches."

Jace pursed his lips and thought about other scars he was curious about instead of what kind of pain Clary was in during that moment. "What about that long one on your leg? The one that goes from your knee to the inside of your leg?"

Clary paused and idly ran a finger across the thick scar on her leg, her hand brushing Jace's abdomen in the process. Her eyes went momentarily blank, and her breathing hitched. "He just wanted to hurt me. He just grabbed a knife and cut me. There was so much blood. I really don't know how I didn't pass out. Then he shoved me into his bathroom to clean off. He bandaged me up afterwards and kicked me out of his house. I had to walk home on that leg."

Jace swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "What about that one?" He touched a small, circular scar on her elbow, and she surprised him by smiling fondly at it.

"Jonathan and I were always really competitive when we were younger. We were at the zoo with the family. I'm talking about grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins—everybody. Jonathan wanted to race, and I always despised turning down a challenge more than actually losing to him. So we raced to the giraffe exhibit, and I was actually beating him. I turned my head for a split second to look back at him, and BAM! Ran straight into this baby wagon thing. I flipped right over it. I scraped this elbow, my knee, and my chin. I had to wear a band-aid on my chin the rest of the day. It was so embarrassing." Clary smacked a hand over her eyes. "Jonathan made fun of me for years for that." She laughed and rubbed her elbow. "Luckily my chin didn't scar like my elbow and knee did."

"Are you sure? I think I see something right there…" Jace teased as he touched her chin softly, glad for the uplifting mood change.

"What? No you don't!" Clary groped her chin with quick fingers.

He laughed and peeled her fingers off her face. "Yeah, it kind of looks a little like… my lips." Then he leaned over and kissed her right below her mouth, cherishing the soft gasp that he had managed to capture from her.

"Oh, you're so funny. _Ha Ha_." She glared at him as he smirked at her annoyed face.

"Wanna go to the meadow? Maybe the fireflies are still out." Jace suggested with a faint smile.

Clary grinned at him, excited to revisit their secret place. "Yeah, but we need to change first. It's been getting chilly at night."

Jace nodded and helped her out of the pool, the two of them unaware of the eyes hidden in the shadows that had been watching their whole encounter. Eyes, blazing with hatred, of a person who only wanted revenge and pain to come to Jace and Clary.

* * *

Together we walked across the bridge, him guiding me with a tug of the hand. His fingers wrapped softly around mine. The fireflies were still out just as he had hoped, and we glowed with their lights. When made it to the small meadow, Jace sat down and watched me as I cupped fireflies in my hands.

The peacefulness of this moment was enough to make me want to cry. I had gotten used to being constantly worried about something, and standing there catching fireflies, with Jace watching me with increasingly sweet eyes, gave me hope for a better year. I moved slowly over to Jace. And he reached up and captured me by the hips, pulling me down into his lap.

He pulled my hair down from its wet bun and began playing with the thick strands. Closing my eyes, I hummed at the feeling of his hands tangled in my hair. His hands slowly made their way from my hair to my neck and my arms. He trailed fingers over my collarbone, and I shivered. Turning my head to meet his eyes, I smiled at him softly before biting my lower lip. Quickly he captured my lips in his, and it seemed like the meadow managed to somehow get brighter.

He pushed me on my back and hovered over me just enough to where I could still feel every inch of his body pressed against mine. He trailed a line of kisses from my hairline to my chin and grinned at me. "How many people have you slept with?" I asked quietly, realizing too late that my question would ruin the moment.

He stared down at me and thought for a moment. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Ten? Less?" He began to pull away from me, and I gripped his neck to keep him close. His eyes showed the surprise that he always seemed to lack on his face. "What about you?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

I suppressed the raging pit of fear and anxiety. "None," I replied, knowing that even if it wasn't completely true, it should've been.

The answer seemed to make him pause. His eyebrows knitted together as he analyzed me. "I'm really bad for you." he said simply.

"I don't care." I pulled his head back down to mine and met his lips hesitantly, not sure if he would commit, but he slowly melted into the kiss, creating a warmth in me that I hadn't felt in years.

Jace, with all of his experience, knew exactly what to do, and he used that experience to elicit pleasure from me in ways I didn't realize were possible. He captured my lips between his teeth before licking the top of my upper lip. Before I could react, he immediately moved down to my ear and left hot kisses down my neck, stopping to nip at a spot on my neck. His nibble caused me to shiver and unconsciously pull him closer, but he didn't seem to notice or care as he continued on his track down my body.

He kissed my collarbone and tugged at my sweatshirt before pulling it completely off. He paused for a moment staring at me unabashedly with liquid eyes. Warmth flooded my cheeks from an unknown embarrassment, but Jace leaned back over me and kissed right between my breasts, pushing all my worries away. His lips slowly slid down my stomach, and he kissed, nipped, and sucked at the sensitive skin of my lower abdomen and upper hips.

Quickly, with an attempt to take a bit of control of the situation, I slid my hands up his shirt, receiving a soft noise from Jace. I explored the smooth, hard skin of his abdomen and danced my fingers around his chest. His heightened breathing was what pushed me to take off his shirt, revealing the golden skin of the boy before me. He kneeled above me with a soft smile playing on his lips. It was an odd combination of a genuinely excited smile and a slightly nervous and shy smile. It seemed like both Jace and I were relearning how to trust someone, and I didn't know which one of us would fall first.

He propped his body above mine and kissed me on the lips again, and I relished the feel of his warm skin on top of mine. I slid my nails down his bicep, and for once, Jace Herondale seemed to lose absolute control of himself. He shivered and laid his head down on my shoulder, his warm breath tickling the nerves of my neck. "Do you think that this is the only chance we'll get to…?" he left the question hanging, seeming to hope that I would fill it in for him.

I lowered my hands to skim his chest and abs, and a low sound formed in the back of his throat. I wondered if this was how it always was with him—if he was always this vulnerable with other girls. I played with the hemline of his sweatpants, snapping it against his body, but before he could return a move of his own, we were interrupted by shouting.

Jace jumped up and stared at the intruder. Embarrassment colored my cheeks as I scrambled around to find my sweatshirt. When I grabbed my shirt to put back on, I spun around to face an extremely brokenhearted Will. I covered my chest with the sweatshirt and gazed openmouthed at him. "I thought you were the only one who knew about this place?" I whispered causing Will to narrow his eyes at me.

"I thought I did too." Jace replied loud enough for Will to hear him.

"What are you _doing_?" Will growled, pointing at Jace and me harshly. Jace wrapped a solid arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, but that only seemed to make Will angrier. I quickly slid my sweatshirt over my body as Will took a couple steps toward us. "I thought you were scared to be with a guy, Clary, What the hell is this?" He directed his attention to me, but Jace pushed me behind him slightly.

"Well maybe I don't scare her as much as you do." Jace said tightly as he clenched his fists.

"Oh, really?" Will retorted. "How long did it take for you to get her to trust you? And now, you're going to try to fool around with her in a meadow? Were you afraid that's the only way you'd get this opportunity? That's low even for you."

"What do you know?! You've played a mind game with her this whole time. Does she even know what happened with Ella?" Jace snarled, taking a step towards Will.

"Yeah, I told her, and I can keep it in my pants long enough to know she's not ready for something like this, and she deserves a hell of a lot better than you and this meadow!"

His words seemed to awaken me from my shock, and I said, "Excuse me, but who are you to decide when I'm ready?"

Will's face transformed into a look I'd never seen. He seemed so completely filled with rage that for once I actually felt afraid to be near him. I gripped Jace's arm tightly in my hands, and Jace glanced down at me with concern-filled eyes. "You literally were just in my room tonight! You just told me you were scared! That doesn't change in a matter of minutes, Clary. You're not dumb!"

It seemed like Jace had had enough of Will yelling at me because he softly peeled my hands off his arm and approached Will. "Why won't you just let her make her own damn decisions, Will? You can't control her. She's dealt with that once, and look what it's done to her!"

Will's eyes widened a bit before they filled back up with anger. "You're probably just as bad as her ex. You can't even control your temper, and you've never backed down from a fight. What if she pisses you off, Jace? What happened if you black out? You could hurt her and not even realize it." Will seethed before pushing Jace away from him.

Jace fell back a step but immediately swung back at Will, his fist connecting with his jaw. Will seemed slightly surprised, but he quickly returned a punch. Before I knew it, the two had started a full out brawl, and all I could do was scream for them to stop. They both seemed to ignore me, and finally Will got the upper hand and slammed Jace to the ground.

"Stop it! Stop fighting!" I screamed and attempted to get between the two boys, but I could tell there was nothing I could do.

Jace rolled over fast enough that Will couldn't kick him, but I held my breath as Will continued to have the upper hand. Eventually, Will had let his guard down, and Jace grabbed his ankle and flipped him over. Jace seemed to only be defending himself, though, because I saw none of the fierceness he seemed to have against my brother, and although it was a big moment for Jace, I still feared for him because he would get hurt with the way Will was fighting.

Somehow both of the boys managed to stand back up and were swinging at one another again, and finally I had had enough. I ducked in between them, avoiding punches thrown, and shoved both of them in the chest hard. "I honestly have no idea what to say to either of you right now, but I swear to God, if one of you throws another punch, you'll wish that you hadn't woken up this morning. Got it?" I growled glaring at the two of them harshly.

Jace hung his head, ashamed, but Will still seemed pissed. "You know what? I don't even care anymore. Sleep with him. Be another god forsaken conquest, but _don't_ come crying to me when he uses you and throws you out like trash just like all the other girls he's been with. I never realized that you were that type of girl, Clary. I didn't realize that you were such a…" Will trailed off, his eyes clouded with sadness and regret.

"Such a what, Will? Spit it out." I snapped as he turned around and began to walk off.

"Such a whore." he whispered over his shoulder before disappearing into the dark.

Then Sean was there, and all my memories from home and here clashed, and I couldn't figure out whether Sean and Will were right. Maybe I deserved everything I've gotten.

* * *

**TA-DA! Told you it was short... anyways BIG announcement. So I have no idea who I want Clary to end up with, so guess what?! You the readers will get to pick! I'll have a poll on my profile, and I'll be accepting PMs telling me who she should end up with and why. You can vote on the poll AND send me a message. The poll will just turn out as whatever you guys vote, but each message I get that persuades me will be 5 points towards the person of that messages choice, so you know... if you REALLY want her to be with Jace or Will, you better get to work. Well, anyways, ciao! I'll try to work on all the deleted scenes this week and start sending out at least like three... And review! Each one makes my day! :3**


	16. Chapter 16: A Proposed Trip

**Hi guys! First off, I would like to thank you all for the support. I responded to a lot of the reviewers from chapter 15 because I'm just so overwhelmed by how much love this story is getting. You guys are totally rad, but you probably already know that. Anyways, important story stuff. So since Fanfiction is totally lame and doesn't know how to create a poll correctly, I've decided to do the voting process a little differently from here on out. So far Jace is winning by about 7 points, but don't worry Will fans, there IS hope. So if you review and put the name of the person you want her to end up with (must be Will or Jace), then your person of choice gets 3 tallies. PMs count as 2 tallies now, so you can get up to 5 tallies. And guess what? You can vote every single chapter until I decide that we have a clear winner. So that's 5 tallies for every single chapter! WHAAAAAT? Yeah, I know, I'm pretty cool. Anyways, I have another quick thing I want to tell you about, but that'll be at the end of the chapter. Catch ya at the bottom lovelies! [I'm so obsessed with the song for this chapter by the way. This song has lyrics that could apply to a lot of this story. Check out Issues. They're awesome!]**

* * *

_If they let you into heaven,  
Then I'd rather go to hell.  
You think you're buying your way to the top  
With all that bullshit that you sell.  
God's not naive like the fans you deceive.  
Even the devil was angel.  
What the fu*k did he achieve?  
_- _King of Amarillo  
_by Issues

* * *

"You're going to have to come out of your room eventually." The only voice I'd heard over the past three days said to me in the silence. I swiveled my eyes toward her and made a face. Isabelle had brought me breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday since the fight with Will in the meadow, and she was the only person I had spoken to since I got back to the institute that day.

"Not really." I replied with a shrug of my shoulders. I picked at the roll in the takeout box before tossing a small piece into my mouth. I figured that it should be good enough that I was still eating. Before, when I would get really stressed out or depressed, I'd have anorexic spells, going days without eating. I guess, though, I've never really had an Isabelle to take care of me.

"Then how do you expect to graduate?" she asked petulantly, pushing her hair away from her face with a quick flick of her wrist.

I frowned at her and threw the roll down. "I can pass the classes without actually _going _to class."

"No you can't. Attendance is still somewhat mandatory. Truancy is still a thing, Clary." Isabelle snapped as she stood up and collected her own food. "Look, I don't know what happened the other day, but I doubt it's worth not going to college for. Class is tomorrow, and if I don't see you there, I will drag you to class by your toenails. And make sure to brush your hair." Then she swept by me and swooped out of the room with a soft wave of the hand.

I pushed the food in front of me away and groaned. How could everything go from almost perfect one minute and then go straight to crap the next? I wasn't prepared to face either Jace or Will, and I doubted Will even wanted to talk to me anyways. The thought made me sick, and I fought the urge to dispose of the food I had just eaten.

Someone tapped on my door softly, and then the door clicked open, revealing a slightly disheveled-looking Simon. "Hey, Clare." He smiled softly and pushed his glasses up his nose before joining me on my bed.

"Hi, Si." I greeted as I put the takeout box on the floor. "Run into Izzy?"

His lips quirked up further into a half grin. "Something like that. She told me to talk some sense into you and to make sure you brush your hair or something like that."

I laughed, thankful to have someone who cared enough to get the sense knocked into me, but I frowned right after the grin. "I don't think I can go to class tomorrow."

"Why not?" he asked me. His big, brown eyes revealed the concern he had, and it hurt me to think that Will would never look at me like that again.

"Just so much has gone wrong, and I don't want to walk into that room and relive it all over again." I sighed and fisted my hand against my forehead.

"How do you expect to move on if you don't get past this?" Simon pulled my hand away from my face and slowly pulled each finger away from my palm, making sure to relax each finger.

I sucked on my lower lip and considered him. "I don't know. Move away."

"Shut up. We both know you won't do that. For some reason you like it here, and I'm not entirely sure why, but you wouldn't leave." Simon swatted at my hands and grinned at me. "We're kind of like your extended family, even the really messed up ones."

"More like you all _are _my family. You're more of a dad to me than my actual dad is." I stood up and straightened my shirt.

"Oh, that reminds me. You have a call—probably your brother. Told Thomas I'd come tell you." Simon stood up, too, and picked up my takeout box. "I'll take care of this. Maybe your brother will force you to go to class."

We walked out of my room together, and Simon followed me towards the elevator with the excuse that he had plans with Isabelle, and they agreed to meet in the common room after he talked to me. "So, what exactly is going on with you two? Are you dating?" I questioned as we rode down the elevator.

He wrinkled his nose causing his glasses to slip down his nose a little. "Not exactly. Isabelle doesn't believe in "exclusivity." I just think she doesn't know what it's like to be in a relationship… Do you think she's afraid I'll ruin her image?" His brows came together in worry, wrinkles forming in his forehead.

"No. I don't think she believes that _anyone _could ruin her image. Just give her time. She's got to warm up to the idea of a relationship." I answered as the elevator dinged, announcing our arrival at the bottom floor.

"Thanks," Simon smiled softly at me. "I'm here if you need anything." He patted me on the back and turned away from me.

"I know. And same here." I replied as I watched him stride away from me. He stopped to dispose of the takeout box in a trash can and continued toward the hallway that led to the common room. He seemed so carefree that I was somewhat jealous. What did I do to deserve even more pain since this summer? It's not like I hadn't lost enough in the past months…

I made my way to the room with the phones, and my eyes caught Jace's from across the room. My hand rested on the doorknob of the room, but Jace's golden stare had me entranced. He was standing straight as a board with one hand in his pocket, and Kaelie had tangled herself around his other arm somehow. Seeing the two of them hurt me a little, even though I knew he was doing it for a reason. Kaelie leaned over the desk to whisper something to Jessamine, and they both keeled over in laughter after glancing at me.

Groaning in annoyance, I opened the door and slammed it behind me. Someone made a sound of surprise, and I looked up to meet the eyes of Will. My throat constricted, and I could literally feel my heart drop in my stomach. He stood up and fumbled with the phone in his hands. "I, uh, I'll see you tonight. I love you." he muttered into the phone and fought to put it back on the wall. He grabbed his jacket and slid by me, managing to squeeze by me without touching me.

The door shut quietly behind him, and the soft swish of the door clicking into place made me cry out in disbelief. I shakily made my way to a phone and picked it up with clammy fingers. "Jonathan?" I whispered as my eyes began to water up. The past few days felt like an eternity, and I wasn't used to not having someone to talk to.

"How sweet. Have you two talked that often since you've gotten to the institute?" The voice, hard as steel, froze my blood to ice. If I thought my heart had dropped to my stomach just a moment ago, it was now in my toes. A violent tremor wracked my body, and I couldn't find the words to reply to him. "Clarissa, it is truly rude for you to not reply to me." he snapped, anger obviously clouding his voice.

"Valentine," I started, pulse racing.

"That's another thing," he interrupted me immediately before I could say anything I would regret. "There are many things you can call me: Dad, Father, Pop, the list goes on, but if I ever hear you refer to me as Valentine again, you do not want to know of the consequences."

I bit my tongue, "Yes, _father_. To what do I owe the pleasure of your phone call?"

He chuckled darkly. "How nice of you to ask. Your mother wanted me to call you because she's afraid you wouldn't want to talk to her since her visit the other day. Thanksgiving is less than a month away, and she wants to know what you want for dessert. She knows pumpkin pie is your favorite, but she didn't know whether you would want cheesecake also." It was odd hearing Valentine's serious voice discuss the topic of which dessert my mom wanted to make, and it almost made me laugh.

"Who said I was coming back for Thanksgiving?" I said instead. I'd much rather spend Thanksgiving alone at the institute than with my parents back in New York.

"I did, Clarissa, and you _will _come back. We have two banquets to go to that week, and your mother is throwing a huge dinner at the house Thanksgiving Day. You're expected to be there. Lots of family friends want to see you." He used his no-nonsense voice, and I knew better than to argue with him.

"Well who is going to be there then?" I asked, although I had other things I really wanted to say to him.

"Mr. Blackthorn and his wife and daughter, Mr. Pangborn, Madeleine, the Aldertrees, the Freemans, and some of mine and your mother's business partners."

I felt my breath catch in my throat. "The Freemans?" I gasped out. My grip on the phone tightened, and I could feel my blood rushing in my ears.

"Well, of course. We've known them for ages."

I grasped around the cubby to try to settle myself. "Is-is _he _going to be there?" I managed to spit out.

"Sean? Of course. There's no reason for him not to come." Valentine scoffed, and I'd never hated him more in that moment than ever.

"I can't go then." I mumbled as I fought the tears.

"Why on earth not?!" he grounded out, seeming to be fighting the urge to yell at me.

"You know exactly why!" Valentine may have not raised his voice at me, but I couldn't help the shriek I released. "I can't be in the same house as him, let alone the same room. I don't know if you've completely blocked out the last couple months of my life or not, but I'm not spending my Thanksgiving with him. I'd rather go to hell than see him."

"Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, you will listen to me, and you will listen to me good. I'm not going to put up with your attitude like I did your brother. I'm sending you a plane ticket two weeks before Thanksgiving week, and I better see you at the house at 8:00 A.M. sharp that Monday. Do you understand?" he spat out. I could tell I was really dragging on his nerves, but I couldn't find it in myself to care.

"Fine, I'll come, but only if you do something for me." I succumbed to him, knowing all too well he'd win this battle in the end anyways. I figured I might as well get something out of it.

"What's that?"

"My friends get to come too." I offered him compromise.

"Well how many do you want to bring?" he growled seeming to be more annoyed than before.

"Probably about"—I counted people on my fingers—"ten. Give or take. I'll have to check with them all first, but I'm pretty sure they won't have any plans."

"Okay, but you have to promise to make it look like you and Sean are still friends." Valentine agreed forcing me to grit my teeth in irritation.

"Whatever, but you buy all of them first class tickets with me, and pay for all their expenses."

He sighed, "Really, Clarissa? Is there anything else you want?"

I laughed humorlessly and added, "And I want a stretch hummer limo to pick us up at the airport. The really good kind. Don't cheap out on me or I'll make sure we end up somewhere other than New York."

"Okay, fine, fine. Call me when you have all ten of them confirmed."

"K, bye." I muttered as I slammed the phone back into its spot. I felt so intensely shattered by the things Valentine had said that I couldn't make myself leave my seat. The thing that hit the hardest was that in less than a month I would be seeing my nightmare in person, and I had to pretend that he didn't destroy every single piece of me in the process.

* * *

Will felt like an idiot. He had skirted around Clary, too ashamed to tell her he was sorry for what he had said to her. He sat outside the phone room, waiting for her to come out of the room, so he could try to mend what had happened between them. He'd barely gotten any sleep since that day in the meadow, and it destroyed him knowing that she could possibly hate him now.

He waited with hands clenched tightly together outside the room for forty-five minutes, growing more and more anxious as each minute passed. Finally the door opened slowly, and Clary peeked out of the room with a tear-stained face. Will launched out of the chair he was sitting in and almost enveloped her in his arms, but he quickly realize how bad of an idea that would be, so instead he watched her as she shut the door softly behind her and stared at him.

"What do you want?" she asked. Her voice wasn't mean or rude. She seemed too distracted to actually put an effort into being mad at Will.

"What happened?" he asked as she began to walk away.

"Oh, nothing. My dad is just forcing me to come home for Thanksgiving, and I'll have to pretend that I don't intensely dislike Sean at the dinner, so that'll be a good night." she rambled pushing past people towards the elevator.

"What? You're going to spend time with Sean?!" Will followed behind her closely with anger mixing into his voice.

"It's not like I want to, Will." she snapped, flashing him an exasperated expression.

"I didn't think that you did. I just cant believe your dad would force you to be around him." Will said as she got into the elevator.

"Yeah, me neither." she mumbled as he pushed the button to the eighth floor. The ride up to their floor was extremely silent and awkward, and many thoughts rushed through Will's head. One of the most persistent involved how Clary seemed much thinner than she did the other day, and knowing what Clary had gone through before, that thought really worried him.

The elevator made its signature ding, and the doors opened. "Look, Clary, I'm sorry for what I said. It was stupid and wrong and completely uncalled for. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I really didn't mean it." Will wrapped a hand around her wrist, keeping her in the elevator for an extra minute.

She stared at him with wide eyes and sighed softly. "I forgive you, _but_," she emphasized the word with a finger jab into Will's chest. Will was so overjoyed about receiving her forgiveness that he almost didn't care what her next words would be. "if you ever do any of that again, there won't be another chance, or forgiveness, and I will never talk to you again." The depths of her eyes expressed the seriousness of her statement, and she had Will nodding his head vigorously in understanding.

"Of course. So it's pretty much friendship probation?" he asked with a small smile, elated that Clary didn't hold a grudge.

She returned the smile. "Precisely. Oh, and before I forget, I have something important to tell you, so will you help me find a couple people and meet me in the common room in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure, who do I need to get?" Will questioned full of curiosity.

"Isabelle, Simon, and Max." she said almost instantly.

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit." He grinned at her and allowed her to leave the elevator before pushing the button to Max's floor.

* * *

Isabelle settled onto one of the couches with Simon. She glared at Will and said viciously, "_Why_ are we here?"

Will shrugged and replied, "Clary wanted me to get you guys. I just did what she told me to do."

"Clary is coming?" Max burst out. "Yay! I miss Clary."

Will ruffled his hair. "It seems like she misses you too, bud."

Max beamed at him and sat next to Isabelle on the arm of the couch, staring intently at the door. As if his stares summoned her, Clary waltzed into the room with multiple people following behind her.

Will first noticed that she had changed, and her hair was fixed up. Then he took note of the people who fell in line behind her. The first face he recognized was Jace's, and he was not happy that Jace had come to whatever this was. Then he checked out the others. Jem and Tessa whispered to each other as Clary motioned everyone to their seats. Alec's and Magnus's arms were looped together, and Magnus dragged Alec to a loveseat. Finally Sebastian loped into the room and shut the doors behind him.

"So what's this about?" Magnus asked in the silence. Everyone stared at Clary as she paced in a circle.

"How many of you are going home for Thanksgiving?" she eventually asked, pausing to look at everyone.

No one responded, and everyone continued to stare at her in silence. "Why is this important?" Alec snapped impatiently.

"Well my dad is forcing me to come home for the holiday, and I told him I'd only come if he let me bring some friends home with me, so if you have nothing important planned that week…"

"You want us all to come to New York with you?!" Isabelle interrupted, voice filled with excitement.

"Yes. Dad said as long as I figure out how many people are coming, he'd arrange it for us." Clary replied with a small smile.

"So, that means what exactly?" Jace asked after another moment of silence.

Clary glanced at him. "Dad will buy as many plane tickets as I need him to, so if you all want to go, then I'll just call him and tell him."

"So, we'll be first class, right?" Magnus smirked at her, and she shot a grin back at him.

"Well, duh! So who wants to go?" Max's hand was the first to fly in the air, and soon Isabelle's, Simon's, Alec's, and Magnus's followed. Jem whispered something to Tessa, and then they both raised their hands. Sebastian nodded at her and raised his hand as well. Will glimpsed at Jace and saw that he was looking away from Clary with a glower on his face.

Clary stared at Jace in surprise, but she looked away from his quickly, emotions raging on her face. Finally, Will raised his hand and said, "One thing, though. Could I bring someone else?"

Clary raised her eyebrows at him, and replied, "Who?" Everyone was looking at him in confusion except for Jem, who knew exactly who Will was talking about.

Will wringed his hands together and avoided everyone's gazes. "Cecily, my sister, is moving here tonight. I don't want to leave her alone here especially during the first chance we'll have at spending a holiday together in almost five years."

Clary smiled softly at him. "Sure, that sounds great. So that's ten… Jace?"

Jace looked over at her. "Does your dad even really want us there?" he grounded out, pushing himself away from the wall he was leaning on.

"It doesn't matter. He agreed to it." she responded evenly.

"Whatever, I'll go, but when he treats us all like crap, don't be surprised." Jace snapped before walking out of the room.

"What's wrong with him?" Simon asked with a roll of his eyes.

"He has issues with meeting parents. Give him time. He's just—you know, Jace…" Alec smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, you got that right." Will muttered under his breath as he realized he was probably the only person who knew that Sean would be at the dinner.

"Who cares? We're leaving the institute for Thanksgiving!" Isabelle screamed.

Magnus grinned and chimed in, "_Partayyyy_!"

* * *

Will waited anxiously by the front doors of the institute. Cecily was due to arrive any minute now, and Will hadn't been so strung up in years. Every time the door opened, Will's heart would leap into his throat.

Clary had waited with Will for a little while, but she needed to call her dad back to work out the details of their Thanksgiving trip. Apparently Simon had asked if his older sister and mother could join them at the dinner Thanksgiving night, so Clary had one more favor to ask of her dad. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. The doors opened a couple times, but Will refused to open his eyes.

After a few minutes, Will was shocked by a quick tap on his chest. His eyes snapped open, and Cecily stood in front of him with Gen by her side. "Cecily!" he proclaimed, wrapping her in his arms and relishing in the fact that she was right there with him. She was obviously much older than she was almost five years ago, but Will was surprised by how much she had changed. She had grown more than a couple inches and was only shorter than him by just a few inches. Her dark hair was longer, cascading down to the middle of her back in soft waves. Her blue eyes that were almost identical to his held his gaze strongly, and he could see the hardness in them that she had developed over the years.

"Will, you look so nice and grown up." Gen said as she patted his back and examined him closely.

"Thanks, Gen. How are you?" Will asked as he held Cecily an arm's length away from him.

"Great now that I know both of my grandchildren will be doing well. Speaking of grandchildren, where is Jace?"

Will shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea where Jace had disappeared to since the talk they all had with Clary. "I don't know. He got mad about something and left. He's probably hiding out somewhere."

"Well, how is he? I would hope he's dropped his violent mannerisms." she said matter-of-factly.

Will sucked in a breath and lied through his teeth. "He's much calmer now. Barely ever even raises a fist at anything."

"Oh, well that's quite exceptional. I'm going to check your sister in and get all her information. Be a dear and show her around." Gen said as she moved toward the front desk where Kaelie and Jessamine whispered to each other heatedly. Kaelie looked like she had just won some personal battle, and suddenly it clicked as to where Jace had been. He had slept with the girl. Will shook his head in disappointment and rolled his shoulders back. Will believed that Jace didn't even really care about Clary.

"Are you all right?" Cecily asked hesitantly.

Will glanced down at her and shrugged. "Jace is a far worse person than I imagined he was." He said it simply with no hidden meanings or backhanded comments.

Cecily just frowned and said, "Did you ever really think he'd turn out sinfully good?"

Will had nothing to say to that and, instead, picked up her luggage. "Is this all you brought?"

She laughed and waved her hands at him. "Oh, lord, no! Gen sent these men out to get the rest out of the limo. Gen has always been so extravagant."

"Will! Will, I need to—oh, hey." Clary had come running towards Will and Cecily with a hand waving in the air. She froze in her tracks as soon as she recognized Cecily, though.

Cecily cocked her head to the side and stared at Clary for a moment. "Oh. My. God. You're Clarissa Morgenstern! You're like famous." Cecily gushed, throwing her hands up to cover her face.

Clary smiled tightly at her, not liking the idea of being recognized. "Just call me Clary. You must be Cecily." Clary offered her hand to Cecily, but Cecily pushed it away and hugged her tightly.

"Will, who knew you had such great taste in people?!" Cecily laughed before letting Clary go. "I've read almost every single article ever written about you. I used to dress exactly like you, and the fashion magazines you were in… to die for! We're going to be such great friends!"

Clary seemed to loosen up, and she smiled back at Cecily. "So, I guess that means that you wouldn't mind coming to New York with a couple of us for Thanksgiving, right?"

Cecily let out a yelp. "You mean stay in the Morgenstern mansion?"

Clary rolled her eyes but said, "Precisely."

"Coming here was the best thing I've ever done!" Cecily exclaimed pulling both Clary and me into a hug.

"Welcome to the institute, baby sis." Will whispered in her ear affectionately. This year was panning out to be the best year, indeed.

* * *

**Ta-Da! So I already have a plan for the next chapter, and I'm planning on them being in New York for a couple chapters, actually... so fun times with the Morgensterns! Anyways, the thing I wanted to tell you. Other than being indecisive about picking Jace or Will, there's one other thing I'm indecisive about, and I have to options of how it could go. So... my idea is to pick one of YOU to help me make the decision. There's rules, of course... You have to have an account because I need to be able to PM you. You have to be at least subscribed to this story. And you have to have reviewed at least once (before the set review number). The plan is that this person will be the 300th reviewer. If the 300th reviewed happens to be anonymous, then it'll go to the next reviewer, and so on until I get a person who fits the qualifications set previously. Also, you can't reviews like 47 times after reading this and get it. It has to be a true 300th review. But if you happen to review this chapter, and then review next chapter and you're the 300th reviewer, that's totally okay. I feel like we can have some fun with this because I have other plans for prizes at a certain review number, and I think they'll be much more exciting than deleted scenes. Oh, and speaking of deleted scenes. I'm really trying to write those, but I've never realized how hard it is to write an idea that isn't yours. I will be getting on them ASAP, though because I WILL finish them. I'm hoping to get them all sent out before 2013. Anyways, happy reading! Thanks for supporting BMP. **


	17. Chapter 17: It Has Begun

**Merry Christmas guys! I wanted to post this a little later because I knew that you guys would be just as busy as I have been during the holiday. I'm really excited for these next few chapters, so I hope you all are as amped as I am! (: Thanks for all the reviews. You guys make me feel awesome. So thanks for being totally rad, you guys! Anyways, I'm leaving for Georgia today, so I probably won't be updating for another two or three weeks, but I want to wish you all a Happy New Year, and I can't wait to hear from you all. Oh, and the thing I mentioned at the end of last chapter about the 300th reviewer helping me out with a choice, I've decided to pick three people now. I need a mini court of rulers, so the 300th, 325th, and 350th reviewer will help me make a decision in this story, and they'll also get to create a minor character in the SEQUEL! Woo, yay! So review it up guys! And this is more of a filler chapter than anything. Sorry... had to get them to New York somehow. Next chapter will be full of juicy stuff though (: Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war_  
_You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door_  
_You and I get so damn dysfunctional, we stopped keeping score_  
_You and I get sick, and I know that we can't do this no more_  
_But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you_  
_Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go_  
_Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo_  
_And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you  
_- _'One More Night' _by Maroon 5

* * *

The days turned into weeks before Clary received the twelve tickets in the mail. When she ripped the envelope open, Isabelle, bouncing excitedly next to Clary, screamed with joy and began rambling about the clothes she needed to bring to New York. Each person that Clary was bringing seemed to be constantly anxious, and none of them could concentrate in class or make it through a day without mentioning the trip.

A week before the date to leave for New York, Magnus showed up in Clary's room with shopping bags full of clothes, and together the two of them picked out Alec's and Magnus's outfits for the week. (Everyone knew Alec wouldn't pack anything dressy in his suitcase, so they did it themselves.) Cecily spent a lot of time in Clary's room as well, and, surprisingly, Clary didn't mind the girl too much.

Cecily talked a lot, and Clary only had to fill in the blanks of the conversation rarely. Cecily never really hit what Clary classified as deep conversation—she seemed to enjoy girl talk—but when she did, it was usually about Will. Clary found out a lot about Will in the four weeks Cecily spent in Clary's room. Will's middle name was Owen, and he loathed ducks, except, really, he was quite frightened of them. That fear seemed to run in the family, though, because Jace avoided ducks at all costs too. Cecily would talk about how she never had any friends after Jace and Will left for the institute and her father's gambling problems, but one day, Cecily turned the conversation onto Clary.

"Do you still have anorexia problems?" she asked as Clary organized and folded clothes for the trip.

Clary paused and looked over into Cecily's deep blue eyes and made a soft sound. Clary stared at Cecily for a while, not making any move to reply, nor did she continue her task of folding her clothes. "Not usually. Occasionally I'll have moments where I just feel too sick to eat, but it's never been as bad as the one that landed me in the hospital."

"I stopped eating food once. Well, for a whole day, but then the next morning Gen brought over her homemade cinnamon rolls, and I didn't last a second." Cecily responded, not missing a beat. And just like that, the conversation ended.

More days passed by, and actions and events seemed to roll right by the group. Will and Jace avoided Clary often; Jace did more so than Will. Will would at least stop and talk to Clary if they ran into each other. Jace would just mumble a goodbye and disappear quicker than she could blink. She didn't mind too much, though. She needed to collect her wits in time for New York because she knew it would be a trip close to hell.

Jonathan and she talked a bit about the trip, but Jonathan had a hard time actually _talking _to Clary because he hated the subject of their dad. Clary had never thought she had heard true anger until the moment she told Jonathan that Valentine was forcing her to have a civilized dinner with Sean. Pissed off would've been an understatement.

Then the big day arrived. The group was set to leave at 9:30 for the airport, and each person was running around the institute like crazy. Around eight in the morning, Max rolled his suitcase into Clary's room and beamed at her eagerly. "Do you have any younger siblings?" he asked as he watched Clary finish packing her carry on.

She set her bag next to his and smiled softly at him. "No. I have an older brother, but that's it."

"Well, isn't it lonely?" Max frowned as she sat next to him and rubbed his head.

"It used to be, but now I have you to call a little brother." Clary said softly, and Max grinned at her.

"Really? Is that why you asked me to come meet your family?" The door opened beside Clary's bed, and both Clary and Max glanced up to see Alec and Magnus standing at the door.

"Our bags are packed and ready to go, and Sebastian said our ride is already out there. We can take the bags down there if you want…?" Alec suggested with a quick glimpse at Max.

"Is anyone else packed?" Clary stood up and helped Max from her bed. Max grabbed his suitcase and wheeled it out of Clary's room as Sebastian swooped into the room and grabbed Clary's things.

"Nope, I think it's just us." Sebastian answered Clary's question as he and Max made their way down the hall. Clary, Alec, and Magnus began to follow, but Clary stopped. "Well, where is everyone else? We need to all get settled into the car because lord knows it'll take thirty minutes just to fit Isabelle's and Cecily's luggage into the trunk!"

Sebastian sent Clary a smirk over his shoulder and said, "Well, Jace is in our room, and I'm pretty sure that Will, Jem, Tessa, and Cecily are all in Will's and Jem's room. And god only knows what Isabelle is forcing upon poor ole Simon."

"Oh, shut it. I'll go get Jace. He's probably asleep." Clary waved her hands at the gang and turned around, but not before noticing a guilty look from Alec. She shrugged it off, expecting it to not even be related to her, and headed toward room 895.

She knocked on the door first because she didn't want to just walk in on him, especially if he was naked or something. Also, he seemed to be avoiding her still, and just bursting in the room would probably merit a not-so sweet reaction from him. After minutes of waiting in silence, Clary decided to just type in the code and get Jace. He was probably sleeping anyways. Clary guessed his plan was to do everything last minute.

But when she opened the door, she got the shock of her life. It was almost like she had been brought back to her first few weeks at the institute, and a sick feeling churned inside her stomach. Kaelie, who happened to be completely nude, sat on top of Jace, and he seemed to be just as bare as Kaelie was. Clary covered her mouth with a hand, but then she thought twice and covered her eyes instead, missing the look of complete triumph in Kaelie's eyes.

"I'm so sorry!" Clary exclaimed as she moved back and bumped into the wall hard. "I didn't mean to—sorry!" Clary turned around and ran out of the room in complete horror. She didn't think she would ever get that sight out of her mind. Knowing that neither one of them would come out of the room because they would want to finish what they started, Clary just slid against the wall and put her head on her knees.

She could feel the sting of tears in the corner of her eyes, and she could taste the hard knot in her throat that meant she was holding the tears in. Honestly, seeing them together wouldn't have bothered her under normal circumstances, but just days ago, Clary had almost slept with Jace, and, stupidly, she believed that Jace was changing and that there was something different between the two of them. Then it also made her think of what Will said: that Jace was only using her. God, she was dumb.

She stood up shakily, her legs not completely up for any action, and made her way back down the hallway to Will's room. First she tapped on Isabelle's door and yelled that they were getting ready to leave and to hurry, and then she just walked into Will's room. Will seemed surprised at first. Clary seemed to be avoiding him as much as he avoided her, but when she stumbled into him and wrapped her arms around him, Will didn't hesitate to return the action.

"Are you all right?" he asked after a moment, relishing in her soft body pressed against his. He almost forget what it was like to have her with him like this.

"Yeah, I just… It's hard to explain." Clary whispered before releasing him. Will, though, kept an arm around her shoulder and squeezed her softly.

"So are you ready to go?" Jem asked from across the room. He had Tessa's and his bags in his hands. Cecily bounced excitedly next to him with multiple bags around her.

Will rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag. "Where's your stuff?" he asked Clary as she helped Cecily grab all her stuff.

"Sebastian already brought it down to the car. We're just waiting on Isabelle, Simon, and Jace now."

Together the group walked out of the room together just in time to run into Isabelle and Simon. Will stared at Isabelle in shock and spoke first while everyone else continued down the hallway. "Isabelle, we're going to be there for a week. _Why _do you have seven bags?"

Simon grunted in agreement and dragged five bags down the hallway. Jem laughed and helped him with a couple while Tessa made to grab a couple more of the bags. Isabelle rolled her eyes and said, "Obviously, I have multiple outfit choices in each one. I don't want to have something in the bag that I think is cute now and then realize I hate it tomorrow. I need options, Will."

Will didn't say anything and continued down the hall with the others. Isabelle and he trailed behind the rest of the gang, and Will decided he needed someone to talk to about Clary and Jace. "Do you know if Jace is sleeping with Kaelie again?" he asked as they made their way to the elevator.

"Yes… he is." Isabelle muttered, watching Clary's back carefully. "Why?"

"Clary is just acting weird today. I wondered if maybe she knows something." Will replied with a frown. Isabelle stopped him with a sad expression on her face.

Before she could say something, Clary said, "Hey, are you guys coming or what?"

Will glanced at the full elevator and shook his head. "We'll catch the next ride down."

Clary nodded her head and laughed, "Good choice. See you down there!" Then the doors closed, and Isabelle and Will were left alone.

"Look, I know this whole thing between you, Clary, and Jace is a mess, but you can't really be giving up this easily on her." Isabelle said as they waited on the elevator to make its way back up.

"Well what am I supposed to do?! She almost had sex with him the other day, and now he's back to sleeping with Kaelie. I've told her what kind of person Jace is, and _she won't listen to me!_" Will growled in aggravation.

"All I'm saying is that we'll be in another state soon, and she's most comfortable in New York. If there's a good time to make your move, this week will be it."

"She's already turned me down once."

The elevator doors opened, and behind them they heard someone yell to hold the doors. Jace, running down the hall with a suitcase in one hand, was pulling on his shirt, and distantly, Will could see Kaelie sliding out of Jace's room with no shirt on. Will shook his head in disgust and said to Isabelle, "I suppose you're right."

* * *

The ride to the airport and the journey to get onto the plane was a long and tedious one. By the time everyone got situated onto the airplane and in their seats, no one was up for much conversation. They all sat in twos and behind each other. The pairings were in a way expected. Will and Clary together in the first two seats, behind them were Isabelle and Simon, and behind them were Alec and Magnus, then Tessa and Jem, Sebastian and Cecily, and bringing up the rear was Jace and Max.

Surprisingly, they were some of the only people in the first class, and the idea of what was soon to come had them all twitching in their seats anxiously. Simon leaned over and tapped Clary on the shoulder. "On a scale of one to really frickin' scary, how scary is riding in a plane?"

Isabelle laughed beside him. "Have you never flown in a plane before?"

Simon shook his head quickly and gulped. His face was the palest Clary had ever seen it, but Clary laughed with Isabelle and said, "Oh, that's cute. We're about to pop your cherry… aerially speaking, of course."

Simon flushed in embarrassment, and Will and Isabelle both burst out into laughter at the comment. "Well there's a first to everything." Magnus had muttered behind them, and Simon slid down in his seat.

"Whatever, you guys. Sorry I've never flown in a plane before!" Simon sounded upset, but Clary could tell that he was just nervous. Before Clary could try to comfort him, Isabelle had rested her hand on his knee and smiled at him softly.

Clary, deciding to give them privacy, turned back around and looked up at the TV. The movie _The Ugly Truth _was on, and Clary tried to pay attention to it as the plane began to take off, but with Will beside her and Jace only rows behind her, she was becoming antsy.

"Are you okay?" Will asked beside her. He stared at her with wide eyes, and Clary still felt a throbbing guilt for not listening to him about Jace from the beginning.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit anxious…" she trailed off and looked down at her hands.

"Do you think Sean will be there as soon as we get there?" Will asked with a frown. He took one of her hands in his and rubbed it softly, soothing Clary a bit.

"I have no idea. Dad just said Sean and his family would be at Mom's Thanksgiving dinner Thursday. I'm hoping that he'll only be there during dinner, but knowing Sean, he'll probably do whatever he can to get under my skin." Clary sighed and leaned her head on Will's shoulder.

Will twisted a strand of Clary's hair around one of his fingers. "Well, you have all of us to kick his ass if you want. I'm about ninety-five percent sure that Isabelle packed a whip… Still not sure why, but Sean has no idea who he's about to deal with."

Clary laughed softly and knocked his arm. "She does not have a whip!"

"Actually, I do. You never know when you'll need a good whip." Isabelle leaned over the seat and raised her eyebrows at them.

Clary covered her eyes. "Oh, god. Don't delve any deeper into whatever this is about."

"Ha! That's what she said!" Simon exclaimed before yelping in pain when Isabelle turned and punched him in the arm.

When Clary looked back at all the faces behind her, she couldn't have imagined a better group of people to bring home with her.

* * *

When the plane landed in New York, the weather and temperature were noticeably different than the weather and temperature in California. Being New Yorkers, Clary and Simon had both prepared for the change. As the gang loaded all their bags in the limo, the only thing that was heard were the complaints of the chilly wind.

Clary stayed outside of the limo the longest, helping everyone get the bags in the car as quickly as possible. Soon it was just Clary and Jace outside in the cold, and Clary was incredibly unhappy about being alone with him. She grabbed her bag, facing away from Jace, and chucked into the trunk. Then she turned to grab Jace's bag, but instead she met hands with him.

"What—" Clary began to say, but Jace interrupted her quickly.

"What you saw this morning… it's not—"

Clary ripped her hand away from him. "Let me guess. It's not what I think it was. Then what the hell was it, Jace because, obviously, I don't have a clue what else it could be. Did she trip and fall, and you just _happened _to catch her with your dick? I mean, obviously, everyone who stays in your room is always naked… so common mistake, right?"

"Why do you even care?" he yelled back with his hands thrown into the air and a hateful expression on his face.

Clary flinched back, but she quickly regained her composure. "You're right. I don't care." she growled and slid into the limo immediately. "Shut the trunk when you're done." she yelled out the door at him.

Everyone in the limo kept their eyes trained away from Clary as she slid into the middle of the limo and pulled out a bottle of champagne. "Dad said we could have some of this… so to celebrate leaving the institute, who wants some?" She poured a glass and handed it to Cecily, who happened to be the first to raise her hand.

After a moment, everyone had a glass in hand and was toasting to the week. No one mentioned the argument that was overheard just moments before, but Max did complain about having to drink Sprite instead of champagne like the others.

"Can I _please _have some of the stuff your drinking?!" Max begged with a full pout on his mouth.

Clary's lips twitched into a small smile. "You're too young." Alec said simply before tipping his flute toward his mouth.

"Here, let's put your Sprite in a flute, so you'll match us." Clary suggested as she pulled a glass from the bar.

Alec smiled appreciatively at Clary when Max grinned and handed her his can of Sprite. She poured it into the flute and handed it back to him. "Thanks, Clary!" Max exclaimed before gulping down a drink from the glass.

All too quickly it was silent again in the limo, and each person found themselves looking out the window. Clary could feel the seed of anxiety planting itself in the pit of her stomach. When Clary began to recognize the plot of land approaching, she thought she would throw up.

Cecily jumped up from her seat in the far corner of the limo and perched in between Clary and Max to gaze out the window. "The Morgenstern Mansion!" she exclaimed, jerking everyone's attention toward the window. Clary moved from her spot and filled in Cecily's old seat to allow everyone to gaze out the window.

Excited mumbles and conversations quickly started up again. When the limo came to a stop, everyone was more than ecstatic to get out of the car. The limo driver held the door open while someone working for the Morgensterns already had the luggage out of the trunk and was handing bags to each person who got out of the limo. When Clary got out of the car, she instantly recognized the man handling the bags.

"Hodge!" Clary dashed over to him and encased him in a giant hug. Hodge had been hers and Jonathan's stay-at-home tutor when they were younger, and when she was recovering from multiple trips to the hospital from multiple occasions, he was there with antidotes and herbal mixtures to make her feel better.

"Clarissa, dear, your mother said you were coming back home, and I couldn't resist being the first to see you." he grinned as he wrapped her in his arms. When Clary pulled back from him, he asked, "So who are all your friends?"

She began to point all of her friends out to Hodge. After she would say a name, he would shake their hand and then move on to the next person. "And that's Jace." Clary said finally sounding extremely annoyed, ending the introductions. Jace made a face at her, and nobody in the group missed it.

"Well it's very nice to meet you all. Would you like to come inside and settle into your rooms?" Hodge picked up Clary's suitcase, and the group followed behind him in a line. Clary stayed next to Hodge to talk to him about her parents and the guests already at the house.

She started off with basic questions first. "Who's here already?"

Hodge glanced over at her. "Only the Freemans." he answered softly.

Clary cringed and clenched her hands. "Of course they are." she seethed as they walked in the front door.

Hodge smiled sadly at her. "I tried to talk your father out of inviting him, but he wouldn't listen to me. He's off in the deep end now. I still can't believe he sent you off like that. You needed him more than anything, and he just sent you across the country. Your mother has been a mess. I don't even know what to do with them anymore."

"Yeah, I know. Did you know he owned the Shadow Institute?"

"I found out after you left. It seems like business is the only thing on his mind now. I think the only reason he invited the Freemans is because Mr. Freeman may be the deciding factor of the whole expanding of the Shadow Institute." Hodge said with a small shake of the head. "We'll talk more later, though. We need to get your friends situated. Your dad wants to bring you all out to dinner in a few hours."

"Oh, great. It's already begun." I groaned.


	18. Chapter 18: I Know

**Hi all! Sorry it's taken so long for me to update. The new year has already been hectic for me. Just to summarize the first three weeks of 2013, I'll tell you how it's been. First of all, I've gotten sick twice. (gross, I know) Flu, anyone? Wasn't really the flu, but it still sucked. And I've been having continuous chronic headaches and nausea spouts. I don't really know why, and I really don't want to go to a doctor to find out. Then school started back the third. Get this, we've been back a total of 12 days, and I've already had 5 quizzes in AP calculus, and test on the bones in anatomy & physiology, gone crazy trying to get stuff for yearbook organized, and went to HOSA competition. I don't know how many of you know about epidemiology, but it is NOT a fun subject to study and try to understand. On the bright side, I got third place which means I'm going to state. Then on top of that my boyfriend just went back to college last Thursday, and it's just so hard to write when he's home. He always wants to do all these things, and yeah, I'm stressed. But hopefully, it has settled down, and I'll be back to normal. So yay! :D **

**Also reviewer 300 was gottalovetheboywiththebread (totally typed your name right when Safe & Sound came on my iTunes... creepy or cool?) So you are the first of my three cult members of Be My Poison. I will probably PM you soon (maybe tomorrow if I don't get too sidetracked), and we'll discuss your new job and your future character in the sequel! So that means only two more cult members/character builders left. The next one will be reviewer number 325—which is only like three reviews away at this moment. And the last will be reviewer 350, so review, review, review! Also, I'm hopefully updating This Life Is A Killer (TLIAK) tomorrow for all you guys that have been waiting SUPER patiently for it. The apology for the wait for that will be on that story's chapter, so thanks for the support, patience, and love. I really, truly, appreciate all of it, and each and every review for both stories really do brighten my day and make me smile like a total goober, so your words are not wasted. (:**

**Realized after I posted this last night that I got a review before asking about the institute. Yes, it is an institute for kids with problems, but kids like Simon can get scholarships to attend the institute as well. The point of the institute is that is't a really good school, and richer families with reputations they'd like to protect can send their kids to the institute and not have to worry about people thinking something is wrong. It's not specific to a person's past issues. It just has a lot of kids in it with backgrounds because that's how Valentine intended it. **

* * *

_I only show you what I want you to see_  
_I got my t-t-t-t-tongue in my cheek_  
_If you see them laughing (you see them laughing)_  
_Don't follow 'em_  
_Cause they're not part of my joke_  
_I'd always be just who you want me to be_  
_And keep my t-t-t-t-tongue in my cheek_  
_A hopeless romantic_  
_You'll never see_  
_Cause your not in on the joke  
_- _'You're Not In On The Joke'  
_by Cobra Starship

* * *

I analyzed myself in the mirror. It was strange seeing myself with no new bruises or scars from the past couple of months. I wore a dark blue dress that Dad had picked out specifically for the dinner tonight, and the dress somehow managed to make me look paler than I really was. The stress of this trip was already obvious from the newly forming wrinkles in my forehead and around my lips. I pressed my fingers against my forehead in an attempt to smooth the wrinkles over, but it was no use. They'd be permanent until I got back to the Shadow Institute.

Someone tapped on the door, and I immediately spun away from the mirror to open the door. Will leaned against the doorframe with a devious smirk on his face. "So this is Clarissa Morgenstern's room. It's far more boring than I imagined it to be." He waltzed into the room with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants. He stopped in the middle of my room and kicked at the fuzzy pink rug Mom had gotten me when I was thirteen. It was hideous, and I had never liked it, but for some reason I couldn't get rid of it.

"Well don't you look dashing?" I commented when I noticed the blue of his tie matched the blue of my dress.

Will appraised me with careful eyes. "And you look pale. Are you sure you want to go out tonight? I'm sure your father can wait." Will sat down on the edge of my bed as I grabbed a pair of shoes from my closet.

"I'm fine. Even if I wasn't fine, Dad wouldn't change the plans. Valentine doesn't operate that way." I slipped on the silver heels and walked over to Will. He held out his hands toward me, but I avoided his touch. I wasn't in the mood for any romance, especially from either one of the Herondales. Will noticed my action, but he didn't comment on it.

"Do you think Sean will be at dinner? I overheard that Sean was already at the house…" Will cracked his fingers and stared at me as if daring me to say Sean was coming.

"I doubt it. Valentine wouldn't spring him on me this early into the week. We'll probably see him tomorrow though. We're supposed to be going to some charity banquet tomorrow night, so I'm sure Sean and his family will be there."

"Clary, dear, I was wondering if—Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize Clary would already have company." My mother waltzed into my room as she slid on an earring. As I watched her glance about my room, I realized that this could've been any moment in mine and my mother's history. For a moment, it was almost as if I had never left the institute, but with Will sitting behind me, I was thrown back into the present. "Hi, William. How are you?" Mom wiggled her fingers at Will with a soft smile on her face.

"I'm great Mrs. Morgenstern. Thanks for letting us stay here for Thanksgiving." Will responded instantly, returning her smile. I almost rolled my eyes at his cheesiness, but I decided against it. The last encounter with the two of them together ended on a sour note, and I didn't want to start the week off bad.

"Oh, it is no problem. It's very nice to see you again." She waved off his gratitude and then focused on me again. "Are you really wearing _those _shoes?" I could tell she intended on saying something else, but her eyes continued to stray towards my feet.

"_Mom_," I whined, annoyed with her attitude already. Of course I'm here for less than a day, and she's already insulting my shoes choice. It's not like I could ever get to her standards of beauty. With her tall, leonine grace and slender body, she was the epitome of beauty in the house. Her red, curly hair, that happens to be the exact replica of mine, was never frizzy and always shined radiantly in any light. The flowing green dress she choice to wear brought out her features and didn't make her look drawn and pallid like the dress Dad was forcing me to wear did to me.

"Sorry, sorry." She apologized. "Flats aren't too awful. Anyways, your dad sent me to tell you we're leaving in five minutes. Collect your friends. They'll be riding in a limo again." She turned to leave the room, but I stopped her by quickly reaching forward and grabbing her arm.

"What do you mean 'they'll'?" I asked, already expecting the answer she was going to give.

"Well, they can't all fit in your father's car, and you're riding with us." she responded as if any other idea would be ridiculous.

"I can't just make them ride without me!" I said, beginning to already become agitated with my parents. It took less than a whole day for that one. New record, I suppose.

"We only have room for one other person other than you. William can ride with us. I'm sure your father would love to meet him." Mom replied and with that she left the room. Nothing had been left for discussion.

"Oh, how I've missed the entitlements of parents." Will sighed mockingly behind me. I spun around and smacked him on the shoulder harshly. "Hey! What was that for?" He rubbed his shoulder, but I could tell he was just acting like it hurt to please me.

"You think it's funny now, but just wait. I know where we're going to eat, and it may only be a short fifteen minute drive, but Valentine doesn't joke, nor does he take things lightly, and that fifteen minute ride will become a fifteen minute interrogation. Prepare yourself. This is only going to be the first battle of this week's war."

* * *

Clary had been more than right about the ride to dinner. The whole ride Valentine filled the car with a constant string of questions fired at Will. Will didn't seem to mind, but she was exceedingly past annoyed by the time the group was seated at the table. Will didn't sit next to Clary, sensing the agitation that poured off her in fictional buckets. Max, instead, took the seat next to Clary while Clary's mother sat on the other side of her. Valentine flanked Jocelyn, and Magnus, being the only guest that wasn't scared of Valentine, sat next to him.

Everyone else just filled in the spots in between them, and soon they were all just waiting on their food. The table was mostly silent except for the occasional offering of bread and butter. Finally, Jocelyn seemed sick of the silence, and she addressed Jace first with a warm smile. "So, you're William's cousin?"

Jace, surprised at the attention from Clary's mother, cocked his head at her. For the most part, he had kept his head down. He was exhausted from not only the flight to New York, but also from the argument with Clary. He knew he was losing it, but he wasn't quite sure what "it" was. "Oh, yeah." he mumbled when he realized he had been quiet for far too long.

Jocelyn didn't seem to notice, and she fired off a reply. "You two look so different, though… but I guess that isn't too abnormal. Clarissa and Jonathan look absolutely nothing alike. I think their only similarity is their artist fingers." Jocelyn sighed and glanced down at her fingers. Jace caught Clary doing the same thing.

"Well they obviously adopted that from you. Your paintings are magnificent." Jace complimented with a half-smile. He was only halfway playing the charming boy that he usually played, and Clary glanced up sharply at him. She gritted her teeth and shook her head at him. Enjoying the small bout of reaction he had gotten from Clary, he decided to up his workings when Jocelyn giggled. Jace leaned against the table and winked at Clary.

"You are quite the charming young man. Who's your father?" Valentine interrupted Jocelyn before she could say something back.

Jace wasn't expecting this kind of question so early in the trip. He coughed on the air he sucked in quickly and took a sip of water to clear his throat. "Stephen Herondale. He died when I was younger."

Valentine swished the drink in his hand, the ice cubes clinking against the cool glass. I eyed his liquor for a moment, hating him for drinking it in front of all of us. "Wait, Stephen Herondale, you said?" Valentine paused but didn't wait for Jace to respond. "I read about him in the paper about twelve or so years ago. He was shot in a robbery at a bank. Didn't he stop the guy from killing the teller?"

Jace seemed taken aback that Valentine knew this bit of information. "Yeah, he was shot twice, and by the time the robbers could get past him, the cops were already there."

Valentine nodded approvingly. "Well, it's always nice to die with honor. He seemed like a good man." Clary was shocked at how tender the words sounded coming out of Valentine's mouth. He hadn't spoken to her like that since he acquired the corporation, and she felt an old, burning rage in her stomach that she thought she had forgotten about long ago. Her rational side believed that it was a good thing Valentine was treating Jace so well under the circumstances, but her less rational side was ready to throw the table over and throw the liquor Valentine was drinking right in his face.

It was obvious to the others that Clary was fighting multiple emotions. Valentine continued to speak, probably addressing all of them, but all Clary could hear was a buzzing in her ears. Suddenly, she felt trapped and claustrophobic in the abnormally filled room. "I need to get fresh air." she spat out, interrupting Valentine mid-story. He stared at her, aggravated, and she met his eyes with as much fervor. Neither one of them dropped their gaze, so Clary threw down her napkin and walked out as quickly as possible.

Clary sat down on a bench near the restaurant and stared at the now unfamiliar streets of New York. She realized with utmost certainty that she didn't miss these dinners at all. The cold air was welcome across her sweaty cheeks and palms. She felt like she had been suffocated, and at the last minute, she had been allowed to live. It was hard imagining this week to be anything but awful.

Clary knew a breakdown was imminent as soon as she saw Sean. What would she do then? She tried to avoid any thoughts involving him, yet tomorrow was so close to not think about him. She figured she should go inside, but the cool air was such a relief that she decided she'd rather skip dinner. Valentine would be furious, and Jocelyn would be disappointed, but it didn't matter. Neither of them ever cared about her feelings. Why shouldn't she return the favor?

Time passed slowly—or quickly, Clary couldn't really tell—before she felt someone sit by her. She knew who it was before she turned to look at him. Will's body warmth was warmth with which she was dearly familiar. "Why do you keep doing that?" he finally asked, his breath coming out in large plumes in the air.

"Doing what?"

His piercing blue eyes trained on her, and Clary realized that he was siding with her parents. Every single time, he would side with her parents. Clary waited for him to respond, her anger swelling inside her like an overinflated balloon. "You keep walking out on them. They don't deserve that."

Clary looked away from him, afraid the tears in her eyes would betray her. She knew nothing good would come from showing weakness. Finally after watching bright yellow taxis pass by, and older couple cross the street, and a bug fly around a light, she fixed her eyes on him. "You know nothing of what they deserve, and if you think for one minute that you do, you're wrong."

He didn't seem surprised at the steel in Clary's voice. "I shouldn't have to know. You don't treat parents who treat you like this in that way."

"Just because you've seen them suck up and pretend like they care doesn't mean they're always like this. You didn't live with them for seventeen years. You weren't here when Jonathan left. You didn't see the look on my dad's face when he told me I couldn't go to my _best friend's funeral_! Stop acting like you know them because you've spent a total of three hours with them. You don't _know them_." Clary hissed before standing up quickly.

"Maybe if you'd just give them a chance to make up for what they did…" he attempted to grab her arm, but she ripped it away from him.

"Stop! I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of you. You run around everywhere like you have the right to tell me how I should react to my parents. You don't have that right. My grandparents don't have that right. Jonathan doesn't have that right. Hell, even Sean didn't have that right. What are you to me anyways? Someone who thinks they know me?! You don't know shit, so leave me alone." Clary stalked to the restaurant doors, only glancing back at Will once to roll her eyes petulantly.

* * *

I tossed and turned that night. The anger, regret, and pain kept me up without consequence. There was a tap on the door, and even though I knew who it would be before I opened the door, I got out of my bed anyways. I padded softly over to the door and slid the door open slightly, only enough to yell at Will through the crack, but my words were trapped in my throat.

Jace stood in the low light in pajamas and a frown. "What are you—"

"Look, I'll explain in your room. Just let me in." he whispered as he glanced down the hallway multiple times. I realized with a jolt that his last sentence was spoken by Will more than a month ago when I wasn't mad at Will, and I had to shake my head to bring myself to the present.

"What are you looking at?" I asked as I leaned out my door.

"Get back in your room." he ordered before pushing me back in the door and stepping in the room himself. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it heavily.

I took a step back from him, and, in my best "mother pose", I stuck my hands on my hips and glared at him. "Are you psychotic? Or just hell bent on pissing me off? Because you seem to be trying out a little of both."

Jace let out a short, humorless laugh. "That's cute." He remained pressed against my door, and he seemed to be listening for something. I wondered if his answer was referring to the current pose I held or biting remark. It really didn't matter, but with Jace, I felt like I needed to know everything.

"Will you please just tell me what you are doing?" I sighed. I was just too tired and stressed to have another fight today.

Jace's eyes softened when he turned back to me. He reached a hand out and brushed a stray hair away from my eyes. I meant to push his hand away, but I was too exhausted to continue with whatever was going on between us. "Are you okay? I heard a little bit about what happened between you and Will…"

I crossed my hands over my chest and looked down. "How much did you hear?"

"Most of it."

I bit my lip and looked at the floor, toeing the expensive carpet with my left foot. I had mixed feelings about the fight with Will. I hated talking to him the way I did, but he continued to push that one button, and me snapping at him wasn't unwarranted.

"Do you think I was too harsh?" I eventually asked before looking up at Jace. His yellow eyes were warm in a melty, caramel way, and I knew he would tell me what I wanted to hear.

He gripped my shoulders, surprising me. We met eyes again, and he spoke slowly, enunciating each word. "You're probably expecting me to sugarcoat this, but whatever. He deserved it. Everything you said was true. I don't know what he was expecting from you when he followed you out there, but he was dumb to expect anything other than what you gave him."

I smiled at him gratefully. "So, you never answered my previous question. What are you doing?"

His frown returned, and he slunk down into the floor. "I couldn't sleep. I don't really sleep too much anymore, but I was restless. I was just wandering the halls, hoping I'd tire myself out… That's when I saw Sean. At first, I wasn't sure if it was him, but there's no way there's another guy staying here our age. He seemed to be just walking like me, but I followed him anyways."

"Jace!" I admonished as I joined him on the floor.

He smiled ruefully at me and waved me off. "I wasn't going to _do _anything. I can be dumb, but not _that _dumb. Izzy wants the first punch anyways. Like I was saying, I followed him, and I realized how close we were to your room. Of course, with what you've told me, I didn't like that one bit, so I cut through a few hallways and beat him to your room. He seemed quite surprised when he saw me." Jace smirked as I smacked his arm.

"So was that what you were looking at?" I asked after a moment of silence.

Jace nodded sullenly. The reality of what Jace did for me hit me hard, and I set my hand on his. "Thanks… a lot. Who knows what he was planning."

"I highly doubt it would be anything stupid. It'd be a bit obvious if you showed up to breakfast with a black eye." he attempted to make a joke out of it, but he winced as he said it.

"You'd be surprised." I muttered before standing up and heading back to my bed. There was only so much drama I could handle for one day, and I didn't think I would be able to take much more before passing out.

I could feel Jace following behind me. He was close, but not too close. His unusual body heat hit me in waves, but I was used to that. I wasn't used to the careful distance he was placing between us. "Damn, Clary. That's a nice bed." he whistled lowly as I climbed under the sheets. He had crept towards the bed, and his hand hovered over the thick comforter.

I could see in his eyes what he wanted, and hesitantly, I gripped his wrist and pulled him onto the bed. He seemed surprised in a way that wasn't completely surprised. As we settled into our old sleeping routine, he leaned his head on the back of my neck. His breathing puffed out in slow, calculated breaths.

"Are you sure?" he finally whispered.

"Only if you want to stay." I answered, knowing he wouldn't turn down the opportunity. It was hard to pretend like I hadn't missed falling asleep with him—or anyone, really. I always had someone to keep me from waking up alone at the institute, and since the fight in the meadow, I had slept alone. Jace's warmth behind me was comforting, and he pulled us closer together before replying.

"Someone needs to protect you from Sean anyways." I shook my head at him, knowing he was only saying it for my benefit. As if he sensed my disbelief, he added, "I promise that he won't hurt you this week. I swear on my life that if he even tries…" His words trailed off into silence, but I could tell he had gotten stuck in thought.

I nodded my head, letting him know that I trusted him. It was silent between us for a long beat. The silence had lasted so long that I figured Jace had fallen asleep. His long, labored breaths were often a sign of his unconsciousness. "Jace?"

"Hm?" he mumbled against my shoulder.

"I'm still mad at you."

"I know."


	19. Chapter 19: Darker

**Hi guys! I'm so super pumped for you guys to read this chapter. You get to meet two characters! Next chapter will be WAY more exciting and probably much longer than my chapters have been, so I hope you guys are ready! :D Anyways, so Indecisivly Undecided was the 350th reviewer, so she is the third member of my writing cult. Now, surprise time! I'm picking to people who review THIS chapter to also be in the cult, and then I will be getting in contact with all five of you. So review, because you can help me make a MAJOR decision in this story and create a minor character for the sequel. It may be a bit confusing now, but I assure you that reviewing this chapter will be a good choice. The two people that I pick will be announced on the next update. There's no specific guidelines, just have and account and be awesome and review ;D **

**Now on to the chapter. I'm actually not very satisfied with this chapter, but I guess it'll have to suffice for now. Leave your comments, suggestions, and critiques in a review! I read them all! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_Sometimes the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain,  
And every ounce of innocence is left inside her... brain.  
And through the looking glass, we see she's painfully returned,  
But now off with her head, I fear is everyone's concern.  
You see there's no real ending,  
It's only the beginning.  
Come out and play. _**  
**- _'Her Name Is Alice'  
_by Shinedown

* * *

"You look absolutely stunning." Jace whispered in my ear. He assessed me with quick golden eyes and a mischievous smile.

A smile flitted across my face, and I raised my glass to my lips to hide it. I had gotten to pick out my dress for the banquet tonight, and honestly, I did a pretty awesome job—Isabelle was intensely proud. The dress was made of a thin, sequined material that fell to the floor in a mermaid style, the fabric clinging to my body in all the right places. The emerald color of the dress bounced light off my eyes, and the make-up Isabelle put on me just enhanced the color of my eyes more. It was dramatic, but it seemed perfect for the night.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I teased, and Jace ran a hand through his golden hair, mussing up the curls. He wore a tuxedo with golden accents, and he lit up the room like the sun itself.

People stared at us, but I wasn't surprised. Jace was a brand new and spectacular item, and I was the damaged, spoiled child of the Morgensterns. New and old clashed in a fiery example of attention. A couple of older women ventured over to talk to me occasionally, asking about the institute and if I was better, but I liked it more when I was alone or with the gang. Magnus seemed to be getting the most attention with the sequined black suit he wore and his dangerously spiky hair covered in glitter. Alec looked almost bashful just to be near him as people flocked to the couple. Max got the second most amount of attention. Adults of all shapes and forms couldn't get over how adorable Max was, and Max was bathing in the glory.

All the others seemed to be enjoying themselves as well. Isabelle had gotten to meet multiple fashion designers from all over the world, and Simon was able to enjoy the swiftness of life in New York again. Sebastian had disappeared long ago with a group of girls. Tessa and Jem managed to spend a lot of time by the chocolate fountain, testing how items tasted bathed in milk chocolate and white chocolate. Will seemed lost, and he was wandering around the room constantly, but finally he stopped when he saw us.

I wasn't really mad at him for what he said last night—not that he knew that. I decided I'd let him sweat it out a bit, but, really, he just didn't understand, and I couldn't honestly be upset at him for that. His eyes roamed my body quickly before finally meeting my eyes. I smirked at him before setting my glass down. "How are you, Will?" I asked while he fiddled with his collar nervously.

"Oh, I'm fine. You look great." he gestured towards me lamely with a slight grimace.

I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of me from how awkward he was acting. "Stop messing with you collar. You're making it uneven." I smacked his hand away from his neck and resituated the collar.

"Uh, Clary?" Jace tapped my bare shoulder urgently, and I whipped back to look at him. "Is that—?"

He didn't get a chance to finish the sentence. I snapped my head toward the direction he was staring and locked eyes with Sean. Sean grinned maliciously and began to make his way from the entrance to where Will, Jace, and I stood. "Yes, it's him." I gritted out and unconsciously gripped my stomach in fear.

I wasn't prepared for this yet. No matter how much I said I was, I would never be. With each step Sean took towards us, I felt my heart clench in anticipation and horror. I didn't know what I was expecting when I imagined seeing Sean for the first time after all these months, but this feeling was probably the exact opposite of what my imagination had conjured up. I could feel each moment of panic, fear, and pain I felt because of him rush through my body all at once, and I thought that maybe I would pass out.

Will and Jace were both talking to me, but I couldn't hear a word. All I could hear was a buzzing in my ear, and all I could see was Sean moving closer and closer to me. When he got halfway, Mrs. Blackthorn stepped in front of him and greeted him with a wide smile and a hug. I could see him watching me over her shoulder, and I decided in that moment that I needed to bolt.

"I'm sorry, guys. I need to run to the bathroom." I rushed out an excuse and ran towards the direction of the bathroom. I knew it was only a momentary solution, but I needed to get my wits together before this whole banquet exploded in my face. Valentine and Jocelyn would never forgive me if I embarrassed them at the charity banquet of the year.

Leaning over the sink, I stared at myself in the perfectly clear mirror. The mirror seemed so clean that it was unnatural. There wasn't even a smudge, hair, or scratch on it. It was perfect. It had it all together. I didn't, and I was going insane. I could hear the banquet going on without me, but I couldn't bring myself to step out of the bathroom yet. How could someone face their biggest fear in a room full of people?

Then I realized how big of a mistake it was for me to leave Jace and Will out there alone. Who knew what they would do to Sean? Jace gave Jonathan, my own brother, a busted lip, and Will and Jace were both known for their violent tendencies. Immediately, I burst out of the bathroom to find the two boys. Keeping them out of trouble was more important than dealing with Sean anyways.

But when I walked back into the banquet hall, I found Jace and Will in the same spot, and Sean was nowhere to be found. I released a deep breath of air I didn't realize I had been holding and walked back over to them. "Sorry, I just needed a moment." I apologized with a wave of my hand, trying to seem nonchalant about the almost breakdown I had.

Will and Jace exchanged a look but decided to let it slide. "Well, would you like to dance?" Jace held out his hand for me, and Will nodded me on when I glanced over at Will sharply.

"I'll get the next one." He smiled softly at me and ushered me on.

Before I knew it, Jace and I were spinning on the dance floor. Jace lead me into the dance like he had ballroom danced his whole life and was used to sweeping girls off their feet. "I can't dance." I laughed as he spun me, clinging desperately to his hand.

Jace grinned and pulled me in close. "But I can, and every dance just needs a good lead." He continued to spin us around the floor. His elegance and beauty captured the attention of most of the other dancers, and soon we were the only two moving along to the music.

"How did you learn to dance like this?" I gasped as he dipped me down slowly.

"Lessons. My dad expected me to be fantastic at everything." he answered quickly, and I smiled softly at him.

"Well, he should be proud, then, because you are quite exceptional at everything." Jace seemed surprised at the sincere compliment, and, for the first time ever, he seemed to be fighting for the right words to reply. I held up my hand and pressed it softly against his lips. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know."

Before he could reply, a hand pressed against my shoulder. Jace immediately stopped swaying us, and I turned, expecting Will to request his dance with me. Instead, I met eyes with Sean for the second time tonight. "May I interrupt this dance?" His smile spoke of innocence, but I could see the hidden malice in his eyes. Jace gripped my arms a little tighter than he had been holding me before and glared at Sean menacingly. "I really don't mean to be a bother. I just wanted to catch up with dear Clarissa."

I sucked in a breath and touched Jace's face softly. "It's okay. It's only one dance."

Jace's face scrunched up in pain and anxiety. "If you need me, I'll be right over there with Will, and we will do whatever is necessary." he whispered urgently in my ear.

I nodded my head in understanding, not wanting to hear what other precautions he felt would be necessary. Jace let go of my arms and sent Sean a ferocious look. "Just one dance, and then I'll be back for her."

Sean grinned triumphantly and took my hands. "Of course." I watched Jace join Will by the drink bar before looking back at Sean.

I searched Sean's face for a hint of what he wanted. He had the same ice blue eyes, and at the moment, they seemed full of joy. I knew better than to be deceived by those eyes. I had fallen for them too many times to do it again. So, instead, I continued to analyze him. His jawline was as strong as ever, and that tiny freckle still adorned his left cheek. His light brown hair was tousled in the way he always styled it, and it just made me realize how much I had changed compared to how much he didn't.

He wrapped his hands a little too tightly around my waist and spun us around. I could hear the whispers of shock and happiness from seeing Sean and I reunited. Sean seemed to enjoy the attention and grinned at me. I let him lead me across the floor, not saying a word in hopes that this was all he wanted from me, but it looked like I was wrong when Sean twisted us in the direction of a deserted corner.

My body instantly clenched in terror. Being alone with Sean was the last thing I wanted. I knew he wouldn't do anything here that would leave a physical mark, but I was still frightened of what he would do to me that _wouldn't_ leave a mark. I glanced back in attempt to find Jace and Will, just for the comfort that seeing them would bring, but I couldn't see them. They weren't near the drinks, and we were too far away for me to actively look for the duo. Before I could pull away from Sean, he gripped me tighter and pulled me flush against him.

I could feel his breath on my ear before I could hear his voice. "I've missed you, Clarissa. Tell me that you've missed me, too." I tried to yank back from him, but his grip remained steady. I gritted my teeth, and he grinned at the sound. One of his hands slithered up my back and wrapped itself in the back of my hair. "I'm waiting on your confession." he hissed before tugging sharply on my hair.

I yelped in pain, but, instead of caving in, I brought my hand up to grip his hair as well. "I'd miss being trapped in a snake infested cellar before I'd miss you." I spat out with my own rip of his hair.

Sean let out a deep, throaty chuckle. "You've come back from that institute feistier than ever. I might enjoy my second go round with you more than I liked the first." He released the hair at the nape of my neck and brought his hand down my cheek to the hollow of my neck. I watched him with empty eyes as he smirked at my impassiveness.

"It seems as though you aren't as scared of me as you used to be… Is it because of that boy?" Sean dropped his hand and brought it to the pocket of his jacket.

"What boy?" Knowing that he was talking about Jace, I asked.

Sean raised an eyebrow before sliding his hand to my waist again. "You also seem a bit skinnier than before… in a gloriously smashing way." I knew what he was implying with the comment about my size.

"You're such a—"

"Ah, ah, ah!" he raised a finger to my lips, caressing the curve of it softly. "No need for that type of language."

"You didn't even know what I was going to say." I snapped as I smacked his finger away from my lip.

"I can only imagine with our past." he whispered with a slight sneer. "Anyways, back to the boy… the one who snuck into your room last night." He raised his voice, faking a jovial tone.

"Oh, you mean the same way _you_ meant to sneak into my room last night?" I growled while he spun us in a circle.

"Only if he committed the same passionate crimes that I would have." Sean winked as I halted movement.

"Sorry to ruin your fantasies, but you're the only person sick enough to try something like that." I pulled away from him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You are just full of the compliments, aren't you?" he responded with a flick of his hand. Quickly, he had me in his hands again. "You can continue to pretend like this is over—_that we are over_—but it isn't over. It never will be." His face was only inches away from mine, and as I tried to flinch back, he kept my head steady in his hands. Then he laughed and let go of me. "You can tell your little boyfriend that as well. We're still together." He gestured between the two of us with his pointer finger.

He released me, and with one last steely glance at me, he disappeared into the throngs of people, leaving me alone and out of my head. Everything that he had just said to me continued to ring in my head, and I began to feel lightheaded. Sean was right… We were obviously still stuck in whatever we were, and it was more frightening realizing that now than it was knowing it months ago.

"Clary, are you okay? Clary!" Vaguely I could hear Will's and Jace's voices somewhere near me. I was beginning to black out, and the last thing I felt were warm hands encircling my waist before I fell limp.

* * *

"How is she?" A woman entered the bedroom, and Will and Jace both glanced up from their seats on the small couch. The woman was tall and lean, with hair that was woven into a small bun atop her head. Pieces of wavy hair that had escaped the hairdo fell in dirty blonde bits around her face.

"She's fine. The doctor just said she passed out from the stress and shock. He said she'll be awake sometime during the day." Will responded first, not hiding the confusion on his face.

"If you don't mind my asking, who are you?" Jace asked hesitantly as he stood up to greet her.

The woman glanced back over at Clary's sleeping form and smiled softly. "I'm Kinsey Lane, a very old friend of the Morgensterns. My daughter was Clary's best friend."

Will and Jace both glanced sharply at her. "When you say _was_, is there any particular reason why you say that?" Will asked, knowing how she meant it, but not really wanting to hear it.

"She died about two years ago." Mrs. Lane replied softly before approaching Clary's side.

"Callie," Jace whispered in surprise. "You're her mother."

Mrs. Lane met eyes with the two boys. "So, Clary told you about Callie? I didn't know if she would be able to talk about it. Clary has been through so much…"

Will tilted his head, analyzing the woman in front of him. Clary had a scrapbook full of pictures from before she came to the institute. He remembered very clearly the exact day she had shown her new, close-knitted band of friends the book. It was filled with all sorts of things. There were pictures of her when she was young, pictures of her and Jonathan at Disney World, and even pictures of Sean. There was a section dedicated to Callie, and Will couldn't quite put his finger on it, but Callie seemed to not look much like her mother at all. Clary only had pictures of Callie and her dad together, so Will never knew what Callie's mother looked like. He only assumed she'd be an exact replica of Mrs. Lane, though, seeing as how her dad was the complete opposite of Callie in physical appearance. While Callie had almost white-blonde hair, her dad had black hair. Callie's eyes were a grey color and her dad's a brown. The only real similarity between the mother and daughter, as far as Will could tell, was their stature. They were both tall and slim with small faces. Will knew it wasn't _that _uncommon for a child to not resemble a parent, but to not resemble either parent seemed a bit strange to him.

"Yeah, she's been through a lot." Jace shrugged, watching Mrs. Lane brush some hair away from Clary's face.

Mrs. Lane reached into her pocket and drew out a small necklace. She set it down on the end table next to Clary's bed and rubbed her eyes. With a hitch in her voice, she spoke again. "Will you tell Clary that this is for her? I found it in Callie's bedroom not long after Clary left for California… I figured Clary would appreciate more than I do because Clary gave it to her years ago." A tear slipped down Mrs. Lane's face and she let it fall to the floor before talking again. "And, will you tell Clary that Callie's grave has been a little neglected? I know it's not her burden to bear, but I do know that Clary was the one who used to visit it every week…"

Jace and Will were both surprised at the emotion in her voice. Neither of them knew what to say or do, but they both nodded vigorously. "Of course." Will stammered out as Mrs. Lane headed back toward the door.

"I think Clary had intended on visiting Callie today anyways." Jace added with a sympathetic smile.

Mrs. Lane smiled tightly back at them. "Also, tell her I'll be at dinner tomorrow. We can all catch up then."

Will and Jace both nodded again and watched her leave the room before facing each other with combined expressions of bewilderment and heartache. "I don't remember Clary mentioning that." Will said finally after the pregnant silence.

"Mentioning what?" Jace asked before going to sit back down on the couch in front of the TV.

"Going to the cemetery today."

"Well, yeah, because she knew you'd want to go with her, and she wants to go alone." Jace replied as he flicked channels on the remote. Will watched him change the channels so fast that Will knew Jace wasn't actually looking at them. Jace barely watched TV anyways.

"And you don't want to go with her?" Will snatched the remote from Jace and received an indignant sigh from Jace.

"I do, but I don't make it actively known. You're too clingy."

"I am not too clingy!" Will exclaimed with a frown.

"Do you truly want me to reply to that?" Jace rolled his eyes and stood up. He ripped the remote out of Will's hand and spun away from him in one quick motion.

"At least I'm not sleeping with other girls." Will mumbled as he sat at the trunk at the end of Clary's bed.

Jace whipped back around with fury plain on his face. "Who are _you_ to judge?!" he snapped angrily, throwing the remote against the wall.

Knowing he hit a sore spot, Will grinned. "I mean, it's obvious you don't care about her. As soon as things got close to tough between you two, you sleep with Kaelie. What happens if you two actually got together? Are you going to pick random girls off the street?"

"I don't see why it's any of your business." Jace growled in annoyance.

"You don't deserve a relationship with her!" Will yelled in frustration. "You don't deserve a relationship with anybody. You use and abuse everybody, and you don't give a damn about anyone's feelings!"

"At least I haven't slept with a girl I supposedly cared about and left her right after it."

Will flinched back in surprise. He curled and uncurled his hands multiple times before finally standing up. "What happened between me and Tessa is our business. She forgave me. I doubt any of the girls you've done that too have been so absolving."

Jace stared past Will, his jaw working in quick, irate movements. "I'm going to find Hodge. Clary will need him when she wakes up." Then Jace stalked towards the door and slammed it behind him, the wall shaking gingerly in his wake.

A glance back at Clary confirmed that she was still asleep, but Will still felt uncomfortable with her being in the same room as the two Herondales as they fought bitterly. Sometimes family rivalries never ended.

* * *

I stared at the headstone for so long that the words began to blur. _Callie Destiny Lane_. I could only read her name over and over again. It felt so overwhelming to be back in the cemetery, and the heavy feel in the air made me feel sick with loss and regret. My hand ghosted over the top of the stone, and I wiped a stray tear absently.

I resituated the flowers Hodge had picked from his garden, specifically for this visit, about a thousand times, but they never seemed to fall right. The calla lilies were pure white and offset the grey stone with a brightness no other flower could've achieved. Calla lilies were Callie's favorite, but only because the name of the flower almost sounded like her name. I used to snicker at her every time she mentioned the flowers, but ever since she passed away, calla lilies were all I would bring to her.

I asked Jace not to come with me because I knew I would have a breakdown, and I usually talked to Callie, which I wouldn't have been able to do in front of him. Today seemed no different than any of my previous visits. I whispered a soft hey as I sat down next to the grave. A soft wind blew, brushing my hair against my cheek, and I sighed in contentment. No matter what, being around Callie just made me feel better.

"I got drunk a little while ago…" I whispered with a voice full of regret. "It was dumb, I know, but so much has been going on, and you're missing it all." I rubbed my forehead with two fingers and patted the ground. "I know you would've come to Cali with me if you had the chance. I think you would've liked the institute. Most of the people there aren't so bad. You would've loved Isabelle." I paused and sucked in a deep breath. "The two of you are so alike. It still shocks me sometimes."

I let the wind continue to blow through the cemetery before speaking again. "I miss you," My voice cracked as I spoke the words. "Sean won't just let me go, and I know you would've dealt with him just like you always did. For some reason he seemed so scared of you."

The wind picked up in speed momentarily and then slowed down. "And I know you're taking care of her…" I breathed out as tears fell down my face. I turned my attention to the small tombstone next to Callie's. It was barely a tombstone at all, and it had no name on it. A picture of an angel was carved into it, and it hurt me to know that's how empty the grave would be forever. The baby's breaths I had set by the tomb rustled in the wind.

"I miss you both so much." I mouthed as hot tears flooded my cheeks. The pain would never dull, and I would never fully heal.

_It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. _The quote rang true in my head, but where it came from was lost to me. It's origin didn't really matter, though. I just knew that my life had become darker ever since Callie left it.


	20. Chapter 20: Run Away

**I'm going to try and make this AN as short as possible. First of all, I'm updating this story every other week, so that way I can update both of my stories semi-regularly. It'll just help me get myself together. Second of all, holy crap, the reviews for last chapter were so brilliant! I can't even... You guys are literally the best people in the universe. If I could marry each of you, I would. (In a totally not creepy way, I swear) Jk, though, cause it's totally meant to be creepy ;D Next, I'm not proofreading this chapter tonight. I'm tired, sore, and REALLY tired... so if there are mistakes, I will fix them tomorrow, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors. Uh... I think that about sums it up. Review! P.S. short chapter compared to my usual, sorry. Next chapter will be longer because it is going to delve into some serious emotions and thoughts. OH, AND SINCE I JUST REMEMBERED. THERE IS ONE F-WORD IN THIS CHAPTER. SO, YEAH, SORRY TO THOSE OF YOU WHO IT BOTHERS. IT SEEMED REALLY NECESSARY AT THE MOMENT, AND I DIDN'T WANNA REMOVE IT AFTERWARDS, SO WHATEVA. **

**Lastly, I picked out the last people for my writing clan thing. So all the people that will be helping me out are: gottalovetheboywiththebread, tlkin2much, Indecisivly Undecided, Physalie00, AngelofAir, and ByTheAngel99. So I will be PM all of you some time this week to describe to you the whole ordeal. It'll be great fun :D Congrats you guys! Super excited to work with you!**

**By the way, I totally went way 90s on the song for this chapter. Our Pop Concert for choir this years in the 90s, so when I heard this song I was like :o I must use it. So, yeah, that's it... REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

* * *

_Money, sex, in full control, a generation without soul,  
Perfect people in a perfect world, behind closed doors all in control,  
Life, in a world of luxury, cold cash money mentality,  
You gotta keep the faith, you gotta keep the faith,  
You better keep the faith and run away.  
- 'Runaway'  
_by Real Mccoy

* * *

Dinner had begun awfully awkward. Clary's guests sat on one side of Mrs. Morgenstern's table with Clary nearest to her father at the head of the table, while all of the Morgensterns' guests sat across them on the other side with Jocelyn on the other side of Mr. Morgenstern. Sean's parents avoided all eye contact with Clary. The only noise in the large banquet hall of the Morgenstern mansion was the clinks of the metal utensils against Jocelyn's fine china. None of Clary's guest wanted to be the ones to interrupt the silence, and Clary seemed more than happy to keep it quiet.

Finally someone sighed loudly and set down her fork rather loudly. She stared at Clary with sad, deep eyes. "How's the institute?"

Clary shot a hatred-filled glance at her parents and looked back at the woman. She wiped her mouth slowly and deliberately with one of the bright red napkins. "Much better than this hell hole." she answered matter-of-factly.

The woman's eyes widened and Clary's guests couldn't help the shocked snickers that they developed after Clary's snippy remark.

Valentine didn't even look at his daughter. Coolly, he said, "Don't pay her any attention, Madeleine. She acts as if we treat her like an invalid."

"Oh, that's cute because you _so _didn't send me all the way across the frickin' nation." Clary snapped in irritation. Somehow, the room managed to get quieter. Most of Clary's guests ducked their heads into their food, but Will and Jace stared quizzically at Clary. Clary hadn't shown resentment towards her parents in a good bit of time, and they were both surprised at her agitation.

"You know exactly why we did that." Valentine slammed his spoon down with a growl.

"Yeah, for profits. 'Look Valentine is sending his own daughter to his institute. It must really be worth something!'" Clary faked an upper class voice and rolled her eyes.

"What have I said about calling me by my name?!" Valentine roared at Clary.

Clary didn't flinch, but before she had the chance to reply, another voice responded from the entrance of the banquet hall. "I wonder why she has such a problem calling you dad… Maybe because you're not much of one… _Dad_." Everyone's head whipped towards the sound of his voice, and the room erupted into a flurry of noise. Besides Jace and Will, none of Clary's other friends had seen Jonathan, and now, at the sight of him, everything was in chaos. But not only that, there were three other men with him, and when Tessa saw one of them, she let out a faint gasp and shoved back from her seat at the table.

"Nathaniel!" Tessa exclaimed.

Before Tessa could run towards him, though, Jocelyn recognized the other man with Jonathan. "Lucian?" Jocelyn's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. As if seeing her first born child for the first time in three years wasn't enough, her old best friend had just waltzed into her dining room like he had never walked out on her family before. "What are you—" Jocelyn breathed out, standing up as well.

Luke met eyes with Jocelyn, and his eyes softened. With his new career as a lawyer, he was more clean cut than ever. His brown hair was cut evenly around his head, and he had no facial hair on his chin like he used to. He was dressed impeccably in a suit and tie, and he looked like he was on a mission. "Hello, Jocelyn." he responded before setting down a briefcase and readjusting his suit.

Jocelyn looked absolutely frantic. There was a wild glint in her eyes that Clary had never seen before, and for a moment, she regretted the fury she so obviously displayed towards them, but then she remembered why Luke left in the first place, and the fury returned with a red-hot vengeance. She gestured for one of the workers to come to her and whispered something fervently in her ear.

"Maria is bringing out extra chairs for you and your friends, Jonathan. Your food will be served right away." Right after Jocelyn said this, Maria returned carrying two chairs with another woman carrying two other chairs. A man followed behind them with a tray full of food.

Jonathan smiled innocently as Maria dropped the chairs at the other end of the table. "Oh, mother, I want to sit over there with you, Clary, and _Dad_."

Jocelyn's eyes widened and she resembled a deer caught in headlights. Before she could respond, Maria carried a single chair over to Jocelyn and set it between Clary and Jocelyn, and then Maria hightailed it out of the banquet hall with the two other workers behind her. Jonathan loped his way over to the seat and grinned conspiratorially at Clary, but Clary had no idea what he was doing at their house.

Luke, Nathaniel, and the other boy all took seats at the end of the table. Clary analyzed the other boy with calculating eyes. He was very attractive and seemed to be the same age as Jonathan. His sandy blonde hair was very thick, and his luminous green eyes stared back at her. Clary looked away from him then and met eyes with Jem. She realized that Tessa had sat back down and was staring at her brother with a look of pure shock on her face from seeing her brother for the first time in years. Clary knew what that felt like.

Finally Clary glared at her brother. He was seated comfortably between Clary and their mother with his napkin in his lap and a fork in hand. Clary set her napkin down as calmly as possible and turned towards Jonathan. "What in the _HELL _are you doing here?" she hissed in his ear angrily.

He glanced at her with wide, innocuous eyes. "Whatever do you mean?"

Clary then pushed her plate away from her and set her elbows on the table for support. "Look, Jonathan," she began, knowing fully well that every single eye and ear was trained on the two siblings. "I've had a pretty shitty week already, and if you're here to fuck some more shit up, then just do it. I'm not in the mood for games."

Jonathan considered her for a moment and then set his fork down too. "Okay, I get it. Well first of all, I'm here to tell our parents that I'm moving back to New York in the fall… when you start college because there's no way I'm going to let you stay in this house with them anymore after everything I've heard about the past few years I've been gone."

"And what have you heard?" Valentine asked calmly, staring at his son with pitch black eyes.

"Oh, I'm getting there." Jonathan replied smoothly before standing up and setting his napkin back down. "Also, I'm here to thank Will and Jace for keeping Clary in one piece since the last time I've seen all three of you." He nodded at Jace and Will with a small smile.

Jace smirked at him. "How's the nose?"

Jonathan laughed quickly. "It's healed. Also, I'm here to beat the shit out of you." Jonathan finished with a glower. He pointed at Sean as he continued to glare at Valentine, Jocelyn, and Sean.

Jocelyn gasped and stared at him in shock. "Who told you?" she finally asked.

"Clary did, and I have a few choice words for you as well, Mom, but I won't say anything in front of your guests. But, Dad, on the other hand… Oh, I have quite a few things to say to you."

Jocelyn didn't reply and bit her lip in guilt, but Valentine sneered at Jonathan. "Why do you think I care what you have to say to me?"

"Because it's not my opinion… it's fact about your betrayals." Jonathan whispered with a wicked grin.

Valentine was about to reply, but Kinsey Lane stood up quickly, her face white as a sheet. She looked ready to bolt, but Jonathan's stare froze her mid-step. "Don't leave yet, Mrs. Kinsey, we're just about to get to the good part. Have you visited Callie's grave recently?"

Kinsey shook her head swiftly, her body jerking with the motion. "Oh, that's a pity. Is it the guilt that won't let you visit her?" Jonathan clucked in mock disappointment.

"Jonathan, what are you trying to do here?" Jocelyn asked in exasperation.

"Why don't you tell her, Kinsey?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kinsey shook her head, eyes wide and hair flying wildly. "No? Dad?" he questioned Valentine, seeming to be laughing at some inside joke no one understood. Valentine's teeth were grinding together, but he said nothing. "That's cute. I guess I'll break the news. Valentine and Kinsey used to have many rendezvous back in the day. I always wondered why Callie looked more like you than Clary did, but then I realized it's because Callie is your daughter, too. Isn't she, _Dad?_"

It was absolutely silent in the banquet hall for a heartbeat before a flurry of commotion burst out. Jocelyn gasped in a devastatingly heartbreaking way while Clary just covered her mouth in shock. Tears rolled down both of their cheeks, and in that moment the two resembled each other so much that it was painful. Kinsey backed up quickly and smacked against the wall before trying to dash out of the banquet hall, but Nathaniel and the other boy blocked her exit. Valentine looked absolutely irate, his face turning a continual darker shade of purplish-red.

"Of course, I wasn't completely sure. Callie could've just been one of those strange cases, but when I moved in with Luke, I found out why he left the house years ago. He didn't do it willingly, but Luke found out about the affair, and Dad would do anything to look perfect… So he kicked Luke out. But, Callie was still here, and Clary and she became best friends. How ironic." Jonathan rolled his eyes sardonically.

"Jonathan—" Valentine growled as he stood up from his seat.

"That's not even the best part!" Jonathan hooted with another smile gracing his lips. "You were so relieved when Callie died because Callie _knew about the affair too_. I assume she was blackmailing you? Is that why you wouldn't let Clary go to the funeral? Or was it because you knew Kinsey would admit your sins. Maybe a little of both?"

Clary was sobbing by now, but she managed to pull herself to her feet as well. "Is it true?" she asked Valentine.

"Clary—" Valentine raised his hands in surrender with the first hint of regret in his eyes. He seemed to crumbling underneath all the truth, and Clary's tears seemed to break him down even more.

"Just answer the damn question!" Clary screamed at him.

"It was never supposed to turn out the way it did. We never expected for something like that to happen." Valentine tried to defend himself.

"What did you think was going to happen?" Clary demanded angrily, her green eyes sparkling with hurt and betrayal. "You didn't even let me go to my own sister's funeral… How do you live with yourself?" she whispered at the end, her fist against her lips.

"Clary, I'm sorry." he mumbled fruitlessly.

"No, you're not." she snapped as she shoved her chair back into its spot. "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have watched me be destroyed from the inside out these past two years. If you were sorry, you would've helped me. If you were sorry, you would've done something about him. You really don't care at all about me." Clary had her hand raised towards Sean, but she didn't keep it there for long.

"We're leaving tomorrow. The tickets better be ready to go before noon. And I don't want to see your face at all after today." Clary said evenly, wiping her tears away from her face harshly. "And, mom, I'm sorry you married such a heartless man." She stalked past the table and shoved through Jonathan's friends, disappearing through the doorway.

Jocelyn seemed the most shocked at Clary's exit. "How sad is it that this might be the first time in months that Clary has been nice to me?" she asked out loud, but she didn't seem to expect an answer. "Obviously, we're getting a divorce." Jocelyn gestured between herself and Valentine before standing up as well. "Thanks for joining us for dinner, Jonathan. I suppose I'll be seeing you again before you leave, and I also expect to see you, Luke, before you leave too. We have multiple things to discuss." Jocelyn stepped away from the table and made her way out of the banquet hall.

Jocelyn paused at Kinsey when she made it to the door. "I hope the rest of your life works out… tramp."

Then Jocelyn was gone just like her daughter. Jonathan seemed completely satisfied with the destruction he caused, and he sat back down and began to eat his meal. Everyone who came with Clary to New York looked at each other in confusion. They had no idea what to do next. Jace and Will glanced at each other and both followed Clary out the door, hoping to find her before the end of the night. Cecily and Sebastian both left out the opposite way, probably hoping to never get in a situation quite like that ever again. Simon and Isabelle grabbed two pieces of cheesecake and, linking hands together, they took off out the door that led outside. Magnus and Alec followed Simon and Isabelle quickly, leaving Tessa and Jem with all of the Morgenstern's guests and Jonathan and his friends. Tessa stood up immediately and stalked towards her brother.

Jem was afraid that for once Tessa would become violent, but instead she shoved him in the chest before wrapping her arms around him with a sob. Thanksgiving dinner at the Morgensterns would be an unforgettable night for a lot of people.

* * *

The gang prepared to board the flight in silence. Clary had barely spoken two words since dinner the night before, and no one really felt like trying to make her talk. Jonathan, Nathaniel, and Jocelyn all accompanied them to the airport to say their goodbyes. Nathaniel, who preferred to be called Nate, spent a lot of time with Tessa and Jem in an attempt to catch up with the things that had happened in Tessa's life. Neither Jonathan nor Jocelyn really spoke to Clary, but they all sat together in a corner in silence, reliving the night. It was obvious Jonathan didn't realize how much of a shock the betrayal would be to his mother and sister, and it seemed that he almost regretted revealing the dark secret his father had kept for years.

Will and Jace both watched Clary with an intensity that scared everyone else. Waiting for the plane was a long and anxious experience that none of the crew wanted to go through again. When their flight had been called, Clary had hugged her brother and mother and quickly left, wanting to get away from New York as soon as possible. Apparently Jonathan, Luke, Nate, and Gideon were planning on staying with Jocelyn for a couple more days, and then they were going back home as well.

Once the plane was in the air, it seemed like the morning couldn't become any drearier. Finally, Will and Jace seemed to snap. "Clary—" Will mumbled from behind her at the same time that Jace tapped her arm. She turned and looked at the two of them with extremely tired eyes. It made them wonder if she even slept at all the night before.

"How are you?" Will asked softly when she brought he hand up to her face to rub her eyes. Her fingernails were chewed completely down to the nub.

"I'm fine." she muttered with a frown.

"But last night…" Jace trailed off when Clary sent him a look that could set someone on fire.

"Last night never happened. The sooner we all get over it the better. We might as well all forget about this trip in general." she snapped before spinning back around and shoving headphones in her ears.

Will and Jace met eyes again, both of them equally as worried. What if they got back to the institute and Clary reverted to the way she was when she first got to the institute? They would all have to start over, and no one was prepared for that type of journey. Will leaned back in his seat and said, "We need to figure out the missing pieces of Clary's story."

Jace frowned at Will, but he nodded his head nonetheless. "How are we supposed to do that?"

Will rolled his eyes at Jace and replied, "Kaelie and Jessamine obviously were on to something. All we have to do is follow their lead… If they can dig around that easily, so can we."

Jace shrugged before saying, "Clary will be so pissed at us for this."

"How else are we supposed to help her? We can't do anything for her if we don't know how to help."

"Suppose we do find out the missing holes in her life, what next? She's not going to want help or someone to talk to. She's mad at the world, and there's nothing we can do to make her un-mad at the world."

"We'll figure something out. We can't just let her deal with this all on her own. I mean, her past can't be that bad… can it?"

Jace laughed halfheartedly. "Kind of like ours, right?" Will and Jace exchanged guilty looks because both of them only told Clary half-truths in their stories, and they knew if she filled in the holes for theirs, they'd be screwed.

"How much worse can it be?"

Jace stared at the back of Clary's head. "Way worse than any of our nightmares."

Will sighed because he knew it was the truth.


	21. Chapter 21: Tears Tracks and a Diaper

_When your dreams all fail_  
_And the ones we hail_  
_Are the worst of all_  
_And the blood's run stale_  
_I want to hide the truth_  
_I want to shelter you_  
_But with the beast inside_  
_There's nowhere we can hide_  
_No matter what we breed_  
_We still are made of greed_  
_This is my kingdom come_  
_This is my kingdom come  
_- '_Demons_' by Imagine Dragons

* * *

Numbness had become my life. I couldn't remember the last emotion I had felt. It had been two months since we came back home from New York, and I had spent every moment I could alone in my room. I barely slept, I barely ate, and I barely moved. This was my life now. Nothing seemed right, and everything seemed wrong. I couldn't cry anymore because it felt like I had no more tears. I knew it wasn't the end of the world. Plenty of parents get divorced. Many people cheat on their significant other… but it was the end of _my _world.

I fought to feel something. During the day, I would have eight complete hours of solitude while everyone was in class. And I would spend all eight of those hours staring at the wall in hopes that maybe even a dribble of emotion—pain, sadness, even anger—would spill out. It still hasn't happened. Maybe I had become incapable of feeling emotion. Maybe I was more like Valentine than I had imagined.

For the first couple of weeks after class let out, I would have loads of visitors. Isabelle and Simon would sit in my room and try to crack jokes. I couldn't even fake a smile for them. Sebastian and Cecily would catch me up on the latest gossip. I couldn't be bothered to be intrigued. Jem and Tessa would try to catch me up on classwork. I couldn't pay attention. Alec and Magnus would sit in my room and talk about fashion—mostly Magnus, of course, but Alec was there too. I couldn't care less, though. Jace and Will would just sit on my floor and talk to one another. I tried to listen, but I couldn't. Now only Jace and Will visited me.

I glanced at the clock from my spot on the bed. Classes had just been let out, and according to the past two months, that meant Jace and Will would be heading my way at this very moment. I continued to stare at the wall, trying to force myself to feel something, _anything_. But there was only a dull ache in the back of my head from the effort.

Giving up on my endeavors, I laid down on my bed. The door opened right after my head hit the pillow, and I felt two bodies settle next to mine on the bed. I sat back up and stared at Will and Jace. "Well I suppose this is improvement." Jace muttered under his breath, probably assuming that I was blocking him out.

Will rolled his eyes at Jace. "Isn't that what we want?"

"I don't know. Do we actually want to hear what she has to say?"

They have had this conversation every day since we got back from New York. Usually I didn't care to listen, but for some reason I couldn't help but listen this time. Will stared at Jace for a moment. "Well, considering she hasn't spoken to anyone for two months, yeah, we do want to hear what she has to say."

Jace mumbled something incoherently, and finally I had had enough. "It'd be nice if you involved me in this conversation. Thanks." I snapped irritably. Both of their heads whipped towards me, and they stared at me in shock. I huffed in annoyance. "Stop staring at me."

Will, being the first of the two of them to respond, smiled softly. "Clary," he sighed as if he hadn't seen me in years. "Everyone will be so happy to know you're back." He began to ramble on about how everyone had missed me and some more things that I couldn't be bothered in which to listen. All I could concentrate on was the scowl placed firmly on Jace's lips.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked, interrupting Will.

Jace glared at me with his hands curled into fists. "I try so hard not to get angry with you, Clary. I understand you've been through a lot. And I'm saying this because you don't want to know what's wrong with me, so it doesn't matter."

"It does matter. Tell me what's wrong." I ordered impatiently.

"How like you to try to order me about when you haven't spoken to me in two months." Jace growled venomously. "Actually, this whole situation is pretty like you. The first words out of your lips happen to be an order. Will may be patient and kind enough to let that slide by, but you have no right to act like this after you deserted us for two months. So, no, screw you. I'm not telling you anything."

"Jace!" Will exclaimed in surprise. I didn't flinch at his words, though. He was right, of course, but my pride was on the line, seeing as how I had almost none left from the trip to New York.

I rolled my eyes at him and stood up, stalking to the door and throwing it open. "How like you to not even be understanding. You didn't just find out that your dad cheated on your mom or that your best friend was actually your sister. But why would you try to sympathize because that would be _too_ considerate?!"

"That's because my parents are _dead_. I'm not going to feel bad for you just because shit has happened to you, Clary. I never even met my goddamn mom, and you're sitting here feeling sorry for yourself because your mom got cheated on? You're acting like a spoiled brat." Jace responded immediately, standing up with me. "And what are you going to do? Run away like you do with everything else? Maybe you wouldn't be such a mess if you would just face your problems."

This time I did flinch at his words. "Get out." I muttered dangerously. "Get the hell out of my room and don't come back. You're an asshole, Jace. That's all you'll ever be. I'm sure Kaelie doesn't mind, though. She's probably naked in your room waiting for you."

He laughed condescendingly as he stood in front of me and stared down at me. "Gladly. She's worth more of my time than you are." Then he stalked out of my room without another glance back.

* * *

"I heard Clary's out of her weird living dead coma." Jessamine said from across Kaelie in the cafeteria. Jessamine rubbed a piece of spinach in some leftover ranch dressing and shoved the food in her mouth.

Kaelie wrinkled her nose in disgust at Jessamine before stabbing a crouton with her fork. "I don't care." Kaelie glanced around the cafeteria, taking a mental count of her old friends. They were all huddled together in a corner, and now the rejects Simon and Maia had joined with them. Kaelie and Jessamine had been kicked out and those _freaks_ took their spots.

Will had his head in his hands, and he was ignoring the others, and Jace seemed nowhere to be found. He was probably with that red-haired bitch. Kaelie huffed in aggravation and slammed her hand down. "It doesn't matter anyways. I found out why Clary's here." Jessamine's mouth dropped open in surprise, revealing half-chewed food. "Close your mouth. You look like a floundering fish."

"How did you find out? Her files were nearly empty." Jessamine swallowed her food quickly, eyes bugging out of her head at the news.

Kaelie smiled wickedly, her blue eyes lighting up with malice. "I had a friend's help."

Jessamine cocked her head to the side. "Oh, yeah. Duh… Wait, who?"

"Sebastian, you idiot. He went to New York with all of them, and he managed to find out what happened. It's quite the surprise, actually. I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to hear the story."

"Don't we need to plan this out, though? Make this hell for Clary?" Jessamine asked, and for once making sense to Kaelie.

Kaelie waved away Jessamine's concerns. "Trust me. I have this all planned out."

Jessamine clapped gleefully. "Well, what are you waiting for? Tell me!"

"You'll just have to wait. I have the first thing planned out already."

"When are you going to bust her out to everybody?" Jessamine asked impatiently.

"Right before prom. They're having it in March, so that gives us two solid months of torture time." Kaelie laughed and tossed her fork down. "Clary has no idea what's coming."

* * *

"Clary," Will whispered in the darkness. Clary stared past him with her arms wrapped around her legs and her head resting on her knees. He tried again, "Clary." She didn't respond to his words. "Dammit, Clary, I don't agree with Jace often, but if you do this to me again, I'll be forced to—"

"Forced to think I'm worthless?! It's all right. It seems everyone thinks so." Clary questioned, swiveling her eyes to focus on Will.

Will swallowed quickly. "I just think that this is getting old."

"What is getting old?"

"You and Jace. You fight, you ignore each other for however long, you scream at each other, and then you two are fine. You might as well go find him. Waiting on the two of you to make up gets tiring."

Clary stood up. "I have nothing to say to him. I'm going back to my room. Tell Tessa and Jem I said hi."

Will considered chasing after her, but the two of them continued to seem like a lost cause, and he decided against it when the door snapped shut behind her.

Immediately Clary headed back to her room, but she stopped quickly when she noticed an object and a note taped to her door. She raced to the door and stared in fear. A small, premature baby diaper was pinned to the door with a note attached to it. A small whimper escaped Clary as she ripped it down. The note fluttered to the floor, and even from her position far above it, she could read the spiraling letters. _I know about the baby._

The words would've been harmless, but combined with the appearance of the diaper, Clary knew they weren't. It was obvious who it was. Kaelie and Jessamine had somehow found out what happened. Clary held the tiny diaper between her thumb and index finger, like the diaper contained an incurable plague.

"Clary!" Clary jumped at the sound of the voice and shoved the diaper behind her back, throwing a fake smile toward Sebastian.

"When did you start going out again?" he asked casually, eyeing her hand behind her back.

"Just today. I need to go." She backed up against her door and spun around, careful to keep the diaper hidden.

"What is that you're holding?" he took another jab at conversation.

Clary, sick of his nosiness, shoved the diaper under her shirt and tucked her shirt in. "I'm not holding anything, Sebastian." She raised her hands as if to prove she wasn't lying and typed in the code to get into her room. When the door opened, she turned back to Sebastian. "If you don't mind, I've had quite a day, so I need some rest before class tomorrow." Then she slid into her room and slammed her door for effect. In her haste to get away, she didn't notice the award-winning smile planted on Sebastian's face.

* * *

"I can't believe you!" Isabelle screamed angrily. Her attitude had been born mostly out of disbelief, but after an hour of arguing, she had finally gotten to a point where she was past even caring. "I swear to god if you really said that…" she trailed off as Simon snickered from behind her, lost in the depths of the incredibly soft couches in the common room.

"What can't you believe? He acted like a dick and said things that no man should say to a lady he has feelings for." Magnus commented matter-of-factly from the sidelines of the raging MMA fight in the center of the room.

"I don't have feelings for her!" Jace snapped, his eyes flashing as he turned to face Magnus.

Magnus held his jewelry adorned hands up in mock defeat.

"Of course you don't. You just stare at her and watch her every move and follow her like a little lost puppy dog." Alec tossed in his two-cents, taking the attention away from his boyfriend.

Jace's eyes landed on Alec harshly. "Who are you to talk about feelings? You kept yours hidden from him for a good while." Jace accused as he pointed at the couple.

"There's a difference between them, though." Isabelle spat, jabbing her finger in Jace's chest.

"Oh, really? And what's that?" Jace snapped immediately. Isabelle and Jace resembled that of animals fighting ferociously. Jace was the large, leader-of-the-pack lion and Isabelle was the sneaky, cunning panther. The two of them circled each other as they waited for the other to pounce.

Isabelle took the leap. "Because they're together, you jackass! Alec stopped being a loner and admitted his feelings to Magnus, and guess what! Low and behold, they're actually happy. What a shocker?! Oh, and another thing, I'm pretty sure they don't hurl insults at each other every time one of them is being difficult."

"Neither one of them shut everyone out for two months, either. Clary is being selfish and unfair. I don't see how I need to protect her feelings. Everyone else is doing enough of as it is."

Impatient with how the argument was panning out, Maia finally spoke up, "Look, Jace, I don't _really _like you… I mean, I like you more now than I did when I didn't know you, but you're obviously being hardheaded as shit. Yeah, Clary might be acting a bit like a whiny bitch, but cut her some slack. It'd be different if the only thing she found out was that her parents were getting divorced, but it's not. Her dad cheated on her mom with her best friend's mom and said best friend is actually her sister. And her brother is suddenly fully committed back into her life? I think she's handling it decently under the circumstances." Everyone stared at Maia in surprise. "What? I'm just saying that Jace is being an ass."

Jordan rubbed her shoulders soothingly while Isabelle flailed her arms out toward Maia. "See, even Clary-hating Maia thinks you're in the wrong!"

"I don't hate her. I was misinformed." Maia interjected with a flourish of her hand. "You guys aren't so bad."

"Oh, thanks. That just warms the cackles of my heart." Jace replied snidely with his hand pressed against his chest.

"Shut it, Jace." Isabelle ordered, annoyance seeping back into her tone. "I don't know what crawled up your ass today and made you this moody, but you better fix it because I'm sure Will is with Clary right now—"

"Probably shacking up with the love of your life." Jordan interrupted with a quick wink. Maia smacked the back of his head, but no one disagreed with him.

"I wouldn't say shacking up, per se, but probably heading in that direction." Magnus added with a purse of his lips.

"Oh, wow, that's quite the pep talk, guys." Alec said sarcastically.

"Well someone has to say it. I, personally, am sick of this bullshit, back and forth, love triangle thing the three of you have going on. You fight, you make up, you fight with Will, you make up, you fight with Clary, and you make up. Quite honestly, it's nauseating, and I wish one of you would just seal the deal." Simon finally put his point of view in, and everyone nodded along vigorously.

Jace flung himself down in a lounge chair, suddenly looking very exhausted. The bags that lived under his eyes spoke of many restless nights, and his pale skin resembled nothing of the once sunkissed pallor he had before. "So what am I supposed to do? Just walk up and kiss her?"

Isabelle shrugged after joining Simon on the couch. "I assume it couldn't do more damage than you talking does. I'm sure that would at least let her know that you really don't think that Kaelie is worth more than she is."

Alec face-palmed at her words. "I still can't believe you compared her to _Kaelie_. What were you thinking?"

Maia snickered this time. "Obviously he wasn't."

"Oh, hardy har har." Jace faked a laugh and grimaced at them. "I haven't been able to sleep, afraid that Clary was going to have a breakdown in the middle of the night. I can't even tell you the last time I slept in my own room since we got back. I've slept outside of Clary's room or in her room just because I'm afraid she might be sick like she was in New York. I mean, has she eaten much of anything since we've been back? Let me answer that for you guys. No. She'll eat a couple things Will and I bring for her, but only for our benefit. It's like she doesn't even need to eat anymore. And don't even get me started on her nightmares. Even when I do get sleep at night, I get woken up by her screaming at night… I'm just agitated that I can't do anything for her, and it seems to get worse every time I see her. Then she's finally talking today, and it's like Will and I are in the wrong for not acknowledging the fact that she might be "stable." Yeah, okay. Because everybody who goes two months without talking, barely eating, barely sleeping, and barely moving just suddenly is better? No."

Everyone exchanged glances. "Maybe you should go say all that to her instead of hiding behind your pretend anger." Alec suggested.

* * *

Jace barged into her rooms so quickly and so unexpectedly that Clary didn't even have time to hide the tiny diaper. "Clary I have something to say to you, and I won't be able to figure us out without saying it now." Jace said the words hurriedly, but the end of his sentence died on his lips when he saw Clary huddled in the corner of her bed, sobbing endlessly. "Clary, what—what's wrong?"

Clary couldn't think and she could barely breathe. She clutched the diaper in her hand and rocked back against the wall. Jace slid into her bed with her, a frown already creasing his forehead. He leaned against her shoulder as she cried, listening to the way her breathing hitched each time another whimper escaped her. That's when he noticed the diaper wrapped so tightly in her hand that it barely resembled a diaper. He attempted to wrestle it from her grip, but she only sobbed louder.

"Clary, what's wrong? What happened?" Jace fumbled for words, for comfort. He couldn't figure out why the diaper of a baby doll could elicit this type of reaction from her, but he didn't question it. Instead, he embraced it, satisfied that Clary was no longer the emotionless, catatonic zombie she had been over the past two months.

She didn't say anything, but she shook her head back and forth in an attempt to stifle her tears. They flowed faster, though, and she could only hiccup as she rubbed her empty hand across her face. The action didn't really do anything. Her face was still soaked and salty, and the tears continued to flow freely.

So, despite needing to get his feelings off his chest, Jace sucked it up, and pulled Clary into his chest, allowing her to soak his chest as he stroked her hair and mumbled pointless reassurances to her even though he had no idea of what he was reassuring her.

Gleefully—and selfishly—Jace realized that his friends were wrong about Clary and Will. Will hadn't made any more progress with Clary today than Jace had, and now Jace was in a far more secure position in regards to his and Clary's relationship. He had said some really crappy things to her, and she to him, but it seemed like no matter what happened, they continued to find each other every time they needed to.

Clary began to quiet down, and her sobs became more whispers than anything. Jace's shirt was now soaked, but Clary's face had dried and had the remnants of her tears down her cheeks. Clary had fallen asleep crying on Jace's chest, and Jace took that opportunity to loosen her grip and pull the diaper out of her hand. He inspected it with great caution, being sure not to harm or disrupt it in any way, but he couldn't figure out why it had had such an emotional toll on Clary.

As he inspected it, he noticed that underneath Kaelie's bed, on the opposite side of the room, there was a whole pack of them nestled in one of the green packages they were sold in at stores. Jace set the diaper down, deciding he'd investigate the incident further later on when a sleepy Clary wasn't passed out on his chest. It seemed like this Clary was going to be way more interesting than the Clary that had arrived at the institute months ago.

But that thought only rested in his mind for a moment because Jace found himself drifting off to sleep along with Clary. Losing two months of a full night's sleep seemed to do that to you, and soon the two were both passed out with nothing to show for the day except for tear tracks and a crumpled diaper.

* * *

**I really hope I still have people reading my story even though I've been total crap with updating. I decided I'd let you read the chapter before I attempted to explain myself. I meant to update Tuesday but this week has been hectic and just bad. For a while, I literally couldn't because my hard drive on my THREE MONTH OLD computer failed. Thanks Hewlett Packard. Then I finally got the new one in the mail and yada yada ya... I was just so upset because I literally had to redo EVERYTHING on my computer. I couldn't even salvage my documents... so yeah. But I'm better now, and less stressed :D I will be updating the Tuesday after next and we will get back on schedule. **

**In all honesty, the story is close to over. I'm estimating maybe 10-12 chapters left, maybe less. Then I will dedicate all my time to finishing TLIAK, and writing the sequel to BMP. But I've got a serious question to ask... How many of you have a twitter? And if you have a twitter, do you use it often? I'm considering making a twitter account for my writing that way you can all follow my writing account and I can update you on my life, possible late updates, give you little quotes from future chapters or even new and upcoming stories... If I did that would you follow me and enjoy postings in the life of me? I wouldn't want to make one if it won't do anything for you guys. I really want to do something that will at least connect me with you guys on at least an every other day basis or something, so you know I'm not dead if I'm not updating... you know? I don't know if that made any sense, but if you have any questions just ask in a review or PM me!**

**Oh, and last chapter barely got any reviews, and I was really sad about that... so could you pretty please leave a review for me? It would make my week 500x better :D Peace out girl scouts!**


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